Saturday, March 31, 2007

Shallow Hal Mindset Regarding Food...

I was reading a post by someone who said that they are starting to see food in a different way...instead of seeing the cake for the yumminess they perceive when looking at the cake as a whole, they are starting to be able to break it down into it's non-nutritional components, and make the decision based on that.

That is a Shallow Hall mindset. It is seeing what is inside, instead of what it outside. Shallow Hall could only see what was on the outside regarding women, until he had an epiphany with a motivational speaker. He was "brainwashed" to view women on the outside as they are on the inside. Thus, some "pretty" women all of a sudden looked "ugly" to him, and some "ugly" women who had wonderful hearts all of a sudden looked "gorgous" to him.

When we do that to food, it allows us to separate the good from the bad, and then we don't even want the bad anymore. No matter what pretty bows they tie on matter what color the frosting. It's still white flour, sugar, butter. Absolutely nothing we want to be putting into our mouths. That's it for now.

Take care!

Wednesday, March 28, 2007

I'm a Runnin' Fool!

I never ever thought I would be able to say that. But I am a running fool. I have been doing the "Couch Potato to 5K in 9 Weeks" running program podcasts, and they have been absolutely wonderful! Big thanks and kudos to the guy who put those together! So, I'm on week 8 right now, and I've actually skipped to doing the running in week 9, although I'm not skipping week 9. I'll do the same regimen for week 9. The normal regimen for week 9 is to run for 30 minutes. In this guys' stride, 30 minutes is about 3 miles or 5K. Not in my stride. In my stride, it takes 40 minutes for me to do 5K. I know, because I did 5K last night. I can't believe it, I ran 3 miles. Me. Without stopping! I entered my first 5K in about 25 years yesterday! I registered for the "Canine Classic" which is a 5K and 10K...I'm doing the 5K bit...around Boulder Reservoir just outside Boulder Colorado. I live about 20 minutes from the 5K starting site, so should be great!

This 5K is a "qualifier" for the Bolder Boulder 10K at the end of May. I'm actually thinking of doing it! That's like 6.2 miles! It's about 1/4 marathon! I'm so stoked. My body is really changing now that I've stepped up the running. I've decided that 3 miles is going to be my normal regimen 2X a week, and then for the 3rd run it will be a longer one. This week I'm going to do 3 miles (yesterday) 3 miles tomorrow, and 4 miles on Saturday. FOUR MILES! Let's see if I can do it!

Ok, got to get my little man down for his nap...have a good day, all!

Tuesday, March 27, 2007

100.5 lbs gone forever

One Hundred and a Half pounds GONE.

I have succeeded in losing 100 lbs. I have become one of the few, the proud, the people who "did it", with "it" being one of the hardest things in the world to do. I know. I've tried "it" before. I've dieted and beaten myself up and lost heart and felt guilty. I've felt downtrodden and hopeless and worthless and scared and depressed.

But this, this accomplishment is empowering. I have done it. I give God the credit for supplying the actual strength, and I give me the credit for choosing to do what is right. Again, it's His part and My part. He's been more faithful than I have! I've eaten off program 8 times in the last 8 months. But each time I would keep getting back on, and re-committ the very next day. About 3 of my 8 "cheats" were blatently off-program meals. But 5 of them were just having extra of what we were extra snack, 5 extra snacks, an extra bar, 2 extra bars.

So, I'm off to get my next and last 48 lbs off. I'm 2/3 of the way to my goal. Amen!

Saturday, March 24, 2007

Ninety-Nine and One Half

I am so close I can actually taste it. Whatever "it" tastes like...I'm not sure. But I am down 99.5 lbs and lovin' life.

I have to re-iterate here, that I share the credit for this accomplishment with God. I believe there is a His part and a my part. My part is to make the decision to choose the correct option when it comes to my health and my food choices. His part is to back up my choice with His supernatural strength to see the choice through.

But if I don't choose what is right, God's strength and power is not available to me to get me through the temptation. And I seem to throw myself head-long into wrong choices every once in awhile. My weight loss suffers for those wrong choices. But on average I have done very well. If I lose 1/2 lb in 3 more days, I will have lost 100 lbs in 8 months. That is so wonderful and so mind-boggling to me. But I do thank the Lord for His strength. I asked Him to help me, and He did it. Yay God. Yay me for making right choices.

Have a great day, y'all!

Friday, March 23, 2007

99 Pounds of Fat off my Bod!

"99 pounds of fat off my bod, 99 pounds of fat!
I take them off, let them scoff! 99 pounds of fat off my bod!

Yes, people, (or just me if I'm the only one who reads this!) I am One Pound away from having lost 100 lbs! If I can do it by next Tuesday I will have lost 100 lbs in 8 months. I feel good, no, I feel GREAT! One of the most suprising things is that my feet have lost almost a full shoe size! At my heaviest I was starting to buy 7.5 shoes. I just thought my feet had changed since getting pregnant, etc. I heart somewhere they do that. But I think they do that because of the extra weight people gain and then don't take off. Now I'm fitting into size 6.5, and not just in sandals and open heeled shoes. I'm talkin' boots. Nice, mid-calf boots that I've gotten off of Ebay. I never though I'd wear boots again. Not because of my feet, because if that were the case I could've always bought a larger size. No. Because of my calves! I could never zip up the boots. Never! It wasn't happening! So I just gave up on boots.

I just got a pair of Coach rust colored suede boots from ebay for about $40.00. I wore them yesterday and they are great! I'm so excited.

Ok, other than the boots, I noticed today that my body actually has a "womanly" sillouette again, when facing full front. Can you imagine? I could not have imagined it last summer. I was carrying 396 sticks of butter around that I don't have now. But looking in the mirror today, I was seeing a sillouete, where my waist actually goes in in the right places! Crazy, but true.

This week I have cut out the bars and snacks, really watched my half & half consumption (I can't live without my half & half, I'm so glad it's allowed in moderation!) and gotten all my water in. I've also been exercising, and having a shake for at least 2-3 of my meals. And it's working. Yay!

My son has a "psychological evaluation" at Children's Hospital this morning, which is one of the last pieces in the puzzle of getting him listed on the transplant recipient list. He is so sweet. We went up to Estes Park yesterday (a mere 25 minute drive....I LOVE living here!) and walked along the river outside of Starbucks. Then I had lunch with some friends at the Egg and I, I had a Vegetable Frittata with no cheese. It was quite good, and quite filling. I've got a few more "dinner dates" in the next two weeks, and I am determined to make wonderful choices. I'm sure I can do it! I'm going to Chili's on the 2nd, and I'll have a chicken salad, dressing on the side, no cheese or croutons. Then I'm going to the Med on Thursday April 5th, and I'll have a Salmon Salad, no nuts or cheese, dressing on the side. The portions are usually pretty good, I just have to be careful of any extras...oh yes, they also put potatoes on the salmon salad...I'll have them leave those off also. I should be fine.

Then my whole little precious family is going to Phoenix for Easter, it may be the last Easter I spend with my mom. She just isn't doing well. We'll all fly out on Friday, then my hubby will come home on Sunday and I'll stay with Julian until the following Saturday. Should be a good visit. Julian absolutely loves his cousins. And they love him.

Ok, have to sign off now, must feed the little man and get him dressed (and myself too!) to go.

Have a good weekend, all!

Thursday, March 22, 2007

Thursday, March 22nd

Yay! I'm back out of the 170's and back into the 160's! 160 1/4 to be exact. (And, if I'm anything, I'm accurate! It's part of my nature and temperment). That puts me just at the overweight category! For the first time in 13 years. I'm so thrilled, and that is an understatement. I finally just decided to cut out all bars and snacks, and have shakes for 2-3 of my meals. That, and I resumed my running. I had taken a 1 week bread from running while my parents were here, and it really affected my mindset! What I found it did is increase my anxiety even more. I need that exercise fix, both for the physical reasons of the endorphins as well as the psychological component which assures me I'm doing everything I can do to lose weight and get healthy.

I am getting comliments left and right from people I haven't seen in awhile, like Julian's Pediatrician yesterday. I am so close to having lost 100 lbs that I just round up now. It's technically 97 1/2 lbs, but to say "Ninety-Seven-and-a-half Pounds" sounds like I'm a little too focused on the numbers. And I am, sure, but they don't need to know that! Ha!

Things this week have continued on the stress-level they were, but I'm coping with runs and long baths and quiet times in my Bible. Turns out the Kidney Dr. is still talking Dialysis for Julian, and since Dave is not a match we may need to go ahead and get that going. My uncle is still being tested, so we will see if that all works out or not. My Mom was admitted yesterday to a hospital in Tucson, to be close to her Cancer Doctor, because she is having some difficulties in her health we believe related to either the Chemo, the Radiation she received, or ultimately the Cancer. I don't know the prognosis yet, my Dad has yet to call.

Julian has oral surgery on Monday to fill 4 cavities down at Children's Hospital, and that cost us close to $1,000 that we didn't have, so that is stressing me out! If only I could channel this stress-energy into housecleaning! (Instead of impulsive shoe-buying on E-bay!) After all, we didn't have the $1,000 for the dental work, and I have a complete disconnect with that and buying shoes on e-bay. Something not right there....a topic I'll explore with my counsellor on Friday.

I am encouraged that I actually have several "lunch/dinner" dates with girlfriends. I have about 6 ladies within about a 45 minute radius who I try to get together with every once in awhile. I'm not really a phone person, I'm much more relaxed in person...I always feel like I'm intruding when I call's like popping over unannounced, y'know? But finally our schedules have meshed and I have something on the calendar with 3 of them. Today, lunch in Estes, a week from Monday dinner at Chilis, and a week from Thursday dinner at the Med in Boulder. Yay! (Thanks for worrying about me, Anita, I am an introvert by nature and I'm ok!!!)

My husband is very pleased with my progress on MF. I am smaller than I have been in 13 years, and we've been married for 15 years! So in a few months, 4-5, I'll be at my wedding weight. 122. I have my wedding dress in my closet, and it would be awesome to fit in it again! I never thought it would be possible. Never in my wildest dreams.

Oh, a super fun story from a few days ago...I went into the garage for something, and saw my two "wardrobe boxes" filled with clothes I have been dragging around since I got married....Some of them are actually in style again, and best of all most of them fit! So I brought about 15 garments in from the garage, washed the ones that needed washing, and brought them in. Thankfully we have lived in dry climates (Arizona and Colorado) so they aren't moldy or mildewy (ie ruined) and they aren't moth-eaten! I even have a black pair of jeans I had in college, and never EVER thought I'd get into again. I can't wait to try them on in 10-20 lbs down the road.

I remember an outing that one of my friends went on a couple years ago, it was a group of about 8 women who got together and had a night on the town in their wedding dresses. I saw the pictures from that night, and they all looked beautiful. I remember feeling a deep sense of sadness because I wasn't even considered to be invited to that outing. A deep sense of sadness directed at myself. I couldn't have gone even if I was invited, but I probably wasn't invited because it was assumed I couldn't fit into my old wedding dress. I remember an intense longing to be able to wear it again! To be beautiful again. To use a familiar analogy, I've felt like this glorious swan locked inside an ugly duckling body for so many years, I almost forgot I was a swan. But deep down I knew, and it only made me depressed and mad at the world and extremely bitter because I couldn't turn myself back into the swan. Well, I couldn't, but God can! He is backing up my decisions with the strength to follow through.

I really feel like I'm learning some self-control AND some perseverance. It's a long road, and it doesn't only apply to food and exercise...that is definately a start, but it's not IT. I also have to translate this self-control and perseverance into the area of finances and housecleaning. Once I'm able to do that, I will have turned myself, with God's help, into the vision of who I wanted to be. It seems insurmountable, but so is losing 100 lbs and I've just about done that!

Well, that's it for now. Julian's Physical Therapist will be here in a few minutes and I don't want the place looking like a bomb has gone off! Social pressure gets me motivated every time!

Sunday, March 18, 2007

Folks gone

My folks are gone, it is Sunday, and life is movin' along. I had two really good days of dieting after Thursday night's debauchery, and I am slowly losing the 4 lbs I had gained. I took my folks/niece to the airport yesterday, and it was all I could do to keep myself from having a Vodka shot when I got home, to help me decompress. My wonderful friends talked me off the ledge, and I'm grateful to them.

I've never been an alcoholic, but drinking is really an old coping mechanism of mine. I am a new person with this weight loss, and my habits need to change if I am to succeed in getting to my goal and keeping it off for a lifetime. So. Drinking was an OLD coping mechanism, a coping mechanism that helped get me to 266 1/2 lbs to begin with. I don't do that anymore. I used to be able to down 2 bottles of Mike's Hard Lemonade lickety split, and then I was good for the night. It took the edge off, y'know? There is no distraction like alcohol. Well, I guess Thursday night I dove off back into that coping mechanism which altered my judgement for the rest of the night. You know what I learned? The biggest thing I remember, and I think I blogged this during my last that I like Medifast Chocolate Pudding better than Mint Chocolate Chip Ice Cream. I know. Crazy. My tastes have actually changed! I am so happy.

So, turned a positive out of a negative, and used the opportunity to yet learn something else about myself. And another thing I learned is that my body will ALWAYS be prone to gaining weight. ALWAYS. I'll have to be vigilant my WHOLE LIFE. I could be bitter about that, or "poor me" -ish, but what would that accomplish? NOTHING! NADA! So, I move on.

Today I ran again. I took a 1 week break from running while my folks were here, but I am back full force now. I am in week 7 of the "couch potato to 5K in 9 weeks" program. It's great...I was supposed to run for 25 minutes today, but I ran for 28. I skipped ahead to see what week 8 was going to have in store for me, and learned that there are 3 runs of 28 minutes each for week 8. So, I think I wanted to prove to myself early on that I could do it so as to minimize the anxiety I feel this week in preparation of next week. I know, I'm a freak. But it felt good. The best thing about Daylight Savings Time coming early is the fact that it is so light so late now. Duh, that's why they did it. But what it means for me is that I get to run after Dave gets home now during the WEEK, and I don't have to do three runs in three days Friday-Sunday anymore. I can actually take a day off (atleast) in between runs. That will be great, will let my body recover more.

Well, that's it for now. Time to go take a hot bubbly bath.

Friday, March 16, 2007

Oh my word, I knew I was headed for a shipwreck this week, and it was a self-fulfilling prophecy. Goalbysummer has gone down. Way down. But she's back on the wagon.

Last night we all went to dinner. It was me, my husband, my darling boy, and my mom, dad, and niece, who are all in town to visit us until tomorrow. There were also family friends of my parents who live in Colorado, and like to see my folks whenever they are in town. We went to a restaurant in Longmont called Mike O'Shays. I had a beer. That's where it started. After the beer, I ordered a gin and diet tonic. It was happy hour, so they brought two. I drank both of them. As we were driving home, I was feelin' pretty good, and my mind was plotting what else I could have "off program" at home. Thank the good Lord there were no girl scout cookies in the pantry. I did enough damage with what was on-hand. Started with a bowl if Mint Chocolate Chip ice cream. To be honest, it did not taste as good as the MF choc pudding! Then I moved on to a few slices of Banana Bread that the family friends brought over earlier in the afternoon. Normally I don't keep either one of those yummies in the house, because I don't like to have off-program stuff that I like in the house. You can see why. After the Banana bread, I had a few gingersnaps. After the gingersnaps I had a chocolate bar. After the chocolate bar I mindlessly ate handfulls of goldfish. I don't even like goldfish.

After all was said and done, I got so ill I got sick. Didn't stop me from gaining 4 lbs though. I know most of it is fluid but I gotta get it off and back into the 160's. And I gotta figure out how I can get through these stress-times without sabatoging myself.

I think it was a combination of the relief I felt from the Mammogram being fine, (after worrying for, oh, 9 months or so!) and the new stress of my parents being here. My mom isn't doing so well, she threw up in the car last night after dinner. (That's gonna smell great this summer when things heat up!) And the new Chemo is really doing a number on her.

Anyway, that's my story and I'm stickin' to it. I'm back on today, and am getting all my water in if it kills me. (It won't, by the way!) A very well respected weight loss counsellor of mine once told me "Never ever EVER overeat two days in a row." So whenever I take a dive off the MF wagon (This makes 9 times since July) I'm always right back on the very next meal, or the very next day, whichever comes first.

That's it for now! Bye y'all!

Thursday, March 15, 2007

A New Day

It's Thursday. This week I have really noticed that I still have the capacity to stress-eat. With all that has gone on this week I've been experiencing mental munchies. I even put some Kettle-Korn (microwave popcorn) in my mouth and spit it out. I've gotta get hold of myself. It's the chewing factor, I think, and I'm dealing with it full force. Days like these I end up having a bar every day.

And my water! This morning I made myself drink a big cup of water with a squeeze of lemon in it, and I have my next one right here, determined to drink it while I blog. I'm glad I still have a blog. Blogging is very beneficial to me, makes me write it down and focus on my goals. That way I'm not wandering around aimlessly, with no focus or goal. That's not a good combination for me: mental munchies and aimless wandering. Used to get me into trouble in the past. Now if I could just put things away and do some cleaning while I haplessly aimlessly wander with the mental munchies, ah, well then I'd be accomplishing something. Great idea, Stacy!

I can't get up from this chair until I finish this water. Then I'll feel more hydrated and much better. I think I went all day yesterday without having a glass of water! Bad Stacy!

But atleast I didn't fall down in the Half and Half area yesterday...nor today. It's like every morning I make a decision after my first cup of coffee. Do I have another? My morning coffee always has to have half and half in it, so the decision to have another is actually a decision to start the day off poorly. Sets the day up for failure. I rarely do it. But I've been tempted this week! This morning I had only one cup, then switched to water on purpose. Morning coffee and my Maple Brown Sugar oatmeal are my mainstays. My routine. I have even more resolve if I can get a couple glasses of water in me right off. So! This morning is a good day and will continue to be a good day. I'm going to stay away from the SugarFree Candy gets my mouth moving, and mentally I think it erodes my resolve. I was even tempted by the soy butter last night! (Like peanut butter). And I don't even like it! That's when I knew I just had to go to bed...I thought of Anita and Queenbee and it turned me around with all the advice I've given related to the Peanut Butter issues!!!

Well, I am going to have a "quiet time" and get on with my day. What a glorious day it is! A bit drizzly and misty, a little rainy and a little (very little) snowy. I'll bet everything turns green in the next week or two! Yay!

See you all later!

Wednesday, March 14, 2007

My folks are here today. I haven't weighed since last week. I was up a pound, to 170, and it freaked my out. With all the stress of my parents coming to visit, coupled with a "second look" mammogram I had today, I just have not been motivated to weigh. Am I still on program? I'd have to say "mostly, but my heart isn't in it right now...."

I'll decipher that...I've been hugely needing munchy munches, and so have OD'd on Sugarfree Candy. I know. What a way to go. Big Whoop. But it still counts for something! I'm sure there are still carbs in there, and I'm sure it has slowed my weight loss. AND I've not been getting my water in lately. I don't know what the deal is. Been struggling to get the water and to limit my half and half. Those are usually the first two things that go when I'm waning off a diet, so I am being vigilant and on guard. When I feel those two things slipping, I slap myself in the face (so to speak) and talk myself back from the ledge.

So...results on the Mammogram were good. They said no worries, just dense fibrous tissue and I don't have to get another one for 6 years. Yehaw yippee. What an answer to prayer that was! Me and God were having a "moment" this morning while I was driving to the mammogram place...the sun was just beginning to rise, and I was listening to Bebo Norman's "I will lift my eyes". Great song. Love it. I was praying, and telling God all the reasons why Julian needs his Mom. He will be going through enough with his kidney/bladder issues, can't he just have his mom around to make it all better? I know God doesn't negotiate, but He must smile a little bit when we try it anyway. Like "oh, how cute, she's negotiating again". So I know He doesn't mind hearing it.

Well, He answered all my prayers. I hugged the mammogragraphy technician and left singing and crying. It was a great morning.

Now I feel like I can get back to the business of getting in shape. And taking care of my family. Yay!

So that's it for today. Bye all!

Monday, March 12, 2007

My parents are coming to visit today, along with my niece. They are pulling their motorhome from Arizona, and they will leave it here over the summer so they can fly in and out for more visits. My mom's cancer is doing much better, her tumor-markers are down and the radiation really seems to have shrunk her tumors in her brain. I don't know if they will do surgery or not now...we will see.

It will be good for her to them to see Julian, and vice versa. Julian is really talking alot more now, and learning his letters and his numbers. I think it is very cool.

I called the Dr. about his Epogen, and have discontinued it (did not give last Saturday's shot...gave three doses total) until I hear back from them regarding what his hemoglobin levels are, because Dave and I heard an FDA warning last Friday between segments of Bill O'Reilly that said they are investigating the safety of the drug after many cases of death and heart attack/stroke in patients with Chronic Renal Failure not on dialysis. That is concerning to me, as it describes Julian! If his hemoglobin is above 12, it is not recommended he receive the shots, and that is from an FDA warning last year. They are even revising that warning. So I want to know if Julian is receiving the drug in the manner it should be prescribed, and not in the danger zone.

My weight stabilized after a pretty good drop from last week. I dropped into the 160's, then bumped up to 170 again. I'm just going to keep my ticker where it is, though, and it says 169. I know I'm shrinking, my hubby said he can see more definition in my arms. I know that my hips/thighs/butt are all shrinking too. I can feel it, and I can see it. I have not been in this weight range for 13 years. Elisa, my niece, has never seen me this thin. I'm very excited about it all.

Dave got a flat in the Volvo this morning, about a mile from home. Julian and I were still asleep, and didn't hear his 4 phone calls asking for help. He finally called a tow truck and is now at the tire place. Poor guy.

Well, off to start my day and start drinking my water! I usually put a squeeze of lemon in it and it really gets me "goin'" if you know what I mean.

Saturday, March 10, 2007

Life, Whatnot

Do you ever just wake up one morning and say "what happened!" That's what I did last July. It was an awful realization that I had infact turned into Jabba-The-Hut. It happened so slowly, you would think I could have prevented it. But negligence makes the butt grow bigger. Makes the chin grow longer. Makes the arms wobble. The tummy grow to the size of Montana. Again, I could say I don't know what happened. I could feign ignorance over the state I had let my body atrophy to. It's like I just "spread out" all over the place. Like melting butter. Lots of it. 148 pounds of it.

This morning I dropped into the 160's. I'm so pleased, I can't even tell you how excited I am that I'm into the 160's. I have not been this small in over 13 years. And I've only been married for 15 years! My hubby said today that I was getting "skinny". I'm a far cry from "skinny" but I'll grant that I haven't been this small for the bulk of our marriage. So, putting it into perspective, I AM skinny to him right now! I can't wait till I'm at goal!

I've decided to leave the MF site for many reasons. I won't go into them here, why taint a perfectly good blog with ugliness.

My size 6 Petite jeans came in the mail from Levi's. I had a good laugh trying to get them on. Ha Ha Ha. (Deadpan). I'm wearing my 8's all over the place, so I figured "why not just have the 6P's on hand as my new 'goal jeans'"? Well, ladies and gents, I did not get them over my every-shrinkin' buttocks! I was told that 6P's are different than 6's. 6P's are for people who think the regular 6's are too big, but the 4's are too small. So it's kind of a half size. When I'm finally in them, it'll be the equivalent of a size 5. I think. Whatever that means. In real life it doesn't mean anything, it's just numbers, and totally dependent on the style/manufacturer of the jeans anyway. So doesn't really matter.

But it's fun having them in the closet, thinking "someday soon" I'll fit into them. Maybe 2 months? We'll see! Okay, that's enough for tummy is rumbling and it's time for my chicken and my cucumber/onion/vinegar salad.

Friday, March 9, 2007

Blogs from the Site August 06-March 07

  • Bye Bye!

    Bye everyone! I find it necessary to leave this site and Blog no more. There are a few individuals who have found it necessary to hurt some of my dear friends and I will not put my thoughts out there for those types of people to see. To the rest of you, the good, decent people on this site, be well, work hard, succeed. It's all up to you. To you who are doing the hurting, you know who you are and should be ashamed.

    I'll check my messages over the next few days if any of you would like to communicate with me via private e-mail, just supply your e-mail address and I'll write to you from my e-mail address.

    Rest assured I'll be plugging along, losing weight, and getting to goalbysummer.
  • Almost Through the 170's!

    These 170's have been the hardest level for me to break through. I think it's because I haven't been under 170 for about 13 years, and my body is holding on for dear life. I got married in 1991 weighing 122 but having had a weight problem (yo-yo-ing) all my life. Within the first year I had gained about 20 lbs, and within the following year and a half I gained another 30. So after 2 1/2 years of marriage, I had put on 50 lbs and have never lost them. After 15 years of marriage I had put on 150 lbs and my poor husband had watched his once-attractive wife balloon into someone unrecognizable. I can honestly say I looked and felt like Jabba-the-Hut. If you look at my before pictures on the red couch, I have no neck. I have, like, 3 necks. And I felt just as disgusted with myself as I'm sure my husband felt. But he stuck with me.

    I had given up on myself time and time again. It was only when we had our first baby boy, Julian, that my life and my goals became crystal clear. I was only living for me before that, and I had been far too easy AND far too hard on myself. Now I had a baby boy who needed an active, whole, "normal sized" mom who wasn't tired all the time and who didn't lumber around the house and need to hold on to furniture to get herself up off the ground. So, I've been on MF now for 7 1/2 months. The days go by, the weight comes off. I am learning patience. I have learned self-control whereas food is concerned (I'm working on self-control in the area of finances and housecleaning still!), and I am doing it.

    Today I am 1 lb away from getting out of the 170's, and to me this is a miracle. And a lot of hard work. Hopefully by Monday I will be in the 160's, and close to having lost 100 lbs. This last 10 lbs has been a bear, and I have struggled with my dedication and my emotions. But I'm breaking through. Yesterday's post was a revelation to myself that really, I don't care about the taste of food anymore. I don't crave it, I don't miss it, I can't think of anything that I would "want" to go eat if someone said "OK you can have anything you want today and it will be calorie-free." I seriously think I have had to strip food of all it's control over me in my life in order to finish this task that I've set before me. Otherwise, I can't imagine how I'd lose these last 50 or so pounds.

    So I honestly believe a transformation of mind has taken place. It's taken 7 1/2 months, but I can say the desire is gone for anything off program. It's just not for me. And I'm not counting the days until I can have a piece of birthday cake. Or girl-scout cookies. Or sushi. Or a BLT. Or any of the things I used to crave. It's freeing, and I think I'm getting a glimpse at what normally-thin people feel toward food...ambivalence. They could take it or leave it. I never understood that facet before now....

    Thin people who have never struggled with their weight don't focus on food. They don't let it dictate their moods, they don't let it fill some emptiness they have inside, they don't let it effect their emotions. They eat when they are hungry, and they choose what is handy. I've always wanted that attitude. I believe that I am acquiring it. I thank God for that!

    Well, have a good day. I know I will! Now I need to exercise some self-control and clean my kitchen. Bye all!

    That's right, you heard me. I JUST DON'T CARE ANYMORE! I don't, and I'm not going to feel bad about it! I don't care I don't care I don't care I don't care!!!!!

    About what, you ask? WELL I'LL TELL YOU!!!!!!

    I don't care about what food tastes like anymore.
    I don't care about what food looks like anymore.
    I don't care about how food makes me feel anymore.
    I don't care about how food doesn't make me feel anymore.
    I don't care about food anymore.

    All I care about is God, my family, my health, and meeting my goals. Oh and yes, I care about ME. I am driven. I am single minded. Nothing else matters. Nothing. If I had to eat sawdust to get to my goal, I would, as long as I had enough water to choke it down. If I couldn't eat another morsel of anything for the rest of my life, and instead breathed in fairy dust to keep me alive, I wouldn't miss food. I just wouldn't. I will do the MF plan for as long as I have to. I will do it. Because I don't care anymore.

    And because I care in the deepest possible way. About the things that matter. About LIFE. About LOVE. About FAMILY. About LIVING. Food doesn't even enter the equation for me. I will eat my 5 MF meals. I will eat my Lean and Green. I will drink my water. I don't have to like it. I just have to do it.

    Cheers y'all.
  • Made it through the beginning of TOM...and the verdict is....

    The day before and the day of my TOM starting are always my hardest days. I'm fidgety, distracted, antsy, mad, anxious, irritated, you name it. I really should take Pamprin on those days too...but I always forget. I like Pamprin better than Motrin just because it also helps with "irritability". Don't ask me how, but it actually works. Anyway, the verdict was that I was up to 175.5 yesterday morning in anticipation of TOM and it started last night. This morning I was down 3 lbs, to 172.5. The only casualty this month was that I had a few extra sugarfree licorice gummy bears. Yummy Bears, I call 'em! Usually I limit myself to 5 a day, which is about 20 calories, and I count it as a snack. But I had a few more than 5 two nights ago. But if that is all that I deviated this month, hey, I'll take it!

    I'm less than 4 lbs away from being officially "overweight." I feel like I've been saying that for a couple weeks now. But I will get there. I am slimmer, and my pants and tops are fitting differently, so that is keeping me motivated where the scale is not.

    Two major stressors coming up this week...firstly, my folks are visiting from Arizona. That is always a stressor. My mom has metastatic breast cancer that has moved into her bone, and her brain, and that is hard. Then I have my second Mammogram next Wednesday, which I probably won't hear anything from for up to a week afterwards. So, we are looking at two weeks of stress. "Just keep swimming, just keep swimming, just keep swimming, swimming, swimming!" - Dory, "Finding Nemo". She should have won an Oscar for that performance.

    On a positive note, the weather here is finally in the 60's and Julian and I can walk outside when he wakes up from his nap! I love that! And with Daylight Savings starting this weekend, we will be able to take longer walks in the afternoon after he wakes up! Very nice. I've started walking on days I don't jog, just to keep some level of activity up. After all, I'm changing my lifestyle and my NEW lifestyle is that of an active normal weight person. I've got the active part down, now I'm working on the "normal weight" part. I think I've got 25 lbs to go to be "normal weight."

    Oh my goodness, just typing that gave me the chills. 25 pounds to go to be "normal weight." 7 months ago it would have read "I have over 120 lbs to lose to be "normal weight". That was depressing! I would have thought it an insurmountable task. But it isn't. I can do it, I am proving that every day that I am on Medifast. Wow. I'll post some current "interrim" pictures as soon as I drop into "overweight-land".

    Bye y'all!
  • TOM Blues

    It's almost TOM and so of course the requisite 1-2 lbs gain has infact occured. I know it's just TOM related, but it still has the power to make me mad/on edge/not so happy to see the scale numbers go UP not DOWN. Not a good thing. Oh will, tomorrow is another day, and hopefully a DOWN day!
  • Miracle of Miracles......a size MEDIUM!

    Yesterday I went to Costco, and among my other purchases of chicken, salad, lemons, sirloin steak, tiger prawns (yummm!), you know, the usual MF friendly items, I decided to get a pair of cotton capri-sweat pants. I literally have nothing like that at home anymore. All of my cotton or sweat-type lounge/exercise pants are way too big and have been given away or should be! So, I picked out the color I automatically started looking for the XL's. Then I thought...heck I'm probably at least in a Large right now! So I picked them up and stretched them out to see if they would fit...they actually looked a little big for me! So I did the daring. I bought Mediums! I brought them home and they fit. THEY FIT! Medium bottoms from Costco. I'm shocked and amazed and thankful.

    Still doing my "Couch Potato to 5K in 9 Weeks" running program, and today is the last day of week 6. I've had to modify it a bit because of my available schedule...I can only run on Fridays, Saturdays, and Sundays. So I don't get the 1 day off break they recommend. Makes for a bit of a tough go, especially as the weeks are getting harder. But I'm pushing myself, and then have 4 days off before I have to run again. So Friday I did a 5 minute, then 8 minute, then 5 minute interval of running with 3 minutes of walking between each. Yesterday I was supposed to do 2 intervals of 10 minute runs and instead I did 3 intervals of 10 minute runs. Today is a 25 minute run with no stopping, and although I'm looking forward to it I know it will be a push. But I've committed to do it and I have to do it. I think it's going to take all I have, as far as self-control and my will go. But it will be a good test to see if my will is actually improving!

    I know my legs will be sore tonight but that is what hot baths are for!

    OK, time to go! Bye!
  • On Food....

    I was thinking about food in America this morning. I was thinking how we were brought up to believe that food is entertainment, food is love, food should be exciting and daring, and fulfilling, and pleasant, and tasty, and evoke nice warm cozy feelings to our day.


    I mean, there is the obvious reasons that throughout history food has been the focal point of family get togethers in Europe, and all over the world. But we, as Americans, have taken it to a new level. We do the food thing for food-sake now, not for fellowship. In fact, put us in a restaurant with other people/friends/family, and all we can think about is what we can't have. We are on edge and not enjoying the fellowship because we are so focused on how we are being deprived.

    That is, until we begin to come into a "right relationship" with food. Our bodies have suffered from our overindulgence. And think about it, even if you are like me and have a really sluggish metabolism, eating anything more than what my body needs to function optimally IS overindulging. Even if it doesn't seem like much food in the grander scheme of things, or compared to what "other people 'get' to eat".

    So, I'm contemplating food and the attitude I have toward it.

    I then think about the people who live in less fortunate countries than we. People who experience poverty and a food shortage every day. How we must look to them! They don't get a choice of what to eat. Many times, they don't get enough of food in general! They have not developed the love-affair with food, it's sights, it's smells, it's intruige, that we have. How can we deprogram ourselves? Not sure....I'm thinking on that.

    Well, have a good day.
  • Thank You for all Your Support

    I just wanted to thank all you who posted encouraging comments on my last blog. My next Mammogram is on the 14th of March, so I'll probably know something the following week.

    On an unrelated topic, have any of you veterans been faithfully logging your weight and loving your weight-loss graph, only to one day log on and find that because of how long you've been on the program, the graph doesn't look so good anymore? Since they've stretched out my horizontal access to accomodate the time I've been on the program, my "downward trendline" is much more shallow...less of a pitch. I know it represents the same weight loss, but psychologically it sort of bummed me out, y'know? They made every "tick" on the vertical access a 20 lb increment, which is discouraging given it used to be a 5 lb increment. I know, I'm whining. I'm sorry. I'll drop it now.
  • So Say a Quick Prayer for Me!

    I'm not too concerned about it at this point, but if my fellow believers on this site could say a quick prayer for me...the radiologist called back from my Mammogram last week, and they'd like me to come in for some additional films with some different angles. That's all they said.

    My mom has breast cancer, she got it at age 52 and has been battling it on and off for 8 years. I'm 37, but there are no guarantees it wouldn't strike me early....thanks!
  • The Scale Budged Again...

    So excited, y'all, the scale has begun its descent once again. I dropped a pound yesterday and a pound today. That's how it is with my body...I won't lose anything for 5 days, then I'll lose 2 lbs in 2 days. That's how my 2 lbs/week average has been being maintained for the last month or is a tad frustrating, though, because I seem to live 5/7ths of my life in a plateau situation! But I have to realize my body is changing at a steady pace, so even when I'm in a plateau or what looks like a plateau I am getting smaller. And, I guess that's the risk associated with daily weighing. Hmmmm....I wonder if this is why they don't recommend it! However I get there, though, it is a wonderful thing.

    I've been wearing my size 8 Levis Misses jeans around for the last week, and I just ordered the size 6 Misses jeans which hopefully I'll be able to atleast get up around my hips in a few weeks. Don't get me wrong, I'm not truly a size 8 yet...these 515 stretch jeans are VERY forgiving, and in all other styles of jeans I'm more of a 12-14.

    I am now officially 4 lbs away from overweightness! According to my BMI, I am 30.6 right now. As soon as I get to 29.9 I'll be officially overweight instead of obese. This is such a milestone, folks, many of you understand. I started at 266 1/2, and I've lost 93 1/2 lbs. I am so close to having lost 100, which is my mini-goal which doesn't sound too "mini" at this point. It is monumental.

    Please don't read my blog and think I have an "air of superiority" about me because I've lost close to 100 lbs. This is my blog, and I'm allowed to be excited and ecstatic and express it with glee! I hope you are all equally excited as you reach your interrim goals. I know you will be.

    I saw a group of ladies who walk along the road in front of my house every morning. They've been doing that for I don't know how long, atleast the 5 1/2 years we've lived here, but I'm sure they were doing it long before that also. I stopped to chat as I was driving by..they LOVE Julian...and they were shocked and amazed at how I've changed. They said I was a different person. I know what they meant, and I have changed and AM a dfferent person, although I am also the same person. Just less of me, and more self-control and perseverance. I told them I'd lost 90 lbs and they were thrilled for me. Of course they thought it was too fast, but I know differently. I won't let comments like that dissuade me at all...2 lbs/week is a healthy and safe weight loss and it's what I am doing.

    It is snowing again, and I will be so excited when summer arrives! I can't wait, actually, for Spring! I love it when the trees....oh look, there are two of the ladies walking by right now...what dedication! It is snowing!....I love it when the trees bud and open up revealing the baby green leaves inside. This place turns into an absolute wonderland when Spring is so beautiful, and the delicate aroma of wild lilacs fills the husband doesn't love it so much because he has allergies to many things....but I've never been allergic to anything, and I mean ANYTHING, so I love it.

    Well, my son has just locked himself in the nursury (not really locked, but for him it is because he can't reach the doornob) so gotta go

  • It's all a matter of perspective

    Medifast is almost like a religion, with the "tweakers" and the "non-tweakers". Neither one is going to convince the other one the legitimacy of their thinking.

