Wednesday, August 26, 2009

My Fat Called...Left Me a Message...

My Fat Called, Left Me a Message.....Read On...
Yes, it's true. My fat called me this morning. I wasn't available to answer the phone, but I pulled the following off the machine:

"Hey! I hear you are trying to get rid of me. Well, I'm not going without a fight. After all, I am a virtual storage-house for the emotions of the past 2 years. Remember when you were sad that your mom died? And instead of pushing through and processing the grief you ate it away? Well, that grief is stored up in your fat cells now. Remember your son's kidney transplant and the worry and pain and apprehension you began to you ate it away? Yup, that is stored in your fat cells too. And your miscarriage...where exactly do you think the heartache of that went? You stuffed it down with a Sprinkles Red Velvet Cupcake, guessed is stored in your fat cells. Even your fear of failure and your disappointment in yourself is tucked away in those layers of excess fat. Because you insulated yourself from your emotions by eating them away.

So now that you are planning on LOSING me? Just a word of warning, all those emotions are IN HERE. And as you LOSE me, stripping away the layers upon layers of emotion, they WILL come out. Sometimes they will seep out in ways you don't understand, giving you a general feeling of rage or sadness. Sometimes you will snap at your family because a bubble of emotion will make it's way to the surface. It will make it difficult, because the first thing you'll want to do is to relieve yourself of the unwanted emotions, by eating. It's what you've always done."

Wow was I surprised to hear from my fat in that way. But a take it as a warning AND a challenge. This isn't just about losing the weight. It is about dealing with life in a way that doesn't use food and the good feelings associated with eating food as a crutch. Because those emotions that we are eating away? They don't go away. They get stored. And as we lose the fat, they come out.

So we have to deal with them now or deal with them later. So here goes. I am prepared for the onslaught of emotion.
Posted Wednesday, Aug 26, 2009 11:09 AM by goalbysummer | 0 Comments [Edit Post]

Restart day 2 2009

Success or Not? You decide.
I've finally got my stuff together. Thanks for gently prodding me along the way. I haven't gotten our most recent order, but we still have a couple weeks of food and I'm on day 3. Hubby is doing it too. Down 7 pounds. My goal is to lose 100 lbs by next summer. It's ambitious. But so am I. Hence, GOALBYSUMMER. My ultimate goal is losing 145-150 lbs, putting me at 117-122. I was 122 when I got married, and it is a nice GORGEOUS weight for me. Hopefully I'll be AT goal on my 41st birthday, and run a Marathon shortly thereafter. I'll be 40 on October 30th, so I think that is realistic.

No matter, it will come off as fast as it will come off, and I intend on being 100%. I even conquered my nemesis, the Cream of Tomato soup today. I put 1/2 clove garlic, a few TBSP of fresh cilantro, a tsp of fresh jalapeno pepper, a dash of mexican cumin and mexican oregano, a splash of lime juice (1/2 tsp) and some salt and pepper. I blended it in the healthmate blender and warmed it in the microwave. It was like drinking a taco. I LOVED it. It was my meal two.

Now the question: What has changed? Why will it work for me again this time when I have failed so many times in the last year to successfully and permanently re-start a program that I already know works?

Well, it was a little video by Tony Robbins. You'd have to see it to fully appreciate what impact it had on me, so here's the link.

You have to enter your e-mail address, but it is just so he knows you aren't a spammer.

The take-away that I got from it is that there are two methods by which successful people become successful. Both of them involve coming to the mindset that you are CERTAIN you will succeed and not fail.

Two things can drive us to this certainty: The first is a motivation that comes from their back being up against a wall, and them seeing no other option BUT to succeed. For me, that was when I tripped in my husband's parking lot in July of 06, and dropped my son on the pavement. My back was up against the wall. When that happened I was determined to succeed if it killed me.

The second way to instill certainty is to condition yourself for success. I have heard this in the past, but never knew really what it meant, it was all gobbledygook to me. But basically, it is also reinforced by the Beck Diet Solution which I am listening to.

Most people think that POTENTIAL is what you start with, which leads to ACTION, which leads to RESULTS, which leads to FAITH IN YOURSELF, CERTAINTY THAT IT WILL WORK. But in actuality, you must START with the FAITH and the CERTAINTY that you WILL succeed, which when combined with the POTENTIAL (and tools), which leads to the ACTION (utilizing the tools) which leads to RESULTS because you know it will work, which REINFORCES the certainty and faith in yourself.

In chart form, this is what most people believe is the route:

POTENTIAL leads to ACTION leads to RESULTS leads to FAITH (that it will work and you will succeed)

But in actuality, it looks like this:
FAITH determines POTENTIAL leads to ACTION leads to RESULTS which then continues to reinforce your FAITH.

Upward spiral, not downward spiral.

That is the route I am going.

