Thursday, August 23, 2007

July 19 - I feel pretty and witty

I Feel Pretty and Witty!

One of the things I never thought I'd experience again is the "feeling" of being pretty. (I was already witty! LOL!) The world treats you so differently when you are of "normal" weight. It just does. There is a certain level of respect that was lacking severely when I was morbidly obese. It's like people see you coming, and have prejudged that you are lazy. I am so sensetive to how people perceive me, that my 15 years of obesity had really taken a toll on my psyche. You can tell when people steer clear of you, when salespeople are "secretly" hoping you bypass their register, when people walk to the other side of the sidewalk. It's like you are contagious and they don't want to get what you have.

There is something very asthetically pleasing about a fit, normal weight human body. It doesn't matter if it is a guy or a girl, or the age. But a well balanced, appropriately curved human body is just pleasing to look at. Which is why people who look like that are called "lookers!" People look. People stare. People stand back and appreciate. (I'm not saying I'm there, folks, as the object of appreciation, but I've been on the other end many times!) I used to think that "not in my wildest dreams" could I be one of those people who were "lookers". And I know I still have a long way to go. But I do catch appreciating glances now, where I never did before. And it feels good. And I'm going to enjoy it.

One of the "benefits" (if there are any) to being overweight is that underneath the fat, many obese people have a great muscle base. They have developed it just by having to support all the extra weight. So, as the weight comes off (if they are dieting appropriately and not starving or semi-starving), the fat melts off to reveal those developed muscles. And with just a bit of attention and extra work, those muscles can be even further toned. I have received more compliments on my upper body/arms than I can count, and I never EVER lifted weights in the last 15 years! But now I want to maintain that tone so I am working out with the machines at the gym. I'd like to be at the point where people stop me on a regular basis to ask me about my workout routine because I am SO fit and SO toned. I think the ultimate compliment would be if someone were to ask me if I was a professional athlete.

If I focus on these other goals, I stop dwelling on the food and go on autopilot. The less I think about food the better, because I am a recovering foodie.

I keep my two most extreme "before" pictures in my purse to remind me that I am just a few poor decisions away from looking like that again. It's true. A few poor decisions and time could put me right back up to 266, except if I gained it all back I'd end up OVER 300 lbs because you always gain more than what you started at. It's a "set point" thing, and it's a real bummer. But that is where I get my "you could always be bigger" motto. Because you can. The human body is capable of amazing things, one of which is the capacity to store fat.

I do have a confession to make. For anyone who has made it this far in my blog, you get to hear it. I have not run in over a week. And I'm getting stressed about it. I'm glad it's bothering me, it means I have incorporated running as a habit, and to not run causes me stress. Okay, that's it. I am mentally set for the day, and will make it a good one. BTW I'm also PMS. I just need to get through it.

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