    All I have to say is the ones who do get to their goal probably aren't saying "Gee, I really regret that I didn't tweak the program more and lose slower, if at all!" But how many times do those who do alot of tweaking recommit to doing the plan 100%? Just a question.

    Sometimes people are "non-tweakers" because their bodies simply won't lose weight if they tweak the program. While some "tweakers" have great success and may have higher metabolisms naturally. But don't get down on us non-tweakers. We are doing what we need to do, how we need to do it, and I for one make no apologies for it.
  • Bought My Bikini Yesterday

    So, can I just say again how much I love Walmart? I love Walmart. I went to the local Walmart Supercenter yesterday for some diapers, and low and behold they finally have their swimsuit line out! I actually took a Bikini into the changing room...I mixed and matched the suit so that I had a 4-6 bottom and a 8-10 top, because I know that I tend to be topheavy even at, I will be wearing that thing come July 4th! Right now I look a tad like a stuffed sausage in it...although I got it on, which isn't too suprising considering it is essentially spandex....but I'm excited to actually look good in it at some point. I plan on going to Las Vegas in June, and taking that little suit with me! I'll be able to work on the "tan" after a long, cold Colorado Winter!
  • The Best Success Will Be Enjoyed if You Do The Program

    Renee Zellweger said it best, when asked how she lost all that weight both times from her roles as Bridget Jones in Bridget Jones Diary. She said "It's all about how much you care...the rest is just math."
  • A Similarity Between the Five Stages of Grief and the Medifast Program Emotions

    DENIAL-I don't have a problem. I'll start tomorrow. I'll start after the party next week. I'll start after my birthday. I'm not really THAT big. I'm not getting on a scale.

    ANGER-I'm so angry I have to deal with this every day! "Normal" people don't have to watch every single little thing that goes into their mouth! Why do I have to do this? I'm sick of it! I'm sick of the soup. I hate the shakes. I can't stomach the chili.

    BARGAINING-How 'bout if I "sortof" do the program. I'll give up my soda. I'll eat a snack instead of a meal. I'll have 2 bars in a day because I exercised so much. It's just a little taste. How 'bout if I just have this and get right back on track tomorrow. It's such a small piece.

    DEPRESSION-I can't believe I did that. I'll never lose this weight. I'll be fat my whole life, I may as well deal with that fact. I can't understand how I got this way. Why am I this big? What did I do to deserve this? I can't see a way out. Why me? I'll never do this. I'm hopeless.

    ACCEPTANCE-I will do the Medifast Program as written, and enjoy the success that I deserve and that so many people who have stuck to this program are enjoying every day. I will do this. I can do this. I am doing this.

    I think the emotions we go through on Medifast, although unique to us, are indicitive of the same pattern in the 5 stages of grief. After all, we are "losing" something. Our weight. Some of us have had a relationship with our weight our whole lives. The fat has been a friend, just as food has been a friend. It has made decisions for us. It has dictated what we wear, where we go, whether we sit in a booth or a regular table, what rides we go on Disneyland, whether we can go through the turnstiles at Disneyland or have to go through the gate, how many seats we need to buy on an airplane (you know your fat is like a person to you if you need to buy an extra seat for it...what an appropriate analogy). Our fat tells us whether or not we can go to the beach or wear a bathing suit (NOT!), what section of what store we can buy our clothes in. Our fat dictates whether or not we can buy life insurance, or health insurance, and eventually, our fat dictates when we die. Many of the adult diseases that become fatal are more likely to happen to fat people. Diabetes. Heart disease, and certain cancers are closely tied to weight. So our fat dictates how and when we will die. It may be our friend or our closest companion for years, but it is a treacherous one with your ruin in mind. Get rid of it. It's not worth keeping. Some of us are as comfortable with our fat, and unwilling to get rid of it, as someone in a physically or emotionally abusive relationship. Our identities are so wrapped up in us being fat, we can't see life without it.

    Please, please, do this for you. Do it for your health. Mourn the fat, yes, maybe, but get through it and get rid of it. You'll be better off, I promise! Have a great week!
  • Getting ready to go again! (Running!)

    Yes, I am getting (mentally) prepared to go running again. Again, I don't want to. Let me reiterate that for some reason this weekend, exercise has been one of the hardest things for me to do. And it's doubly hard to wrap my mind around why I've developed what I hope is a "temporary" aversion to it. TOM? Maybe......PLATEAU? Could be......or could be a combination of those factors plus some other mysterious something mixed into the batch.

    Either way, it holds no joy for me right now. NO JOY. So, I will moan and complain about it for the next 20 minutes while my husband drops off a bunch of my oversized clothes at the Charity Clothes Dropoff location, and as soon as he gets back I'll put on my running pants. Then my running shirt. Then my warm outer shell (I live in Colorado). Then I will put my Ipod in my pocket. Then I'll put on my socks. Then I'll put on my shoes. Then I'll put the Ipod earphones in my ears, and put on my hat. Then I will walk out the door in the general direction of the street. Then I'll turn on the Ipod "Couch Potato to 5K in Nine Weeks" podcast, set to week 5. When the little voice on the podcast tells me it's time to start my third session of week 5, which is the dreaded 20 minute run with a brisk 5 minute warm-up walk and cool down walk afterwards, I will start jogging. I will continue jogging, no matter when elevation changes I may encounter on the road, until the little voice on the podcast tells me "congratulations, your 20 minute run is up". At that point I will be satisfied in a job well done. Not happy, not overjoyed, not pumped up, not giddy. But satisfied that, once again, I am proving to myself that I have what it takes to do unpleasant tasks just because I decided to.

    Again, the only momentum I need is the momentum that gets me out of the chair and into my running pants. Everything else follows from there, and before I know it I'll be back at this computer telling y'all that I did it. That I did my 20 minute run. I have not done a 20 minute run since high school, y'all! HIGH SCHOOL! Ok, now I'm getting a tad bit excited for the challenge ahead.....

    I got my StriVectin-SD stretch mark stuff in the mail this week, I need to apply it 3X per day for 4-6 weeks. I hope the tube lasts atleast 3 weeks, it would be nice if it lasts the whole 4-6 weeks, because it was expensive! It costs close to $100.00 at, and so I got it on ebay for $80.00. We'll see how it works, I'll let y'all know if I think it has done anything. I'll take a "before" and "after" stretch mark picture comparison. I can't promise I'll post them, cuz, I mean, EEEEEEeeewwwwwww....but I'll let you know what the general consensus is between my husband and my opinion.

    OK, gotta go! Hubby will be home soon. It's runnin' time!
  • Sometimes you just don't feel like _________ (add name of exercise here)

    That's right. And today was definately one of those days. I didn't feel like running. I didn't want to run. I had no earthly desire or even glimmer of desire in any bone in my body to exercise. Nope. Didn't want to do it. Hated the thought of it. It depressed me. Did I do it?

    Yes. I may have hated every step of putting on my running pants, my running shirt, my warm outer shell, my hat, lacing my shoes, and putting on my ipod. I did. I hated every step of it. But once I got all my gear on, the only logical next step was to step out the door and just do it. Still didn't like it. Never warmed up to it, the entire time I was out there. Came home, had my chocolate pudding, and here I sit, blogging about how I hated every second of it today. (The exercise). But I did it. Because I decided to do it. My will is becoming stronger than my emotions. Today proved that to me. My emotions don't need to be 100% "on board" or "excited" or even "mildly interested" in the task I am about to partake. But that doesn't matter. Because my emotions are not looking out for my best interests. Sometimes they are a petulant, pouty child stamping her foot and saying "no! no! no!" having a tantrum right on the floor. But my will has been exercised in the last 6 months of Medifast. My will is what I choose to allow to control my actions. NOT my emotions. Sometimes my emotions are my friend and I embrace them. They make me human. But my will makes me successful.

    Which are you? Hopefully a little of both!

    And I noticed something interesting today. I didn't have to have the strength of will for the entire task to just decide to put on my running pants. I then didn't have to have monumental will to put on my shirt...or my outer shell..or my shoes. I just tackled each task one at a time, and I only needed enough follow-through for the "next step". I found the strength after that step to do just "the next step" and then "just the next step". I didn't have to run for 8 minutes, take a break, and run for 8 minutes all at once. I just had to muster enough strength of will to keep my feet going "that next step" then "that next step."

    What's your next step!?
  • OK, I have a few more minutes before I go to bed!

    So I was talking earlier about my size 8 Misses jeans I got on and wore out tonight. I actually wore them to the Levis store to buy a pair of size 6 Misses jeans, cuz I gotta have "goal jeans" and I always buy the next size down when I'm in the bigger size...does that make sense? It's kind of a weight loss ritual I have...I know I'm losing inches when I'm getting into the smaller size. The scale is not an accurate reflection of the changes in my body. I know this. And yet it still depresses me when the scale does not move. Why is that? Why can't I just accept and embrace the fact that my body IS changing! ? ! ?

    Clothes don't lie. Hence, the "goal jeans." I almost bought size 6 and size 4 but I restrained myself. One pair at a time!

    So something interesting happened today, and I need to blog about it because I think it's an important, very very important, revelation on my psyche about weight, particularly mine, and where my comfort zone lies.

    I have been getting alot of attention lately from everyone about my weight loss. Nobody here in Colorado has ever seen me at a weight under 195 (until now....175 and counting!) and therefore is beyond shocked when they are seeing a "pretty face" emerge out of the folds of multiple chins that I was carrying around. Today, a man I very much respect and have a sort of "dad-daughter" relationship with, kind of a mentor-type, saw me in passing in my car...we pulled up next to eachother on the dirt road and exchanged a few words...I haven't seen him in awhile. He paid me a compliment. Said that my DH was going to have to start beating off the guys with a stick. I know he meant well, and would be mortified if it offended me in any way...we have a buddy-buddy relationship and we are candid with eachother. But as I drove away and reflected on the exchange, I mourned the loss of my anonymity. Let me explain. And please don't think I am being conceited. I am just trying to put it into perspective for myself, and this is my read on only if you won't judge me and what I write after this. Ok, here goes.

    My whole growing up I was overweight, with the exception of my Senior year in high school when I lost the weight and blossomed. At that time, one of my mom's friends described me as "striking". I began to feel uncomfortable at the attention I was receiving as this new, thin, "striking" young girl. Growing up, most of my friends were guys. I was a bit of a tomboy, and never got into the girly girl stuff that other girls (not wrongly) thrived on. Hence, I never "hung" with the girls. I "hung out" with the guys. And I loved it. And I never felt threatened. We were all friends, and sure I'd have a crush on one of them at any given time, but since I was always a bit overweight I would never dream of any of them liking me back seriously. I earned my place among them with my personality, my humor, and my intellect. I was sharp. Sharp witted, sharp tongued, and they liked me for that. AFter I lost the weight, this whole new dynamic entered my conversations with guys. What used to be just "hanging out and talking" and making them laugh became "flirting", when I had no intention of doing that.

    Fast forward to now. I've lived in Colorado for about 6 years now, and everyone here knows me for what is on the inside. Nobody here could have dreamed that underneath the morbidly obese fat on my body was a pretty "striking" woman. So I have all of these relationships, of acquaintences, that are male. Mostly from my previous employment. I STILL get along better with men than with women. I continue to be burned by women relationships, as evidenced by my sister-in-laws freak out last week (you can read previous blogs for that). I don't know where I stand with women. I am very much a thinker, very analytical, and kind of the "guy" in my husband and my relationship. Sounds weird, it really isn't, we are made and perfectly suited for eachother. But temperment, personality wise, I'm more male-minded.

    So now, what I worry about is this: What used to be considered just "talking" to a guy, an acquaintence, and was acceptable when I weighed 266 lbs, is no longer going to be acceptable. (This is my fear.) So, I will not be able to relate to girls OR guys anymore because there will always be this underlying possibility that the guy may misconstrue my talking for flirting and believe there are underlying attractions. Or else that other people will think that if they talk to me or I talk to them. Can you say akward? I can! And it is a fear of mine. Relegated to isolation. I don't want that, but I can't stop now. I have to face this fear and push on and let the chips fall where they may! What say all of you?

    Got to go....SAW III is on Pay per view!
  • Still at a Plateau, but into my Size 8 Jeans

    This not having the computer during the day is killin' me, because I'm so tired at the end of the day now! Can't stay long, but I wanted to say that even though I am STILL at a plateau, I never dreamed it would be possible for me to actually pull on, button up, and WEAR OUT a pair of Levi's Misses Jeans, size 8! You heard me, size 8! And I'm still considered obese! Crazy, huh? I have a feeling I'll be a size 2 or 0 when I get to my ideal body weight. Doubly crazy.

    Meanwhile, still at a plateau and THAT is drivin' me nuts, but I'll take one blessing at a time! And run with it!

    Gotta go sleep now! Bye!
  • Not Ready for Full Length Mirrors Yet

    OK, so I was thinking about buying a full-length mirror because I have never in my adult life owned one. But I'm not ready to make that kind of adjustment yet. I'm happy with seeing myself from the waist up. I'm happy with thinking I'm looking like a hot sexy mama. I don't want my skewed body image (thinking I'm thinner than I am!) messed up by a good dose of reality. I haven't felt good about my body in years. Give me a few more months of my delusion. By then, my delusion will be the reality and I'll be ready for a full-length mirror. Two or Three of 'em! In every room of the house! Ha!

    So, I was up another pound this morning, and I'm a bit stressed about it, but it just goes to show you that when you fall off the wagon the damage might not all show up overnight. On Friday, if you recall, I had a nasty interlude with 4 South Beach Diet Bars. I repented, immediately got back on program, and have been on since. When I weighed Sunday, I weighed 1 pound more than my pre-cheat morning weight. Then Monday I was up another pound. Then Tuesday, this morning, I was up yet another pound. Frustrating? Ummm....Yes. Unnerving? Absolutely. Discouraging? You betcha. Enough to throw me off balance and back into the land of binge-eating? Not on your life. You see, one of the things I am learning through this whole Medifast Process is separating my emotions from my food/eating habits. Yes, I did have a minor relapse of stress-eating Friday night. But it just served to remind me that I will always have to be on guard against tying food to my emotions. I will never be immune. It will always be a choice. And I'm getting better at being deliberate and intentional in my choosing to separate the two. I have to, or it will be the end of my progress and my hopes and dreams.

    So. I put it all behind me, press on, and keep doing what I should be doing, knowing that results will follow. Today I ran a mile to the bridge instead of back from the bridge. What's the difference, you ask? Well, TO the bridge is a slight incline the whole way. BACK from the bridge is slightly downhill the whole way. Sunday I ran BACK from the bridge without stopping. Today I pushed myself and ran TO the bridge without stopping. Regardless of the numbers on the scale the last couple days, I can tell I'm still losing inches. My clothes are getting looser and looser, and I knew that would happen as soon as I started running again. I'm very excited about that. And the gain the last two days also could be partially from a gain in muscle from all the exercise I've been doing lately. I love losing weight on the scale, don't get me wrong. But I need to exercise as well if I want to look fit and toned sooner in my weight loss journey rather than later. It's just my body type and where I'm at. 6 months ago I never would have DREAMT of running, let alone running a whole mile! It's really a miracle. Thank you God!

    It's also hard work. MF makes it as easy as possible, but make no bones about it, it is HARD WORK losing a significant amount of weight. One of the things that motivates me now is hopefully being a candidate for next January's issue of "People Who Lost Half Their Size". It's the annual People Special Edition Magazine that showcases half a dozen to ten people who have lost over half their weight. Hopefully by August I'll have lost 150 lbs and will weigh 116 1/2.

    My husband, when preparing the before pics I found the other day for posting, said that even from then to now it looks like I was wearing a "fat suit". Anyone who has seen "Just Friends", or that special on television a few weeks ago about that teen who went "undercover" in a fat suit to see how people would treat her, know what a fat suit is. I am amazed at the transformation that comes with losing 90 pounds. And I'm excited to lose the next 60.

    Have a good night everyone, sorry if I'm not able to comment on Blogs as much or at any great hubby will be taking the computer to work every day this week. I'll try to catch up in the evenings but time is limited.
  • Just a quick note...

    Just a quick note that I won't be blogging or reading the blogs until hubby is taking my computer to work, at my request, so that I won't spend all day on it. I need to get stuff done around the house, and the computer has been a huge distraction for me the last few days (weeks? months?) so it's going away for the day. He'll bring it home tonight.

    Bye Y'all!
  • Deal or No Deal?

    Did anybody else watch it tonight? Oh My Goodness is all I have to say! I was on the EDGE of my SEAT the entire time! A friend of mine up in Estes Park loves the show too, so I drove up there to watch it with her. What a gas! And did you see his cute parents? And can you believe his case had $750.00, the same amount his parents had when they came to America? I almost cried. I'm so glad he took the deal at $211,000.00. It was all just so fun.

    I kind of look at each temptation as a "deal" or "no deal". I can cave, and take the "deal" because I think it's the last time I'll see something that good, or I can say "no deal" and go straight to my goal. I'm a "no deal" type person who sometimes falls off the wagon. I didn't fall off the wagon today though, or yesterday, or Saturday.

    Anyway, I just wanted to say something about the game show. I love it, love it, love it! Bye!
  • My my my, thank you.

    Blog of the week. Wow. Thanks again guys, what an honor. I always get self-conscious when this happens (not that it happens with any regularity...sheesh, could I sound any more conceited???) because, well, I don't really know why. So I'll try not to be self-conscious. Ok then.

    I'm sitting here drinking my "Lady Grey" tea, which I absolutely love. It's like Earl Grey but with a few more hints of Citrus. Twinnings makes a great Lady Grey tea. In fact, they may be the only ones who make it. I buy it at Cost Plus World Market, and then put one packet of splenda and 1/2 tsp half and half in it. Yummers. I also saw it online at a United Kingdom Foods Import website called jollygrub. Lots of fun stuff on that website, just made myself an order. If you are a tea drinker of the English bent, you would love the following teas: PG Tips (Whole Foods carries these), Typhoo, these are two good quality general black English teas. Sort of the same idea as "red table wine". All-purpose, good taste, hearty, pleasant. Did I mention I love tea? Just the process of putting the electric kettle on (I'm too impatient anymore for the stove-top kettle), letting it steep, preparing it, and taking time to sit and drink it. Wow. It's like a little retreat every time I do it.

    I went to Bible School in England at a place called Capernwray Bible School, and we used to have tea breaks every day between second and third hour. I mean, come on, we were in England! You had to have tea! They would have the mail out by then, so everyone would race up to the Castle (the school is located on a large estate with a large estate house) to see if they had any mail. The kitchen staff, God bless 'em, would wheel out the carts of tea (with have to have milk or cream with tea....) and the leftover pieces of toast from breakfast, covered in cold butter...I really learned to appreciate toast with cold butter when I was in England, better to spread the Marmite on...yum!

    Anyway, when I came back from England I had developed a penchant for a good English Tea. Americans ditched the tea as the national beverage in favor of coffee during the Revolutionary War, when they dumped all the tea into the harbor and declared it the "Boston Tea Party" as a revolt against paying taxes on everything (including tea) and as a statement of rejection for all things English. Now, don't get me wrong, I love coffee too...just about as much as tea...but we Americans have never really gotten back to drinking tea the "English way". That's ok. It's my little ritual and I love it. What does this have to do with anything? It doesn't. I'm just blathering on about good memories.

    This weekend was a great weekend for me, exercise-wise. I did a session of week 4 on the "Couch Potato to 5K in 9 Weeks" program on Saturday, and then ran a little extra afterwards. Then on Sunday I went to do another session of week 4, and my IPoD had erased week 4! I have no idea why. So, I did a session of week 5. It kicked my bu**. The first day of week 5 had me running for 5 minutes at a time, 3 times in a row with 3 minute breaks in between. I was so excited when I got through it that I went ahead and ran all the way home, which was a 16 minute stretch. A little over a mile. I RAN A MILE! WITHOUT STOPPING! I can't tell you how long it has been since I have done that...I think atleast 13 years. It felt GOOD! No, it felt GREAT! I was wiped out when I got home, because my total routine of doing the podcast and then running my own way lasts about an hour.

    I wanted to push myself, because session 3 of week 5 has you running for 20 minutes I think....and I wanted to see if I had it in me. I think I will have it in me when I actually have to do it. I need a day off, though, which is what they recommend anyway.

    Weight wise, I should just stop weighing altogether. I was up another pound. So, that's 2 up from Friday total. I know why I went up the first day, it was those 4 southbeach diet bars. (Curses!!!) But today...I don't know. Maybe still residual gain from the Friday night screw-up, maybe building muscle (some of my run is WAY uphill), I just don't know. My clothes aren't fitting any tighter, in fact they are looser, so I'm not going to stress about it. At least I'm going to TRY not to stress about it.

    So much of my life is marked by weight....I can recite to you how much I weighed at pretty much any point in my journey....

    4th grade: 101 lbs
    4th grade after weight watchers: 88 lbs
    12th grade: 134
    12th grade after diet center: 104
    College: 115-120
    Bible School: 125-164
    Returning from Bible School, age 21: 164
    Wedding, age 22: 122
    2 years after wedding, age 24: 150
    4 years after wedding, age 25: 175
    9 years after wedding, age 30: 239
    10 years after wedding, age 32, after body for life: 177
    14 years after wedding, age 36: 266.5
    15 years after wedding, after 6 1/2 months Medifast: 175

    Wow. It's amazing how much weight and my weight problem has been a part of who I am. What happens when I don't have a weight "problem" anymore? It's kind of scary, the same way someone who won't leave their abusive husband thinks life without him would be. Kind of scary, but it's what they need to do. Most of them don't do it, and stay in that relationship because it's predictable. It's what they know. (I don't have an abusive husband, don't get me wrong) But I wonder if we stay in an abusive relationship with our bodies for the same reason. It's what we know. It helps feed our sense of "lack of self worth". So we stay here. Demoralized. Thinking we can't change, and even if we did, so what?

    Well, I'm here to say that it is a load of crock. We can change. We need to change. If we don't change we are accepting the abuse we are putting ourselves through. Who does that? Who abuses themselves? We need to stop, and many of us through MF have found hope to stop. Being kind to ourselves is foreign to us, and some of us are learning how to do that, being dragged kicking and screaming. What? A massage at a spa? Me? YES, YOU! YOU are worth it. I am worth it. What? Take time for ME? YES! Take time for you. I do that by drinking tea. As often as I feel like it. In fact, I'm going to make myself another Cuppa'.

    Have a great day y'all! Keep on Medifastin'!
  • Just posted a few more "Before" pics

    My husband found these pictures on the computer and I remember taking these the week I ordered Medifast. Wow. I am amazed at how large I was. I still feel large, and pictures I take right now still show a large woman at 175 lbs. But the before pictures of me sitting on the red couch, and me standing in front of the door in a brown shirt and jean shorts...that was a large woman at 266.5 lbs. Ninety pounds ago.

    I took a few pics today, because the last pics of me I posted were about 20 lbs ago...but I don't think they show enough of a difference from the last pics to now to post new ones. I'll post new ones when I get to 150. Hopefully that will be in less than 3 months. I'm still planning on doing the July 4th Bikini Challenge....woo whoo!

    Bye y'all!
  • Thanks, Y'all for your Comments!

    So, I weighed today anyway after my Friday Night tumble off the wagon...the total damage is 1 lb. I know it's not all "fat" because it was only 540 kcals extra, and a pound is 3500 calories. (However, I'm also not convinced that people who are losing so much weight have the same 3500 kcals=1pound conversion....)

    I know it'll be completely off either by tomorrow or Tuesday. I just really hate backtracking, y'know? But I am thankful that I had no problem getting back on track. The danger with eating off program is that there will be one time that you do it that you just can't get back on for nothin'! Since you (I) don't know what time will be THE time that happens, I try with all that is in me to stay on track 100% of the time.

    Because one of these days it will be the hardest thing in the world to get back on program. I know this, I've seen it time and time again during my almost 7 month MF journey in other people. It's almost like there is a breaking point, and for some it's sooner than for others. For those who meet their goal, they either never ate off program (it is possible!) or they ate off a few times but never hit their "breaking point". And that's just it. The "breaking point" is unpredictable, and different for everyone. Very individual. One person eats "off program" once a month and has been fine, another person eats "off program" in their first week and never recovers, and gives up.

    So, that is what I've learned. We can't "eat off program" lightly. It is serious business and also a serious risk to our long-term success. That is my philosophy, anyway. Thankfully, this was not my "breaking point."

    Take care y'all!
  • Confessions of a Weight Loss Addict...Even We Have Our Moments!

    Yes. Goalbysummer took a little stumble last night, but has dusted herself off and is back in the saddle. Why am I talking about myself in the third person? I don't know.

    OK, here goes...last night was particularly stressful. Family issues between my husband's sister and myself, with my husband fighting the battles for me. I didn't even know there was a battle brewing until my husband came home Thursday with an e-mail out of left field from his sister saying that she didn't feel "comfortable" or "authentic" in her relationship with me, and hadn't for years now, and didn't know what to do about it. She wanted my husband to talk her through how to "handle" the situation, without advising me. Well, my husband and I don't deal like that. He brought the e-mail straight home and we read it over and over and, frankly, I got more and more upset at her. Folks, this lady lives in Canada for goodness sakes, and we haven't even SEEN her for about 3 years, when she and her husband came down to visit shortly after they were married.

    OK, so the way she put it, she has only been "tolerating" me in conversations, when I thought the whole time she was a friend. OK. So my DH and his sister had a 3 hour conversation on the phone last night, a conversation that I bowed out of. I took a shower, got dressed up in a sexy Ann Taylor black skirt and top, went to my favorite restaurant in the whole world for a salad and some steamed mussels.

    So, the whole restaurant was packed, and you know how it is eating alone, sometimes it's akward. So, when I eat by myself I like to sit in the bar and people-watch. That part was fine.

    When I got home, I had just responded to a message from a fellow medifaster who I was encouraging about meeting her goals, and not letting anything pass her lips that wasn't on program....and as soon as I finished that post, I went ahead and ate a few extra South Beach Diet bars! What the....? What was I thinking? I was thinking "I can't believe I'm doing this...but I'm so stressed out I can't think straight!" Hubby was still on the phone to his sister...I was nervous and mad at the whole situation, so I did what exactly? I sabatoged myself. In my anger, I "sinned!" Ha.

    So, as the Good Book says "Be careful when you judge someone, as you will be judged in the same manner." Not to say I'm judging anyone, but it's funny that I'm such the advocate for sticking to plan regardless, and I can count the number of times I've eaten off program on my fingers since July. I have not had to start using my toes yet. That is a blessing. And I did not weigh today. I told my hubby I'd go back to my routine, and do my normal exercising this weekend...I'm not adding time or distance to my routine because my goal isn't to "punish" myself. Then I'll think that I can go off and just "exercise more" which is the beginning of eating disordered thinking. (I know, I majored in Nutrition, and used to be a Mental Health Technician at a prominent well-known clinic in Arizona for eating disorders.)

    But I have noticed that I have not been hungry today, AT ALL. It's like my body is self-regulating, saying "I had plenty of good calories (not junk, but good, filling, calories) last night, so I'm ok for a bit...." I told my hubby that I will re-establish my MF eating plan as soon as I feel the hunger pangs. I had Maple Brown Sugar Oatmeal this morning, and I have not been hungry until now, which is 4:21 pm. So, now I'll have a MF meal and then L&G later this evening. And that should be it.

    Well, there you have it. The falling down and picking up of a hardcore Medifaster. I'm still learning, still discovering my "triggers", and the point is I didn't let one slip of eating more than I should of a certain item catapult me into a two or three day binge. That is the point.

    Thanks for listening, and thanks for your encouragement. Take care!
  • Ninety-One and a Half Pounds of Fat Gone Gone Gone....

    So excited. As of this morning I have lost 91 1/2 ugly pounds of fat. It's amazing to me that I have only 8 more lbs to lose before I cross the 100 lb line. I used to think it was an impossible task to lose 100 lbs. Losing 100 lbs to me was a lifetime achievement. It still is.

    I am almost there. And I won't give up until I've lost 150 lbs.

  • Dropped 2 lbs overnight!

    Finally! Plateau seems broken, FOR NOW. It seems like I live my life between plateaus! I'll stay the same weight for 6 days, then on the seventh I'll drop 2 lbs! Perhaps I should become a weekly weigher! Tell you what, in 9 more pounds, when I've hit 100 lbs lost, I'll switch to weekly weighing.

    Otherwise I'm just finding I'm getting too frustrated. Now, granted, the frustration is keeping me that much more motivated but it's also wearing on me. But I AM NOT COMPLAINING! I'll take my loss and run with it.

    I knew I was losing inches, and it was only a matter of time...So there you have it.

    It snowed lots yesterday, again, and everything is white. Again. It is supposed to get up to 40 degrees tomorrow though, so I'm hoping this was the last cold blast of the season. I live on the Front Range in Colorado, the eastern side of the Rockies. We've had oodles of snow since we got hit with 3-4 blizzards per week beginning December 16th. We've lived here almost 6 years, and apparently we had 5 of the mildest years on record these last 5 years before this is "normal" but not normal for us, being from Arizona. But it is nice having seasons to mark the time passing, and I love Spring when it is getting so green. Hopefully that is right around the corner.

    I just ordered a product off of Ebay called StriVectin-SD and it's supposedly a product that will minimize the appearance of stretch marks, and firm and tone the skin. It was costly, but if it works I'm going to be happy paying every penny of it. My stretch marks are getting stretch marks! I think they sell it at Costco too, but I saved about $20.00 by getting it from Ebay. It'll just take a little longer to get.

    I got my SPANX yesterday, and I ordered them off the weight chart on their website only to find that they are too small for me! The chart said if I'm 5 foot 3 and weigh less than 185 the size C's would fit. I weigh 175 and the size C's are too small! So I'm keeping one and sending the other back for a size D. It makes more sense anyway to have only one in each size. It will take forever for me to get to a size B so I'm not even going to order that one yet. I got the kind that are footless, have control tummy and go all the way up to the bottom of my bra. That way the unsightly bulge that happens just above my waistline is smoothed out and I'll actually have a figure again. I really need to post some new photos. I think the last photos I posted were either 20 or 30 lbs ago.

    Well, to re-iterate what I've said before on my blog, I am in this for the long haul. Plateaus irritate me but they are a necessary part of losing weight, the body needs time to adjust to every new weight. I seem to be hitting them every 2-5 lbs nowadays, but I have a feeling as soon as I break into the 160's my body will be under it's old setpoint threshhold and will have no choice but to continue losing the fat. I'm still tracking about 10 lbs per month, always have, so I can't complain. At this rate I'll be at 120 (2 lbs away from my goal) by August 1st, which is a few days over a year from the day I started. By the time I reach goal, which is a pound and a half under my stated goal (for buffer) I will have lost 150 lbs. In a year and a month. Wow! A year on MF! I'm glad I didn't focus too much on the time frame at the beginning, I would have felt like I would be deprived for a year. But now that I've been on it for over 6 months, I can honestly say I enjoy the food, I don't feel deprived, I feel healthy and in control. That feeling outweighs any temporary satisfaction I'd get from, say, eating chips and salsa or sushi (used to be my favorite!) This is just a way of life, and I'll worry about transition when I need to, ie when I get to goal and not a day before. Meanwhile, I keep truckin' along, taking every day and separating it from food. My life does not consist of the food I eat. I am learning to enjoy all aspects of it, not just what the next meal is. It's actually quite freeing.

    Well, time to go. Take care. Anita_J, what's the status of our challenge?

    MF meal 1: Chocolate Pudding
    MF meal 2: Chocolate Bar
    MF meal 3: Chocolate Pudding
    MF meal 4: Chocolate Pudding
    MF meal 5: Chocolate Pudding

    Lean and green of choice.

    Yummmmmm! Happy Valentines Day!
  • Still Stuck but Inches Coming Off; Chocolate Recipe Description- BEWARE!

    So, apparently the scale likes to play with my mind. I've been bouncing between 176.5 and 177 now for a week. I was 176.8 this morning, but I am NOT changing my ticker because I prefer the thought of having lost 90 lbs then having lost 89.8 lbs! It's much easier to say when people ask.

    So I've been at this plateau for a week, since last Friday. But I did notice that the jeans that have been a little tight are now looser. So I have to be losing inches.

    I just need to step back and look at how long I've been at or above this weight. The last time I weighed under 175 was back in 1994 or 1995. So it has been well over 10 years since my body was lower than where I am now. So these fat reserves are "old fat". The fat in the cells is constantly turning over, but the cells themselves have experienced fullness for a very long time and seem to prefer it! So it will take some time to break through this threshhold, this setpoint. I just need to keep at it.

    My resolve is as strong as ever, I haven't gone of program since New Year's Eve day. So I guess I haven't faltered since 2006! I'm proud of myself in that regard. I made "hearts of darkness" brownies for DH's work yesterday...I thought I would do a double-batch of brownies in a large cake pan, and about 10 minutes before they were done I took them out of the oven momentarily to put in large chocolate truffles that I had made from ganache of semi-sweet and bitter-sweet lindt chocolate bars and heavy cream. I plopped 'em in the "middle" of where each brownie would be cut, and finished baking the brownies. The ganache melted in a big pool in the middle of each brownie, and when it cooled it set up again like a truffle. So instead of truffles covered with cocoa powder or dipped in chocolate, the truffles are enrobed in brownie.

    DH is the most popular person in his 7-person firm right now, hands down. The recipe for the truffles made 24 extra truffles on top of what I needed for the brownies though, and they are staring me in the face all day. I'll have DH take them to work tomorrow, you know, for a "chocolate chaser".

    So I put the warning in there at the title because I didn't want to cause anyone to stumble while reading my description of my creation. But I am proud I could make it all and not so much as lick my finger, or the spatula, or the bowl, or all three! I wasn't even tempted. If I had thought I'd have any problem with it I would not have attempted it. I don't set myself up like that...I can't afford to fail at this. I've committed to reach my goal if it kills me, and that is what I'm going to do. Reach my goal.

    Happy Valentines Day everyone, and remember, you don't HAVE to eat chocolate or any yummies today. It is a COMMERCIAL HOLIDAY that was invented to sell cards and chocolate. Don't fall into the trap of thinking you have to have chocolate to enjoy it. It's just not true. You will wake up healthier and happier tomorrow, and set up GREAT for a successful weekend if you don't falter today.

  • Just doin' my thing

    So I'm still stuck at 176, but I have high hopes of meeting my 10 lb/month goal by the end of February, even though it is a shorter month. I've got 5 lbs to lose by March 1st to still be on track.

    I'm just quietly doin' my thing today. No fanfare, quite depressed, actually, the weather here sucks and according to the news we're not alone.

    And crazy people shooting people in malls? Come on.

    The low-pressure system is making everyone crazy. Or they were just crazy to begin with.

    I'll report when I know more about Julian, life, whatnot. Happy Valentines Day.
  • Anyone For a Half-Marathon?

    Hi there! I just registered for a half-marathon in Toronto, Canada for October. I plan on being at my goal by my birthday on October 22nd, so it seems fitting that the week before I will be running my first half-marathon! This is all pending me being able to successfully train for it....but it's always been a goal of mine to run a marathon, I will settle for a half-marathon!
  • Joe Wants to Give us his Kidney!

    Here is what my Uncle Joe sent me this morning, after I sent him all the information about being tested to be a Kidney Donor....(for any of you who are new to the scene, my son, Julian, who is 2 1/2, needs a kidney transplant.)

    "If I stay at a Children's Hospital, does that mean I get a cool a Disney theme. Anyway, I will call my insurance company on Thursday.
    I hope I am a match, I feel this is what I am suppose to do. I quit smoking a while ago, and taking better care of myself. Don't drink alcohol or do anything like that.Well, an occasional Double - Double from In-N- Out Burger, but, that's it.1 Corinthians 6:20 "...Therefore honor God with your body."What a better way, than to be a donor.
    Love and prayers Joe "

    Needless to say I am speechless at God's timing and if Uncle Joe is a match, at God's perfect provision! I will keep you posted!

    Meanwhile, I'm down another 3/4 lb this morning from yesterday, bringing my total weight loss to 89 lbs. I am so close to 90! Then only 10 away from 100! This is one of the biggest accomplishments of my life. I have achieved it by my faith, my self-control, and my perseverance. My "life-verse" for this weight loss journey is 2 Peter 1:5b-8:

    "...Applying all diligence, in your faith supply moral excellence, and in your moral excellence, knowledge, and in your knowledge, self-control, and in your self-control, perseverance, and in your perseverance, godliness; and in your godliness, brotherly kindness, and in your brotherly kindness, love. For if these qualities are yours and are increasing, they render you neither useless nor unfruitful in the true knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ."

  • My Uncle Wants to be Tested for a Kidney Donation for Julian!

    So, I get this e-mail today from my Uncle Joe. He is my dearest Uncle in the world, we had a special relationship in my teen years when he went off to be in the Army. I wrote to him, and he wrote to me, and we became friends. Since then, we've both gotten married, had families, and send the annual Christmas Letter.

    In the e-mail he said he is type O, (the closest living relative to Julian with type O blood besides his minor cousins who are all under 18 and can't donate) and would like to be tested.

    ! ! ! ! !

    I am speechless. So, in the next week or two we will see what it entails. I think it's a blood test, a tissue-typing test, then alot of other tests like an annual physical, an EKG, a psychological eval, etc etc.

    So, the power of prayer...everyone please pray that God's will be done, and that it would include Uncle Joe being a perfect 6 point match!

    Medifast-wise, my plateau seems to be broken as I reported this morning. My TOM is here, and I am tired and hungry all at the same time. Julian has been waking up extra early and taking earlier naps, which leaves him awake during my "dragging" time between 2 and 4. We are watching Charlie and Lola on the Disney Channel (DVR'd) right now. I've had oatmeal, chicken, salad, two puddings and a shake so far today. I'll have another shake at 7:30 and lots of water between now and then. My meals have been a little bit closely spaced this afternoon because this morning I just could not remember to eat! It's not like me to do that....

    I got my electric teakettle delivered today. It will be so much more convenient than putting the kettle on and having to wait 10 minutes for the water to boil. Now I press a button, and a few minutes later, viola! Hot water! I am really loving Celestial Seasonings Apple Cinnamon Spice Herbal tea these days, with a dash of Sugar-Free Caramel syrup (DaVinci) in it. Tastes like a caramel apple. Sometimes I alternate with Sugar Free English Toffee syrup. Either way it is yummy.

    I have a box of fat-clothes that I am accumulating in the back hallway, it feels so nice to put clothes in there! I'm finding that I'm putting clothes in there that were way too small for me at my heaviest, because they are way to big for me now! Crazy, crazy. I love it.

    I'm fitting (well, "fitting" is not quite the right word..."busting" would be more appropriate) into my 36D Victoria's Secret Bra I bought last month. It is actually wearable at this point, I could wear it out under a sweater if I wanted too!

    Can I just say something about jeans? Aren't they crazy, when it comes to sizes? I am fitting into everything from a size 10 Misses to a size 16 Misses, depending on the brand/store/color of the jean. I find that I get into the smaller sizes if it is Levi and the darker stretchy kind (but not black). If they are faded at all, or stonewashed, I have to wear a larger size. And if they are black, even if they are Levi, it's size 16 and even that is tight. No wonder people have their "favorite jeans". It's just how it is.

    Well, I think this blog is long enough to go start to get some semblance of dinner ready for my man...told him I'd fry him up some falafel today so I'd better do it!
  • Within 10 lbs of "overweight"

    Last July when I began this program I knew I was determined. I knew I would see this through if it killed me. I knew I had 148 lbs to lose. I was almost a 50 BMI. I was morbidly obese, and climbling.

    I couldn't walk without my knees hurting. I couldn't get in and out of my car on the first try. I could hardly buckle my seat belt. I had no clothes to wear that were anything but size 26 jeans (which were getting very tight) and black sweat pants. In tops, I wore formless cover-alls, sweatshirt type things. My feet were between a size 7 1/2 and 8. I couldn't wear heels, and even if I did I had no clothes to wear them with. I couldn't buy zip-up boots because my calves were too large. Queen-sized panty hose was too small. I was uncomfortable in theater seating. I was uncomfortable in restaurant chairs.

    Now, I have lost close to 90 lbs, and I am within 10 lbs of dropping from the obese category to the overweight (BMI under 30) category. In fact, I'll drop into overweight and 2 1/2 lbs later I'll have lost 100 lbs. Two milestones probably within a week to 10 days of eachother. I'm stoked.

    My husband told me again this morning he is very proud of me. He bought a food processor for me yesterday because I'm finally at the point where I can really start to cook again. Hubby is on maintenance and little man is beginning to eat more solid-type foods. So I can finally get some of my good healthy recipes out and enjoy chopping and baking and cooking and sauteeing! In fact, yesterday I made falafel batter to make falafel's today. I also made sesame rings (a Greek recipe) and a healthy spinach/canneloni bean soup I saw Giada make two days ago. My husband said the sesame rings and the soup were good...he'll try the falafel tonight.

    Now if I could just be as determined getting all our tax information together! Have a good week, y'all!
  • New Sizes!

    So, last night I decided that because I was hugely PMS I would go driving around Boulder for awhile listening to my IPOD. My hubby lets me do that every once in awhile, because he knows I just need some alone time sometimes. So, went to LiquorMart looking for creamy Limoncello, and didn't find any. Our friends brought some back from Italy for us, and my husband, who isn't much of a drinker AT ALL, really likes the creamy Limoncello (Limoncello with cream added somehow...) in a little cordial glass during the evening. So, I didn't find a new bottle but I did find another type of creamy liquor from Italy, a hazelnut-chocolate. My husband LOVES nutella, so I went ahead and purchased it for a treat for him. I was right, he loves it.

    After that, I went to Starbucks and got a Tall Earl Grey Tazo Tea. Yummm. Then I checked out the last day of the clearance sale at Ann Taylor's Loft. Here is the fun part. Well, there are two fun parts here. Firstly, I left the house in my size 10 Misses Levi's. They don't look obscene anymore, especially if I wear something slightly gappy above the hips, because of course these jeans push all my belly/hip fat into a small spare tire. The second fun thing is that usually I just go in and buy a couple of size 8 Petite items, which is my "goal size" for the time being, but I have never tried anything on in the store. But this time I decided I would try on some of their clearance shorts/capri's to see what Ann Taylor Size I actually am right NOW. Folks, I am pleased to report I am a size 12 Petite at Ann Taylor. I bought 2 pairs of below-the-knee length classy shorts ($11.00 each, you can't beat that!) that I will be able to wear as soon as the weather turns slightly warmer...they are snug now, so in a month they will fit perfectly and in 2 months they will be downright loose-fitting. I was thrilled, and I think I have assembled a downright classy wardrobe for the spring/summer. I don't care if they are "so last-season!" because the people I hang out with don't know fashion from their belly button, so they aren't going to care that I'm wearing "last season" Ann Taylor.

    I feel much better today. Yesterday I was very emotional. It helps to Blog when I am like that, so about once a month you'll see a very emotional re-focusing Blog from me. It helps me keep my focus too. Sometimes the scale gets stuck and I get stuck. I need a friendly reminder from myself that all will be well as long as I stick to the plan. And it always is.

    Off to clean my house!
  • *Results Not Typical

    Greetings everyone, I am back. It's not Valentines Day but I've been reading the blogs anyway and posting comments here and there, so I wanted to Blog as well. The following comments are so that I can clarify my thoughts, my goals and my motivations. Feel free to read and to comment, but if you are offended by my words, just realize this is MY blog and MY thoughts. I am writing to no one but myself today.

    The question of the day is this: Why are we so gosh-darn easy on ourselves, and why do we just assume we are going to fail? Medifast, on all of its ads, states "*Results not typical". Why is this? The diet works, the problem is that sometimes WE don't. Take Super Bowl weekend. For many people this was their first real challenge since starting the diet. There are a few posts of successful people having gotten through it, but a "typical" posts admits utter and complete failure where food is concerned. There is some wisdom to not beating ourselves up, and putting it behind us, and starting over, and today is a new day, etc etc etc. But for some of us, maybe it is time to take a good hard look at why we are doing this. What is our motivation? Is this just going to be another failure like every single other diet we've tried? Is it? Can we do the program half-heartedly, or "mostly"? How many times can we eat "almost perfect" until we decide to do it for real? I think we are too easy on ourselves sometimes. We just assume we will fail, so we are almost relieved when we do. After all, isn't success in this area scary? I mean, really, what would we do with the extra attention from people who never noticed us before? How would we handle it? For those of us who are married, I'll bet the idea of an affair never even crossed our minds because we never thought someone else would be attracted to us in that way. What if they were? What if we actually had to DEAL with the contents of our HEARTS and do some self-rennovation in that area? No, most of us are perfectly happy (although we moan and complain about it) being fat and unattractive. Then we can focus all of our efforts on trying to lose weight and deal with the outer, and gloss right over the INNER, not realizing it is the INNER person that needs the work.

    But instead, we "sort of" diet, so we can keep avoiding the real stuff of life. We insulate ourselves. We've done a really good job of it. Some of us have more insulation than others. When I started this program back in July, I had 150 lbs of "insulation" to deal with. Now I have about 60. And I have fought for every pound. So whenever I read that people "just had to" or "couldn't resist the urge" or "mostly ate on program" etc etc, I read "I'm not willing to deal with my stuff, so I'll keep flirting with diets and never get to the nitty gritty of why I keep sabatoging myself." Which keeps the Medifast Asterisk on all the ads. Because the typical person doesn't want to deal with their stuff. And let me tell you something, until you do, or until you have a motivator that forces you to do it, you'll be stuck in the grouping of people who don't lose their weight. Medifast is only a tool. It will not do it for you. It will help you do it yourself.

    More than once my husband has said he is proud of me for sticking to the program like I have. I know he would be silently grieving if he saw me eating chocolate cake, or cookies, or pizza, or anything that is not on the program, because he would think to himself he has a fat wife, and as much as he would like me to be a desirable weight, he knew I didn't have it in me. No. That is not me. I refuse to have that be me. I was that way for 15 years, so I have been on the other end of this coin. But not anymore. He only told me a year ago that it mattered to him what I look like. He said it mattered to him all along, but he didn't want to tell me that because he didn't want to seem shallow. I wish he had told me that 15 years ago when we got married and I was thin, because I would have worked that much harder to stay that way. I wish he would have said something 10 years ago when I was obese, I would have worked that much harder to get back down to a desirable weight. He says if he had to do it over again, he would have let me know earlier. Well, atleast he told me finally that it WAS important to him. It is part of my motivation to lose the weight.

    Part of this post is to encourage any of you who HAVE been sticking to the program. It can be done. And when it is done, you WILL have results. You WILL have the asterisk next to your name, saying "results not typical." My question to everyone would be, do you want to be "typical" or "not typical?"

    Happy February.
  • Need a Bit of a Break

    I think I need a bit of a break from Medifast.....Blogs. I'll be gone for two weeks, cold turkey. I don't know if it's PMS or not, but I find myself getting irritated very easily, not at any of you or anything like that, just in general. I'm afraid I'll carry that irritation over and comment negatively on someone's blog and feel like an A** because of it, and I don't want bye for now! I'd like to lose 5 lbs between now and Valentines Day, I'll be back on the 15th to report.
  • Thank you, and 10 lbs to go!

    Thank you to everyone who posted such encouraging comments on my Blog. The lesson I will try to incorporate is to enjoy every moment with Julian and not worry about the future or all the "possible" side effects of the Anti-Rejection Meds. You see, I'm Irish. Irish people tend to look at the worst-case scenario first, and work backwards to a less-dire outlook as new information comes available. I'm trying to work on that. =)

    So, 10 lbs from Overweight! Yay! Yay! Yay! One day at a time.

    I have been obese for about 12 years straight, and am so looking forward to "just" being overweight again. I got married in 1991, and weighed 122 at the time. I think by the time we arrived in Winnipeg 2 weeks later I was already in the 130's, and became "overweight" probably within the first 3 months of marriage (I think the cut-off for me is 136 or thereabouts).

    So going from obese to overweight will be exciting, and then going from overweight to normal weight will be one of the biggest milestones of my life. Never to return to overweigh-ness again! Never to feel bad when the newscasters say "2 out of every 3 Americans are either overweight or obese." Finally, I will be the one who isn't. But not without a lot of blood, sweat, and tears between here and there. It is worth fighting for, and I'm fighting for it!
  • 11.2 lbs to go until I am no longer obese...

    Yah, you heard me, 11.2 lbs to go until I am no longer in the "obese" category. I will move, happily, to the "overweight" category and be so thrilled and happy to do it! Yee Haw!

    Update on Julian, we had a consultation with the second of his transplant surgeons today. Good news is that we are moving toward a kidney transplant. Bad news is all the side effects we can expect and some of the risks associated with the anti-rejection medication. The words "lymphoma" and "skin cancers" really stuck out. It petrifies me, but on the other hand, it is still the best course of action for our little one. He'll go through the transplant evaluation in the next couple weeks and be put on the list right after that. Could be 4 weeks to 1 year, maybe longer, because we don't have a live donor.

    To top that off, I had dinner with a friend tonight who informed me that a mutual friend of ours was just diagnosed with lymphoma, he is only about 32 years old, and his wife just had preemie twins who came home from the hospital 4 days before he was diagnosed. I am so devastated for them...he started Chemo 2 weeks ago. But it really struck a nerve with me and I sobbed all the way home thinking that could be our little man in the next few years! Prayers, prayers, prayers, folks! That's all I ask!

    Thanks for listening....
  • Smaller (and Smaller!) Victories!

    So today I went to the Spa to get a massage, and instead of having to request (or in the past just being GIVEN) the waffle-weave "special" robe for large people, I did quite well with the regular robe that the "normal" people get! It was wonderful! Just had to report that.

    Take Care!
  • Couch Potato to 5K in 9 Weeks!

    I read yesterday on a discussion board posting by Dawnie about this program that you can download podcasts from and then use it to run, and it trains you to do a 5K in 9 weeks. (3.1 miles)

    I did my first session yesterday, and it was awesome! Anyone who is interested in incorporating exercise, and who is at a "safe" weight to run at, I would highly encourage it! Go to the exercise discussion board forum and look for her thread. Bye y'all!
  • Medifast is Giving Me My Body Back!

    Literally. Medifast is giving me my body back. It was not mine for 13 years. It belonged to my fat. My fat dictated how I felt, what I wore, the social engagements I chose to partake in, my sex life, me self-esteem, just about everything. But I am in control of my body now, and Medifast is the tool I have used to get my body back.

    As of this morning I have lost 86 lbs. My ultimate goal is to lose 148 lbs. I am getting there. I no longer feel like a fool when I'm taking my walks or attempting to exercise. I can get up off the floor with out using both arms and a stabilizing agent like a table or a chair, first one leg then the know what I mean! I bound out of bed instead of having to be pulled up by my husband (our bed is very low, like 6 inches off the floor). I weigh less than my husband. I am motivated. I am doing it. Have a great Sunday, everyone!
  • The True Purpose for Fat

    I was reading the blogs this morning, and this analogy really hit me, someone was talking about how they were having a conversation with their fat in their fat cells (hypothetically of course) and how instead of hating them and having contempt for them, they were assuring their fat cells that they were no longer needed, that their purpose as stored energy wasn't needed to the degree that it was currently at, and "releasing" them, so to speak, to leave their body.

    I started thinking about the true purpose of stored fat, and that every molecule of fat that we "liberate" from a fat cell to be used as energy is actually a hero in it's own right. Why heroes? The are heroes because
    they are being utilized as energy, which was their sole purpose in being stored in the first place. It is their destiny, their purpose in "life"

    The following are NOT reasons they were stored:

    They weren't stored to make us miserable. They weren't stored to put is into plus sizes, never to see the inside of an Ann Taylor or Banana Republic again without feeling self-consious. They weren't stored to keep us forever the girls or guys with "great personalities". They weren't stored so that we could work on our inner selves because that is the only thing we had going for us. (The bonus about that part, though, is that when we lose the weight we are hot AND brainy/ funny/ witty/ intelligent/ sweet/ all-around nice people!) They weren't stored so that we would be at higher risk for diseases like diabetes type II, hypertension, various types of cancer, breathing problems, circulation problems, and the like. They were not stored so that our children would be embarassed when we came to pick them up from school or to meet their friends. They were not stored so we could have trouble climbing a few stairs, or tying our shoes, or (gross but accurate) wiping ourselves in the places that need to be wiped every day. They were not store so that we could never go skiing with the family, both because we had no energy AND because we couldn't find any ski pants/clothes to fit us. (Skiing in scotchguarded sweat pants sucks, by the way!) They weren't stored so that our parents would get worried we would die before them. They weren't stored so we would have infertility issues. They weren't stored to make us feel self-conscious boarding airplanes or going to theatres or even church where we would have to squeeze into a small seat. They weren't stored so that at potlucks and all-you-can-eat buffetts people would feel like they could examine our plates and scrutinize our meal choices, thinking "no wonder she's fat" even if we had good choices on our plate! They weren't stored so that we could get those accusing glances in line at the grocery store while people took inventory of what was in our basket. They weren't stored for any of these reasons, although unfortunately alot of these are accurate scenarios about how this society treats overweight people, and how overweight and obese people feel in the course of the day.

    Fat cells were stored for energy. To be utilized as energy. We are just liberating them to fulfill their ultimate purpose. We, and they, are the heroes.

    Have a great weekend.
  • Broke my plateau, and some weekend advice

    I am 1 pound away from being in the 170's. I am so excited. Things have been a bit slow for me this month, but today's weightloss makes the total loss between Dec 15th and today 10 lbs. Considering I had a cruise and Christmas in there I think that is acceptable to me! I haven't been in the 170's for about 6 years. The next 30 lbs will be crucial to my success, as I haven't been under 150 for 13 years! And I've been married 15 years. I owe it to myself and to my husband to give him (finally!) an attractive wife! He married an attractive wife, and then I proceeded to gain 15 lbs each year for the first 2 years, and then 10 lbs each year thereafter. Poor guy, watched his wife blow up like a balloon! And we didn't even have children/pregnancies to blame it on until 2 years ago. Even then, just after Julian was born I was up only 7 lbs from when I first got pregnant with him, it was the stress of him being in the hospital for 6 weeks that packed the pounds on after that!

    I notice a lot of you are new, and this may be your first or second weekend on the program. My advice to you is: get yourself some sugarfree gum, and take some "you" time, ie take a hot bubbly bath, or go for a long walk, or do some scrapbooking, or go out with friends. But whatever you do, don't seek comfort and solace in food. It is not your friend, it is food. Anyone who has had weekend issues in the past, don't be alarmed that this diet will be the same. It doesn't have to be. YOU make the decisions about what you eat and when. Stay in control and you will see a loss come Monday.

    Take care!
  • Can We Cut the Counting Carb Already?

    Ok, a little venting here. I'm not so sure where this idea of having to count carbs came from, but it is destructive. You heard me. It is destructive. People are adding a requirement to the plan that IS NOT THERE!!! And it's not healthy, either. Once and for all, and I'll post it on comments 1,000 more times if I need to....MEDIFAST IS NOT CONCERNED WITH CARBS, MEDIFAST IS CONCERNED WITH GETTING YOUR 5 PRE-PACKAGED MEDIFAST MEALS AND YOUR LEAN AND GREEN IN. PERIOD. FINAL.

    The only reason carbs would even be MENTIONED is if someone were on a plateau lasting a week or more, where they DON'T LOSE ANY WEIGHT for the entire week, but were on plan 100% including getting their water in. Only at that point would NS mention in passing that that person may want to try a few days of the lower carb MF meals such as the creamy soups, the shakes, and the iced drinks, and/or only have a bar every other day instead of every day in order to shock their system back into losing. It is not necessary to keep to the lower carb MF meals on a daily basis unless a) you are in this category, AND b) you have checked it out with Nutritional Support.

    If you want a diet that counts carbs, go to the Zone Diet and get out your calculator. But if you've chosen MF, don't try to combine the philosophies. Don't try to tweak the program. Don't make up non-existant rules that will only set you up for unquenchable cravings and failure.

    There. I've said my piece.

    So can we just get back to doing the Medifast Plan, and not this counting carbs stuff?
  • A note about my weight and an update on my son, Julian

    Update on Julian: Met with the Urologist today who is also one of the two Kidney Transplant Surgeons who will be doing Julian's Kidney Transplant. He said it's a "go", that Julian is big enough now to do the transplant, that we can go directly to that and bypass the dialysis option. He was pleased at Julian's growth, and that Julian appears to be pretty stable right now. He doesn't think it will harm Julian to go the few more months it may take to actually get the transplant completed, foregoing the dialysis in the meantime. Yay! This is the best case scenario, the best news we could have gotten today. Thank you all for keeping us in your prayers. Now it is time to meet the other transplant surgeon and begin the process of readying Julian to receive his new kidney. Could be 3 months, could be 8 months at the latest. Yay!

    A note on my weight, I am down 1 1/2 lbs today and have hit a new low of 183.5. I am so anxious to get into the 170's, I am so close and can just about TASTE it! Want my broken foot/toe to heal so I can exercise again...but bummer if I didn't catch my pinkie toe on one of my shoes going through the bathroom last night, and it hurt almost more than the initial incident! If I keep re-injuring it I won't ever get to that Triathlon in July!!! Oh, well, I'm losing and that is the important thing.

    Just a note to the newbies, don't get discouraged WHEN you hit your first plateau. (And you WILL hit your first plateau.) Most of us plateau every few weeks, or every 10 lbs or both. It's just a fact of life. Get through it on plan, though, because you are still losing inches during your plateau and your body is shape-shifting. It's rather exciting, although also discouraging.

    Bye for now! Thanks for all the blogs! I have so much fun reading about you all!
  • Hey you Newbies! Don't be afraid to Comment!

    Hey there! This is a note to all the newbies, and us old Medifasters too! I've noticed that there have been less and less commenting on people's blogs. Now, I know you all have good input, but perhaps you are not sure about the whole "commenting" business.

    Please know that people love reading the comments on their blogs. I would encourage anyone and everyone to put a comment if you think you have anything to contribute, and if you don't, just to say "hi!"

    People definately appreciate it, it helps us all to know we're not alone in all this. So, please please please if you read the blogs, and feel like it, don't hesitate to comment! I hate to see the newer people putting their thoughts out there and not getting much feedback at all, if any! I know January is kind of depressing for everyone, but we need you, you commenters!

  • Foot feeling better....

    My foot is feeling better, even though it's black and blue!

    Exchanged my size 14 never-worn skirt at Ann Taylor for a size 8. I can't get it on yet, but give me a few months.

    Have a great week! This was short!
  • Broke my toe/foot

    Today was a good day. Spent some time with friends of ours. Went to Buffalo Wild Wings for dinner and got a side salad with southwest ranch to dip the lettuce into. It's funny how much less salad dressing you use when you just lightly dip the salad into it with your fork...I don't even think I ended up having 1/2 of a teaspoon after it was all said and done. It was yummy and I'm full.

    I'm still on my plateau, and could not exercise today because, ahem, I broke my toe/foot last night walking past the eliptical trainer. Bummer. How does one break his/her toe/foot walking past a piece of exercise equipment? By going very fast, and just stubbing the pinkie toe full force on the stand. I immediately hit the floor in such pain, and told my hubby I broke my toe. He was like "oh, right..." I said "hon, how many times have I told you before now that I broke my toe?" He admitted that I had NEVER told him I broke my toe before. (Although I do have a very low pain threshhold and have been known to overblow things in the past...the hypochondriac in me....) He said "if it is black and blue in the morning, we'll know you did something like that." Guess what? It was black and blue this morning. And I still couldn't walk on it without excrutiating pain. Bummer. So I think I am off exercise for a bit.

    Well, have a great night all, see you later.
  • Motivated by....Ann Taylor Clearance Sales! Read on for Serious Inspiration!

    First of all, hello. To all of our new MF members who have joined us since Christmas, welcome. I do have a bit of a disclaimer about me, FYI, before I get on to the Ann Taylor bit of my blog.

    I am a truth-o-matic. I sometimes lack the social graces or the gentle spirit that usually accompanies truly encouraging people in their writing of comments on other people's blogs. Right here, right now, I'd like to apologize if I offend anyone with my straightforward, lawyerlike approach to comment-encouragement.

    I usually get into trouble when a new round of people come on the boards, so I'd like to just put it out there that I am unique and sometimes not so tactful. If you would like me to not comment on your Blog, you can do one of two things.

    A) You can disable your blog to comments altogether
    B) You can message me and ask me not to comment on your blog. I'll keep a little sticky note on my computer of people whom have requested this of me, and please don't worry that I will be offended because I won't. I'd rather you be honest upfront before my direct no-nonsense approach to MF gets me in trouble in commenting.

    I'm not writing this in response to anyone who has recently told me they were offended, so please don't worry about that at all. But just know that my responses are from my heart, and that they are meant well.

    I have a degree in Human Nutrition from Arizona State University, and I am studying to take an exam in June which, if I pass, will give me a Certification in Sports Nutrition. I've also been overweight for much of my life, and in July had a lifechanging experience that really pulled the trigger for me to get my weight off once and for all. So believe me when I say I give you in my comments the same advice I give to myself. It is all designed for success. For me, for you. I am definately not "right" in every case, I may strike a chord with you that you don't appreciate. If this is so, please message me and we can talk about it.

    I know my Mother-In-Law doesn't appreciate my direct approach, she thinks I'm yelling at her any time I used to e-mail her because I didn't lace my e-mails with niceties and was very direct and no-nonsense. As a result we don't really communicate too much.

    Anyway, suffice it to say that I really do smile alot and I have a bubbly personality, and yes I have eaten "off program" on MF and probably will again. But I have compassion for each and every person that has ever struggled with their weight, and I have a burning desire to see each and every one of you succeed and succeed with a vengeance (sp?) on this program.

    I assume anyone who has made the purchase and is Blogging is committed to losing weight. I expect and have received accountability on this Blog site, and so I approach my comments on other people's blogs with that same reverence for accountability. There are those who, with their personalities, will come along-side and encourage by saying "It's ok, pick yourself up, tomorrow is a new day." I have tried to learn from you gracious souls, and I think I have to a degree. I'm the other end of the spectrum usually, and will correct someone if they are not doing the program correctly but say they are "almost perfect" for two reasons. Firstly, maybe they don't actually know it isn't on the program to do what they're doing, secondly there are new people who may be reading the blogs and the comments who may come away from that blog thinking that what that particular person is doing is ok and allowed and will bring them success on the program.

    If you have a question about what is allowed, ask Nutritional Support. Don't rely on us. And read your quick start guide.

    I think there is a great and beneficial balance of personalities and writing styles on this blog board, and I appreciate each and every one of you. It takes all of us to keep this successful. Thank you.

    That being said, it's on to my Ann Taylor experience today.

    A little background: One year ago, I was at an outdoor/adventure clothing store in Estes Park. They always have really good merchandise that is super cheap, and I was looking for a winter jacket. I got so depressed I didn't know what to do with myself. I weighed close to 270, and I had no winter jacket that I could zip up. I tried in vain to find one there, and even a MENS XXL did not fit me. (I'm 5 foot 2, 5 foot 3-ish). I walked out of there empty handed, and just never went out in the cold last year.

    Fast forward to today...walked into Ann Taylor's Loft, over to the clearance rack, and picked out a Medium Petite winter jacket, on clearance sale for $34.99 (marked down from $139.00) Tried it on. Zipped it up. Almost cried. Granted, I look a bit like a stuffed sausage and my current winter jacket is a Large Petite from LLBean which fits great, but in another month or two at the most I will fit into this jacket I bought today. Me. A Medium Petite. Me. A Medium Petite. Pinch me, someone, I must be dreaming.

    So. What are the secrets to my success? Work the program. It's that simple. Dedication, + Medifast, + a little Time, and you WILL lose weight. I was a size 26-28 Women's when I started this program on July 27th 2006. I am now fitting in to size 10 Misses jeans from the Levi Store. Ok, they are the stretch kind, and OK I can't really wear them out yet. BUT I can get them ON and I can get them ZIPPED. I also give God the credit for backing up my decisions with the strength to see them through. I asked him in a desperate plea to give me the perseverance to see this through. And He has thus far. If I stick to the program and lose 9 lbs per month, I will be at my goal weight of 118 by the end of August. It's just a matter of Time, Medifast, and How Much You Care. I don't even exercise that much. But I am looking forward to entering a Triathelon, my first ever, this summer.

    Thank you all for listening. And remember, CLOTHES DON'T LIE. If you are doing the program, you WILL be fitting into smaller-sized clothes very soon! It's just a matter of....TIME! Patience, grasshopper! Think of it this way. Summer will come, whether you do the program or not. If you do the program, you'll be about 40 lbs lighter come June 1st, at a minimum. Either way, June 1st will come.

    G'night y'all! Take care, and God be with you!

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  • My Plateau Schedule

    I just looked back at my weight loss graph over the course of my weight loss on MF and I noticed that I hit a 4-5 day plateau once a month every 10 lbs lost. It's always at the "5's", so 215, 205, 195, 185. That is interesting. The plateau always breaks after a few days and I resume losing weight at a rate of an average of 10 lbs/month.

    So there you go.
  • On a Plateau

    So, I'm on a bit of a plateau and I haven't lost anything in a couple days. It usually is like this, I lose 3-4 lbs right after my TOM then level out for the next week. Well, this is that week. Psychologically I hate it, because it's not like the weather is conducive for me to get out and exercise, and sometimes the eliptical trainer sitting in my living room just does not seem appealing.

    But I have to take my own advice here and remember I am losing inches. So, I stick to it, and lose my inches. I just seem to be stuck at 184.5 or right around there, depending on the day. One day I'll go up 1/4, next day I'll go down 1/4, next day I'll go up 1/4. Drives me bonkers.

    I've tried mixing things up a bit by adding cheese to my L&G's, and taste wise it's awesome, but I just don't know if it's the best thing for my body. You vegetarians I don't know how you do it! I love cheese and boca burgers but I honestly don't know if my body could lose consistently on them.

    Time to cut them out. I already cut my bar out yesterday, so now it's time to cut the 1 oz of Jarlsberg Lite I've been adding to my 6 oz of chicken. If that doesn't help I'll cut out the 1/2 and 1/2.

    Honestly, it might not make a difference, the only thing that can break a plateau is time and determination. Someone once posted that they think NS just keeps people busy trying different things until their body breaks the plateau on its own. We'll never know. So, I think I just need to be prepared to hang out here at 184.5 for a week or two. Hopefully not that long, though! Sheesh!

    We've seen one Doctor for Julian, the Nephrologist, and we'll see the Urologist shortly for a second opinion, then we'll see the transplant Dr. who would install Julian's dialysis port to discuss how big Julian needs to be in order to do the transplant. We found out that my husband is probably NOT a candidate for a transplant because his blood type is A and my son's is O.

    We have alot of decisions to make.

    Bye for now!
  • Holding up OK today

    Holding up ok today. Thanks for your encouraging comments...and Jim, MF only recommends eating small trucks, not the big ones that I was considering.

    So far I've had my Oatmeal Raisin bar, my Maple Brown Sugar Oatmeal, my Creamy Chicken Soup, my Vanilla Pudding. Looking forward to my Lean and Green of chicken breast and roasted eggplant, and then another Vanilla Pudding. Trying to get all my water in. It's all I can do to stay on plan right now, or eat much of anything. But I'm doing it.

    I've lost interested in weighing every day. I think I'll drop it down to once a week or so. I used to be a scale addict. Probably will be again someday, but just feelin' a little down lately.

    OK Bye for now!
  • Um, can I just eat a truck?

    Just get through the next 5 minutes. Then get through the next hour. Then get through the evening. Then go to bed. Drink some water. Take a bath. Read the MF Blogs. I swear, I feel like an addict needing a fix sometimes! You would think, after being on the program since the end of July I would have it down, I would have no more cravings, I would be settled in my spirit about what I need to do and perfectly content to do it.


    I'm so nervous about my baby's upcoming appointments, and I'm manic when I'm happy, but a stuffer when I'm stressed. Well, I'm stressed. So my fuse is about the length of an eyelash, and I really want to turn to food to relieve the stress. I don't even know what I'd have. I don't crave anything in particular, I just crave. I've had all the food I can have today, threw in a couple extra ounces of protein and now I just need to go to bed before I get myself in trouble with the soy crisps or something. I've already cut up my oatmeal raisin bar into, like, 15 pieces and it's in a ziplock bag for first thing tomorrow morning. There's nothing else I can do but keep typing to keep myself out of the pantry.

    Or go to bed.

    Goodnight, all.
  • Little man holding steady

    Thanks for asking, Robin...little man Julian is holding steady, we have an appointment with his Nephrologist this Thursday, and one with his Urologist next Wednesday. If both docs agree that dialysis is the timely thing to do, it's on to dialysis we go.
  • Doing Better, Thanks!

    Thanks for the encouragement on my last post, everyone. I am doing better. Was on track yesterday and maintained the gain, will be on track today and hopefully will be down again tomorrow. I'm really trying to get all my water in...intentionality. That is my word for the week. INTENTIONALITY. I don't even care if it's not a word. It's MY word.

    I need to remember that the pressure is on this week, and for the rest of the month. It is my first month with our new budget, and when I make a severe change in my self-gratification tendencies it puts pressure on other areas where I struggle. Like when I started the diet in July, I found myself spending uncontrollably, almost as a response to denying myself in the food area. Now I'm denying myself in the finances area, and the food area wants to poke it's ugly head out again. I just have to bite my lip and say "no" to all of it. It's about self-control in all areas of my life, which I am convinced is a learned trait. Well, I've never learned it and it's about time. I'm beginning to get an inkline for how it all works. So if I can manage to lose my trademark 10 lbs in January AND stick to my budget and do no extraneous spending, I feel like I will have really accomplished something. Step 2 in getting my life together and myself organized.

    Thanks for listening, have a great week!
  • Struggling a bit today

    Yes, yes, I am struggling a bit today. It started yesterday, actually. Firstly, I didn't exercise, secondly I didn't get all my water in, (I instead turned to coke zero as my beverage of choice), thirdly I had a bar AND a snack, fourthly, had too much cheese! Was it you, DBBthreads that warned me of the perils of cheese? Or was it you, Queenbee? Well, thank you for that, I am throwing it out today. I thought I could handle it, but figured I could have "a slice" here and "a slice" there...afterall, it is only 3/4 oz and 50 kcals per slice! I ended up having 3 slices altogether and for some that would be ok. But my body can't handle it I guess. And not only did I have a bar and a snack, I had 2 snacks! I had a pickle and then a bag of soy crisps. I was trying to head off a major breakdown from a bad case of the munchies, and ended up a pound this morning.

    Could have been worse. I know. Back on track. Yup. It started yesterday morning when my second cup of coffee had 1/2 and 1/2 in it as well. I never do that unless I am "slipping". And it's a slippery slope from there! Had more 1/2 and 1/2 later in the day. I don't know what it was but I was edgy and munchie all day long. Not PMS. Not sure. Just a manifestation of stress, and a temporary relapse into thinking I can eat my troubles away I guess. Good insight into myself.

    So, I sit here drinking my lumpy (bummer) cream of broccoli soup and thankful that I CAN turn on a dime and regain control of myself. I used to be a counsellor at Diet Center, which was a program (still is, online) that I found success with in high school, and one of the things their counselor told me once was "never never never overeat 2 days in a row." It scared the dickens out of me and ingrained in my head that any time I do go "off program" I HAVE to pull it together the very next day or it may be cause huge damage to my self-control and my will to lose weight.

    Thanks for listening. I may FEEL out of control still, but if I don't ACT out of control by my actions then it won't actually become a reality. It doesn't matter what I FEEL, whether I FEEL like it's working or I FEEL like staying on program. As long as I DO the work, I WILL lose weight. It is inevitable.

    Have a great rest of your weekend, and a note to anyone who may have blown it Friday and/or Saturday, there is still time to salvage your weekend and end it on a positive healthy note. JUST DO IT.
  • A Few Tips

    Good Friday morning to you all! Before everyone runs off for the weekend (the blogs get mighty quiet around Friday evening through Sunday night...) I wanted to post a few tips on getting through your first weekend. I noticed there were many people who began the program this week, and as a long-timer I wanted to tell you what works for me.

    1) Do the program. You will hear time and time again from those of us who have been here "awhile" that the program works if you work the program. Recipes are great to mix things up again, although I myself usually don't fiddle with the food because if it doesn't turn out I don't want to spend the $$ for the meal...but they can definately add some variety and fun to your day.

    2) Drink all your water and get all your MF meals and your L&G in. (Another way of saying "do the program") Some people think that if 5 MF meals are good, 4 would be better. NOT SO. In fact, your body will think you are starving it and will go into "starvation mode" meaning it will hold on to every shred of fat you have, and store anything extra as fat also because it doesn't know when you will feed it again. If you are eating 5 MF meals well spaced out (every 2-3 hours) and your L&G your body will be confident you aren't starving it, and it will kick-start your fat-burning.

    3) If you are a chewer, get yourself some sugar-free gum or celery. I keep a box of SF Lackerol's handy (a candy from Sweden) that you can get at Cost Plus World Market or Ikea's Food Store (In Ikea Stores). Keeps me busy chewing and actually quells my hunger which is usually mental.

    4) If you like olives, remember to keep some on hand. I love to go to Whole Foods Olive Bar and get a small container...I count them out for 1 week of olives, which would be 35 olives. They are a "free" food (5 olives are allowed per day) and really make me think I got a treat.

    5) Explore your feelings. Most new people, myself included, must come to terms with the fact that we have used food as a crutch for years and years. We use it to insulate ourselves from the stuff of life. We use it as a distraction to relationships, even relationship with ourselves. As we are "torn" from our crutch (by our choice) it may stir up deeper feelings of anxiety or compulsions that we used to mask with food. Keep a journal and write down your feelings. Some of us didn't even know we had feelings before MF!

    6) Realize that you may at one point or another try to sabatoge yourself. Be ready for it. Develop a contingency plan, ie you take a hot bath or a jacuzzi when you feel yourself beginning to spiral out of control and heading toward the fridge. You may even have to run in your room and give yourself a "time-out" on your bed until you can talk yourself into compliance. The main thing is DON'T GIVE IN. As tough as it gets emotionally you have NOT eaten off program just by thinking about it. If you can circumvent the process between thinking and doing, you have won that battle. STAY POSITIVE.

    7) Only shop the outside aisles of the store, both for yourself (L&G) and for your family. You don't need that processed stuff they keep in the inner aisles. Stay on the periphary of the store and you will stay away from many temptations.

    8) Be kind to yourself

    9) Don't use food as a reward. If you do extremely well and want to give yourself a goal, do something like scheduling a massage at a spa, or buying a great outfit in the next size down. Take the focus of the food.

    10) Only worry about getting through today. Put all your energy into that.

    11) Did I mention do the program? Don't tweak it, don't count calories, don't substitute, do nothing OFF program unless NS has OK'd it for you. They are an excellent resource.

    12) If you absolutely have to eat/drink something stay within the confines of the program food/drink. If you are so hungry you feel like you could eat an entire gallon of ice-cream, have an extra MF meal or drink 5 gallons of diet soda. But don't eat non MF items or you will find it harder to get back on the wagon.

    I'm done blathering, hopefully someone will find this useful. Have a great day, and a greater weekend!
  • Jeans Update...

    I always get so excited when I'm able to physically pull on, zip, and button, a new size of jeans. Anyone who has been "with me" in this MF journey knows to the DAY when I'm able to do this because I post it every single time. Well, those Levi's people are just MAGIC because everytime I go and buy a size smaller jeans, I can get them on and buttoned and zipped soon after I buy them! And clothes don't lie!

    Well, I went last weekend and picked me up a pair of size 10 Misses jeans and a pair of size 8 Misses jeans. Being that I'm in the 14's right now, and just fit into the 12's last week, I had no actual designs on getting the 10's on anytime this month.

    Au Contraire, Mon Amie! Something possessed me today to just "try them on" and so I did! They fit! Well, they were ON. They were tighter than tight, but I could wear them around the house zipped and buttoned for more than 10 minutes! Yay me. Next stop, size 8's.

    For now I'll just feel really skinny in my loose size 14's. But it did feel good to have the size 10's on. I remember when I first started this program, holding up a pair of size 8's and saying to myself "sheesh, self, when I can fit into these, I will have arrived!" Well, it's hard to believe that in about a month I'll probably be able to get my size 8's on. Crazy crazy crazy! And very exciting. Bye All!
  • Feeling Sluggish Today, but Determined to Beat it.

    I am sooo tired today, I think it's because I exercised twice yesterday...once on the eliptical trainer at my home for 20 minutes, and again for 20 minutes at night at the community recreational center's pool. It meant that I went to sleep around 10:30. I noticed that exercising so late at night gave me tons of the wrong time! I got home at 10:00 and all I wanted to do, really, was stay up! But I made myself go to sleep because I absolutely knew I'd feel this way this morning...tired and groggy, even after my 2nd cup of coffee.

    Regarding coffee, I have begun to drink my first one with half and half and my second one black.

    We got some bedroom furniture last night for our little man. Because of his health issues he has slept in our room since we brought him home from the hospital, and now he's 2 years and 3 months old so we think it's time to start transitioning him to his very own room. So we went to the American Furniture Warehouse and got him some very cool "locker-room" style furniture. We got him a desk (ok, so I'll probably use the desk more than him at the outset) a nightstand, a bench, a twin bed, and a dresser. It is all pretty adorable and colorful.

    We have an appointment with his urologist a week after we meet with his nephrologist to discuss dialysis, and whether or not we will do it for him at this point, or whether we will try surgery first, etc.

    MF-wise, I'm doing fantastic. It's funny how I go on autopilot with MF and it has become just my way of life. TOM came this week, so I dropped 1 1/4 lb between yesterday and today. That's typical. I think I will be in the 170's by February 1st. That is so exciting to me.

    If any of you long-time MF-ers want a quick "pick-me-up" and you had been overweight for quite awhile before joining MF, just pull out your driver's license and read the weight. Now if any of you lied on your weight you may not be as encouraged. Or, if you had so much weight to lose and so your "lie" weight was still significantly higher than you are now (like me) you will be very encouraged! When I got my license I think I weighed about 250, and I put "228" on my license. Now I'm 185 and so it still makes me feel great when I see the number! Once I get to goal I'm going to go have a license changing party where I get my weight corrected to my goal weight. Then it will be motivation to keep it off!

    Anyway, this is a rambling post so I'll sign off now. Julian is wanting some breakfast. Have a wonderful day!

  • Hopes, Thoughts, Prayers....Please!

    An update on my boy, Julian....

    His Nephrologist at Children's in Denver is finally putting the pressure on for our little man to be on Dialysis. We are going in next Thursday for a consultation with all of our questions, but he seems determined that this is the next step. Of course we want what's best for Julian, but we though he was doing great, and his kidney function appears to have been stable for the last year. We are wondering what has triggered the Doc's new we'll go in on Thursday and see what he says. He has to have bladder surgery as well, so there is the question of the co-ordination of bladder surgery and Dialysis, and whether we do the surgury BEFORE the Dialysis, or after he starts Dialysis.

    Julian was born with a blockage in his bladder, his posterior urethral valve was working in the opposite way it was supposed to, meaning his bladder was getting more full and more full and his body couldn't empty it. This is what caused the damage to his kidneys, from all the pressure from the over-full bladder. When he was born, they put another exit route in his bladder, and now it drains into his diaper just below his belly button. But the surgery that will fix the valve is 95% effective, and they've had it "on the table" for him since last year when they tried it but he was too small for them to get the instruments in without risking further damage. They didn't want to do the surgery again until he was either closer to dialysis or a transplant, because of the 5% chance it wouldn't work may do more damage to the ailing kidneys.

    But, since it looks like we are headed for dialysis anyway, because Julian's kidneys appear to function at around 13%, it may be time to do the surgery.

    There are alot of unknowns in this equation, and unknowns are things I tend to fear the most.

    So please pray. God is good, and I know that Julian is ultimately in His hands, so that takes the edge off the worry but I'm a mom and so there's always going to be a degree of worry there! God has sustained Julian and taken care of him so far, so I have a good proven trackrecord to back up my hope in Him to do the same now.

    Medifast-wise, this is still the easiest diet I've ever actually lets me get on with the rest of the stuff of life and deal with real-life issues without having to be pre-occupied with choosing, buying, and preparing gobs of diet-friendly food. I don't have the time or patience for that right now, and so I just go along in my MF-routine, losing weight almost daily. Bye for now.
  • Yummy Steak and Swiss Cheese!

    I went to Costco today and picked up some Jarslberg Lite Swiss Cheese slices, at 50 kcals per 3/4 oz slice. I split up my lean portion and had 3 slices in the car on the way home, and some steak after I got home. It was yummy. That's all I had to say. Bye!
  • My New Ticker, my new jeans!

    So, here is my new ticker! I'm so very excited to be so close to 80 lbs gone! 2 more months and I'll be in the 100+ lost club! And in 2 1/2 more months I will no longer be obese, I will simply be overweight.

    Wow! I can almost taste it I'm so excited! I went to the Levi Store yesterday to get my "on sale" jeans, and I ended up getting my size 10's and my size 8's in anticipation of being in them. Right now I'm in my 14's, and almost in my 12's (I can get them on, buttoned, and zipped while standing, but they are too tight to be seen in public). As I mentioned before, jeans are really my benchmark. The scale is important, but when it isn't telling me all I want it to be tellin' me, I pull on my jeans and they tell me that I'm losing inches. Have a great week, y'all!
  • Cleaned the Fridge Today

    I cleaned my Fridge today. It felt good. Hubby and I were just talking about what we'd like seen accomplished in our personal lives this year. I've been self-rennovating since July, and have made great progress on the weight loss front. January 1st I began my household-finances overhaul. It is as drastic a change in my spending habits as MF was for my eating habits. But I am determined to succeed. I have decided to start to chip away at my staunch anti-housecleaning attitude now instead of waiting until July. I had originally thought not to bite off more than I can chew and put the housecleaning on hold until I had a good handle on the finances....but I think I can begin to change my ways a little at time with the housecleaning.

    Take today. The title of my entry is "cleaned the fridge today". That is a huge thing for me. Sundays are for relaxing! But I got a bug in me to clean one shelf of the fridge, and one shelf turned into two shelves turned into even cleaning and sorting and thinning out the DREADED CONDIMENT area in the fridge door. Yes. I even did that. I'm so proud of myself, and it didn't hurt at all to throw out a 3/4 empty pickle jar, or to wipe down the maple syrup jar with a warm wet cloth. It actually felt good. I did learn that I have more jars of various mustard than I could ever conceivable use in a year...lets see, I have the 10 oz Grey Poupon Deli Mustard with Horseradish (yummm!) which we actually use on a fairly regular basis, the 4 oz Inglehoffer full strength stone ground mustard which hasn't seen the light of day for 2 years, and the massive gag-gift-for-my-husband Maille Dijon Mustard from France which I don't even think is opened. But it is in my refrigerator nonetheless. I guess I don't need to buy any mustard for awhile!

    My hubby was talking about being deliberate with a plan for his days off, instead of shadowing my son and I all day long...(which I don't mind him doing, by the way!) It was an insightful conversation.

    MF wise, I was down 1/4 lb today. I really think the swimming the last two days is really helping, because my TOM started today also and instead of gaining 1/2-1 lb in preparation for that over the last 3 days I've lost 1/4 lb per day, for a total loss of 3/4 lbs in 3 days! Typically I drop a pound a day for the first two days of my TOM, so we'll see if that is still the case...170's, here I come!

    I called the Levi Store at the Mall, they are having a sale on their Levi''s (what else?!) and they have size 10 jeans in the jeans that I like for $19.00 so I'm off to get a pair! My 14's are getting pretty loose (I can get them off without unbuttoning them), and my 12's fit (ie I can get them zipped and buttoned now without laying down and crushing my ovaries in the process) but they are still a little too tight to wear out. But in about a week I think I'll be in them and I'll be eye-ing my size 10's. I can't believe I'm writing this. I can't believe I am actually saying I might be in Levi's size 10 Misses jeans within the next month. It all seems too good to be I'm going to wake up and find this was all a dream. But it is a dream, and I'm LIVING MY DREAM. Fabulous.

    I took my waist measurement today and then measured the belt I was wearing at the very beginning of the program last July....this morning my waist was 35 1/4 inches. My belt that I used to wear had my waist at 48 inches. So, I've lost almost 13 inches off my waist. That's over a FOOT. Wow. I've gone from a tight size 26 to a tight size 12. I still can't believe it. At this rate I'll definately be at my GOAL-BY-SUMMER or at the very least I'll be at my GOAL-DURING-SUMMER!

    Have a great week, y'all!
  • Swam 3/8ths of a Mile Today!

    So Fun! I swam twice as far today as I did yesterday...3/8ths of a mile today! I went up to the Estes Park Aquatics Center, boy were the roads bad bad bad. Almost didn't go, but I braved the elements. I live about 25 minutes from Estes Park normally but today it took about 40 minutes each way. Saw 2 cars in the ditch. I think I'll wait to go back for awhile. I'll just use the pools in Longmont and Boulder...but Boulder wants $6.00 per swim visit! What's up with THAT? I could save up and buy my own POOL for what they charge!

    Ok, enough complaining.

    Lost 3/4 lb this morning. I've decided that bars aren't bad and I'm addicted to them so I need one every day. At 4:00 am it is my treat, since I am actually starting to get up at 4:00 am to exercise and study. Ok, I lied. I haven't actually STARTED that regimen yet. It is on my list of "To-Do's" and I will start....TUESDAY.

    Just wanted to post a quick blog, I'm going to lay down for 45 minutes while my little man is sleeping.
  • New Router, New Posts!

    Okay, I'm officially "Back" from my busted wireless router phase. It did serve to show my how addicted to the internet I actually am, though. I can't tell you how many times over the course of 2 days I sat down in front of my computer and instinctively tried to log on to the internet, just to remember that I couldn't. I spent a lot of time looking out my front window instead. And thinking. Thinking is good. Some people think thinking is overated. I act like it sometimes, but I think thinking is good.

    I got my books for my Sports Nutrition Certification Exam in June, and I had my hubby pick up the usual notebook and blue needle-point Pilot pens for me to take notes in the notebook with. It's a throwback to my college days. I can't study without my blue Pilot pens. They invariably end up leaking all over my hand or in my jeans pockets, but it's the love/hate relationship I have with those pens that really do it for me. None else will work when I'm studying. I can't stand ballpoints when I am taking notes from a textbook. Call my crazy and eccentric. Woo hoo.

    The Exam is in Vegas, and I'm already trying to assemble my entourage of girlfriends to go with me....the room holds four, and I think I've got my three others committed. It will be fun, although I will primarily be studying. But the Imperial Palace had the cheapest rooms, and the Sports Nutrition Conference and Exam is at the Flamingo which is conveniently right next door. Ok, so "right next door" on the Vegas strip actually means about a mile from your hotel room door to the casino of the next hotel over...I have no delusions about that...but it SEEMS like it's close because it IS right next door, and I'm happy about that.

    I had several "first time in a long time" moments on my trip and I wanted to share them with you. The first was flying on the airplane, and not only being able to buckle the seatbelt, but being able to pull the slack through about 5-6 inches out the other side after it was buckled! Woo Hoo!

    Second was at SeaPort Village...I actually rode on a horse on the carousel. Yes. One of those white beautiful wood carved horses that go up and down! I didn't need a stationary one! And I could climb onto it all by myself! It had a 250 lb weight limit, and it's very sobering to remember that last year at this time I was over that limit. This year I was under that limit by 60 lbs! I'll have to post a picture in my photo album when I get a chance to minimize the pixels.

    What a treat and a joy to have those little reminders that I am actually doing it. I am actually doing it.

    Third was buying a swimsuit at Costco in Tucson! I actually bought a size 14 speedo racer-strap swimsuit, and I got another in a size 6 for this summer. I got home, and put the size 14 on and it fit! So, today I went swimming at the YMCA in Boulder. That is a huge "first time in a long time" incident.

    I was down to 188 3/4 this morning. I feel like the inches are just melting off and I'm so thrilled about it.

    I found a new favorite SF food...I got them at IKEA and they are called "Lackerol". I don't like the Menthol ones, but I do like the Berry Blue's and the Lemon ones. They are about 1 calorie a piece and they are like really really hard gummies so they give my mouth something to really work on.

    I had something brilliant to say but I've forgotten completely what that was. If I think of it I'll get back on and post it. Until then, have a great weekend!

    And welcome to all you new people! I'm so excited to see you on the boards! Don't be disheartened if you don't get alot of comments right off...we ARE reading your Blog and are all supporting you in our hearts! Bye All!
  • Update

    I had to take an unscheduled break from the MF website yesterday, as my wireless router decided it was not going to work anymore. Check that off as the first thing to go kaput in 2007. So, I’m typing this out in a word document, and as I go about my errands today (IF I go about my errands today…) I’ll swing by a local Brewing Market with free wi-fi access and copy and paste this into my Blog.

    This week has been tremendous. I did end up making two New Year’s Resolutions, but for possibly the first time in my life none of them had to do with weight or weight loss, because I’m already doing that. No need to change anything there! My resolutions were to stick to a budget, which I’m happy to say we are at January 3rd and my newly created budget is still sticking, and the second was to be a better housekeeper. I’ve given myself permission to not implement that one until June though. No need to be under all that pressure at the same time. It’s a recipe for failure. One thing at a time!

    Regarding my weight and MF, I hit a milestone yesterday in terms of jean sizes and I hit a milestone this morning in terms of weight. Yesterday I zipped and buttoned my size 12 jeans. Yes. My size 12 Misses jeans from the Levi Store. I’m so thrilled! Of course I did the customary ovary crushing in the process, but they were ON, and I kept them on for an hour or so to stretch them out a little bit.

    Today I hit the 180’s. Yup! 189 ½ officially. It’s been almost 6 years since I’ve been at this weight! Very exciting, very exciting. I’ve stumbled onto a new habit that I can’t decide if it’s a good thing or a bad thing, but it has certainly been working. Our son, Julian, frequently gets up in the night, and if it is after midnight I will grab a MF bar and eat it as my first meal. I’ve lost several pounds over the last several days and I think it has everything to do with meal spacing. MF says to eat every 2-3 hours to keep the metabolism going, but I’m sure they would not object to me having my first meal in the wee hours of the morning…so long as I don’t get more than 5 & 1 meals in. And it helps that I don’t wake up hungry anymore…well, it works for me.

    I’m sitting here at my kitchen table right now just admiring the beauty of the pink sunrise. For all I complain about in this creaky old 60 year old farmhouse, they sure got the orientation right. The sun comes up right outside my kitchen window on the table side, and sets out my kitchen window on the sink side. Beautiful. Gorgeous.

    Regarding an update on my spending habits, I actually went window shopping yesterday at this outrageously expensive store called Christines in Boulder. It is a clothing store and they carry beautiful dresses and tops and lingerie for the rich. One single dress from Nicole Miller had a price tag of $465.00. I think I have purchased 2 things there in my entire 6 years of living in Colorado, and they were both off the sale rack and less than $100.00. Anyway, I didn’t even find myself tempted to purchase anything let alone anything off the sale rack today! I am approaching my finances and the household finances (which I manage) in the same way I approached Medifast when I began in July. Basically, I have no choice but to do it. This actually alleviates the stress that usually accompanies my shopping excursions, because I would normally be struggling with admiring something and wondering if I should buy it. I would normally then begin a mental wrestling match with myself over whether I could “afford” it, and I would rationalize SOMEHOW that I could even when I couldn’t, and I would go ahead and purchase it. Now, I have removed choice and options. So I am actually at peace in a store instead of struggling with myself. This applies to food as well, pre-Medifast.

    Pre-Medifast I would go through the same mental gymnastics when trying to decide if I should eat something off program or not so good for me. In the end I would usually rationalize that I could indeed “afford” it calorically, although ANYONE looking at me would say otherwise, and it would end in me giving in and making my overall situation worse.

    So, I thank God for providing me the strength to decide to do what is right, and then I once I make the choice to do what is right He provides the strength to see it through. It’s going to be an awesome year.

    Well, I’m very sorry I can’t read all your blogs and really catch up from the Holidays until I get our new wireless router hooked in. But once that happens, I’m there, and you’ll probably see a rash of comments from me! ‘Till then, have a very merry new year!
  • Happy New Year to all of you!

    "Uh, Honey? Do you think putting some small tree branches under the front tires might stop them from spinning?"....this was part of the conversation between my hubby and myself as we rang in the new year stuck in a pile of snow in our minivan at the bottom of our very long and uphill driveway. What a way to end a glorious trip! I guess since everything else went so well I can't really complain that my sleeping boy Julian and I spent between 11:30 pm New Year's Eve and 12:30 am New Year's Day inside a running minivan while my darling husband labored to try to dig us out.

    We were gone for 16 days, and in that time 2 blizzards hit the Denver area. We live off a county maintained road off a major US Highway, and so our road got plowed REALLY WELL while we were gone, leaving a huge pile of snow at the very bottom of our driveway. We pulled up, and, seeing that a UPS-type vehicle had already been up our driveway and sort of made some tracks for us, decided "why not! let's try it!" Some decisions are good decisions, and some decisions you might have just done differently had you the chance to do it over. Enough said about that, now on to our trip.

    We left on the 15th, and flew to San Diego where we stayed at the Embassy Suites downtown. Julian LOVED the flight, it was his first one, and was an absolute sweetheart and dream for the whole trip. He loved running around the cushy carpeted suite we had, loved going on the carousel at Seaport Village, and loved seeing the Seagulls (skyrats I call 'em) who seemed to take a peculiar interest in Julian. It was lovely. I had a sashimi sampler plate for dinner, with a cucumber salad.

    The next day we boarded the Holland America Oosterdam, which is a ship built in 2003 which currently cruises the Mexican Riviera. We met my Mom and Dad who had a cabin next to us, and waited for my sister's family to arrive, as they ended up driving from Phoenix. I had shakes mostly, and a bar daily for the first few days. I found it difficult to get all my meals in, and difficult to get all my water in. I just was not hungry at all!

    Day 3 saw an increase in the ship's sanitization procedures, as the Norovirus had boarded the ship in a little person's body and had begun to make the rounds through the children...then their families and the by day 3 and 4 there was a complete cessation of us being allowed to get our own food at the buffet, or get our own coffee at breakfast. We were handed everything by plastic-gloved ship staff. I was appreciative of the new measures...Purell stands at the entrance of every dining is what i do at home anyway!

    Julian stayed well. Praise God! We had a glorious time, got off the boat in Mazatlan and he ran around the beach and got his feet wet in the Pacific Ocean...Brrrr! But he loved it, and Dave and I loved it too.

    Julian did so well at dinners! He can't really eat rolls, but nonetheless he would grasp his dinner roll with butter like a goblet, and just lick it throughout the 2 hour sit-down dinners every night. Only once did I need to stroller him away and walk around for 5-10 minutes because he was fussy that one time. Otherwise his cousins entertained him with their funny faces and he licked his roll. When he was done with it, he would "stash" it behind him in the stroller, as he would do with silverware, and we would find rolls and silverware when we got back to our cabin.

    But it did allow us to spend some quality time with my parents and my sister's family. My mom found out the day before we left that her metastatic breast cancer of the bone had now spread to her brain, and she has one large and several small lesions in her brain. They assumed the worse, and when they got back the DR did give them some hope that it might be treatable and operable. He said she had 5 years at the outside. I don't think she will last that long. I have a feeling Julian and I will be flying back quite a bit this spring to see her. Wow. Hard emotions.

    I had bigger fish to fry than 100% absolute compliance on the program, and although that is what I would have wished for myself, I did allow myself "off program" for about 4 meals out of my 16 days of vacation. I felt that was a sort of compromise, and feel that when all is said and done I pretty much maintained! What an accomplishment for me, I think! Normally, Christmas comes and goes and adds 10 lbs to my waistline. And normally, a Cruise would add 5-8 lbs! (The cruise director said that people average a pound a day of gain when they go on a cruise!) So that would be at a minimum 10-15 lb net gain for a cruise + Christmas! And I maintained. I'm very pleased with myself.

    I did not stay true to my 100% on program Christmas/New Year Challenge, but I'm still glad I did it....I think it gave me the resolve to do as well as I did. And if you figure 4 meals out of 96 that I did not choose the MF Program, that is about 4% which means about 95% of the time I chose correctly. That is a vast improvement over other holiday times, I am sure!

    So at the end of the day, or at the end of the vacation, I am happy. I am content, and I'm coming up on TOM so I will probably be right back on schedule for weight loss in the grander scheme of things.

    One fun thing is that a couple of our friends are going to try MF because of Dave and my success on the program so far. I'm excited for them.

    Well, all, good to be back, hope you all had a joyous holiday, and we will keep on keeping on.

    Take Care.
  • And yet another update! Home Equity Loan went through!

    OK, here's the tentative good news...after all my persistence in pursuing the bank who told us they'd give us a Home Equity Loan and then tried to back out because they didn't think the house was actually worth what the appraiser said it was worth....they called today and said it is all looking good and going in for final review. We should be closed on December 27th, and we should have everything paid off by first week of January (Credit cards, other HELOC, etc). WOW! It took alot of convincing but they finally saw the worth in our house. I'm about to e-mail the appraiser and thank him as well.

    So! We ARE going on the cruise, Our Home Equity Loan DID go through, the only other miracle I'm looking for is for Julian to NOT need dialysis when we get back! That's three miracles...two down one to that asking too much? Oh, yes, fourth miracle is if my mom would live atleast 14 more years. I know, God gives an inch and I try to take a mile. I know He's smiling at my dogged optimism!

    Bye for now!
  • Another Pound..and packing for a cruise!

    If I look at the graph of my weight loss since July, it is obvious that my TOM gives me a mini-plateau every month. I absolutely love the non-bloated feeling that comes a couple days after the TOM starts. That and the scale moves very quickly for a couple days. Well, today is day two of that couple-day downswing. Yesterday I had lost a lb, today I lost another one.

    I am amazed every time I look in the mirror, I mean REALLY look in the mirror. I think my next mini-goal gift will not be jewelry, but will be a nice full-length mirror that I can hang in my bedroom. A year ago I never would have thought that I would have any desire whatsoever to purchase one of those hateful instruments! (full-length mirror) But I'm finding that I'm enjoying how I look more and more (miracle of miracles!) and a full-length mirror would actually be an asset to me now instead of a self-esteem buster.

    I can see my collar bones now. My necklaces are getting looser. They actually adorn something now, instead of sitting on a doughy mass of white skin. It's amazing to see the transformation day by day that is happening to me. I love it. It is the best Christmas present I could have gotten. I am thrilled! I am elated!

    Last night we packed for the poor hubby was getting a little stressed and overwhelmed at the sheer volume of things we needed to take...I always know that once it is all packed and contained in the bags it looks and IS more manageable....but I sympathized with him. We had to pack 64 jars of baby food in our check-in-luggage! I can't even imagine if one of those jars breaks...we wrapped them in thick plastic bags to try to minimize the risk of all our cruise clothes looking and smelling like apple-blueberry sauce or chicken with wild rice. But we shall see. I think most of the overwhelming-ness has come from the fact that this is the first plane trip for our little man. We have taken two vacations with Julian, but they have always been road trips and we had everything but the kitchen sink packed in the van. Now we can only bring what we can fit into 2 large suitcases, two small suitcases and two "personal items". That and his stroller and carseat...phew! Only now do I understand what families go through in airports!

    So, we leave tomorrow. I've got 6 MF RTD shakes in my check-in luggage to tide me over in San Diego until Saturday morning when we will meet up with the rest of my family who are driving to San Diego from Phoenix. I had the last MF order sent to my sister's house so she could bring it I've got 24 RTD shakes coming with her for the cruise, and a package of cappuccino and some bars with me. I'm set. All it takes is a little extra planning. We've already decided that I can do my running/stationary cycling/whatever during Julian's afternoon naps. Dave will do his screenwriting from the balcony/verandah in our suite. Success here I come! I know I will be 185 or less when I return.

    I have another day of blogging before I actually leave, so I'll make sure to say goodbye to y'all!

  • "It's about how much you care...the rest is just math."

    "It's about how much you care...the rest is just math."

    This is a quote by Renee Zellwegger which has stuck with me since I read it. She was being interviewed, and was asked how she lost all her weight both times after playing Brigitte Jones in the Brigitte Jones Diaries. She had to pack on lots of pounds for those rolls, and both times she slimmed down immediately afterwards. She said the above statement. And it is true. We can apply it to our MF journeys IS about how much we care. And the rest IS just math, because if we are following the program 100% the weight WILL come off eventually. It has no choice. It has to. Our part is the caring part and the staying on plan part.

    It's all about how bad you want it. The rest is just math. Toodles!
  • Anyone for a Christmas Challenge?

    Hey all! It's my "munchie" time of the day, so of course I am on the Blogs and eating my Mahi Mahi and soy crisps to keep away from bad things! I was wondering who wants to be part of a Christmas Challenge? Now I think this Christmas Challenge is going to be for hard core Medifasters only, not to exclude anyone, but just because of the nature of the challenge. PLEASE don't sign up if you don't agree with the "no cheat" mentality. The challenge isn't for you.

    I challenge any hardcore MFasters to stay 100% on track for the next 20 days. You heard me. The next 20 days. No cheats. None. Not one. No cookies. No candycanes. No pecan pie. No fudge. No eggnog. No alcohol. No extra snacks. Drink all your water.

    I'll post it on the Discussion Board under MF Success Stories because that is what sticking to this challenge will equal. MF Success.

    I've been reading on the blogs lately alot of people who eat off plan on quite a regular basis, and if that works for you and your lifestyle that is great, but it was starting to discourage me and so I just wanted to pop my little comment in here to say that there are still some of us in the blogosphere of MF that are 100%-ers. That's how I have to do it or I won't do it at all. It's all or nothing for me.

    Don't feel bad if you don't want to sign up, or if you've already decided to go off for Christmas. I just wanted to create a place to go for those of us who are planning on gritting our teeth and getting through Christmas and New Year on plan. Anyone with me?
  • HALF WAY THERE!....Update and other thoughts....and a ticker!

    Wow! Thanks MF Support! Finally I learn how to put my ticker in my blog entry! Yay.

    Well, my mom's brain scan is not until Thursday night. That will show if the cancer has spread to her brain as they suspect. She is actually still thinking of going on the cruise, though, which will be good.

    Julian will probably go on Dialysis in January of February. So there are updates there.

    I am so glad for four things. Firstly, the support of my wonderful hubby. Second for my faith in the Lord, and how He has provided for us. Third for my beautiful boy, and fourth for MF. It has provided a structure and stability in my eating that I have never had before. I am thankful for it, because it allows me to know I'm doing all I can and I can rest easy in that aspect of my life which allows me to tackle harder stuff on an even emotional keel.

    On the MF note, TOM started yesterday and it had been keeping some fluid weight on me. So dropped a pound from yesterday to today, which puts me OVER HALF WAY THERE! My hubby gave me a beautiful Tanzanite pendant today for my "half-way-there" reward. I'll admit, I picked it out, but I told him not to give it to me until I was half way there. There is a matching ring he will give me when I am at goal. I really wanted to be half-way there by the time the cruise rolled around. At this rate I really ought to be midway through the 180's when I return. That is very exciting to me.

    I've decided to pursue my Sports Nutrition Certification. I already have a 4-year undergrad degree in Human Nutrition which qualifies me for the exam...I just need to study for it! So I ordered the books yesterday and the exam is in June in Las Vegas. I've already got my hotel reservations. Yay! It's mostly for my own personal knowledge, but I have counselled before in the field of weight loss, so that coupled with my experience in losing weight will only enrich my qualifications. There are many triathaletes in the Boulder area so perhaps I'll set up a small counselling practice from my home. We are zoned Agricultural, so I can do that. It gives me a good goal.

    Well, have a great day all!
  • Real Life in Progress...Boy Needs Dialysis and Cruise May be Cancelled

    So, the title pretty much says it all...Julian is most likely going to be getting onto Dialysis after the Christmas season is over and we are back in town. It looks pretty unavoidable, with his kidney function the way it is, it seems to be slowly declining, and he's at the point right now where he qualifies. We don't want to wait until the last minute and risk not catching it in time, so it appears we will move toward dialysis in the next month or two.

    It freaks me out, because it seems complicated. I know I can do it, they train you for home dialysis, and that is probably what we would opt for...home dialysis. Otherwise it would be 3X/week for 4 hours per visit at the hospital, which is an hour drive each way. That would be no fun for Julian, to sit in a chair for 4 hours straight, when we could just dialyse him over-night every night while he is sleeping. It still freaks me out, though.

    I guess I've gotten used to him not being attached to anything since we took him off oxygen 2 years ago, and the thought of a tube sticking out his belly semi-permanently makes me cry. What if he pulls on it? What if there is a kink overnight? What if he gets infected? Oh Lord, give me strength and calm my fears.

    I just can't imagine how I would be handling this if I still weighed 73 lbs more than I do now. It would probably plunge me into a deep depression.

    Secondly, my mom is down in Tucson today getting an MRI and a CT scan to see if the cancer has spread to her organs. They will be changing the CHEMO if the tumor markers are up, and they don't want her leaving the country if that is the case, so my Dad would probably cancel the cruise. Well, we'll know more about that on Wednesday.

    For now, the one thing I do know is that I need to have my next MF meal or a lean and green at 4 pm. At least THAT is certain. At least THAT is structure.

    Bye for now.
  • TOM Blues and "Cruise Stragegy"

    I feel fat and bloated, but I know it's only because TOM should be here...I'm a few days late as of today, but that has become normal now. I always get such incredible munchies for about 2 days right before my TOM begins, and it's such a chore getting through those but I usually manage. I think I had 5 extra olives yesterday, but if that is all I will take it. I haven't weighed for 2 days, I don't want to see the scale because I feel so bloated! I don't want it to discourage me. This next week will be a breeze (hopefully) and then it's the ten days after that which will be a true test of my committment to this program and to me.

    To any of you who follow my blog, you know I am going on a cruise. To any who are new, here's the situation. I'm going on a cruise. Yup. Eight days on the Mexican Riviera out of San Diego. I have worked too hard and want this too badly to let a little thing like Cruise Food to throw me off at this point in the game. Midnight Buffets? I scoff at you. Chocolate Buffets? Not interested. Sushi Buffets? No thank you. Dessert? No. Drinks? No. Those awesome chocolate chip and white chocolate macadamia nut chip cookies they keep on the Lido deck at all times? Walk right on by. Lox and Bagels? Nope.

    Here is my plan. I am taking 32 chocolate Ready-To-Drink shakes with me, and two boxes of cappuchinos. I will focus on those, and I will have my lean and green meal at dinner. That is all. I have a feeling the hardest part will be getting my water in. I'll just have to figure out a way to do that. We are going with my entire extended family, who live in a different state, so it will be a nice "family" vacation. My mom's cancer looks like it may be spreading, the current Chemo being ineffective. So, this may be the last "family" vacation we all have together. Then we get back two days before Christmas. Hence the 10 days of trials instead of just 8. We will also be spending that with my family in Phoenix.

    So, this week will be a week of packing and preparing, since we have to bring everything with us for little guy as he doesn't eat regular food yet. And neither do I! So out of the three of us, only one will be eating cruise food. Wow!

    Well, Bye for now! Have a great week!
  • The Wedding!

    Hello all, hope your weekend is amazing. I just posted a few pictures from the wedding the other night. This is the event my husband used to motivate him to lose his 40 lbs on MF, and I am down 73 lbs with about 75 lbs to go.

    It all went off without a hitch. The wedding was beautiful, my two "best men" were gorgeous in their tuxedos, and I was able to skip out on the "Dessert Reception" altogether because Julian was DONE for the night and needed to go home and go to bed. Convenient that I couldn't get a sitter, eh? Heh heh. It worked out great, though, because I COULD get a sitter for the rehearsal dinner, and that is much more intimate and fun in my opinion than sitting around a reception with people you DON'T know. (My hubbster was at the head table, so Julian and I would have been off at some stranger's tables.....not my cup o' tea, being the slight introvert that I am!)

    So it was all good. Been at a plateau lately, I've got to lay off so much diet soda and make sure I get all my water in. Went for a run yesterday and today, so that should to clean my house! Bye!

    Oh, BTW, O2B you had a great blog this morning...thank you! We all need to hear that every once in awhile, and you are absolutely correct in that we should be doing the diet as written, other wise it's just a reduced calorie eating and yeah we might lose weight but it's not the Program. I'll add to that and say anyone who IS cheating, make sure you don't SUBSTITUTE cheating for your MF meals in an effort to keep your calories down. Take the hit, pay the consequences, and still get all your 5 MF meals and Lean and Green in. Otherwise you're messing with your protein intake and that could lead to an increased loss in lean body mass. Yes, you may still lose because muscle weighs more than fat...but if you do it long-term there may be adverse health consequences. Consequences such as malnutrition and a weakening of your heart (Enlarged heart) because if your body has to process the protein that is in your body for energy (and it will if you aren't getting enough in your diet and are severely restricting your calories consumed) it will draw on any protein reserves in your body. It doesn't care where it pulls it from...including your heart. Over time, this would lead to a weakening of the heart walls, and the pressure of your blood inside that organ would cause the heart walls to expand.

    So on that bright and happy note, get all you meals in, have a great weekend, and toodles!!!!!

  • Olive Garden, and a Prayer for SangriaSD's Kitty....

    Dear Lord, please please please bring SangriaSD's precious kitty cat home to her soon. Please protect him while he is away, keep him safe and bring him home. Amen.

    Tonight I went to Olive Garden for the rehearsal dinner. The dinner "started" at 8:00, which, with these things, usually means you won't actually eat until atleast 8:45. So I split up the meal just before that one with a MF Bar eaten over the course of an hour. The last half I ate at 6:00 pm, so I was feeling alright when I got there.

    Then I looked at the menu. With the large group events, they have a pre-printed selection for you, and you circle the entree you want, then they serve it with breadsticks and salad or soup. So, I'm scanning the entrees. First Entree: Lasagne.
    Second Entree: Spaghetti with Meatballs
    Third Entree: Mushroom Ravioli in a White Sauce
    Fourth Entree: Fettuccine Alfredo
    Fifth Entree: Eggplant Parmesan in a Tomato Sauce

    Those were my choices! What to do? What to do? I mean, I am not paying for this, so I can't just ditch all the entree's and pick one off the regular menu, and I've got to have my I asked the waiter if, instead of circling one of the existing entrees, if I could "x" them all out and have just one little ole' grilled chicken breast with no sauce of any kind. He said sure. Problem solved. I had a little bit of salad with about a tablespoon of dressing, and a tad of shaved parmesan cheese on top...but no croutons, and a grilled chicken breast. I was so pleased with myself.

    I think I've come to the conclusion that once people know why I can't eat the "regular" food they become so accomodating, and I've also learned that I can fret all I want, but I need to ASK for what I NEED in order to GET IT. It's just a fact.

    I know I'll be down tomorrow, I can feel it.

    Sangria, I can't stop thinking about you and your kitty. Where I live we have coyotes and mountain lion and big ole' owls and hawks, so my kitties, if they got out for any length of time, could have been in big trouble. Hopefully yours will have the sense to stay close to home. Cats are amazing that way. But be sure and put up the signs, otherwise some really nice but lonely neighbor will think they can keep YOUR KITTY, and won't let him out. They'll take good care of him, but I'm sure he'd rather be with you. So get those signs up! Does he have a tattoo'd ear?

    Take care....
  • Morning Ramblings

    Slowly truckin' along toward my goal. That weighing once a week thing didn't last long for me...I was back on the scale this morning because I just FEEL thinner, y'know? Even with TOM supposedly just around the corner, I lost 3/4 lb. I didn't have a snack yesterday, and had 2 shakes, a chai latte, a pudding and oatmeal. Seared Sashimi Tuna and salad for my lean and green with 1 TBSP Drew's Organic Sesame Thai Lime salad dressing, lots of water, 1 TBSP half and half with coffee and a couple diet cokes. Made sure I got all my water. And ate on time. Didn't exercise, I haven't been in the mood this's been super cold for the last week, and my eliptical trainer has been sadly sitting idle.

    I think it might be a stress response of mine to sieze up and not exercise or do much of anything...we are going on a cruise leaving next week Friday, and it is the first time my little man has flown. I sure don't want him to get sick, his lungs aren't that great. Also, his Kidney appointment is today and I usually get a little nervous for's every 2 months. I really just wish his Kidneys would work miraculously! That would be a fabulous Christmas Present! I've been praying that happens. But the present course he's on will have him needing a kidney transplant within the next year. At least he's not on dialysis right now. We're praying he doesn't need that either, until he gets his transplant.

    So I'm a little stressful. It's what packed on 60 lbs in a year 3 months, and I've learned to deal with it differently. But I do know stress can slow weight loss, so I'm trying to find coping mechanisms that don't involve other addictive behaviors such as spending money. Hmmm!

    Well, thanks for listening, I'm just doing a morning ramble as I try to get a head start on my water for the day.

    Take care, y'all!
  • Did not weigh today...

    So, I did not weigh today. WHAT?! WHAT?! ME? NOT WEIGH?! I know, it's a stretch...but I just felt bloated, I think I'm prepping for TOM both physically and emotionally. Ick. Since I didn't weight today, I think I'll just not weigh tomorrow. May as well. I have momentum now to actually make it a full week of not weighing.

    I've done great on program, nothing wrong there, so I'll probably either stay the same or lose when I do step on the scale next Monday. But I've been munchy and craving stuff so I quelch it with a Diet Soda and a snack. Sometimes I don't have snacks at all, sometimes I have a daily snack of soy crisps or crackers...just really depends on my TOM.

    I haven't exercised for a few days either, and so the normal endorphins I've gotten used to over the last few months from regular exercise are a tad low. I don't think I'm depressed, just non-manic.

    Had my seared tuna again today, love it love it love it.

    Okay, going to put the kettle on for when my DH gets home I can make him a nice cup o' English tea, with a spot of cream and all. I love English tea. When I was at Bible School in England, called Capernwray, we had tea breaks every morning between second and third lecture. We'd all go to the Main Hall from the Lecture Hall, and they'd serve up the English Tea, and cold leftover toast from the morning, spread with a light spreading of butter and marmite (yummy!) and we'd get our mail and read it. I have kept up the tradition of English Tea, and my hubby is hooked also.

    Ok, really, going to put the kettle on. Bye for now!
  • Does ANYONE Else Do This, Or Is It Just Me?.....

    Call me crazy, but I just about damaged some of my internal organs trying to get these jeans buttoned! I love to buy jeans in the next size down and try them that in a week or two or three or four when they finally fit, I can see real progress..."ok, I can get my legs in....ok, I can pull them over my hips...sort of...ok, the button is about 2 inches away from being buttoned!..." You know, that kind of thing. Well, my size 16 misses jeans I bought about two weeks ago and were tight then are now loosey goosey, and I already have size 14 misses at the ready, but in that I'm almost out of my 16's I needed a new "goal" jean. So I happened to be at the Levi Store again today, and bought size 12 misses. Came home, put the baby to his nap, had some yummy seared ahi tuna with balsamic vinegar, and the jeans were calling my name...."try me on!.....try me on!

    So, I got one leg in, the other leg in, got them pulled up over my hips, and....was a bout 2 inches away from buttoning them! Meanwhile crushing my abdomen and probably deflating my ovaries! Ok, odd mental picture, but you know what I mean.

    So I have a guideline now on these. In a few weeks I'll be able to get them buttoned, and in a month or two I may even be able to wear them out of the house! Hurrah! 72 lbs gone!

    So I was thinking, I was thinking about the struggles that people are having who have been on MF for awhile. I think that I have come to the conclusion that being on MF is like being in love. There is an infatuation stage, where all your emotions are wrapped up into it, and you are seeing things you haven't seen before, and everything is flowers and sunshine! Nothing could dampen your mood, or your resolve. Then, after a few months you move from the infatuation stage into the "committment" stage, where things are a little harder. If you aren't committed to the program in principal it is hard to muster the enthusiasm you once had. It becomes routine.

    If we can all be comfortable in the committment stage I think we will all do well. I think that's where I am right now, and I've just removed choice from the equation. I'm what you would call, theoretically, "married' to medifast with the belief that neither "cheating" or "divorce" is an option. So I've removed choice from the equation, and I think I'm happier than I would be if I had to wake up every day and wonder if I've made a mistake, is there something better out there?

    I've been around the block on the dieting scene. I don't want to be "out there" anymore. Medifast is my mate, as far as diets are concerned. Again, call me crazy, but I think it's a great analogy. No, I'm not really married to medifast. But I do love it!

    Have a great week, y'all!

  • Musings and Mac and Cheese..(really long ramblings on my day...)

    I tried the Mac'n'Cheese recipe last night with the Shirataki tofu/yam oh my was it delish! My mind couldn't quite fathom that I wasn't actually cheating by having what it considered pasta noodles! My hubby took a bite and didn't much care for it, but he's not a real cheese man and thought the noodles had a weird texture. Ok, maybe they did, but they were yummers. I used the lowfat cottage cheese, the reduced fat sharp cheddar, and then I grated some fresh, hard, gran padano over top. I ate half of it, and saved the other half. I was up 1/4 lb this morning, but I honestly don't think it was from that...because I lost a pound the day before. I usually "bounce" a tad if I have a large 1-day weight loss.

    The only thing that was odd, was that about 15 minutes after I ate the mac'n'cheese my upper tummy felt like it was cramping/spasming or gassing up. It hurt for about 5 minutes. I don't know why. Anybody else have this reaction with the shiratake noodles?

    So, I figured out that I am about 30 lbs away from being just overweight. My goal is to be "overweight" by March 1st. Just in time for the end of winter, beginning of spring weather! I can get out and jog lots and lots, and especially since I'll be 30 lbs less than I am now!

    I took a few-day break from my exercising these last few days because my knees were a bit achey. I might try again later today, while my little sweetie is napping. I have to exchange a pair of jeans for my hubby today, at the Levi's store. He went from a borderline size 39-40 in the waist to a size 32-33, depending on the jean. But I bought him a pair of stylish low-rise boot-cut Levis 527 in size 32, and although he can get them buttoned, he looks like the guy in the Wrangler ads with painted on jeans! And these aren't supposed to look like that. So I'll go exchange it for the 34X36's. He was doing MF with me, which made it so easy!

    I honestly don't know how you all do it with full-blown families requiring full-blown meals. Kudos to you. I have my hands full getting my hubby and I fed one lean and green a day, and feeding my little man his jarred baby food and formula!

    We will find out a final answer on our home-equity loan today. We do have a back-up bank on stand by, who actually believes that the value of our home is reflected in the appraisal, to get us out of the bind we are in, but it would be a significantly higher interest rate, and would be an interest-only point over prime variable line-of-credit due in 7 years. I don't like those kinds of loans. Means you have to either re-finance or pay off in 7 years, and that freaks me out a little bit. Would rather have the lower payment at a lower fixed interest rate that is a normal conventional home equity loan paid off in 25 years with no balloons or funky variable rates or stuff like that. I like certainty when it comes to finances, not uncertainty.

    Anyway, we will see. Have a great day, y'all!
  • 3 more lbs!

    3 more pounds to go until I am 1/2 way to my goal! I am so very excited. 1/2 way to my goal would mean that I'd lost 74 lbs. Woo Hoo! The momentum is amazing once you get to a certain point...well, for me it has actually been amazing from the moment I ordered, and for detailed reasons why you can read my "Reasons for joining Medifast" thread in the discussion board. But instead of just slugging along like I was at the beginning, seeing the scale drop but not much of a change in my body image, I am seeing dramatic changes now.

    My DH today said I actually have a dilineation of a cheekbone in my face now. An actual part that curves in! To accentuate my cheekbone! Can you believe it? Take one look at my before pics, especially the face shot with the short red hair, and you will see...ain't no sign of no cheekbone in that face! But now...poof! (Well, "poof" and a lotta hard work!)

    I really get motivated by clothes...when I'm overweight I avoid stylish things like the plague, because for me I always felt like "what's the use, I'm fat, nothing will look good on me" so anytime I went into Lane Bryant I felt like I was trying to dress up a pig. Seriously, I did. That's how I felt, which then translated to me wearing sweatshirts and jeans all the time. Anything to cover my bulky body.

    But now? Now! I walk into Ann Taylor's Loft with confidence, and buy a size 14 skirt and a large top on sale (woo hoo...had a smokin' sale today...15% off) Got $140 worth of clothes for $25.00 and they are stylish! Now, the skirt IS a goal skirt, in that I'm still staunchly in a 16. But, within the next 4-8 weeks, look out! I will be wearing the skirt! The top fits already, which is ultra-cool also! At my heaviest, I was in a size 26 bottom and a size 24 top. I can't complain, I can only celebrate!

    I've been reading a bit about some new recipes, and I'm looking forward to trying them. The Chili crackers for sure. Probably do it tomorrow, I don't know WHEN the last time I used the Chili was...can't stomach the stuff prepared as written. But, I WILL do the recipe, and grate just a teensie weensie bit of Gran Padano Italian cheese over top. MMMmmmmm. Giada would be proud.

    So, today is a good day so far. Went to see my counsellor yesterday, she is helping me try to get to the bottom of why a spend so much and can't seem to clean my house. We had some good insights. Part of it, is not being comfortable in my own skin. So, when there is down time I try to fill it (ie with shopping or internet) because up until now I've tried to avoid ME. I didn't want to think about me, and my thoughts and feelings. It was too painful, I think, because I hated me. I hated the me I had become. The fat me who weighed 266 lbs at 5 foot 2. As opposed to the thin me who was 122 and a size 4 at her wedding 15 years ago. I had let me down. I had let my husband down. No, I did not like spending time alone with me.

    The housecleaning part is a bit different, there are some other underlying reasons why I react so negatively to housecleaning, but part of it, and I say PART is the "P" part of my temperment. I am a Perciever instead of a Judger, meaning that I pile instead of file. Piling just comes natural to me, organization does not. So instead of necessarily changing my temperment (cuz you can't) I need to realize some ways to cope with the inherent weakness that is being displayed within the realm of this temperment (I'm an INTP). Just like MF is a coping mechanism to my issues with food, a tool to use to accomplish my goals, I need to find something similar for housekeeping. And for spending, actually, although that has more to do with my addictive personality I think.

    We are such complex human beings. Wow. But after ignoring myself for so long, and feeling actually as though I didn't exist, I am discovering myself. I am actually looking forward to getting to know me.

    So have a beautiful day, everyone, and keep on medifasting!
  • On Plateaus and Such

    I started on July 27th, and just hit Onerderland a couple weeks ago...but as of yesterday I had only lost 6 lbs since November 3rd. I was very discouraged. I am not one to cheat either, and I look for ways to reduce my calories even further, thinking I've done badly if I hit 800 kcals.

    So yesterday I shook things up a bit. I was up at 4:00 am getting a bottle for my little man, and I decided to start my meals so I could actually space them 3 hours apart instead of 2 to 2 1/2. I did that all day long and then DIDN'T scrimp TOO MUCH on my lean and green...normally I'm one to have 3-4 ounces of chicken or fish instead of the requisite 7. Well, yesterday I compromised and I had 5 ounces. And my cup to cup and a half of salad greens, with about 2 tsp of dressing.

    I had been so frustrated at being around 197 for a full week! Then, finally, this morning, the scale moved! I kept inching it down and inching it down, not believing what I was seeing, but I lost a full pound and a quarter from yesterday!

    However, I know that my clothing over the last week has been getting looser, and my side profile in the bathroom mirror in the mornings is getting slimmer.

    So keep it up and be ye not discouraged! We've got to get through these plateaus in order to continue loosing. Sometimes I think it's the body putting on the breaks to re-evaluate and make sure it's not when you think you've forgotten something and you stop abruptly and pat yourself down or look in your purse until you are satisfied it is there...and when the body is convinced, on it's own terms, that you ARE NOt starving, it continues along it's merry way.
  • Medifast Rocks!

    Okay, if I haven't said it yet today, Medifast Rocks. I'm buying more stock in it if this refi goes through. I think we are all walking advertisements and they will do very well over the next few years. We already have about 44 shares, but I WANT MORE!
  • Medifast Rocks!

    Okay, if I haven't said it yet today, Medifast Rocks. I'm buying more stock in it if this refi goes through. I think we are all walking advertisements and they will do very well over the next few years. We already have about 44 shares, but I WANT MORE!
  • Still on Pins and Needles...

    I'm still on pins and needles about our re-finance, the supervisor of the supervisor called me today and we spoke for about 20 minutes about the appraisal. Can you believe the appraisal department thought we had stuck two double-wide trailers together? I told him "no", that our home is the original farmhouse built out of honest-to-goodness lumber, on a slab-on-grade foundation, in 1947.

    They thought the main comp used that sold for about 300K more than our house appraised for was a "far superior" house and they were going to reject it as a comp. I explained to them that that house is 2200 square feet, as opposed to our 1400 square feet, yes, but it is on half the land. Both our house and that house have been completely rennovated and remodeled, and they just added a master-bedroom and master-bath. But I said that the disparity in the square footage is already reflected in the fact that our house appraised for 300K less than that other one sold for! (Even on twice the land!) So they should trust the appraisal as a true one.

    Anyway, I followed up with an e-mail in writing stating our house is the original farmhouse as built in 1947, and is not a trailer or modular. Hopefully this will help.

    He said there were a couple of avenues he could pursue, and I thanked him for his time and his efforts.

    We shall see. I will not name the bank here, because I don't want anyone to think poorly of them....yet...they still may come through for us, and if they do I will be singing their praises. But the stress they have put our family through!

    I have not used this as an excuse to overeat, or respond at all by hitting the vodka shots! (I miss alcohol...) So I am proud of that. If I can weather this storm, I can stay on MF no matter what! I've been on it now for over 4 months, and people are really starting to notice. It is wonderful. I'm so thrilled. Of course I want it to go faster, I've only lost 6 pounds in the last 4 weeks and that is SSSLLOOOOWWWW! But I'm trying not to let it get me down because people are still noticing the inches lost! Yay!

    Ok, well have a great day y'all and keep on Medifastin'!

    Well, I completed an online personality evaluator for my next counselling session, and it scored me as an INTP. I personally think, after reading the descriptions, that I'm more of an INTJ, then my hubby scored me as an INFP. I'll have to read that one and see if I agree or not. Atleast we are all consistent on the IN part. Anyone who wants to do it for fun, and then read about your personality type, can go to:

    and do it. It's about 72 yes or no questions, kind of a good self-evaluation tool.

    Have a good night!
  • Rationalization-and a Rude Awakening for ME!

    My husband, bless his soul, (tee hee) sent me this definition yesterday via e-mail. I though it was an appropriate concept for all of us MF'ers (that acronym sure looks funny when typed out! Could be misconstrued!) to get our heads wrapped around to start out the week! It was taken from his screenplay writing software.

    Rationalization an alternative explanation used to mask the real reason. Rationalization is the attempt to have your cake and eat it too. When a character expects that catering to his desires will bring about some cost or punishment, he tries to do what he’d like, yet avoid retribution. One way is to come up with an excuse. Rationalization involves fabricating an artificial reason for one’s attitude or action s that will excuse them. The reason must make sense as being a possible actual cause of the character’s activities. In fact, it might very well have been the reason, except that it wasn’t, which is what makes it a rationalization.

    Synonyms - fabricated excuse, ulterior explanation, false justification, artificial reason.
  • Another note about overweight Americans, and my goal-fantasy!

    I just read Southerngal's blog, and I know what you mean about this society in general, being significantly overweight. One of my goals, my litmus tests to determine I have "arrived" is next year October, when I go to Venice for the marathon, that people don't know I'm an American unless I open my mouth. I don't want them to LOOK at me and think "oh, an American. Typically overweight."

    That is one of my "goal-fantasies".

    I'm also with you, Southerngal, on the "sacrifice" aspect of the program. I think it is constantly an exercise in self-control, and not having to have instant gratification. For example, I made a conscious decision to drop my half and half from my daily routine. I've lost about 70 lbs (69 to be exact...but I just tell people 70, otherwise I'm paranoid that I'm sounding desperate for every pound...which I am, but that is beside the point!) WITH my daily half and half, and it's time to mix things up a little. Take it to the next level, so to speak.

    I've decided that once I'm at goal, have run my marathon, etc, I'd like to get my personal training certification and help other people meet their goals. I've already got the nutrition aspect with my college degree, so I can already write diets, or just suggest MF for those with more to lose...but to add the personal training aspect of it, even if it is just for myself, would be good. I think if I submerge myself in a healthy lifestyle FOR ME, I can help others as well.

    Maintained today. I may have to turn into a weekly weigher. The anticipation of weigh day may just motivate me in a strange way, even more than the daily weigh-ins do. I'm back to the 5 & 1, I decided last night that it would probably be best to increase my metabolism by exercising instead of slowing it down by reducing my intake even further. I did the straight 5 for one day, just to shake things up a bit.

    I got some Shirataki noodles, to make tha mac and cheese, but to be honest I'm a little leary of adding cheese to my diet! I'm so small, and my body reacts so negatively to little extras....any advice?

    Have a great week, all!


    Okay folks, definately doin' the happy dance! I have reached my second goal! My first goal was to be out of the 200's. My second goal was to be of an insurable weight for private portable health insurance. I did it! I did it! I did it! I'm there! I'm so thrilled! What a blessing! I got my card today, I had applied 2 weeks ago after getting under their maximum weight allowance. Now I have it, and it is MINE! For KEEPS! I don't have to worry about putting my family into financial ruin if something unforeseen should happen to me medically. If someone had said last Christmas that I would be able to have my very own health coverage by next Christmas, I would have laughed and then cried, knowing it was not possible to lose 70 lbs. Then came Medifast, an answer to my prayers. Thank you God, thank you Medifast. I did it.

    Next goal for me is 175. My time-frame is by Valentines Day, and I'm about 20 lbs away from it. I think I can do that. That will be a 10-year low for me. Here I go!!!!
  • Ramblings....

    My Sugarfree DaVinci syrups came well as Chris Daughtry's brand newly released album! He was my favorite American Idol. I think he'll be very successful, and hey, he's ultra cute even WITH his alopetia! Looking forward to listening to it.

    Broke out the Sugar Free English Toffee syrup right away, put about a tsp in my hot cocoa.....MAN it's delish! I had to keep reminding myself I was on Medifast, because I seriously pictured myself sitting in a Starbuck having a flavored gourmet hot cocoa. I guess 4 months on MF will do that to ya! I started my 5th month today.

    The syrup flavors I got were: Almond, Gingerbread, Caramel, and English Toffee. I'm getting egg-nog flavor drops in the mail this week hopefully, along with several other flavor drops. I'm a real flavor person. I don't need bulk, but I DO need flavor.

    So I was down today, doing one more day of 5 MF meals only to get my body really moving again. I think the bar, coupled with the pumpkin puree in the vanilla pudding, may have knocked me out of ketosis. Well I'm back, was super hungry yesterday especially in the AM so I know I was getting back into Ketosis.

    Emotions-wise, I'm tired, which would make sense with the reduced intake. It's just so frustrating that I can gain weight on 900-1000 calories a day! SOOOO frustrating! I think my body has to get under this set-point, and it will do better.

    In my studies of Nutrition (graduated with a 4 year degree in Human Nutrition) I have learned that the longer your body is at your ideal weight the easier it is to maintain it. So, that is why it is critical to stay on the transition/maintenance program in order for your body to begin to be comfortable at the new weight.

    Anyway, got to go clean my house. Seriously.
  • On Bra's and Bars

    I can't believe the Thanksgiving long weekend is over already! My hubby is having a case of the "work-next-day" evening blues as I blog. He has his head down on the table across from me. Poor sweetie! I have a case of the "I can't believe I got nothing done on the house this weekend" blues.

    I picked up some Shirataki noodles today, and I'm looking forward to making some mac and cheese for tomorrow night's dinner. Today I'm doing the straight 5 MF meals because I was up for two days in a row and need to shock my system. Went for a very light jog/walk up back behind the reservoir and it was nice. It was 33 degrees out, but it was nice to get some outdoor exercise.

    I'm looking at all my bars, and thinking of the ones I just ordered and I'm so bummed I can't seem to have those! I'm going to have one a week I think, I just need to! I need to feel like I'm having a treat every once in awhile, and even if it's not a "cheat" to have a bar, it is for me. So I will "allow" myself one bar a week. Probably on Fridays or Saturdays.

    Went to the mall and journalled today at Starbucks, walked around and tried on bras at Victoria's Secret. DO YOU KNOW how long it's been since I was able to purchase a bra at Victoria's Secret? I didn't buy one today, because I'm still about 5 lbs away from being able to squeeze myself into the 38DD's without having that bursting at the upper seams know what I mean!

    Plus, the bra I want is a whopping $52.00! I'll wait for the after-Christmas sales, because by then I'm sure I'll be solidly in that size. I'm actually thinking of getting it in a 36D because I'll probably be that by Valentine's day. But I'll wait until then, because I want to buy a bra that fits right and by the time I'm there I might need a different style bra.

    Anyway, I COULD have bought the 38DD and actually wore it out of the store without too much embarrassment, and that is the point of the story.

    Well, my little man needs me....

    Have a happy Monday!
  • Weight gain on new chocolate bars?

    It looks like Nutrition Support has taken the weekend off...there arent' any responses to anything after 5pm on the 22nd of the questions posted in the Discussion Boards, so I'll throw this out to the general MF public...has anyone noticed a weight GAIN when using the new chocolate bars?

    Now I'm not normally an everyday bar eater, but I have partaken of a bar here and there with not too much problem. But I had a chocolate bar on Friday, and was up a half a pound yesterday morning. I had another bar yesterday and was up 1/4 lb this morning. Everything else in my program has been the same.

    I've gone up before, occasionally by 1/4 increment, I think only once before this did I go up by 1/2 lb and I attributed it all to fluid, and was down the next day. But to go up two days in a row? It has freaked me out, and I'm doing just 5 MF meals today, all shakes, creamy soups or cold drinks, to get this weight gain to halt! And no more bars!

    So my question would be has anyone else had a similar experience?
  • Saturday Blahs? Is there such an animal?

    Feeling a bit bloated! Definately at a plateau! Seems I dropped pretty steadily once I hit 199, but then bounced up a tad today, and I'm sitting at 198 1/2. Not too happy about it...just getting through the day to get to tomorrow. I think it's the post-thanksgiving blues, but I'm sure I'll snap out of it.

    Okay, I'm back after an hour break or so...I actually think I'm coming down with a tummy bug. Don't feel good at all, but I got all my MF meals and L&G in anyway! Was thinking of skipping the last meal, but ate a bar and that does it for me. I think I'll go to sleep with the little man when we put him down in an hour or so...even though Titanic is on one channel, and I'm recording the Giada and Mario special on the Food Network. Have to watch it tomorrow. Don't think I can stomach a foodie show tonight.

    I think I got this tummy bug from my little man...he was not feeling great the last couple of days, seemed to recover a bit yesterday and today. Ah, well, that is life. Did I mention the trap got the mouse a couple days ago? Yup. I'm so glad. But where there is one that you see, there are 10 that you don't. At least I know that's true for cockroaches.

    You know what is the strangest thing about this unsettled tummy? I'm actually having a hard time staying away from having another bar! And that is so not like me to want 2 bars in one day on MF! Maybe because I feel bad I'm trying to think of ways I can appease it with food...but it won't help! It will probably make it worse (the actual tummy feelings) AND it would throw me off Plan, so of course I'm not going to do it, but it's interesting to explore the mechanism behind this particular bout of munchies.

    My rational self of course is staying away, and I am practicing self-discipline because those chocolate bars (new) are sooooo yummy, but it's not appropriate for me to eat one right now. So I'm going to choose not to have one. And stick by the decision. Today we went to the 29th Street Mall in Boulder, and walked around a bit. My husband is pointing out clothing styles that he likes, so that when I get to goal I can accumulate a wardrobe that BOTH of us like. He picked out a few things at Ann Taylor's Loft, and when they go on sale after Christmas I may pick up the outfit he liked, in a size 8. I'll fit into a size 8 by this summer.

    I just gotta keep remembering that. All these weird bloaty munchy sickie feelings are just making me feel a little out of control, but they are JUST feelings. Yes, physical AND emotional, but feelings nonetheless, and feelings can be misleading sometimes. So I will go take a hot bath and get ready for bed.

    'Night, Y'all!
  • Day After Thanksgiving...Tree is UP!

    So today it's up with the Christmas Tree! Little man had so much fun "helping" to decorate. We put the non-breakable ornaments on the bottom. He likes to throw them.

    This is my absolute favorite time of year. From the day before Thanksgiving to the day after New Year. We went to Home Depot, got us a 6-7 foot Noble Fir, took it home and set it up. Out came the ornaments and the looks beautiful. Now I'm listening to "Amy Grant Christmas" album, her first original Christmas album, and I've got a candle burning and 'tis the season. Just finished up a cream of broccoli soup. MMMmmmm. It's definately soup and hot drink season.

    My hubby was off work today, and we just had a relaxin' day around the house. Having tea, putting up the tree, talking, we have such a good time together. We are blessed blessed blessed.

    My size 16 jeans are fitting much looser now, I will be wearing the 14's on a regular basis startin next week I think...or I could just wash these and they will shrink...that's an idea too. I'm still blown away by my interrim pictures last night. Got a post from DBB that said she felt the same way! Yeah! I tried to explain it to my husband in this way....I can perceive the size change that the 70 lbs lost has produced. I just can't get my mind around how big I actually was when I started. So, because I feel I was big but not huge when I started, I feel like I'm alot thinner now, which is true, but I'm not THIN. Or Normal. If I went to Europe, they could still tell I was an American before I even opened my mouth. That is what I want to change.

    Well, I AM changing it. He reiterated to me that I am doing all I can. There is no need to be depressed over how I look right this minute, because tomorrow I will be thinner. And he is so right. I plan on being 185 by New Year. That is 13 more pounds. I CAN do it. I WILL do it, even though I have a cruise and Christmas between now and then. I HAVE to do it. I cannot let up my guard until I'm on maintenance. And then it will still be tough! But I'm tough, and determined.

    Hope you all had a great day of shopping or relaxing or working or being. Take care.
  • Ramblings and Body Image and MF raising it's prices?

    Thanksgiving yesterday was one of the most beautiful days of the Fall season so far. 67 degrees as a high, calm winds, absolutely gorgeous. I went for a run in the morning, then again in the evening. I just felt inspired. We just puttered around the house for most of the day. In that we had nowhere to go and Dave and I were content with MF, I had nothing to prepare except a yummy half-salmon that I pan-fried up in Pam. For our "Thanksgiving Dessert" I whipped up a batch of vanilla pudding with some pumpkin puree, splenda, ground cloves, ground allspice and grated nutmeg. Tasted gloriously like pumpkin pie filling. The only difference was the texture, but the flavor was ALL THERE. I also got online and ordered some flavor-drops from that coffee shop you all talked about Capella. It's and they are having a special right now on flavor drops. You can get 6 drops (normally 4.95 each) for 19.95, with free shipping. I got Marshmallow, Egg Nog, Sticky Cinnamon Danish, Praline & Cream, Banana Nut Creme, and Kahlua & Cream. I ordered some extra boxes of hot chocolate and cappucchino to put them in.

    After baby went down, hubby and I watched the director's commentary to Mission Impossible III. Then it was bedtime, and then hubby let me sleep in this morning until a glorious 8:30! He took the baby-man, he did the dishes, fed baby-man breakfast, and all! What a dear!

    Today we are going to get our Christmas Tree. Very very exciting. Julian (my son) will LOVE it! He has always loved trees.

    Medifast-wise, I feel a little bloated this morning for some reason. I wonder if the pumpkin puree in the vanilla pudding threw me out of ketosis yesterday? Hmmmm....

    I know I'm retaining some fluid from my two runs yesterday. I overdid it I'm afraid. When I took the new "interrim" pictures last night I, once again, was mortified! I think it's a good exercise for me to continue to do atleast once a month, though, because it allows me to see ON PAPER what I actually look like. My self-perception of my body shape is so distorted. It's like I burned an image of me at 150 in my brain and I can't see myself larger than that! Even though I started at 266 and am now 198. I still look in the mirror and think I'm large, but not THAT large!

    Yes. I am THAT large, and it's good to face the facts. I will consider my body image "cured" when I take a picture, and see what I expect to see when I look at the picture. I am still large, I am still wide, and I have to admit that threw me into a bit of a funk last night. But it is a fact and I am doing something about it and that's all I can do. Back to the running bit, though, I can see why my knees started to ache a bit yesterday! Because I am still large. I just need to look at a picture of myself before I go running so I don't think I can do more than my physical limitations allow. Here I thought I was this svelte running machine yesterday. Nope. I was a large running machine who needs to take it a little easier or she'll ruin her knees.

    Hmmmmmmm....lots to think about.

    Need to drink more water to flush the fluid out of my system. It's also the 1/2 TOM for me, which is almost as bad as the TOM as far as my emotions go! So I just need to drink some water and get on with my day and get on with MF.

    I heard a rumor on the boards that MF was raising their prices on Dec 1st, so I order a boatload of product...ok, not a boatload, maybe a month and a half. So now I can carry it on my American Express with 17% interest instead of buying it for a little more later...real smart! But I don't think 100% clearly when it comes to money.

    Ok now, bye for now!
  • What's done is done...success is in the NOW.

    I have a bit more time to blog now, and about something other than my piddly little cheat! Which wasn't even really too bad, considering this is THANKSGIVING DAY, only the BIGGEST holiday in this country! I say biggest, not to minimize Christmas (which I celebrate too) but in terms of sheer people celebrating, by the numbers, Thanksgiving is the biggest. Also, you usually get two days off work! Can't say the same with Christmas!

    So I hope everyone, at the end of the day, had a good Thanksgiving. I just want to say one thing. In terms of food, we all have our stories to tell and I'm looking forward to hearing the stories on the blogs tomorrow. But putting it into perspective, what is done is done. It is in the past. Tomorrow is a new day. For those who went off program, it's back on the wagon time. There's something to be said about a little appropriate guilt. But have your little bit of guilt, and then put it behind you. Success is in the NOW. What are you going to do NOW? What are you going to choose NOW that will benefit you, your family, your health, your happiness. Only you can determine whether you will succeed. And I think every one who is reading this blog is a winner, and can succeed. Or you wouldn't be here. But you are. Congratulations. We are all back on the wagon. Let's go to slimville together.

    Love you all!
  • Aw, shoot, I cheated and I didn't even mean to!

    Ok, went a tad off program today. I'm not beating myself up over it, though. It's done. I didn't even mean to, it was quite by accident and by my poor abysmal memory. You see, I had a bag of MF soy crisps, and then later I was munchie and had a small dill pickle. For some reason I associated the pickle with the 5 olives, which ARE free, and I occasionally indulge in 5 olives when I have them around the house. But I didn't have them, so I grabbed a small dill pickle. It was crunchy and yummy, and only after I went for a bit of a jog later did I remember that a pickle is a SNACK, and the soy crisps are a SNACK, and that means I had 2 snacks today. And I was planning on being so good!

    Oh well, hopefully it won't hurt my weight loss too much tomorrow, in that I started that "lose or maintain" challenge! The rest of the day has been perfect, had salmon and salad with the DH for dinner, and looking forward to my pumpkin/vanilla MF pudding later for my last meal....that will be wonderful for that "Thanksgiving Flavor".

    I did go for a jog twice today, so hopefully that will make up for any doubling up on snacks that I did and didn't mean to do!

    Bye All!
  • Thanks for Listening

    Ok, I'm back from a nice little is beautiful out today, it was in the 70's yesterday and today there was another warm wind blowing, so should be in the high 60's or low 70's today too. Bear in mind I live about an hour north of Denver Colorado. Cold country. Well, ok, you Minnesotans and Cheese Heads have us beat for the title of "cold country". But it can get pretty consistently chilly here, and we are in a heat wave right now! My grass is turning green again!

    Who wants to join in on a "maintain or lose" challenge for the weigh-in immediately following Thanksgiving? (Whenever yours happens to fall next...)? I'm starting a "maintain or lose" challenge! So anyone who wants to take the challenge, it'll be fun! I'll report and let you know how I did...I'm a daily weigher, so I'll be reporting on Friday. I'll start a post on the discussion board under "success stories". You can all post your results there.

    Thank you for listening to my rant a blog-ago. I've decided that whatever happens today, it's not the end of the world, and I'm back to being grateful and thankful. I tend to focus in like a laser-beam on problems that come up, and I USUALLY don't rest or relax until I've solved the problem. It's funny, in my husband and my relationship, I'm the one that tends to be more analytical A-type personality, and my husband is more the artistic laid back abstract guy. Kind of a reversal of normal guy/girl stereotypes.

    My dad had some good advice, he said it's not the end of the world, and hey, even if this bank decides not to do it, we have a current appraisal that we can take to another bank. I just have to keep remembering, it's NOT the end of the world. It's NOT the end of the world. Repeat after me. It's NOT the end of the world. Aahhhh. I feel better, with my Yankee candle burning on the kitchen table....smells of pine....mmmmm.
  • Who am I kidding?

    Who am I kidding? I can't stay away from the Blogs for 12 hours let alone a few days! Still stressed, waiting on the bank's answer....they said their appraisal department didn't like the INDEPENDENT appraisal that THEY ordered. It came in what it needed to come in for our Home Equity Loan to be approved, but the appraisal department won't accept the appraisal! So, I faxed the loan officer a contract for sale that we had on our house last April for $75K MORE than the appraisal came in at, and an offer that came in in September for $25K MORE than the appraisal! I mean come on, what more do they want? Some appraisal supervisor, in his subjectiveness, is saying "well I wouldn't buy their house for XXXX amount of dollars, so I don't agree with the appraisal!"?????

    What is that? I thought banks work on facts! Appraisals from people familiar with the area! Facts! There has to be some regulation they are breaking by deciding on a whim not to accept the appraisal, but not to accept the appraisal when backed up by hard evidence that our house IS worth atleast that? If they don't continue forward I'm making a formal complaint to the regulatory oversight agency that oversees banks. They've got to be in violation of SOMETHING, to string us along this whole time, have everything else in order and approved, and then all of a sudden NOT accept the results of an appraisal that THEY ordered, using a company of THEIR choice, and then backed up by hard evidence of a home's worth. AAAAAhhhh!

    But I'm a little more clear-headed about it today, and our trap in the laundry room got the mouse last night, so atleast I don't have to worry about THAT today!

    Food should be a snap today! No problems! I'm already drinking my water, and I'm planning on exercising within the hour. Should be good.

    Thanks for listening to my rant!
  • Stressed! And Standing in Front of the Fridge!

    So stressed! There is a glitch with our Home Equity Loan. I found myself standing in front of the refrigerator trying to rationalize why I could and should have my next MF meal early. Crazy! I know. I ended up not doing it, but I really really wanted to! I will wait until the normal time because food is not in control of me, it will not comfort me, it will not make things better. I will make things better by trying to solve the dilemma.

    Please pray it goes through! We need this or we have to move.
  • It's a great day.

    It's a great day and I feel like writing in purple. I have decided this will be a great day. There's nothing about today particularly that sets it apart as a great day. I haven't fit into a smaller size jean today that I didn't get into yesterday. I haven't received any compliments today. I haven't won the lottery...yet.

    In fact, my thoughts are just as scattered as they were yesterday, my attention span just as short, my house just as messy.

    But I am alive. I am well. I have my family. I have my darling beautiful happy smiling sweet adorable miracle baby boy. I have a husband who, though we disagree at times and are different people, loves me as much as I love him. We are soul mates. Best Friends.

    So, there is alot of raw material there to make this day a great day.

    I don't care today what is happening in the world of politics. I don't care today what is happening in Iraq. I don't care how many terrorists got up wanting to kill me today.

    I care that when I got up this morning, I had my family intact. I have my baby boy, who's kidneys are doing well enough still to stay off dialysis. My baby boy, who, when we weighed him at his 2 yr "well-baby" check-up weighed 20 lbs and 2 ounces, putting him 1 lb and 14 ounces away from being able to receive a kidney transplant. My baby boy, who will only be a baby for a little while longer...who I love so much I could burst any second. Yes, my life is a full one.

    So amidst the giving Thanks this year, I have a million and one reasons to stick to my plan. The bigger picture of me being around for him and for my husband. My being emotionally available to nurture and take care of them. It all hinges on the choices, yes the CHOICES I make on a consistent basis.

    Thank you, Orangeblood, for posting the "Iron" mantra. I am so glad you have come to the same conclusion. I almost cried when I read about your revelation on the couch with your little girl asleep on your tummy. That's what it's all about, isn't it? Those moments. Those moments that, until now, you were unable to experience due to your physical limitations. I was inspired. Thank you.

    Today I was able to play in the umpteen million cushions that we have in the nursury, on the floor, piled up in the corner, with my boy. (We got umpteen million cushions when we were trying to sell our house, to put a lot of fluf-and-stuff on our bed to make it look stylish!) Had I still weighed 266 lbs there would have been no way I could roll around, nimble-like, on those cushions with him!

    So. Today is a good day. And it will remain a good day. And I will eat on program. And for once, those two will not be related. I will have a good day because it is a good day and there is alot to be thankful for, my day will not be determined by eating on program. The separation in thinking starts NOW.

    On a last note, I am trying to wean myself off the computer for awhile. I have an addictive personality, and right now I am using the computer as my addiction of choice. So if you don't see me for a few days, don't worry, I've not fallen off the wagon. I'm still here. I'll catch a few hours this holiday weekend and read all the blogs at once!

    Bye for now!
  • What can I say!

    Oh my, I don't quite know what to do or say here! Pressure's on...I I go back and proof read my blog for spelling errors? What to do! What an honor! And here I am whining about my ticker! Ah, well, thanks.

    We all have so much to offer here. I'd like to thank my agent, my husband, my.....ok ok just kidding.

    Today was a good day MF wise, and mood wise. I think! Sometimes I'm not sure how I feel, actually. I read old journals from High School and College, and even Elementary School, and all of them talk about what I "did" today or last week, not about how I "felt". So I'm not really in tune with mining my feelings and sorting them out to see what is valuable and what I shouldn't be paying any attention to. Perhaps that is what seeing this counsellor is all about for me. To figure out what makes me tick, to understand myself more than I do.

    I was talking with my DH (dear hubby) after my counselling session, and I told him that I really didn't have many friends growing up. Elementary school was so hard! Kids called me "Goodyear" (after the blimp) and "Chicken Legs". One day a girl invited me over with a few other girls to her house after school, like in the 3rd grade...and she lived within walking distance of school so we walked. I was heavy at the time of course, and all of a sudden she and her two other friends took off running! I didn't know how to get to her house, and I couldn't keep up with them, so I got lost. They ditched me! I just kept walking around, hoping to see them...and after about 10 minutes of looking I spotted them down a street, in front of her house. I can't believe I actually was expected to go and play with them looking back, after that. Who does that?

    On the bus going home from school on the last day of 6th grade, my "crush" of the 3 years prior asked me to "go" with him. I said "yes" because I liked him ALOT! I did not hear from him all summer. No phone call, no nothing, and by the first day of school in the 7th grade, he and all his friends told me it was just a joke, and had I thought he was serious? I was devastated. But that's how it was for me in my friendship-forming-formative years. Kids are so mean.

    So I think I carry alot of baggage with me in terms of making and keeping friends, and I tend to not have very many. Could be I'm still gunshy from growing up.

    And with an emotionally absent father (working) and an emotionally absent mother (in bed most of the time for years due to depression) I'm sure that I am missing something as far as knowing how I "feel" is concerned while I was growing up as well as now. It's alot to think about..perhaps I stuffed my feelings with food so as not to have to deal with them. Perhaps I stuff my feelings down with shopping, food, other distractions...I do have an addictive personality. Hmmmm. All good thoughts.

    Well, thank you for being part of my MF journey so far, I started at 266 and I'm down to 198 and still goin'! Happy Thanksgiving, all!
  • New Ticker?

    If anyone could tell me how to do the ticker and have it show up in my blog, it would be appreciated. I tried to copy and paste it (the one that said it was blog-friendly) into my blog entry, but it did not work. Help!

  • Positive and negative attention....

    Down another pound. My body is so funny, it seems to drop a pound at a time, but not every day. I've been averaging 2 lbs/week, which is not what I would love, but I'll take it. It will actually be better on my skin tone to lose the 2 lbs/week instead of 2+ per week. I've been taking baths with lots of bath oils in them, and then once I get out I rub body butter with vitamin E all over my "problem areas" (I get it at Body Shop). Hopefully these techniques will help my stretch marks to be minimal once I'm all done. I came home last night and tried my size 14 jeans on, they fit! Not quite wearable out in public yet, I'd say a few more days until that happens. But they DO fit the same as the exact same size 16 pair fit a week I know I'm shrinking. It's so fun.

    I haven't heard anything from the insurance agency yet, hoping that comes soon in the form of a debit from my checking account and a card in the mail! Whoo Hoo! Who would have thought, in July of this year, that I could be insured on my very own Health Insurance by December 1st? It was only a dream in my head, I had no idea I could actually accomplish it!

    It's funny, you know, I feel like the same person, but I caught a glimpse of me in the store-front window reflection, and if I see myself when I'm not expecting to see myself I can get a better objective view of how others see me. It's like my mind doesn't have time to interject it's own innaccurate perception of what I look like. I'm looking pretty darn slim! At least from what I've been for the last 10 years on and off! I've also noticed that sales people in stores are friendlier to me. Now is that really the case, or is it just that I am carrying myself more confidently and am more engaging and smiley to them, so they return the smiley-ness? It's pretty funny to note the changes in my general quality of life. All positive. Except for one really freaky guy in Costco yesterday who got way too close for way too long and I felt like I just wanted to run away!

    I told Dave I need to get my concealed-carry permit for Colorado so I can make sure I'm protected...I had it in Arizona, and it worked fine, I know how to use a firearm and am very safe with it. But I felt downright freaked out, and was checking over my shoulder when I walked out of the store to make sure he wasn't following me. FREAK ME OUT!

    Anyway, I will have to get used to the additional attention, not because I think I'm gorgeous or anything, but because I'm becoming more pleasant to look at in general. We all are becoming more pleasant to look at as we shed our unwanted pounds! Keep it up, y'all!
  • Back to the Levi's Store I go!

    First off I have to say I doctored up MF meals for the first time yesterday! I took a vanilla pudding and added real vanilla bean specks to it from a real vanilla bean, a little artificial rum flavoring and some freshly grated nutmeg. I had myself some eggnog pudding! It was yummers! Then I took some instant coffee, dissolved in 1/2 cup water, a chocolate pudding packet, and some peppermint extract....had myself a peppermint mocha pudding! Ahhhh, Starbucks, I miss thee no longer! I have my own yummy stuff! Now I just need to find some sugarfree Gingerbread syrup to put in the vanilla pudding!

    Ok, now for the real news. Last week, as you all know, I was so thrilled to go into the Levi Store and buy size 16 Misses jeans. Not Womens, not plus size, not an outlet store, but a regular Levi Store with regular-person clothing. Well, I must report that I had to go back today and buy size 14 Misses jeans. The 16's just barely fit last week, people, and now I'm into the 14's! In ONE WEEK! How is this possible? I am shrinking! I don't mind having to buy 2 pairs of jeans within one 7-day period, as long as it's going DOWN a size and not UP a size! Yay!

    So that's my news. I'm going to bed now y'all. Bye!
  • Peppermint Extract and Vanilla or Chocolate Shakes

    Peppermint extract is wonderful in the chocolate or vanilla shakes. Would even be good in the Mocha also...sort of a peppermint mochachino!
    Nutmeg would be great in the vanilla shake or pudding, sort of an egg-nogg-ish flavor! Especially if it's fresh grated. Ok, a few grates of fresh grated nutmeg, and a little smidge of Real Vanilla Bean! (buy the bean, cut it in half, and scoop out the middle stuff with a's potent, you don't need much!) Can you say yummy? Especially with a dash of rum extract! Or Almond extract! These are my Christmas goodies this year.
  • Where are You"

    I've been missing a few of my favorite MF'ers on the Blogs! Where are you? Where are you Beth? I haven't seen you in about a week! Are you still with us? Come Baaaaacccckkkk! I miss you.
  • Running off!

    Just checking the Blogs this morning to see how you are all doing on a glorious (chilly!) Saturday morning! Congrats, DBBthreads, you did awesome at dinner BTW! We, too, went to dinner and got the "45 minutes to an hour"response...we did wait...after checking 2 other restaurants across the street that weren't seating for, ahem 2 hours! So we had dinner at my favorite restaurant, The Med in Boulder (The Mediterranean) and it was delish, although I forgot to order the dressing on the side so could only eat about half my salad! It is absolutely amazing how much dressing they slosh on! I had a grilled salmon salad, and it's so great because they put radish and cucumber and asparagus and onion in it, and it is perfect and wonderful. But, too much dressing as I mentioned. So I ate the salmon part, and a little salad and was way satisfied with that! My DH has been doing MF too, and he was down to 186 yesterday...he strayed off last night and had whatever he wanted, which ended up being a salmon sandwich with bacon AND dessert of Semi-Friedo. Yeah, he was up 2 1/4 today, while I was down 1/8. We have this friendly little competition going right now, because he's almost at his goal (184) and it's been a long long time since I weighed less than him! (Side note, he is 6 foot 2 and I'm 5 foot 2....yup!)

    So my next mini goal is to catch my husband, and weigh less than him. That will be an accomplishment. Well, as I said, I just wanted to check in to see how y'all were getting by, now I'm off for my 30 minutes of cardio to start my day and get those little calories burning away! Set me up just fine for the rest of the day.
  • A Regular Levi Store at a Real Mall, and 2 Purchases for ME!

    Yes, that's right. The dreaded "jeans" have become the inspirational "jeans." Tonight, after getting my hair cut and highlighted (SangriaSD we must be on the same wavelength or something!) I stopped off at the new "29th Street Mall" in Boulder where they have sort of an outdoorish pedestrian mall with parking right in front of the stores, but we are talking stores like Macy's, Victoria Secret, Levi's, Yankee Candle, Coldwater Creek, et al. I stopped there for a Starbucks, to gather my thoughts and relax for a bit of alone time. What I didn't know I was going to do was park right infront of the Levi Store and go in. I'm just drawn into Levi's stores. Whether they be at outlet malls, or regular malls, I love to see the fun new jeans. Well, usually I've had to get my jeans at Walmart (NOTHING wrong with Walmart, I love Walmart clothes!) because I've been in 18+ for the last 5 years. But tonight, TONIGHT, I tried on some size 16 jeans, and guess what ladies and gents, they FIT! You see, Levi's stores at regular malls don't have anything over a size 16. So I've always felt bad walking into one, because I would feel like the salespeople were judging me, or thinking "she can't be serious...she must be here for a gift for someone else!" ok probably they weren't but I always felt they were.

    Regardless, I bought my size 16 jeans, and as I was walking out the door, a very hip, very fun, very young stylish jean jacket was folded neatly on a display table, taunting me. I say taunting, because I have not been able to buy tops at regular stores for some time, and just recently began purchasing XL's from Costco (which was a milestone in itself!). So, I casually dug through the jackets to find an XL, and went back to the changing room to try it on. I would LOVE to say it fit great, and was roomy and awesome and I bought it. I WILL say it fit good, I could button it up if I wanted to look like a stuffed sausage, but it was awesome and I bought it. I could wear it now, unbuttoned, and I can also wait two weeks and it will be fine!

    All that to say, I've arrived. I think I'm firmly ensconsed in the "normal people's" shops again, and that is a feeling you can't buy! Because NOTHING tastes as good as THIN feels. I've got 81 lbs to go before I'm down to my goal, and that will probably be a size 4-6. But I'm havin' lots of fun in my size 16 for the next month or two! And a jean jacket CAN be a bit big in the end, so I think I can wear it all season.

    Ok, the endless blog from the endless blogger is finished. 'Night all!
  • The following warning was issued at 2:36 pm November 16th:

    Temptation will sneak up on you from now until Thanksgiving, because your fat cells want you to pig out on Thanksgiving! If they can make you slip up and feel bad between now and Turkey Day, they will, just so you'll say "aw, what the heck, I messed up anyway!" Don't do it! It's a subversive plot fashioned by your fat cells for a coup. They have lost control. They are emptying. They can't do anything about it except try to get you to fail! Don't focus too much on Thanksgiving that you forget about these dangerous days Pre-Thanksgiving! Stay Diligent! Keep on the lookout for eachother!
    Love, Me!
  • Follow-up to Onederland post!

    OK, I'm back. I just had to take a quick trip to the MOON and back and do a happy dance barefoot in my front just kidding. I did neither of those things. But I sit here, on the 113th day of my MF journey, having hit a milestone, people. I mean a MILESTONE! For so long it felt like a MILLSTONE around my neck, slowly dragging me down to the depths. But I have turned it, with God's help, into a MILESTONE instead and now I can leave it behind as I continue my journey.

    Onederland. 199 3/4. I haven't seen this on the scale for 5 1/2 years. Ever since we moved to Colorado. I was 195 when we left Arizona for Colorado on May 1st, 2001, and I was 199 when we got here 2 days later, and the next day I was 200 and it just went up from there. I was in the middle of regaining all the weight I had lost on Body for Life (went from 229 to 175 on that program...and the loss was very short lived). I regained all my weight and more, landing me at 266 1/2 last year Christmas. I had gotten myself down to 250 1/2 when I started MF on July 27th, 2006, and I have not looked back since.

    My hubby this morning asked me how much I'd lost altogether, and I told him "just shy of 67 lbs." Pretty soon that will be "70 lbs", then "80 lbs" and on down the line.

    How did I do it so far? By sticking to the program. If anything there are days I don't get enough food. But there have been only 3 days on my journey that I have eaten too much or "off" program. 2 of those days were in October, I had 5 packets of Soy Crisps late one night, then the next day I had about 1 cup of toasted pine-nuts (was devastated when I learned those nuts cost me 900 calories!). Then last week, I was terribly PMS and emotionally hungry, and I succumbed to an extra MF meal, a bar, late at night. Although it was my first bar of the day, it was my 6th meal. It wasn't "technically" a cheat, because MF says you can do one extra meal if you are really hungry........ok so I stretched my definition of hunger a bit. Anyway, that was it as far as the "cheats" go. I just had to be "on it" all the time, and not let my guard down. This moment has been hard won, but well worth the effort. My next "mini-goal" is 175, as that is the lowest I've been in probably 10 years.

    Strap in, here we go!

  • Boy is asleep! Time to Blog!

    I'm pretty sure I've come to the conclusion that afternoons are my "dangerous" times in terms of food. Which is why I am on the boards from, like, 1pm to about 4pm! Just the time it takes my son to nap! I started the habit to a)keep me away from food when I'm not supposed to be having it, and b)do something that didn't make too much noise because my Julian can hear EVERYTHING when he's asleep, and tends to wake up.

    TV is a good option too, but I have to sit so close to the TV in order to keep the volume down that my head ends up hurting! It's probably all psychological.

    So today I bounced up a quarter of a pound or so...not a surprise since I lost so fast a few days ago after my TOM started. I'm not too sad about it, because first I drop the weight and then I level out for a few days and drop the inches. I can tell I'm smaller today than I was even yesterday. My size 16 jean-shorts are starting to hang better, a little more down over my hips and below my belly-button instead of so tight around my waist.

    I'm watching a squirrel just outside my front door, he's looking for more black walnuts that we get dropping from our black walnut tree every year by the bagful around this time of year. I know he's got a huge stash out by the well. He's so animated! He's gonna be one fat squirrel by the end of November!

    It's sort of sad to think about our cats this year....we put them down last year after having them for 14 years! it was around this time of year, a beautiful fall day, and we just decided that they had had a good life, and since Julian is allergic to cats and has lung issues (my son) and was starting to crawl we just couldn't keep them anymore. We tried to get them adopted out from the humane society, but they didn't pass the behavioral analysis (they were a little quirky and very scared being caged up at the human society! one of them lashed out, the other got very reclusive) so they were going to put them down but I rescued them and let the recuperate for a month at home before scheduling an owner-present euthanasia for them. They were dears. We called them Fatty and Skinney. Skinney was my favorite, Fatty was my husband's favorite. So sad, but necessary. They had been a big part of our lives pre-kids! It's amazing how much love you can pour into a pet, and they just become part of your family. They love right back.

    My husbands good friend is getting married in a month, and my hubby is best man so will be wearing a tuxedo. I don't have anything to wear that will look good with a tuxedo! I'm not into the size 12 or 14 dresses I purchased on E-bay a couple of months ago, and I'm too little for anything I may have in the closet now, so I just don't know what to do. I've been looking on Ebay for size 16 or XL dresses, and I do have a bid on two of them...but I don't even know if they will look good. I just have to stop worrying about it and enjoy the wedding anyway! The point of it isn't how good I look, okay, scratch that, it is ALL about how good I look! Okay, no, that's not right either.....oh bother!

    I'm sitting here eating 95% lean hamburger...boy, the food chemists are right! The flavor is in the fat! Alton Brown, you go! I've really started enjoying the grey poupon dijon mustard with horseradish. It adds alot of good know, come to think of it, I never really get all my "green" in. I compromise a little bit...I almost went on the "Complete Medifast" program because I just didn't want to deal with food for awhile. But I didn't, so I add a few ounces of Lean to my day, and then I make up a killer tomato salad with 1 roma tomato, a garlic clove, some extra yummy balsamic vinegar (Belazu Brand, used to be The Fresh Olive) which is almost like syrup it is so yummy! I drizzle about 1 tsp of Balsamic vinegar and 1 tsp of E.V.O.O. into the diced tomato and minced garlic, add some salt and let them sit for atleast 1/2 hour for the flavors to develop. Then I eat them with white cheddar or ranch MF soy chips. You see, I'm a bruschetta girl. I LOVE bruschetta. If I could eat bruschetta every day of every week I'd be lovin' life. So this tomato salad is a good alternative, and since it's only 1 roma tomato it is portion controlled. I think all in all my soy crisps + the tomato salad add 100 calories to my day. I'm usually just under 800.

    Wow! I have some respberry tea in my Medifast stash I totally forgot about! I should try that next meal.

    Do you ever just get on the MF site and shop when you are hungry? It's not real hunger, but a mental hunger? I'll bet MF does a nice little business with those of us who do that! I don't wait until my current stash is over to order more. I have to have constant choices in my MF meals, and lots of variety to choose from even if I eat pudding all day long! I may eat pudding all day long, but I CHOSE to eat pudding all day long. Yup, I have alot of product. But I am on this until July of 07 for sure, so I don't think I'll have to start actually counting what I have and limiting my orders until, oh, April or so.

    Have I mentioned that I love to cook? No, I LOVE to cook! I love to bake, I love to eat, sure, but I actually prefer to make for others! I should be a personal chef, start some kind of business where I provide healthy balanced meals to families that are too busy to cook. And of course I'd get paid well for it. I think I have a cookbook collection that would rival ANY bookstore, OR library. We're talking hundreds of cookbooks. Ok, here's the funny part. When I find a really good recipe that I love, and I make it and my family loves it, I'll write it in the "notes" section of my Bible! Crazy, huh? But I don't want to lose them! So that's a confession of a closet recipe junkie.

    I made a wedding cake (yeah, I do that too) for some friends of ours who have recently moved to L.A. and it was a "Tres Leches" wedding cake. Suzie, my friend, said that whenever anyone comments about their wedding, they don't mention the ultra-cool band they had, or the fact that it was outside on a beautiful Colorado sunny day, or that there was dancing until 1:00 am. People remember the cake. "Oh, your cake was phenomenal! We loved it!" And let me tell you, people, I must just be insane, because I had never even made a Tres Leches cake before, let alone 6 Tres Leches cakes with basket-weave icing topped with fresh flowers on clear acrylic stands for a wedding! So I was gambling. But I'm glad it turned out. I haven't made it since.

    OK, I just re-read what I wrote, and from outside appearances it seems like I think I'm "all that" and more...I really don't have a huge ego. But I'm not shy about saying what I do well either. I think people sometimes put on a false humility, and I don't think that's honest! I like to be honest about what I can do and what I can't. Like someone who, say, took classical piano her whole life, and then someone asks if she can play the piano and she says "oh, a little bit" or "oh, but I'm not that good" when she knows otherwise! Lets all just be honest about what we can do well! That's a challenge to everyone! Assess your strengths! Write them down! Utilize your gifts! You will leave the world a better place.

    Well, take care, I think this is by far the longest blog full I've written! Hopefully if you've gotten this far you are enjoying it, or else really wanting to avoid doing something else!

  • Jes' sittin' here havin' coffee!

    OK I am addicted to MF. I am addicted to the site, the blogs, the message boards. It really helps to know we're not alone in our journeys and struggles and successes. Thanks to all you faithful bloggers, I look forward to peeking in on your lives via your blogs daily. So, I'm just waiting to hear from my health insurance company, could be a few days. We'll see. It would be an answer to prayer and sooooo amazing if I can become insured!

    It snowed here today, just barely. I live in a portion of Colorado that tends to be more mild than Denver. Less cold, less snow, warmer. So when I saw pictures on the news of I-70 being closed, I look outside and my grass is still green! We got about 5 minutes of blowing snow, then it passed. I love it here!

    So my day as regards Medifast is going well. Had my Maple Brown Sugar oatmeal and coffee this am, then chocolate pudding, then a shake, then my lean and green, and I will have more chocolate pudding at 5:30 and then a shake or cappuccino at around 8pm. MF gives me structure to my day, that is for sure! I've learned that the general sense of dread I sometimes get concerning my weight and whether I've done enough today to "work" on it is just a false emotion. I mean it's there, but it's to be ignored. I'm doing awesome. I'm doing enough. I'm doing it. I have nothing to beat myself up over, nothing to say "I wish I would've....." fill in the blank. So when I feel antsy or fearful that tomorrow MF is just going to stop working for me, I can look that emotion straight in the .....face?.... and say "No. You are wrong. It works. It will continue to work." and I feel more at peace.

    Of course I wish it would work faster. But if it were too easy I think I'd take it for granted. Figure I could just blow it and gain it back cuz I could always lose it there are even blessings in having to wait and work for it.

    I just love the vanilla pudding. And the chocolate pudding. I wasn't too keen on the puddings my first week, but now, boy I'll tell you what! Puddings are my mainstay! I whip up a couple/few first thing in the morning or last thing at night so when i actually eat one it's been setting for atleast 2 or 3 hours and is cold and creamy! Mmmmmm! I'm sure I could put fat free/sugar free cool whip on it, well, no, I'm not, cuz I don't think that's actually on our condiment list. Just as well, because I'd probably sit in front of the fridge/freezer with my spoon and just shovel the cool whip in willy nilly. Nope, probably a good thing...I'm not even going to ASK Nutritional Support. And if y'all know, if it IS legal, I DON'T WANT TO KNOW. Ok? Thanks!

    I've decided NOT to bake this year. Costs too much anyway. Not only in dollars spent on ingredients that will make other people fatter and feel guilty, but also in emotional energy for me to stay away from the yummies and licking the batter bowls as I make it. Sometimes I look at myself and thing I have a will of Iron. And I do. I've only cheated twice while on MF for 3 1/2 months, but I'll tell you my secret. I don't stock the stuff in my house. My weak moments usually come late at night. If i actually have to get in my car to go someplace to buy something to cheat on, I've talked myself out of it with the mere thought of having to put a bra on and look decent (sorry guys!). Then it's cold out, and who wants that! Then it's that conscious decision of going into the store, late at night, and buying....not diapers, not ice, not milk, but Dove Chocolate Ice Cream! The cashier is going to look at the ice cream, then look at me, and think "what a pathetic fat person, can't even go 'till morning without her piggy piggy ice cream". Ok, ok, they probably aren't thinking that. But the mere possibility that they MIGHT be thinking that has kept me from buying many a candy bar at a convenience mart even BEFORE I was on Medifast. Social pressure is a good thing sometimes, even if it's to have some person who works at Diamond Shamrock (I love Diamond Shamrock and the people who work there are actually stellar human beings...I'm not knocking them at all or talking specifics here) think well of me instead of poorly. Yes, I'm actually a sucker for approval.

    So, this Blog has gotten way out of control so I'm off! My son is about to wake up from his nap. I think I should have taken one too!
  • One Quarter Pound Left!

    One quarter of a pound until ONEDERLAND (for any newbies out there, this is when the scale stops reading in the two-hundreds and drops into the one-hundreds). I am very excited. I'm at 66 1/4 total pounds lost at present, and I've got about 82 I'm close to being half-way there! I actually applied for health insurance yesterday, and am convinced they will accept me. What a milestone! I couldn't get on health insurance before because of my weight. My husband has individual portable coverage, which means that it's not tied to any job, he can take it with him wherever her goes, as long as the insurance company does business in the state he's in! Well, my son got on that right when he was born, and that is good, but I never have been able to get it, for the past 7-8 years that I've been looking into it, because of my weight. Well, not anymore. I can do it now! This has made my week!
  • Breakthrough!

    Had a breakthrough on the whole housecleaning thing last night. I was imagining what my first meeting with my counsellor, on Friday, will be like, and was talking to myself on the way to Costco (was by myself, fortunately, because I was then going to my Crown Ministries financial Bible study). I was asking myself what my relationship with my father was like when I was growing up. Well, Self, My father was pretty emotionally distant when we were growing up, he was always working to provide for us. When he was home, we had to walk on eggshells because he had problems with rage. Things that would set him off would be messy rooms, messy closets, messy "craft" closets, dirty kitchen, those types of things.

    I remember many times him getting into a fit, throwing everything out of our closets, and demanding that we put it all back and we can't do anything or go anywhere until we do. I was a very sensetive little girl, so would usually end up crying during the whole clean-up process.....BING! I learned to associate cleaning up with being bad, being scolded, and being in an emotional wreck. I think THAT's why I avoid it like the plague! Ok, maybe that's an insight, but now what do I do with that information, ie how do I fix it? I can't not clean up, I don't want to teach that to my son, nor does my husband enjoy living in a messy house. Hmmmm. I wish I could re-condition myself to enjoy it! I'll broach that with the counsellor this week.

    Weight wise, doin' awesome. My TOM fluid retention broke and I was down 2 1/2 lbs today from yesterday, putting me one small little tiny itty bitty pound away from the scale reading "200". And THAT means that after that I'm just a fraction away from ONEDERLAND! Yip yip yip yahoo. My size 18 jeans are finally beginning to loosen up. Holy cow we are getting a huge wind storm right now! And baby needs momma so I'm off to make sure he actually gets to his nap.

    Bye all!
  • Drama drama drama...and agreement with SangriaSD!

    So it looks like there has been some drama this weekend on the blogs and message boards. To all those who responded, thank you. We are pretty good at policing ourselves, and it takes all of us to make this work. It takes all of us respecting eachother and acting with decency and kindness. It takes all of us to keep this site supportive and helpful. Again, thank you.

    There was alot of anger coming from the blogger who stepped over the boundary, and to her I say please get some help with your rage. From your pictures, and from your reaction to being called "bony" I must say, from my experience as a Mental Health Technician at a well-known first class Eating Disorder Clinic in Arizona, that you MAY have some issues with anorexia. Get help for that, as well.

    I may be totally wrong, and before I get comments from anyone saying that I might be totally wrong, and should maybe not be saying this, let me say in advance that I get it. But if I'm right, this post may actually help her. IF, and I say IF she is anorexic it might just save her life. I will risk being wrong in that case.
  • Thanksgiving then Cruise then Christmas!

    How'z this for Goals and a Plan for the Holiday season?

    First of all, my holiday season is going to be chock full of opportunities to let my guard down and pig out. There's Thanksgiving, two weeks later my entire extended family is going on a Mexican Riviera Cruise, we get back just in time for Christmas, and then boom! New Years!

    I already have a plan. For Thanksgiving, my family is staying home, as the rest of my extended family live in Phoenix. We will have lean turkey breast and green beens for our lean and green, and stay on program that day. For the cruise, I am taking all my medifast meals, in Ready-To-Drink form, and doing one Lean and Green of "clean" cruise food. Christmas will be easy, since I will have just survived a cruise, and come New Year the only resolution I will have is "more of the same!"

    When, in my entire life, have I been able to have THAT as a New Year's Resolution? "More of the Same!" This will be the first year I can remember in my life that my resolution has not been "I will start and be successful on a diet program!" Well, I've already started, and I have been and am already successful, so it's "more of the same" for the new year!

    I have a goal of being at my goal by July 27th, 2007, because that will be one year after my start date. My goal was to lose about 148 lbs. So far I'm on schedule.

    TOM started yesterday, which probably explains the pound and a half up better than the beef salad! I'm sure it was fluid and it will be off shortly!
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  • Feeling a little down...

    Today I have the Blah's! Perhaps it's because I was up a pound and a half this morning from yesterday morning! Major bummer! Hubby and my date got off to a late start, so we had to eat in town here (not much pickins in Lyons, CO!) so we ate at Oskar Blues. I swear, everytime I go there I vow I will not go back, the food is purely unexceptional, and this was no exception! I got a sirloin salad, and the meat was so gristly and fatty it was absolutely disgusting! Should have sent it back but was famished from anticipating to eat around 8:30, and not actually eating until 9:45 pm! The dressing was loaded with carbs and fat too, and I had the feta cheese too. So I did not do well, and ate so late, so I was up. Just about ruined my day, let me tell you that!

    The highlight was my son and husband, of course. And I got to spend some time with a friend at Starbucks talking about here direct selling company that I am thinking of getting involved with. It's a skin-care/health and wellness product company, I had never heard of it before, but I've been using the skincare products for about a week and a half and I love them. I'm a tough customer, too, but I figure if I love them I can sell them to other people and make a little bit of an extra income.

    We'll see, I'm not so sure I'm ready to take on the responsibility of keeping track of a whole company. So I don't want to bite off more than I can chew.

    Otherwise, just feeling a little blah-say.

    Bye for now.
  • Not for Sale!

    OK, so we decided to stay in our house. After three years of gearing up to sell it, and actually having it on the market for 6 months (April-October) this last year, we have decided to stay. IF we can get this re-finance done. It's a relief, it is actually providing me with a more settled feeling, even though we only decided yesterday. We aren't planning on staying in Colorado forever, probably just until Julian gets his kidney transplant and bladder re-construction surgery. Then hopefully he'll be completely stable, the kidney will be doing well, and we won't be tied to Denver Children's Hospital (as good of a hospital as they are!). None of our extended family is here, and we'd like to be closer to them somehow. My husband is getting into screenwriting, so it might be Los Angeles for us! But that is years away, so we will stay in our current house while we live here. Yay! I'm very glad Julian will have actual memories of this place. We live on 3 acres, near a river, and beautiful scenery. There were 6 deer in the yard today, just outside the front door. There's a reservoir out behind our property, although I've never fished it. I want to someday. So, I'm feeling a little more settled now.

    Just thought I'd let y'all know!
  • On Exercise, Fat, Muscle, Metabolism

    I own a small electronic body fat mass calculator. It's a little handheld thing that you do first thing in the morning. First let me say that I have been running and lifting weights this week. Not killing myself, mind you, but simply making sure I do something every day, about 20-40 minutes (if it's cardio) or 10 minutes of weight training.

    On Monday I weighed 203. Today I weight 202 1/4. Kind of depressing, just looking at the scale weight. Almost enough to make someone just give up the exercise because "it's slowing down my progress!" Au Contraire, my friends! On my body fat mass calculator, on Monday I had 93 lbs of fat mass. Today? I have 89. This means that this week I have LOST 4 LBS OF FAT since Monday. That's about a pound a day. Lost, gone forever, never to be found. This means I have gained 3 1/4 lbs of muscle!

    The higher your muscle mass, the higher your metabolism. Increasing muscle mass increases your metabolism. This is a good thing for me, because my metabolism tends to crawl along like it's a drunken sailor at 2 am on a Saturday night looking for the last drink of the night. Seriously, folks! So anything I can do to actually increase my metabolism? Hey, I'll do it.

    It very much encouraged me, though, that even though the scale said I only lost 3/4 lbs in 4 days, it was deceptive. It was not telling me the whole story. I am not touting any particular product, but if any of you are very interested in tracking your fat loss in THIS way, I would recommend owning one. As a disclaimer, it is not 100% accurate to TRUE fat percentage if you are over about 40% Body Fat (which I am)...but it is true within itself to how much fat I've lost. The best way to compare that is ... say you have an old scale, and you don't know whether it's a true weight. But you are pretty sure it will be accurate as to how much you're losing. So although I don't know if I actually have 89 exact lbs of fat left, I do know the number 89 is 4 lbs down from 93 which I was on Monday. So the fat pounds lost are accurate, but I don't know if the overall start number was accurate. That's the best I can explain it.

    Anyway, for any of you who were wondering, I will start my personal counselling next Friday. (I will be the counsellee.) I'm excited to begin to unravel the layers of me and find out what makes me tick.

    My husband and I are going on an actual DATE tonight! We have only been on one date since Julian came home from the hospital. That was almost 2 years ago....we need one! Friends of ours are coming down from Estes Park at 8:00 after Julian has gone to sleep, to sit and watch DVD's and study while we go grab a bite or see a movie. Fun times.

    Take care y'all, I look forward to reading the Blogs today and this weekend! Stay strong, you are all worth it.
  • The incredible shrinking woman!

    Even from yesterday to today I shrank! Yesterday I was mentioning how I had to retire a pair of shorts because they were hanging past my knees...those were the size 24 shorts. Today I had to retire the size 22 shorts! My hubby came home and told me I can't wear them anymore. He is right. They hang well past my knees, and barely cling to my hips even! They just about fell off when I walked anywhere. So truly, really, they are in the box now. It's a great feeling. I'm well into my size 16 jean shorts now, they look great and I look great in them! I've been starting to get all sorts of compliments, now that I'm down 64 lbs! I can't wait to wow them further when they don't see me for another month and I'm down 75 lbs! Then 86 lbs! Then 97 lbs! Then 108 lbs! I'm losing around 11 lbs per month.

    This program is absolutely incredible. I've never felt so confident about my ability to lose weight before.

    There are days that I still "feel" bloated, still "feel" fat, don't "feel" like I'll lose anything that day. I've been learning that my "feelings" are not accurately calibrated to reality. Because no matter how I "feel", I continue to "do" and I don't trick myself into feeling like a failure when I'm not. I am proving that to myself every day. My only "choices" come with deciding which protein to have as my lean and green. That's it. Otherwise, it's oatmeal in the morning, then a shake, then a creamy soup, then a shake or a pudding, then a shake or a hot drink or a cold drink. It's just that easy.

    I actually feel like I'm cheating when I have a bar, though...I always get that little voice afterwards that says "Oh, you've gone and done it now, no weight loss for you tomorrow!" and most of the time that voice is dead WRONG!

    I can see, though, how people can slip into the mentality of not wanted to eat everything, not wanting to top 700 calories, trying to restrict further and further. Those are just eating disorder thoughts, and can spiral very quickly into an actual eating disorder. DO the PLAN as WRITTEN. That's what I keep telling myself. It's proven, it works, and it's easy! It's all the other stuff that is hard to work on! The emotions, the bouts of depression, the bits of mania, everything that is surfacing because I'm dealing with stuff! (Instead of stuffing everything down with food!)

    I haven't seen my counsellor for the initial visit yet, we're still working through scheduling stuff. But I'm excited to actually do it, and do it soon.
  • By the way Congratulations on winning the House!

    Okay then here goes. I want to congratulate all Democrats out there for winning back the House of Representatives yesterday. We (Republicans) have controlled it since 1994, and I think it's about time the pendulum swings. It's what keeps this country great, the diverse views and the distribution of power and direction. Without getting too political, because this isn't the place for it really, I think we can all work together for the good of the country. So, I'm not going to use it as an excuse to run off and eat a jelly doughnut. We can get such tunnel vision sometimes that we forget the bigger picture. Congrats, here's for an interesting next two years until 2008! Love you all!
  • On Fish and Such....

    One thing the MF program has caused me to recognize in myself is the ability to get stuck on certain foods and have them, like, EVERY DAY even though they might be slowing my weight loss a bit. Like Hamburger with cheese, and my yummy tomatoes and balsamic vinegar. I've decided that today I will have a mini-vacation away from these two items, because anything that gets in the way of MF progress I have to be able and willing to ditch for awhile.

    It's funny how after we've been on the program for a little while, at least I find this, that we get new favorite foods, and some of them not the best choices. For example...I'll bet if I e-mailed Nutritional Support and said my weight loss was slowing and I didn't know why, and then I e-mailed them my daily menu they'd say "Try to limit beef products to once or twice a week" and "don't have cheese every day" and stuff like that. Stuff I know already, but have ignored this week because, well, I want it! With all this new-found exercise I've been doing I'm sure I would have lost more this week had I not been eating hamburger just about every day.

    So my new mini-goal this week is: No hamburger. No tomatoes with balsamic. Clean eating, clean lean and greens, mostly shakes and creamy soups and keep exercising.

    I will eat FISH, FISH, and FISH this week! I just baked some beautiful wild salmon and seasoned tilapia fillets and am looking forward to eating those for the next few days. And I added a little lemon juice in my water for the extra cleansing effect. Hopefully I'll report a loss tomorrow.

    I am within 3 lbs of Onederland, and I'm just so anxious to get there!
  • Ramblings....

    Okay, been reading the blogs today and they are great! We've got the entire spectrum of people represented today. The blogs are so encouraging. I hope you all don't mind, but every time I read one I just feel compelled to comment. Hope you're not sick of me yet!

    I went for another run today (2 days in a row!) and I feel great! I love the feeling that exercise gives me, it's like a drug. I don't have to go for long, in fact I only run for about 14 minutes of my 20 minute "routine" and then walk's about a 40 minute block of time altogether. But the endorphins that are released are BETTER (are you ready?) they are BETTER than...hey, I know what you're thinkin', and NO, not THAT. They are BETTER THAN CHOCOLATE!

    Tee Hee.

    I also outgrew, and I mean literally outgrew, my shorts today. They are hanging so far down my hips that the bottom of the legs cover my knees! These are SHORTS, people! They are the one's I'm wearing in the picture of me with my son, with all the pine trees in the background. These are not supposed to be low-rise shorts. So, I retire them today. Bye bye shorts.

    I know I've dropped a few sizes visually. I'll have to get some more interrim pictures posted.

    I am hooked on lean hamburger with salt and mustard. LOVE IT LOVE IT. And I also love 2 Roma tomatoes, diced with a diced clove of garlic, fresh or dried basil, salt, pepper, and balsamic vinegar. (Really good balsamic vinegar!) I eat them with my ranch or white cheddar soy crisps, which I have learned to eat in moderation by the way, and it is a nice snack. I include the tomato in my lean and green calculation, then have the remained as asparagus or something later on.

    Normally I don't talk recipes on the blog because I just haven't experimented alot. But I did get the MF recipe inserts for the holidays, and the recipes actually look really yummy! I might be trying some of those!

    Ok, I'm just rambling now so I'll go and clean my house.

    Oh, BTW, I'm within 3 lbs of ONEDERLAND!!!! I'd like to get there by next Monday. I think I can, I think I can, I think I can I think I can!
  • The Holiday Decision: Self-sabatoge or Success? It's up to you.

    Happy Voting Day Everyone! Now run off and do your civic owe it to this country! I won't tell you HOW to vote, but I am a Republican so that pretty much tells you how I'm going to vote!

    Ok, so I was down another 1/4 lb this morning. You know what? I'll take it! I was actually half expecting a small gain this morning, even with my exercise yesterday, because of last weekend. Not that I cheated last weekend, but I didn't get everything in, least of all my water. So I thought my Monday weight which was down 3/4 from Friday's weight was not accurate, due to my semi-dehydrated state (pee the color of corn!) and the fact that after a couple days of NOT getting everything in, yesterday I DID get everything in. Including a bar, including a snack, including hamburger for my protein. So hey, 1/4 lb DOWN? I'll take it.

    I've been trying to catch up on the blogs, and I am sensing alot of optimism out there for the program and the results, and people are seeing real change in their lives. Good for you. You will succeed. I am also seeing alot of discouragement, self-sabatoge, and dissappointment as a result. I worry for you who are sabatoging yourselves. Honestly? And this may be tough to take, but I recognize a pattern of behavior that goes something like this:

    The Holidays are coming, and I just want a reason to be off so I can enjoy all the yummies the Holidays have to offer. Therefore, I will sabatoge myself NOW, so I don't feel so bad when I temporarily quit for the Holidays, and "take a break" to regain my motivation and start back up in January.

    Now. If you recognized yourself in any of the above paragraph, let me tell you, eating will NOT reduce your holiday stress. It will just delay it until January, when you can face the fact that you have gained the 10-15 lbs you lost on MF plus more, and then you'll be so depressed you won't have it in you to get back on the wagon just to re-lose the weight you had already lost on MF. Trust me. I've done it.

    Just think, a little elbow grease, a little self-denial, a little delay of instant gratification now, and you could be 10-15 lbs down from where you are NOW on January 1st instead of 15-20 lbs up. That is a potential spread of 25-40 lbs that you could be AHEAD come January 1st, instead of having to add 4 more months to your program just to get off the self-indulgence weight you put on!

    My warning is for me as much as for anyone else. THINK. Take a few moments before all the craziness and THINK about your course of action and your resolve and how committed you actually are. Do you want to wake up on January 1st absolutely loathing and hating yourself? Or do you want to wake up with boundless energy and a huge optimism about the new year! (Regardless of which party ends up controlling the house/senate!) Just some words of advice. Hope you were able to take something good away from this blog today!

  • Successful Weekend!

    I came back from Phoenix last night pretty late, and it was so good to see my precious little family! It was also a good time at my Mom's 60th Birthday Tea. I ended up wearing the black and white dress, with a black and white headband, and black patent leather wedge shoes that must have put 3-4 inches on me! I looked tall and sleek! It was great!

    What was really great, too, is that all of the LA Kings (hockey) came to my mom's tea party. The Ritz has it's tea room set up between the main foyer and the bar/restaurant. So, since it was about 1:00 pm (and lunchtime) the LA Kings happened to be in need of lunch in the private dining they walked through and were all dressed up in suits and things...through a room full of 40 ladies ranging in age from 12 yrs old (my neice) to about 70 years old. They trickled back out again one or two at a time, looking very sheepish and embarrased that they were interrupting out tea program. It's fun to see manly professional hockey players "slink". I found some humor in it anyway!

    I saw many friends, and an old boyfriend from high school! No, that one wasn't planned...we happened to pull up right next to eachother at the same stop light at the same time. I wouldn't think anything of it if it were a small town, but we're talking the Greater Phoenix Area which is over 3 million by now I am sure! We pulled over and chatted for 5 minutes or so, and I have to tell you I didn't feel self-conscious about my weight too badly, because I'm down 64 lbs and I actually look pretty darn good right now...ok, still over 200 and 5'2", but I think I look decent! So it was pretty fun. He is still single and resolved never to marry and never to have children. That's great, but I wanted different things.

    What a coincidence.

    Saw the Guardian with my sister, had coffee with my old best friend from high school, went to church at my old youth pastors church, Cornerstone Fellowship in Chandler, (he's the pastor now!) and it was so fun.

    Ok. Now that the news of what happened is done and out, I'll report how I did on Medifast. I didn't get everything in. The first day, Friday, I was pretty well buttoned up except my Lean and Green and last meal when I got there, so it was quite simple to get that in, had salmon and green beens and a chocolate pudding later.

    Saturday I stayed pretty much on schedule, I think I only had 4 MF meals though, and got the Lean but not the green. Sunday was a semi-disaster, only got 4 MF meals in and NO lean and green. My parents and sister changed the plan on my be deciding NOT to go out for an early the lean and green I WAS going to have then didn't happen, and my folks didn't have anything suitable in the house for me. Ended up having oatmeal in the morning at 8, then a bar at 11, then I didn't eat until 4pm as I fell asleep for a couple hours, so ate MF meal at 4, then went to the airport. I had already had my bar, so couldn't have another one so went without anything until I got home at 10 pm, and had a shake. Crazy. All in all I lost 3/4 lb, which is great. I probably would have lost more except I KNOW I didn't get all my water in AT ALL! So I'm drinking tons today. But I thought all in all it went well.

    There were lots of yummies and tasties at the tea, but I gave my DAD my portion because I wasn't eating anything. I had some tea with a little milk in it and that is all. Just spent the rest of the time socializing.

    Very very very fun.

    Now I get to catch up on the blogs for a few days!
  • Off to Phoenix!

    I'm off to Phoenix today! It will be very exciting and surreal to have 2 whole days of having no responsibilities whatsoever! Very odd! Since my son Julian was born 2 years ago I have not left him for so long! He'll be with my husband, and they'll both be fine, but it's just odd.

    For those who were keeping up with my Pink Dress Saga, I haven't tried it on since last week and I'm just not going to. I know it doesn't fit the way it is supposed to fit, and although I desire wholeheartedly to wear it, I also know that if someone is overweight it is not very wise to wear things that are too tight. It would accentuate the two cantaloupes (or are they honeydews?) that cling, unwelcomely I might add, to my upper outer thights. (Also known as "saddlebags") LOL! No, No, I will wear something that is flattering to my shrinking figure. Never fear. I do finally get to wear my sexy red shoes, though, and that is exciting.

    So all is not lost.

    I will be staying with my sister, and I have all my MF meals packed and ready to go. I have my coffee, my splenda, and I have asked her to stock her fridge with Coke Zero and half and half. So my routine won't be altered and I will be able to stick 100% on plan.

    I used to have the mentality that when I went on vacation, I left my diet at home. I finally realized that would only be possible if I could leave my body at home, too, and that is impossible. So, no vacations away from the Plan. It only hurts me in the long run if I try to chuck the plan while I'm gone. I won't do it. This is for ME, and I am worth more than any of my neice's Halloween candy. JUST SAY NO!

    I will be taking my laptop, so I may check in with y'all and see how you are doing as well as post, but...wait, I won't have my wireless access unless I go to a coffee shop...we'll just have to see. You may not hear from me until Monday.

    So have a great weekend, all, stay 100% on plan. I have to go clean my kitchen now so my husband isn't vexed with me when he gets home and has a messy house to content with.

    Bye! Oh, I almost forgot, 203.5 this morning, I am SO CLOSE to being in the 100's! Maybe even by Monday? Ok, that's a bit optimistic....but next Friday wouldn't be completely out of the question.....

  • I can taste the 100's!

    Officially 5 1/2 lbs away from One-Derland! I think 2 more weeks ought to do Thanksgiving, for sure, which was my mini-goal. Then in the 180's by Christmas. Then in the 170's by end of January, and hopefully 175 by Valentine's Day. That is my goal, and on the MF plan I can succeed! You've no idea how many times I've bought a brand new journal for my brand new way of life, mapped out how much weight I was going to lose in how much time, and then failed to get past the first week.

    But this plan is way different. I felt it the moment I ordered it. I've been on MF since July 27th, and have lost 45 lbs on the program. I lost 16 before I started MF, from my high of 266 1/2. I'm down 61 lbs total at this point, headed to 70!

    I'm a huge numbers person...statistics was my favorite college course. Probably should have been an accountant.

    Have a great week, all!
  • I said I'd be back I am!

    I said I'd be back today to blog more, so here I am. Had to take the wee one in to the Children's Hospital for labs (uuugh for him!!!) because he is allergic to peanuts. Poor little man, hates to be stuck...who doesn't? We'll get the results in the next week or two. I took him in for a possible egg allergy, so they are testing for that too because the scratch test came back negative and the Doctor is not convinced the scratch test was accurate. But the scratch test DID come back positive for peanuts, AND for the Flu Vaccination! Bummer.

    Things are going well for me, I am feeling much more peaceful about myself and my weight loss. As long as the scale is going down, even a little bit, I will take it and be thankful. I was whining earlier because it was "only" 1/4 lb. Shame on me! I am thankful for it, and looking forward to more in the near future.

    Update on the pink dress saga...I can't wear it yet. I know, I know, I am sad about that. It is a beautiful dress, and I will just put it away until the spring. It will be too large in the spring, but it's the kind of style (pink silk tank-style) that it can be worn a little larger, and therefore would be more supple and flowing. I can't wait to find an occasion to play dress up in it....I'm shooting for Valentines Day. My hubby can take me out and show me off. I have a Pashmina Shawl to wear with it (white) as well as cute little white peep-toe "almost" flats. Fun fun fun. Maybe by then I'll actually be be able to wear some hot high stiletto's instead! Ok, I'm resolved.

    So for this Saturday at the Tea at the Ritz, I'm wearing my black and white dress which I bought alont with the pink one, for back up. It's a nice rayon material and calf-length. Short-sleaved (it IS sis said it was 90 degrees over the weekend).

    I'm also going to a 2-year old's birthday party, and will see several friends whom I have not seen for a long time. I'm pretty sure I'm smaller now than I was the last time I saw them.

    I gave my beautiful LLBean long lined hooded jacket away to a friend today...why, you ask? I'll tell you why! It was a 2X, and although it was tight on my last winter, I swim in it now! I'm almost into a regular XL now (just about an inch or two more lost around the chest/hips and I'll be in it. I'm usually not this into clothes, you have to understand this is new to me. But I have deliberately started taking better care of myself, being a little more girlie-girlish with (oh my gosh!) face care products and all! So I am enjoying this new phase, and owning a few nice classic pieces of clothing in my wardrobe. My size 18 jeans are getting looser, which seems to just have happened in the last few days. Yay for me! I think I'm shrinking a bit in the hips and butt.

    Phew! I knew I had to sometime, my hips and butt couldn't stay the same while everything else was shrinking! How scary would that be! They had to give it up sometime!

    Well, time to go change out the laundry. I feel pretty.
  • So slow!

    Okay then, I'm down another 1/4 lb today. It seems like the weight is crawling off my body! 1/4 lb at a time.....which is only 7.5 lbs/month and I'm not really that happy with that! But I have to be. The alternative is to gain. I don't want that. I'll blog longer later.
  • Got through the Munchie Monday!

    I got through the munchie monday! I had a cappucchino at 4 and just finished a fruit punch at 7, so I'm done for the day and anticipating a loss tomorrow! Hopefully my run yesterday had some residual benefit through the day today. Little man ended up NOT taking a nap, and daddy is putting him to bed right now after his bath. Mmmmm. I think I need to go to bed after a bubble bath myself! Hubby and I have both had a really weird day! I wonder if it's because a low pressure system moved in this afternoon? That always makes me crazy. It used to really make my two cats crazy and grouchy, so I know it has to have some effect on me! Ever notice that? The pressure drops, the wind comes in, and people just get grouchy! Ok bye for now!
  • It's "I have the muchies" Monday

    Yeah, you heard me, I have the major munchies. They always seem worse if I have a MF snack! I just had the Ranch Soy Crisps with 1 roma tomato drenched in balsamic vinegar and minced garlic, and mmmmmmboy oh boy it just triggers something in me that makes me want more! What is that? Sheesh!

    I was going to keep it simple today....oh hey, I just noticed it's time for me to have another MF wonder I'm snackie!

    Like I said, I was going to keep it simple today but then a friend called who is in from Sweden. She is a dear friend who lived with my hubby and I for about a year, and now is a chef at a Bible School in Sweden. Part of the Torchbearer Bible Schools for post-high-school study. My husband and I met at one of their schools in Austria 17 years ago, and then I worked for the one in Estes Park Colorado for 3 years before having my son. The schools are very near and dear to my heart. So my friend Heidi went off to Sweden, as she has her culinary arts degree from Scottsdale Culinary Institute and she is loving it! But she was in town for just a few days here, and I wanted to see her so it was just easiest to meet at Chili's for lunch.

    I finally decided what the best thing for me to order at Chili's is! It's not one of the salads, because by the time you run through the description of the salad and tell the waitress what NOT to put in it, it seems futile ordering anything! So, I got the grilled chicken sandwich MINUS the bread, cheese, and bacon. Extra lettuce and tomato. There! That was easy! I get my lean and my green, but I did order a side/house salad with honey mustard dressing on the side for dipping my fork into.

    I'm going to do that from now on! It worked great, it doesn't involve croutons or cheese or bacon bits or candied nuts or tortilla strips or ANYTHING crazy like that, and it gets me my chicken breast without having to order a full dinner entree! I've gotten the fajita's there before (minus the tortillas and sour cream and guacamole, as well as the beans and rice for that matter) and I find that the fajita "grilled" vegetables are just too greasy! It's like they pan-fried the whole thing and called it "grilled!" I never see a good weight loss the next day after having the fajita's (protein and veggies basically)

    So! It's not so simple of a day afterall. My son got a really late naptime, and in fact is still not asleep at 3:43 pm! Sheesh, if he doesn't go to sleep soon I may as well get him up and give him an early bedtime! Poor guy, it's not his fault, I was out running around until after 2pm! And if he doesn't get down by 1 or 1:30 it's all over.

    I'd like to go for a run when the hubby gets home, although it will be dark already and we have mountain lion around here. Scratch that. It's the eliptical trainer for me!

    Well I'm just rambling now! But it was good to see my friend Heidi! She called me "skinney-butt!" She was thrilled to see me taking care of myself like I am. I told her if she wants to do MF once we sell our house I can afford to support her with MF products for a few months instead of sending monthly support. She will think about it. She is single, and 32, and absolutely beautiful, inside and out....except that she carries some extra weight around, and has actually told me she's gained about 20 lbs since going to Sweden last March. I would love to see her lose about 70 lbs, and I'm sure she would love to see it too! So we will see.

    Ok, little man is a tough nut to crack this afternoon! I'm going to see if he just wants to get up now.

    Have a great day, all!
  • On Running and Thanksgiving!

    Nothing can stop me now! This last week I decided to try lightly jogging again, like I tried 13 lbs ago. 13 lbs ago I jogged about 20 secs for every minute,and kept it up for about 15-20 minutes. It was a great workout, but I found that my hips were sore the next day. I determined I was not at a weight yet that my body would benefit from jogging! So I waited a month or so, and I tried it two days ago again...just some light walk/jog combination exercise, and yesterday I felt great! No sore hips! So I did my full "Body for Life" workout routine this morning...feel great! Can't wait to continue incorporating this into my new lifestyle. I absolutely LOVE the exercise endorphins I get after a really good workout! It's better than a sushi binge! And much healthier for me!

    I have an excellent pair of new running shoes and whenever I lose weight, it's always so exciting to get the the point where I can jog again! I really do like jogging, actually. I can say honestly I love to jog! I've decided that nothing can stop me now. As the weight drops off I will be beginning to train for a marathon, and I will do that marathon in the summer of '08. In some exotic location like Venice. With my family cheering me on! I deserve it! Yip yip yip yahoo!!!

    So, folks, as I said, nothing can stop me now. It's only a matter of time and effort and MF!

    It's been so encouraging reading the boards and seeing the New people come online on MF! You are all so courageous! You can always tell that someone is WAY serious about losing weight when they start their weight loss program just before the holidays. You all ROCK! And it's cool that you've decided to make this holiday season about being healthier. YOU CAN DO IT! I was just talking to hubby last night about this Thanksgiving. We don't have extended family in town, it's just me my hubby and our darling baby boy. This year, we are going to have a nice Thanksgiving feast of.......Chicken with Wild Rice! and 2 hours later we'll have some nice pumpkin pudding! (I'm going to get a can or pureed pumpkin and add a few tsp or tbsp to the vanilla pudding!) And we'll have turkey breast and salad for our lean and green! We'll stretch it out and just have a Thanksgiving Day of giving thanks, and staying ON PROGRAM!

    I hope you all have the best of success this week. Happy Medifasting!

    BTW, I've been on MF 3 months now, and I'm down 44 lbs and 16 from before MF totalling 60 lbs in all. I've "only" got 90 to go!
  • Plateaus and Ramblings....

    So here I am at my plateau again! 207 1/2! I'd hoped to be under 205 when I fly to Arizona next Friday for my mom's 60'th b-day Tea, (RitzCarlton) but my hopes on that are beginning to fade.

    So today, no oatmeal. No pudding. The only thing I'm having today, are 4 shakes, one creamy soup, 1 tsp of half and half (instead of 2 Tbsp), and my lean and green with fish and romaine lettuce. All my water (of course) and that should bring me down into the 206's tomorrow! Here's for hopin'!

    It's crazy what can throw your brain off and get you depressed! Last week it was the "interrim" pictures that threw me for a loop (I thought I looked better than that!) This week it's the plateau. I think next time I'm at Walmart I'll buy a long mirror, to hang on the back of the bedroom door, so I can really see realistically what I look like. Otherwise my perception is that I'm skinnier than I actually am, and then I'm shocked into reality when a photo is taken.

    On a different note, I got a black velvet skirt with silver sparklie banding at the bottom in a size 14 for Christmas Eve celebrations. I'm in an 18 right now, I figure in 2 months I should be in a size 14. I don't think that's an outrageous mini-goal!

    So, as always since July 27th, I'm in it for the long haul and I've made a conscious binding decision to reach my goal of 118, and dealing with the emotions along the way is just the stuff of life. It doesn't matter what I FEEL, (ie I feel like the diet isn't working so well, or I feel fat, or I feel a little anxious and depressed about the fact that I'm so huge...) It only matters what I DO, and I am DOING the program. As the phrase goes "come hell or high water." Physiologically and mathematically it is a certainty that if I do the program long enough, the weight WILL come off. Just takes time, and just takes motivation enough to wait it out. I think that's why there is an asterix* saying "results not typical" because a great many Medifasters lose heart at the time it actually takes. The program works, and by comparison with other programs it works pretty damn fast! But for us "instant gratificationers" nothing is ever fast enough to suit us! We wanted this weight off YESTERDAY!

    Patience, Grasshopper.
  • Keto-strips driving me nuts!

    Ok, so I was at Costco yesterday and bought some "keto-strips" at the pharmacy. I've always been curious about how my body is losing weight, or why it has seemed to slow or stop this week...anyway, I broke out the bottle this morning, and it showed "trace" amounts of ketosis in the am, and zero or "negative" ketosis for the rest of the day so far! I am stumped because I haven't cheated at all in the last several weeks, and have been doing the program very very faithfully! Shouldn't I be in ketosis? Help, someone! And no, I don't eat the bars! Help!
  • Hubby said I looked good today.....

    My hubby said I looked good today. Made my day. Also makes the whole MF journey worth it. I'm down 59 total. Fifty Nine Pounds! Been at sort of a plateau lately, but I think I'm coming out of it. I have this fear deep down that one day MF will just stop working. It is an irrational fear, but it is a fear nonetheless. I have to keep proving my fear wrong!

    So part of the reason I think my hubby said I looked good was because I was actually "put together" as far as clothes go, and had make-up on and had done my hair (and brushed my teeth!). It's amazing what comes so naturally to some people (not me!) that others of us have to learn! Like taking time to take care of me during my day. This morning I parked my "little man" Julian in his pack'n'play infront of the Charlie and Lola show on Disney, and did 20 minutes of eliptical training. Followed by a shower. Followed by deoderant, teeth brushing, face washing, and picking out a nice outfit. Got dressed.

    This is something refered to in website as "dressing to the shoes." and she recommends doing it every day. This is a foreign concept to me but I am learning, and I am liking it. I'm learning it's not "selfish" in the normal connotation of "selfish" to spend time on one's self in the course of a day. It is more of a self-awareness that up until now I have not possessed. Which is why I let myself get to 266 lbs in the first place. It was an extreme LACK of self-awareness. It was an unhealthy end of the spectrum and I pray it will NEVER happen again. But I need to learn how to be and remain self-aware. Baby steps.

    I wore one of my new Dale of Norway sweaters today, and have decided I am glad I bought them. I used to wear frumpy ole' sweatshirts all the time, and I have decided that I am going to kick it up a notch and dress more classy. Not because I feel comfortable doing it, but because I am remaking myself into who I want to be. I want to be a lady and a mom and a sexy wife who when other people see her (me) they think "now there's someone who knows how to take care of herself."

    Which means brushing my teeth every day. Which means picking out outfits to wear that fit right and look classy. No more t-shirts for me. no more sweatshirts unless I am exercising or sleeping somewhere where it's really really cold. No more NOT washing my face in the course of a day or two or three. No more skipping my daily shower or daily hair-washing. Seems like alot to think about, but it will get easier with time. I deserve it.
  • Going to see a professional counsellor!

    Ok, that's it. I have zero impulse control. Ok, let me revise...I have zero impulse control with everything EXCEPT Medifast. I can do Medifast, and that is good! But it seems like other areas of my life have gotten even more out of control, the main example being my out of control spending habits. It's interesting what dealing with your stuff regarding food will do to the other problem areas of your life. I actually think they are all related...lack of impulse control, lack of self-denial or self-discipline. And since I am dedicated to MF, the dike is breaking in other areas because the pressure has increased in those areas since food is no longer an outlet. I'm glad I'm finally dealing with my stuff, though, instead of distracting myself from it. It will be interesting to see what the counsellor says. I am making an appointment on Monday. I'm tired of what this issue turns me into....a person who doesn't keep her word. I told my DH I wouldn't be buying anything else on EBAY after he checked in with me on Saturday morning, and then I proceeded to make myself a liar by going ahead and buying more things.

    I like Dale of Norway and Nordstrikk sweaters. They are perfect for this climate (Colorado) and so classy looking. But can I buy just one of each? No, I have to buy 9 sweaters. NINE SWEATERS! These sweaters cost between $200-360 each new, and I got them all for incredible deals....spend $550.00 total and rationalized it was for my birthday....but NINE SWEATERS? I think that is a good object lesson for things getting to the peak of being out of control in this area. It was like me hitting 266 lbs....just the last straw. And this behavior of mine, the spending, is unhealthy for me and my marriage and family also. If I can lack such judgment and control in this incident, where am I going to pull it from in things that really matter? What will I teach my son? I will teach him exactly what I model.

    So anyway thanks for listening. This is intensely personal stuff I'm sharing, and it is something I need to deal with. NOW.
  • Patting myself on the back....

    Ok, so I'm going to pat myself on the back for a great weekend. Not on the scale, I think I'm at a mini-plateau...but for getting through it! On previous diets I've always had a problem on the weekends. I think it was because weekends are supposed to be for rest and relaxation, and you usually go out to eat on weekends. Since I've been on MF, weekends have not been a problem for me...but this weekend my hubby was out of town and I feel like I've been in a bit of a blue funk. Too much diet coke, yes, but I did get all my water in yesterday and today. I just have to start considering my 8 glasses of water just as much a part of the MF program as the food! I have a tendency to minimize the water....but ultimately, if I'm not getting all the water in, I'm not doing the program 100%, and my weight loss will be slower.

    So as of right now, I will consider myself "cheating" if I don't get all my water in. And, since I'm committed not to cheat, it means I'll have to always get all my water in, now won't it? I've done so well planning all my MF meals on time and on schedule, so I'm deciding here and now to just get over what ever mental hurdle I have against water and just do it. Not because I like to or prefer to, but because I have to. I love the quote from the movie "The Gladiator" when Russell Crowe's steward says "Sometimes I do what I want to do...the rest of the time, I do what I have to." That is my motto for the week.

    Have a great week, all!
  • Hubby's out of town, feeling a little down....

    So, my DH is out of town, in California at a screenwriting expo...go figure! And I'm holding down the fort with little man. He gets a little anxious when daddy's not here to do the bedtime routine with him...he is such a dear! I am worn out! Usually I sort of "hand" off Julian to Dave when he gets home from work (he's the best hubby in the world, he pretty much takes him completely after dinner for the bedtime routine! me a few moments to take a breather and relax.)

    So I'm a little frazzled and can tell my patience with myself and stupid little things is running a tad low. Didn't lose today, so that was a bummer, was actually up a quarter. That didn't set my day off on a good foot. Glad hubby's home tomorrow night. That's all for now, I just don't feel like doing much of anything but curling up with a tall glass of water, maybe some apple cinnamon herbal tea, and watching a sappy movie. Maybe "Down with Love" or "The English Patient." Now I'm feelin' better!
  • Refocus, Refuel, Renew

    I've struggled with focus and self-discipline my whole life. Anyone who knows me knows that there are three areas where I (used to) fail miserable. First is weight, second is finances, third is housecleaning. There is one thing all of these issues have at their core. Self discipline. It's very hard to begin learning self-discipline and delaying gratification as an adult. But my issues with the above three areas boil down to exactly that. I think I'll write a seminar one day on "the care and feeding of self-discipline." Right now I'm in my research phase, but there are two aspects that just jump out at me. Two tools that are vitally necessary for self-discipline to take root and have any chance at all of blossoming in my life. The first is focus, the second is action.

    I've never had a problem focusing. For ever so brief periods of time I can intensely focus on one thing. For a few seconds. Until the distraction comes in ... "what's that over there? Hey you wanna go ride bikes?" Crazy. It's the followthrough, the action after the plan that I lack. I've the best intentions, I voice them all the time. But then I get sidetracked. That was the old me.

    The new me is an intentional being, with followthrough to back up her words. This is who I am working to be. For example, how many times have I said "I want to lose weight." Umpteen millions, at the very least! But this is the first time I have really, I mean REALLY been as committed as is necessary to accomplish such a monumental task as losing 148 lbs. Sorry, 148 1/2 pounds. That person is me. I'm going to do it. I figure at 10 lbs a month I'll be there by the end of next July. Hence, my sign in name :"goalbysummer". That person is me. You will look on the boards next August, and see my name, my picture, with "lost 148 lbs *results not typical" next to it. You can take that to the Bank.

    Where did this newfound motivation come from? I mean, come on, how many times in the past have I started and failed. I'll tell you. I don't blame myself for what I am about to share, it happened. It was a wake-up call to me, and I am convinced that the Lord orchestrated it in my life in order to set me straight on getting serious about my weight and my health.

    In July of this last year, I, being 5'2" and weighing a whopping 250 lbs, was walking away from my husbands office on the sidewalk, holding my darling precious baby boy Julian. Julian is a miracle child. You can read his story of survival at as he was not "supposed" to survive. But he did. Anyway, I was walking away from the office and my right foot came off a 1 inch curb onto the asphalt when I wasn't looking or ready for it. As a result, I lost my footing temporarily and the momentum behind the new unexpected direction I was traveling send me into a slow dive to the ground. Holding my baby. Holding my 20 month old son. We both toppled to the ground, Julian still in my arms, and I can still remember the sound his head made when it struck the asphalt. My whole world stopped. I picked him up off the ground and just sat there, holding him, as he was crying and I was crying. We went to the emergency room, and thank the Lord he was OK. A few scrapes on the side of his head, a little blood, but no major swelling, no concussion.

    This woke me from my food induced slumber, denial, dreamland. You see, if it is just about me, I guess I don't care enough about my own health and well being to motivate me to real change (weird to say, but I'm working on that!) But if my weight is actually endangering my own son's life, damn it I'm going to do something about it. I couldn't help realizing that it was my weight that had caused me to not be able to recover my footing. It all happened so slowly, that if I had not been carrying (at that time) 130 extra pounds on me, I could have put my foot underneath me again and regained my balance. That incident threw me into a depression for 5 days, until I saw the advertisement for Medifast in a magazine. I ordered the products that night, already feeling and knowing that something was different this time. I got the product and started the day I got it. I haven't looked back. I have only deviated from the program twice. Two days in a row I lost focus for a moment, long enough to eat 4 or 5 bags of soy crisps. The following day I had about a cup of pinenuts. I got immediatly back up off my butt and got back on program. Except for the occasional extra diet soda, I am 100% on and 100% honest with myself since then.

    My strategy is simple, and it works for me. 5 medifast meals. 1 lean and green. Occasional exercise. I don't tinker. I don't experiment. I don't add. Now don't get me wrong, for many people it is essential for them to try different things to keep them interested and motivated. That is fine. What works works. For me, however, the MF meals could taste like ashes for all I care, I'd still mix 'em with water and eat/drink them. Because for me it's not about enjoying the food or enjoying the program. This is about survival. For me, for my son, for my marriage, for a slew of other reasons. That is why even if I don't see a loss for a few days...sure it's hard on me...but I don't waver. I don't grab a Mike's Hard Lemonade and say "screw it" even though alcohol was probably the biggest thing I miss. I will see this through.

    My brother-in-law asked me what my motivation was tonight. I relayed to him the story of Julian and my fall in July. That's what got me thinking about it. It was the best and worst thing that ever happened to me. I just needed to refocus on that for a bit. Thanks for listening.
  • Took a bunch of pictures last night...

    OK, so I took some interim pictures of me, and posted them along with some before pictures. I was very pleased with the results when I cropped down the pictures to face-shots only, but I seriously think I lost my 58 lbs from my cheeks and neck, and nowhere else! Looking at the body shots I feel like I look just as huge. It was kind of disheartening. In one of my interim shots, I wore the same clothes as I had on at the before picture. You can see that the pants are falling off, pooled on the floor at my feet. And the sweater hangs really loose, the buttons are not straining. But other than that, the full body shot still looks, well, BIG! And I guess it's a good thing to see, because my perception of myself rarely has matched reality. For example, when I was 266 lbs, I felt big, yes, but I didn't feel HUGE! But I was. Now I think I'm just BIG. Hopefully the next 20-30 lbs will really start coming off around my hips and thighs and butt. Those are the areas that really need help! The other interim picture I took was in my denim skirt and red velvet top. That will be what I wear for the next interim shot also, for comparison sake. Well, there you have it. Feeling kind of Blah today, but then I woke up with a very sore throat and drank WAY too much diet soda last night late. I'll have to go to the Dr. on Monday if this sore throat continues. I've had it on and off since Monday.
  • Addicted to Addictions!

    It seems my food addictions are being replaced by other addictions...went through an EBAY addiction for awhile, still feel tempted with that and in fact fell off the EBAY-ers Anonymous wagon today...I'm addicted to BLOGS, which isn't a huge bad thing, but it is when your house looks like mine....sheesh, so much to deal with! In fact, I'm going to sign off right now and start to deal with them! Going to clean my kitchen, I'll let you know when it's done. I just love as far as cleaning tips go. My mom never taught me these things, so I have to learn on my own...oh yes, I'm going now.........
  • Queen-sized Panty Hose!!!! 40 lbs gone in 12 weeks!

    12 weeks done, 40 lbs down. That's on MF. I'm actually 58 lbs down altogether, from my high last Christmas. I'm SO FREAKING EXCITED! It only looks like I can contain myself, but actually I'm bursting with joy! JOY JOY JOY JOY JOY! Went to Walmart last night for some let me tell you, I have gotten away with NOT wearing pantyhose for SIX and a HALF YEARS! I've just worn dress pants to anything dressy. Well, I purchased a few pairs. I am SO CLOSE to being in Queen sized (as opposed to plus sized) that I went ahead and purchased a box of 3, because by the time I need them (two and a half weeks at my Mom's fancy 60th B-day Tea at the Ritz Carlton) I will be close to being 200 lbs, which is their guideline max for my height. Then, oh, wait, this is good...THEN, I found myself looking at sized 16-18 tops, which are in a different area than the plus sizes! I'm actually in the cool clothes now! The ones that start at 4-6! It almost escaped my notice, but I pondered on it later and it struck me, that I'm out of the plus sizes! Cool! I can actually go to AnnTaylor's Loft if I want, and actually think I might fit into a 16! Yay yay yay yay yay!

    I met my goal yesterday of 2 liters of water by 2pm, and I also eliptical trained for 15 minutes. I haven't been on the trainer since I started MF! I've been walking outside since it's been so nice, but yesterday the snow was still melting from our first real storm so I either had to start eliptical training in my living room, or abandon my exercise efforts for the winter. (I'm a real "black or white" person...can you tell?) Well, I did it and I don't remember it being so easy! When I did it before MF, I could only do 10 minutes, at about 6 miles per hour, for a total of 1.0 miles and 50 Kcals burned. This time, I programed 15 minutes "just to see", and I ended up averaging 10 miles per hour, for 15 minutes for a total of 2.8 miles and 80 kcals! Wow! I'm stoked to do it again today. We got up early, hubby slept in late on accident so we all got up with him and had breakfast so I thought I'd hit the blog early and then eliptical and clean my house. My son is enjoying little einstein's huge adventure. I wonder that he never seems to get sick of this DVD? He's 2.

    Okay now, time to go. I've also resolved today not to spend so much time on the computer. Talk to you all soon!
  • Two-by-Two!...and a bit about heating blankets!

    Okay, are y'all sick of me yet? My third blog in a day...I just really must be needing this today! Well, it's 1:39 pm and I got my 2 Liters of water in! It's my new motto, "two-by-two!" I find that water is one of my hardest stumbling blocks...half and half is my second hardest. Usually if I fall off a program it's because of one of those two things. Either I'm not getting enough water, or I'm overdosing on the half and half. So, I measure my half and half out every morning in a 2 TBSP measuring spoon. I don't even do two 1 TBSP measures, because I am prone to topping the spoon off as high as it goes...and if I only give myself the opportunity to do it ONCE by using a measuring spoon that is already 2 TBSP, I know I'm sticking to the program better. If I measured out 1 TBSP twice, I'd probably have about 2 1/2 TBSP when all was said and done. Does this make sense? It's about minimizing the cheating opportunities. Easier on me. Anyway, the other one is the water. I don't like water. I can't drink room temperature water, I must have it with ice or cold or not at all. So, getting enough water in is actually hard for me. I just don't plain like it. YUK! Anyway, I have this new motto, and goal, and it is to drink 2 liters of water by 2 pm every day. Today is my first day to do it, and besides peeing like a racehorse (btw, isn't that just a gross analogy? I think so!) I feel great. When I don't get my water in I feel thick all day long. When I get my water in I feel thinner, healthier, lighter. If I make sure to get 2 Liters in by 2 pm, then I can drink up to 1 more liter for the rest of the day, but the pressure is off...I've gotten my minimum in. Just had to throw that in.

    Also, heating blankets. I went to Costco two days ago and saw the most divine apparatus for my needs right now! They had 3 sizes of HEATING BLANKETS by Sunbeam. Now, the King and the Queen sized were rather expensive, running over $60.00 a piece. But the Fleece Throw, now THAT's what I'm talking about ! Best $29.00 + tax I ever spent! I got a red one, and came home and had hubby get it set up for me. You see, he is a furnace. He just is. So, we can never ever no never agree on how high our furnace needs to be at night. But now, oooooh, lap of luxury! Since I've been losing all my previous insulation (fat) I am cold cold cold all the time. Even with extra blankets, I can't seem to generate enough warmth to stay comfortable and get a good night sleep. NO MORE! I have this heated throw that is just big enough to be on my side of our bed, I put it on top of the bottom sheet, and lay on top of it with my down comforter and top sheet on top. Yummy delicious warmth. May I recommend this to anyone who has a problem with being cold? I laid down on it, and instantly felt myself starting to relax. It was almost as good as a massage! Ok, bye for now.
  • I am a non-recovering Blogoholic

    Okay, so here I am, it's 12:30 pm on a Wednesday and I've been at the Blogs for probably 2 hours total today. My house is a mess, so I'm putting that off, but I think more importantly is the fact the reading the Blogs is a very encouraging thing for me. It's this network of like-minded people all pushing for a common goal...getting their lives back! I really enjoy all the posts lately, y'all are such good writers.

    I think I'm becoming addicted to the internet, especially the MF site. I relish the time my son is asleep for his nap, because then I really get some good reading of the blogs in. I can pretty much read every one every day. It helps with ideas, etc. And I've realized something about myself. I'd prefer to comment on other people's blogs than to write my own. Which is why, today, I opened my blog up to comments. If it's good therapy for me to write other people comments, I figure other people must feel the same way and if that helps them on their journey, I don't want to block that. So here you go, my blog is open for comment. Posted some pictures today, one is of me and my son Julian at Disneyland last Christmas. I was at my hugest point ever, busting out of my size 26 jeans. I ought to put those same jeans on now and post a recent picture of me...even the one with my son is about a month old. It's insane how different I look. I don't feel a whole lot different, and I guess that is good and bad. Good because me losing weight is not changing the essence of me. (Cuz I liked me!) Bad because I always want to have an accurate sense of myself, and if I don't feel different my psyche tells me I haven't changed. BAD PSYCHE! Go away! Leave me alone for awhile.

    Anyway, I was commenting on another persons blog how the thing I think I miss the most since being on this program is alchohol. I was not an alchoholic by any means, but the tendency does run in my family. 3 out of 4 of my grandparents were raging alcoholics. One of them ended up a a bagman on the streets of Fresno, CA, after destroying his family and all the relationships he had. Near the end, you could find him by the railroad tracks near the Social Services building, clutching a fifth of vodka and a half-eaten bear-claw doughnut. He was homeless because he couldn't manage himself in an apartment, even though the apartment would have been paid for by his SS check! He set fire to the carpet in the middle of the living room once, and they never let him back in. Anyway, I digress....yes, the thing I miss the most is alcohol. I'd have a Mike's Hard Lemonade once or twice a week, or a glass or two of red wine with dinner. Took the edge off. I miss that escape. I think I will always have to really watch it as far as alcohol is concerned. But isn't it interesting that I haven't missed any single FOOD on the MF program, but I miss my Mikes? Hmmmm....anyway, have a great day y'all!
  • Slow and steady...well, not so steady...but slow!

    Ok, so here's the thing. I have lost 8 lbs in 20 days, which averages 2.8 lbs per week. I am happy, really, but I am also discouraged. I know, I know, it's coming off and that is the main thing. But I haven't been exercising excuse, I have an eliptical trainor...and I haven't been getting in all my water. Too much diet soda.

    So here's my pledge. This week, I will have one cup of coffee and ONE diet soda a day. I will eat fish for my lean and green, and have atleast 2 shakes and one creamy soup per day. I WILL drink my water....I'll have a goal of drinking 2 liters by 2pm. "2 by 2" I'll call it. It is usually in the afternoon that I have the water blahs, probably because I've worked myself into a semi-state of dehydration! So that is what I'll do. And, I will do 10 minutes on the Eliptical every other day.

    I am 209 right now, I can just taste 199! I'm relishing it, I'm yearning for it, I will celebrate with a massage when I get there!

    I've lost almost 58 lbs, and people are really starting to notice. The first 40 lbs I really noticed, as well as my hubby, but no one else really did. They thought I had done my hair differently, or something like that. I was a little discouraged when I'd see people I hadn't seen for awhile, because it wasn't the first thing they'd say. Only after I'd mention I was losing weight would they say "oh, yes! That is what is different!"

    Just give me 10 more pounds and it will be 68 lbs lost, and WOW! People will notice. You see, I had over 140 lbs to lose on a really small frame. When you're as small as me, 5'2", and weight over 260 lbs, big is just big. Even at 209, I'm still big. So, big is big. Now, looking at previous pictures from last Christmas I can REALLY see a difference...but....big is big.

    I am flying to Phoenix for my Mom's 60th Birthday...having a tea at the Ritz Carlton with 40 or 50 of her "closest friends". It's not like that, really, my mom is actually one of the most unpretentious people you'd ever meet. She has Metastatic Breast Cancer of the Bone, because she had breast cancer a few years ago and although she was operated on and had a mastectomy and chemo and all, it still spread and came back in her spine. So, she's been battling that again for about two and a half years. It's tough on her, so we are very happy she is turning 60! What a milestone. Anyway, I started that story for two reasons. Firstly, the fact that I will be flying on an airplane, and I haven't flown on an airplane for almost 3 years! I've never had to ask for a seat-belt extender, as my fat is very pliable....and as I said I have a small frame...

    But secondly, Mom sent me $100.00 to go get something nice to wear for the tea...I went to Nordstrom's Rack and bought 3 dresses! One of them is a size 10 goal dress for next summer, in a white eyelet and very pretty feminine pattern. The second is a 1X black and white dress that I can wear right now, and it's very loose and swayie. The third is the one I really want to wear to the is a pink silk sleeveless (tank style) silk calf-length "slip-type" dress that is very feminine and very beautiful. It is an XL. It was normally $228.00, marked down to $69.00 and I will wear it with a little lacey shawl-type thing to cover my massive arms...but we'll see if I can fit into it! I can get it on right now, but my cantaloupe-sized saddle-bags really detract from the overall sillouette. (even with a girdle..but I CAN fit into a 38D Girdle! Holy cow! Yay!) I'm hoping in 2 1/2 more weeks I will have lost at least 5 lbs FROM THAT SPOT!!! I know, wishful thinking but we'll see. If I wear it I will post some pics.

    Anyway, enough rambling for now, my son needs his breakfast and I need to get my day going.
  • Body is shifting sizes

    OK, so here I am, I survived eating out and having people over for a potluck this weekend, and I maintained! I tried a beef patty yesterday for my L&G which is unusual for me...usually stick with chicken or fish. Ended up maintaining through the weekend, but here's the thing...I think my body is shifting sizes! I was able to actually try on an Ann Klein size 16 dress on Saturday at Nordstrom's Rack! I was so stoked! I haven't been a size 16 for 6 years. The last time I was a size 16 was during Body for Life, when I got down to 170 lbs. I was actually quite a bit under a size 16, but then I let myself gain 96 lbs in 6 years! Who does that? Just typing it gives me the heebie-jeebies! That is over 15 lbs/year of gain! Wow.

    I'm doing something about it, though, and that is the main thing. I will not have a husband or son who think their wife/mom is a fattie anymore. Yeah, I'm not afraid to say it. I was/am/refuse to be anymore a fattie.

    So I feel like although I've maintained for a few days I'm dropping inches. I'll keep clinging to that thought as I continue to weigh every day to see my progress. Oh yes, Julian's appointments went well, although his creatinine was up to 3.5, and my 3 biopsies came back benign. I couldn't ask for a better week!

    I'm not feeling too well right now, got a sore throat that is threatening to become more than just a sore throat...usually I'll get a sore throat for a few days which turns into a wicked nasty cold. First the throat, then the sniffles, then the cough. yuck. It could be worse, I could be in Buffalo! It's supposed to snow here tomorrow night, the first real snow. I live just north of Boulder in Colorado. Go Buffs.

    Bye for now.
  • Just a quick post!

    So, I'm 10 lbs away from onederland. Down from 266 1/2. What an accomplishment, I'm thrilled and motivated and lovin' life! My son had is kidney/bladder appointment yesterday, and they said he's still stable, and we're still shooting for a kidney transplant in the next year or so. He's two years old TODAY! Happy Birthday Julian!

    Just had to step in and say hello.
  • My birthday is coming! My gift to myself is.........

    I'm so excited, my birthday is coming in two weeks, and for the first time in my life I will not be celebrating with food. NOPE! No cake, No special dinner, no NOTHING! Why? Because I've decided the best gift I can give myself right now is staying on program and on track. Can't lose my momentum, mental or otherwise. Last month I was thinking of all these places I could go....sushi, Canyon Cafe, Benihahas, etc. One of my absolutely favoritest foods in the world is Sushi. I love spicy shrimp tempura rolls. When I was 265 Lbs I used to get two of those for lunch once or twice a week. I thought they couldn't be so bad, could they? I looked up that calorie count on ONE roll, and it is 510 calories. That means I was having 1020 calories worth of food for LUNCH! No wonder I wasn't hungry till atleast dinner on those days! Sheesh! Then I though, Oh, I love the grilled vegetable pasta at Canyon Cafe (Or Sam's Cafe in some places). I nixed that idea too. IF I go to dinner with my husband, I will go to Canyon cafe, and get the grilled vegatable pasta with chicken, but HOLD the pasta! Then I get the veggies and the grilled chicken breast and the wonderful flavors they bring, without having the pasta. But I will NOT be "rewarding" myself for getting a year older (It's not that special, everyone does it every year!) by sabatoging myself.

    I've also decided to stay ON MF 100% while on our Mexican Riviera Cruise this winter. YUP It will be a crucial time....December 16-23rd. Do you KNOW what would happen if I compromised on the cruise? I'd probably gain 10 pounds on the cruise, then proceed to gain 5 more pounds over the next two days (Christmas) because all of my resolve and will power would be kaput. So, I am setting myself up for SUCCESS instead of setting myself up for FAILURE. Good plan. Bye for now.
  • I don't know how I feel

    Ever have one of those days where you just don't feel like you are feeling anything? Well, my day has started out that way, but now upon further reflection I realize that I am feeling. I am feeling alot. I got a call from Buffalo New York this morning, the little boy my husband and I have been praying for who was in the Buffalo Children's Hospital died last night. He was a day and a half old. So I cried with his mom, who has become close to us in the last month as they contacted us about our son, Julian, who survived being born with Potter's Syndrome. They found his web site that we had put up to record the daily saga, and they found it very encouraging so they contacted us and we have been praying for them and their son ever since. Well, their son did not make it and I am devastated for them today. Perhaps that is why I have retreated within myself and can't feel right now. I'm upset. Also, my TOM finally started in earnest today, it'd been threatening for two days and finally it came. A week and a half late, but it came. So weird, I'm usually like clockwork. They say MF can do that. Still, wierd.

    I'm also still waiting for the results of my biopsies, I guess no news so far is good news....we'll just see. That has me on edge to. Sheesh, I used to stuff all this emotional stuff with food. Food was the painkiller. Food numbed me to life. Now I get to deal with it in all it's emotional glory, and it's just different and a little scary. I do rely on the Lord my God and He is the one who has given me the strength and steadfastness to stay on this diet. He has actually been changing me tremendously this month, in the area of diet, finances, and housecleaning, which are the three areas I struggle with. These are all related, of course, to delaying instant gratification, and obtaining self discipline instead. I was never good at that. I'm getting better, Praise God.

    This week has also been crazy with all the school shootings. I saw an interview with a lady the other night who said she was going to home-school her kids. (Her's were enrolled at the school in MO with that kid with the AK-47). The commentator after the video clip immediately said "studies have shown, however, that school is still the safest place for children." I say bull to that! What studies? Were these studies done using households with large incidents of domestic violence? Or with no parent at home? Well of course....that's a no brainer. But I am a stay-at-home mom with a loving husband, and my home is the SAFEST place for my son. If the government cannot ensure a safe learning environment for my son, and they CAN'T because there are so many wackos out there these days that do unthinkable things people wouldn't even expect in their own hometown schools, then by gosh and by golly my son is learning at home. it makes sense to me. Anyway, so that's my rant.

    MF wise, I'm doing great. I've spread my protein out throughout the day so as not to be so full after one meal, and I'm not eating the full 7 oz. I know, I know, don't change the program, etc. All I know is that when I was getting 4-5 oz of protein the first 2 months I was losing GREAT. Then I upped it to 7 because of all the posts that encouraged doing the full 7, and I stopped DEAD IN MY TRACKS. We are all different. I'm 5 foot 2 and small boned and petite. So I am doing 4-5 oz of chicken breast per day. I simply don't NEED any more than that, and I challenge anyone to show me nutritional guidelines that claim small women need that much protein. I graduated with a degree in Human Nutrition, so believe me I'll be ok.

    It helps to write all this out.
  • PMS'ing all WEEK? Come On!

    I know MF can produce irregular periods, but COME ON!! I should have started last week Sunday, and I've felt bloated all week as a result. Also got some worrying news from the dermatologist today, had 3 "growths" on my face biopsied. He gave me a brochure for skin cancer. Doesn't look good. Hopefully it will be nothing, but I am in pain, on tylenol with codiene because I'm such a baby about pain, and I'm still up after midnight worrying about what the results will be. He can't guarantee me it's NOT melanoma (the deadly kind) but he's pretty sure it is the other kind...the carcinoma which is only local and can be surgically removed (with some significant scarring but I don't care about that.) I have been praying that it is nothing. Maybe I'm overblowing it, I mean they just went to the lab today. Hopefully I will hear in the next couple days...would have to be a weekend! Haven't used any of this as an excuse to overeat or go off program...what would that accomplish? I'm just worried. My husband calls me an Irish Horse, because I'm mostly Irish, and Irish tend to see the worst-case scenario instantly in any given situation. And a Horse because horses have the mentality that anything coming into their pasture is going to eat them. So they are suspicious animals always. So, naturally I am up past midnight worrying about the worst case scenario of this whole thing. I am 16 lbs away from being able to obtain individual portable health insurance, and aside from the fact that I might have SKIN CANCER I'm healthy, with no pre-existing conditions (YET!) If it comes back positive for cancer, I'm virtually uninsurable. That would be hard to swallow. After all this work. After losing 51 lbs already. Part of me thinks I should have waited to go in to the Dermatologist, but then another part of me tells me that I can't delay medical treatment or diagnosis because I don't have health insurance. So, at least if it DOES come back cancer, I'll know I went in at the earliest time I suspected anything might be wrong. So anyway, as I stated in my intro by my picture, this Blog is for me. I'm sorry if that offends anyone, but it has to be for me and no one else or else I won't deal with the things I need to deal with.
  • Recipe for Disaster

    Recipe for disaster:

    ...... Hundreds of women with different viewpoints (and some men!)

    .....Hundreds of DIETING women with different viewpoints.......

    Hundreds of DIETING women with different viewpoint who have a SERATONIN DEFICIENCY........

    Hundreds of DIETING women with different viewpoints who have a SERATONIN DEFICIENCY and computer access and no dog to kick...........

    I think this eruption happens every 1-2 weeks with some regularity.....
  • Shame shame shame on you!

    As a previous "tough love-er" I was ridiculed for my posts, and even changed my log-in name because of the amount of attacks I was receiving for advocating sticking to the plan. Now I've fallen off the plan twice in the last week, and I must say if I had not felt ridiculed for having a no cheat mindset, I may have had stronger resolve. All that to say, when I had a no-cheat mentality and shared it with people, I was NOT supported. My voice WAS silenced to the point that I became demoralized. Shame on any of you who are lecturing this blogger. Who are you? Why should this blogger be condemned? Shame shame shame on all of you who are casting disparaging comments her way, and questioning her faith! Shame shame shame. I have no other words.
  • I'm on to something!

    Ok, a little bit of self-discovery here. For the last two days I have struggled with cheating (not today....yay!) and this after 10 weeks of perfection. Well, I say 10 weeks of perfection but not really...during those 10 weeks I was struggling to get all 7 ounces of chicken/fish in for my L&G so I just didn't. Well, a few days ago I decided I would eat all 7 ounces, because I've been reading in the blogs and from nutritional support that your body needs ALL the protein or it will think it is starving and your weight loss results won't be as good. Well, that was two days ago. I cheated later that day. Yesterday did same all my protein in, and cheated a little later. I put it all together today, and here goes my theory about my actions/psychology behind it. In the last two days, I have been overly full after my L&G. This feeling of being overly full triggered something in my psyche that, contrary to the facts and logic, made some part of my brain think I had cheated. And on past diets, when I would cheat I'd just lose hope for the day and eat whatever I desired until the next day, because in my warped thinking my guilt-o-meter reset at midnight (unless I was still up, then it reset as soon as I went to sleep...) Ok, hear me out here. Since my psyche was convinced I had cheated two days ago, because it had the familiar feeling of over-fullness that used to happen only when I ate too much of the wrong thing, I lost some of my resolve for the rest of the day, while still feeling full, ate more. First night ate soy crisps like they were going out of style...WHILE I WAS STILL STUFFED FROM THE LEAN AND GREEN. Then last night I had an issue with too many PINENUTS....again, in the evening, WHILE I WAS STILL STIFFED FROM THE LEAN AND GREEN. Ok, so today I sit down for my Lean and Green at 3:00 pm, I eat it, all 7 oz of chicken, and again I feel stuffed. About 1/2 hour afterward, still feeling stuffed, I feel myself entertaining wicked thoughts like..."oh, just have one Ghiradelli chocolate's ONLY 4 calories, sure it's a carb, but it's only 1 gram of carb! No one will ever know." I fought off the craving, and instead OD'd on Diet Coke. Not the greatest solution, but it allowed me to think clearly about what was driving me to cheat. Again, I say this, I have only cheated for two days out of 10 weeks, but I had to get a handle on this or it would be my demise on this program. I've decided to split the protein portion into 2 or more servings, so I'm not so stuffed. I think this will help. It will also help to deal with the mental issues head on, to keep discovering why I sabatoge myself and what my triggers are so I can avoid them. Thanks for listening.
  • Those Extras can add up!

    So I made salad last night and added a few toasted pinenuts because my husband loves them....apparently I do too! I didn't pick them out, and after I had my salad I turned my attention to the toasted pinenuts in the jar.....about 1/2 cup to 1 cup of pinenuts later I was totally disgusted with myself. 2nd day in a row I cheated, after 10 weeks of perfection. I looked up the caloric content of 1 C of pinenuts this morning, and guess what? NINE-HUNDREND AND NINE FREAKING CALORIES! I put the scale away, promised myself I wouldn't weigh for a week, and promised myself to do the basic program, no cheats! I can do this, darn-it! I've lost 35 lbs and I want to keep going strong! Nothing standing in my way but myself.
  • Off the Wagon..first time in 10 weeks!

    Oh My. Fell off the wagon. So sick and disgusted about it. Told myself I wouldn't cheat! I'm not sure what came over me, there are lots of excuses. But no reasons. I just did it. It all started a few days ago, actually, leading up to my TOM. I was craving coffee, so I had some extra half and half. Usually I measure my half and half with a Tablespoon measure, and carefully measure out each TBSP of my 2 TBSP allowance, being mindful not to overflow the measuring spoon. Perfection in measuring. Well, I dropped that mindset for a few days, and found myself OD'ing on cups of coffee (3-4 cups per day) with half and half, and too much Diet Coke. Usually the first thing to go in any diet program I do is the half and half, and then the water consumption goes down, and then it's all over.

    Oh yes, the rest of the story...last night I lay down for a few minutes before bedtime (a pre-bedtime nap? whatever!) anyway, got up around 8:00 and realized I hadn't had my last MF meal, and it had been 4 1/2 hours since my Lean and Green. So I had a shake and sat down to read the Blogs. I decided I would have a snack as well, because I was still hungry (psychologically had munchies) and I don't usually utilize my snack option. So, I had a White Cheddar soy crisp snack from my MF stash. When that package was done, I had an Apple Cinnamon. Then I had an Apple Cinnamon. Then I had 2 more White Cheddars! That is FIVE snacks! Including my MF shake that was 440 kcals! Over half of my usual daily caloric intake! After 8 pm! Needless to say, I was devastated with myself, and I was up 1.25 lbs this morning. It goes to illustrate that cheating is a slippery slope...for me, it starts when I stop measuring my half and half.

    It's been 10 weeks, I'm still down 35 lbs, so I am thankful that I had this wake-up call now. I make this pledge to myself that I will not cheat again. I think what is also going on in myself is the following: When I have a special event coming up (such as my Birthday this month) and I am dieting, I tend to sabatoge myself in advance of the event so I don't feel as bad cheating at the event. I don't understand that mentality, but I do recognize it in myself. That's why I have to stop today. I measured my half and half, and I'm going to limit myself to one diet coke and 1 cup of coffee today. The rest will be water water water. No snack, 5 shakes and a Lean and Green today. I'm not punishing myself, I just have to be super strict in order to re-gain my momentum. Thanks for listening.
  • I don't even know what to call this one....

    TOM and bumming out...not actually started yet, but it's that pre-TOM sort of nauseaus, dissatisfied, edgy, crampy, grumpy funk I've been in today. Also been at a plateau for 3-4 days and not happy about it. I know it's probably due to fluid retention, but I am such a black and white person that if the scale is not going down I feel like I'm doing horribly. I get this irrational fear that it will NEVER go down, despite my best efforts. I know this is crazy self-talk. I just try to get through it, go to bed early, and hope tomorrow will be a new and better day. I don't think I'll weight tomorrow, actually. First day in 9 weeks I won't have weighed, but I just don't think I can take the disappointment. I'll wait 1 week and weigh next week Wednesday. Hopefully I'll be down at least 2 pounds. That is my goal. (my minimum goal...more would be better!) Got to get out of this funk. Just had a coke zero to ease my munchy side, and I'll follow it up with 1/2 L of water and go to bed. Sorry so down.
  • Life-givers and Life-suckers

    I have been very hungry today, trying to space my meals out so I don't have too much day left after my last one tonight! Took a hot steaming bubble bath to try to get my mind off the hunger. It's weird, I'm usually not hungry like this. Might have a quick-soup snack to stave off these pangs. I know I'm in ketosis, I've had that sweet taste in my mouth all day. Other than that the day has been a good one. Saw a dear friend of mine in Estes Park, had tea with her and just enjoyed her company. She's in her 80's, and what a dynamite woman she is. I call her "Mrs. T" There are life-givers and there are life-suckers. People who you spend time with and feel energized afterwards...those people are life givers. Other people you are just drained to the hilt and a bit frazzled...those are life suckers. I just needed to be with a life-giver today, and I feel much better. I'm a bit discouraged because my scale doesn't seem to be moving fast enough for me...217 and I need it to say 216-something tomorrow. Why? Because I'm stuck on the numbers. 7 more pounds and I get to schedule a massage at the Posh St. Julien Hotel and Spa in Boulder. Those are my mini-goal rewards...every 20 pounds. We'll see if we can afford it this time around...I may have to wait for the next 20 pound drop. My husband just got back from a weekend in LA at a conference, and today I've been really tired. Really really really tired. I had the little man (my beautiful son Julian) by myself all weekend, and MAN do I respect all you single-moms out there. How do you do it? I have nothing but awe and admiration for your abilities, and I also pray for you that God give you supernatural energy! Time to go.
  • Blogs are for sharing with the community

    "Share photos, thoughts, stories and more with Medifast and the world" This is the purpose of a Blog, as stated by Medifast! I'm so glad Blogs are here!
  • What cookies? What Muffins?

    Am I missing something? I keep reading people talking about MF cookies and muffins and scones, etc. Are there recipes you have for any of these things? Because I don't see any of them in the product lists. Can anyone enlighten me?
  • So glad we can have half and half!!!

    Down today to 217 1/4, bringing my total on MF to 33 1/4 lbs lost. 8.5 weeks. I'm stoked. This morning I poured myself a big glass of ice water BEFORE I sat down to my Maple/Brown Sugar Oatmeal and small cup of coffee with 1 TBSP half and half in it (I only use 1 TBSP with a small cup so I can have another afterwards, and it feels like I've had two whole cups of coffee with cream instead of one...good trick, it works for us coffee people.) Yesterday I realized at 11:30 am that I had not had any water yet for the day, and thought back to the last time I had had had been 18 hours! That is not good. So this morning I'm starting right off. From now on it will be the first thing I do after getting up (after weighing) is to drink a big 16 oz glass of ice water. Otherwise my day gets going and I don't realize that I'm parched! Historically, on any diet I've been on (except this one) I never drank enough water, and I did drink too much half and half. Because it was a "no-no" on other diets (half and half) I would end up "cheating" from the get go, and that just set me up for failure. But I love Medifast, and it may be that the designers knew this would be a hangup for alot of people, so they included half and half, 2 TBSP, as an allowed food. It makes all the difference for me, as I get out my little TBSP measuring spoon and measure out my half and half in the morning. The measuring fosters measuring and control in other areas, and the fact that I'm not cheating in having it with my coffee also keeps me reminded that I am in control. It's way cool. I just had to say that. Have a good day, y'all and keep shrinking.
  • My jeans are falling off! jeans ARE falling off my body! Started MF 2 months ago, went from size 26 to size 18 so far...and after my bath this afternoon I put on my "comfy" size 26 jeans to lounge around and read MF blogs with my Raspberry Crystal Light water...and would you know it, walking from the kitchen to the living room my jeans slid down over my but and I had to pull them up or they would have fallen further and further down with every step! This works, folks! I just read the other gals blog about filling her closet with clothes that are 2-3 sizes too small for her as motivation...I agree! When I started MF I got onto ebay and bought four or five nice designer outfits (Calvin Klein, Chaus, Ann Taylor, etc) in a size 8. I put them in my closet and there they hang....I'm doin' great and I will wear's only a matter of time. Time and determination. Those are the only variables....actually, determination is not a variable because for me that is constant. Time is the only variable. The goal and the determination are constants. Time is "X". It will happen, just a matter of when. I've never been so confident on any other diet I've ever been on. There was always that nagging doubt "but will it work? Cuz I don't want to invest my time, money, energy and heart into something that won't work!" But this does. Relax and do it! You'll be glad you did.
  • using Fat to Insulate Myself from Life

    Ok, in all seriousness and somberness, I was doing a little soul-searching on my 30 minute drive to Costco with my little Bambino in the baby seat in back...and I had sort of an enlightenment. It started when I stopped at the Diamond Shamrock for my customary 2 bottles (710 mls each) of water with FREE, I'll say it again, FREE crystal light "on-the-go" packets. Yum. I try and get two of those down by noon every day because getting my water in has historically been a pitfall for me on diets...anyway, I digress. The checkout lady told me as I was paying that she always likes it when I come through the store. I asked her why, and she said that I always seem so happy. I almost startled I was so shocked by her statement! What do I say? Do I tell her that I put my faith and trust in the Lord, and He's my source of happiness? Do I blow her away with that statement? I decided to tone it down and save that for another day, as follow up to this conversation (she's there alot and I'm sure well speak again!) So instead I counted all my blessings in my head, gave the Lord credit with my heart, and said "I have alot to smile about." Hopefully that will peak her curiousity.

    Anyway, I was reminiscing on this as I was headed through Boulder, and I wondered that people could see me shine now....I realized that even though I was a Christian before now, I have used my weight to insulate myself from feeling. From being joyous. From loving life. I used my weight to make me numb. The weight was a weight not only physically, but emotionally and psychologically, causing me to lose myself and my identity. It was a burden, and it affected every area of my life. And I mean every area. My lack of self control extended to finances, housecleaning, you name it I was an instant gratification junkie. Now that I'm changing, I give God the credit but also am pleased that I am finally doing what He wants me to do. Live. Shine. Love. Laugh. Every day the scale goes down, I feel a little more free.

    Thanks for listening. Bye!
  • Using Fat to insulate myself from life!!

    Ok, in all seriousness and somberness, I was doing a little soul-searching on my 30 minute drive to Costco with my little Bambino in the baby seat in back...and I had sort of an enlightenment. It started when I stopped at the Diamond Shamrock for my customary 2 bottles (710 mls each) of water with FREE, I'll say it again, FREE crystal light "on-the-go" packets. Yum. I try and get two of those down by noon every day because getting my water in has historically been a pitfall for me on diets...anyway, I digress. The checkout lady told me as I was paying that she always likes it when I come through the store. I asked her why, and she said that I always seem so happy. I almost startled I was so shocked by her statement! What do I say? Do I tell her that I put my faith and trust in the Lord, and He's my source of happiness? Do I blow her away with that statement? I decided to tone it down and save that for another day, as follow up to this conversation (she's there alot and I'm sure well speak again!) So instead I counted all my blessings in my head, gave the Lord credit with my heart, and said "I have alot to smile about." Hopefully that will peak her curiousity.

    Anyway, I was reminiscing on this as I was headed through Boulder, and I wondered that people could see me shine now....I realized that even though I was a Christian before now, I have used my weight to insulate myself from feeling. From being joyous. From loving life. I used my weight to make me numb. The weight was a weight not only physically, but emotionally and psychologically, causing me to lose myself and my identity. It was a burden, and it affected every area of my life. And I mean every area. My lack of self control extended to finances, housecleaning, you name it I was an instant gratification junkie. Now that I'm changing, I give God the credit but also am pleased that I am finally doing what He wants me to do. Live. Shine. Love. Laugh. Every day the scale goes down, I feel a little more free.

    Thanks for listening.
  • Wowie Zowie! Less than 100 lbs to lose!

    I am just in 7th heaven. Two days ago I dropped from being morbidly obese (BMI>40) to being obese (BMI30-39.9) and it was the highlight of my week....until...I dropped another pound today and I now have LESS THAN 100 POUNDS TO LOSE! YES! I now weight 217.5 and my goal, as set by MF, is 118! Hallelujah! And, AND, I can now buy clothes at Costco. You heard me. Costco. I bought an XL grey turtleneck two weeks ago, and went back today for a cream colored one and a blue one, and they had no XL left so.....are you ready for this?.....I bought a Large in each color...came fits! I can wear it out and not feel like I need to have a "CENSORED" black bar across my chest or midriff! Praise God. Thanks for coming along on this wild ride of mine...I can tell my husband is starting to think I'm a hottie-tottie.

    Ok, in all seriousness and somberness, I was doing a little soul-searching on my 30 minute drive to Costco with my little Bambino in the baby seat in back...and I had sort of an enlightenment. It started when I stopped at the Diamond Shamrock for my customary 2 bottles (710 mls each) of water with FREE, I'll say it again, FREE crystal light "on-the-go" packets. Yum. I try and get two of those down by noon every day because getting my water in has historically been a pitfall for me on diets...anyway, I digress. The checkout lady told me as I was paying that she always likes it when I come through the store. I asked her why, and she said that I always seem so happy. I almost startled I was so shocked by her statement! What do I say? Do I tell her that I put my faith and trust in the Lord, and He's my source of happiness? Do I blow her away with that statement? I decided to tone it down and save that for another day, as follow up to this conversation (she's there alot and I'm sure well speak again!) So instead I counted all my blessings in my head, gave the Lord credit with my heart, and said "I have alot to smile about." Hopefully that will peak her curiousity.

    Anyway, I was reminiscing on this as I was headed through Boulder, and I wondered that people could see me shine now....I realized that even though I was a Christian before now, I have used my weight to insulate myself from feeling. From being joyous. From loving life. I used my weight to make me numb. The weight was a weight not only physically, but emotionally and psychologically, causing me to lose myself and my identity. It was a burden, and it affected every area of my life. And I mean every area. My lack of self control extended to finances, housecleaning, you name it I was an instant gratification junkie. Now that I'm changing, I give God the credit but also am pleased that I am finally doing what He wants me to do. Live. Shine. Love. Laugh. Every day the scale goes down, I feel a little more free.

    Thanks for listening.
  • Every day I'm shrinking!

    Yes, every day I'm shrinking even more. I should try on my size 18 jeans and see if they fit better now. I was in them last week, but they were skin-tight and they crowded all my belly-fat above the waist-line so I had a spare tire several inches in diameter...can't really wear them out least that was last week. I've not lost ton's of pounds this week, because I've been on a mild plateau nowfor 2 weeks...however, I have been losing inches anyway! I'm so excited about that. Total loss on MF is 32. I can't believe I'm in the 2-teens! Can't wait to get to the 100's! Right now whenever I log my weight, the last two days, it has said "pounds to goal....100.5" I cannot wait until it says "pounds to goal....99!" What an accomplishment. Wish me luck!
  • WoooHoo! I'm OBESE!

    This morning marks a milestone for me! Here's the conversation at the breakfast table....Me: "Hey, hon (hubby)! Guess what? I'm Obese!" Hubby: "Congratulations...what a milestone." Are we looney? Celebrating the fact that I'm obese? No, we are celebrating the fact that as of this morning's weight, 218.5, I have dropped from the "Morbidly Obese" to the "Obese" category regarding my BMI. Yesterday I was above 40 BMI. This morning I am 39.9. Medifast WORKS! I just bought some stock in the company yesterday. (sidenote) I was discouraged yesterday, but today that little revelation and mini-goal "met" has sent my spirit soaring. All told I'm down only 2 lbs for the week. But if I'm down "only" 2 pounds every week, that is almost 10 lbs per month. It's the big picture, my friends, the big picture. And the "big" picture is one that I will not be a part of for much longer. Cruisin' toward ONEDERLAND! And once I'm in onederland I'll be able to get health insurance, FINALLY! Yip Yip Yahoo. To all you who are thinking of starting, or just about to begin your journey, be excited. BE EXCITED!!! You are about to change your life! I have made my peace with food...for many of you you will be able to do medifast for a few months, and meet your goal, and begin eating regular foods again and maintain. For me, I have decided that even if I have to do a modified version of medifast my whole life to maintain my weight, ie 5-6 MF meals and 2 healthy meals (once I'm at goal) then so be it. I will go to any lenth to maintain the new figure I will have once I meet my goal. (Except to starve myself...I will not develop an eating disorder!) So be encouraged, be excited, even if it is "only" a 2 lb drop. My high weight before starting MF was 266.5, and I SouthBeached down to 250. (Hated it) Stayed there for awhile, then started Medifast and have lost 32 pounds in 8 weeks. If you have a body that loses weight like mine, you have to be prepared for and determine not to get discouraged if you lose 20 lbs the first month and "only" 12 the second. It was during the second month that my body was majorly shape-shifting. Anyway, enough for now, must get ready for my day. Bye Y'all!
  • Steady Plodding....

    Sometimes I get discouraged because the weight seems to be coming off slowly, but then I remind myself that 2 lbs per week is still faster than nothing! It still translates to roughly 9 pounds per month, or 90 lbs in 10 more months. The fact of the matter is it is coming off. I've been on MF for almost 8 weeks now, today is the last day of my 8th week, and I've lost 31 1/4 lbs. So, I am actually 47 lbs down from my high, which I hit last year Christmas time of 266 1/2 lbs. The fun part is that people are now starting to notice! It's subtle, because I did hear and it does seem true that for severly overweight people the first 40 lbs loss isn't completely evident to friends or acquaintances. But I've hit the 47 lbs mark, and people are beginning to notice more than my face getting thinner. It's exciting. Would I love it to come off faster? Sure, who wouldn't? Would I love to fit in my size 6 skinny-jeans that I just bought at Costco in anticipation of reaching my goal this year? Sure! But I think it's the process that counts just as much as the result. If I didn't have to work for it I may not appreciate it as much once I get there. Maybe it's the process that keep us maintaining our new thin bodies. Hmmmm. I can appreciate that. Regardless, I am almost back to what I was when I got pregnant with my son (209) and after that every loss will be a new 5-year low. I've discovered scallops again, which are wonderful when pan-seared! I've been working my way through a package I bought 2 days ago and cooked up for my lean and greens. So, another day, another 5 medifast meals and 4.5 oz of scallops/salad. That's my regimen today. That and a walk with my beautiful son. It's anice day for it, that is for certain. We live on a beautiful country road outside a small foothills town in Colorado, and the leaves are beginning to really change now. It's gorgeous outside. We are so blessed!
  • New Beginnings!

    Well, this is my Blog! I've never had one of these before, so bear with me! I have been on Medifast now for 7 1/2 weeks. I am very excited at the results...I've lost 30 1/2 lbs on Medifast so far. When I started the program just under 2 months ago, I weighed 250 1/2 lbs, and was around 48 BMI. That is very morbidly obese. When I lose 2 more pounds, hopefully this week, I will drop from "morbidly obese" to "obese". This is a very exciting prospect for me. My mini-goals along my journey-to-health involve my BMI. My next milestone after this one will be dropping from "obese" to "overweight." This will happen when my BMI drops below 30. It will happen, I know it.

    I have been married for almost 15 years, and have a beautiful husband and a beautiful almost-2-year--old son. Julian, my son, is our pride and joy. One of my major motivations for getting healthy is for him. So I can see him grow up and be an active (let me repeat ACTIVE) participant in his life. Not a lumbering 100+ overweight mother who he is embarrassed of and who can't even tie her shoe let alone go to the movies (those seats!). No. That will not be me. I have made a vow to myself that I will meet my goal. I have not cheated once. NOT EVEN ONCE. There's no reason to. Cheating, or eating off program, is a step in the direction of death and despair. Literally. The only thing stopping my from being 300 pounds or more is one little ole' cheat. Just one. Because just one alters the mental motivation and momentum of the weight loss. And there are only two directions that the scale goes on any program. Down, or UP. My scale will not go up. I'm speaking figuratively (is figuratively literally on oxymoron?) and not scale did go up 1 pound on this program so far. Can't figure out why, except normal fluid fluctuations. It also stayed the same for about a week, but during that week my body re-adjusted and I lost inches.

    This program is not for the feint of heart. It is for the courageous. Those willing to take their life by the horns and set it on a new path.

    Today was awesome. I've been exercising about 4 times a week since the 4th day of the program, usually I walk an hour. Since I live out in the country, it is fun to walk...although I watch for mountain lions! But today, TODAY!!!!, I incorporated a little bit of running into my routine. Just a bit of jogging. I was stoked! I took it easy, jogged 20 second out of every minute, for 20 minutes. Felt great! Do you know when the last I time jogged was? Wow! Mini-milestone!

    Anyway, this is my first blog so I'll keep it short. This is all for now, except to say that after this week, after I lose 3 more pounds, I will have LESS THAN 100 pounds to lose! Yay! Bye for now.