One would think it would be easy to be certain that Medifast works, especially since it worked so well with me the first time around. But the very fact that I gained all the weight back undermined my certainty in MYSELF and erroded the confidence needed to realize my potential again. So, a few days or a week in of my restarts, since my skepticism of my ability to do it again was RICH with uncertainty, I would allow myself to sabatoge my plan. This would reinforce my failure. Which minimized my potential. Which shut off my action, which ended my positive results. Which reinforced my sense of uncertainty (failure), etc etc.

In that my back is not up against a wall in a medical or life threatening RIGHT NOW way, I must go this second route of reaffirming my certainty that I will do this again. I have to start from there. I have to start from imagining and remembering me in the 120's. I have to go in my goal closet, look at the clothes, and be CERTAIN that it is only a matter of time before I am wearing them again.

So, that is what I am doing. I am CERTAIN this time that I will once again see the 120's. There is NO DOUBT in my mind that this will happen.

And ultimately, this is the big bugaboo of the age old question "is it OK to cheat every once in awhile?"

NO. Because cheating erodes the certainty that I will succeed. It deviates from the formula of success and that variable alone is enough to throw anyone (especially me) off his/her game. It erodes that, which minimizes my potential (ie...i "could" have lost more, quicker, but I cheated X amount of times....) which erodes the action..makes it a half-baked attempt, and I don't have to tell you what a half-baked attempt does in terms of results. Zip zero nada results. Attitude change from certainty to fear and failure. Bingo. Downward spiral is launched.

That is my two cents worth, as inspired by Tony Robbins.

I'm on Day 3.

Posted Tuesday, Aug 25, 2009 3:10 PM by goalbysummer | 4 Comments [Edit Post]

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

Sept 6 2007-Jan 1 2008

"When Life Kicks You, Let it Kick You Forward....."
My favorite quote, from a lady named Kate Yow. She was the longtime women's basketball coach for the University of North Carolina. She was diagnosed with cancer for the third time, and was determined to beat it. This was her mantra. I have adopted it as my own.

I got back from Christmas in Phoenix last Thursday, and on Friday Julian began throwing up violently. This went on for 3 days, and we went to the emergency room on Sunday. They tried 7 times to get an IV in the little guy. Seven separate sticks with the IV needle. Systematic torture. The next step was to have the Doctor perform a "peripheral jugular vein IV procedure". We asked if there was any other way to get him rehydrated and get his medication in him for his kidney disease. They gave us some Zofran for the nausea and said if we could keep some food and water in him they would let us go home on an Oral Rehydration Therapy regime. It worked. Praise God. ORT is basically 10 ml of a solution containing electrolytes every 6 minutes, administered via oral syringe. Our little man is back with us in spirit, but still very weak.

I have embarked on my own form of ORT. My ORT includes 5 packets of MF meals and 1 Lean and Green per day. I'm not going to stop until I get to my goal. So much has happened in this last month, this last week, that is both exciting and scary.

First of all, we are moving to Phoenix very soon. Hopefully we will have a contract in hand on our house here in Colorado before the end of next week, and Dave can start looking for a job. It's just time. It's time for Julian to be near his cousins, aunt and uncle, and one set of grandparents. We also need to be closer to San Fransisco so that he can be on the list for the kidney transplant from their kidney center, which is a Steroid-free protocol. We're tired of the cold, we're tired of the isolation that comes naturally when living on 3 acres out in the boonies. We need community. Julian needs community. It's time.

I'm goint to get my real estate license first and foremost, and then possibly go back for my masters in Nutrition at Arizona State University. Not necessarily right away, but when he gets to be school age.

Dave wants to write screenplays. But for now, he's got to find an architecture job. Gotta pay the bills.

Medifast-wise, the whole November/December holiday season was a write off for me. I maintained through December, but it's not what I set out to do. (I wanted to lose!) So, new year, new resolve, new goals, new life.

I just wanted to pop in and say I'm still kickin'.
Posted Tuesday, Jan 1, 2008 3:48 PM by goalbysummer | 13 Comments [Edit Post]
Off To Phoenix Tomorrow
Mom's in hospice starting this week, may not make it to the New Year. Julian and I are off tomorrow for 2 1/2 weeks in Phoenix.

Dialysis training is put on hold because Julian's dialysis catheter has migrated up into his upper abdomen which is where it is NOT supposed to be. So they can't dialyse him anyway right now. Because he is so stable, labs wise, they are allowing us this time off to see if all of his "running around" will allow the catheter to migrate back down to where it is supposed to be so they can resume the dialysis.

If it doesn't, we either don't dialyze for awhile, OR we do a surgical re-positioning of the catheter. I'm all for waiting 2 1/2 weeks to give it a chance to do it on his own...and lets us see Mom one last time too.

So I guess it's Christmas in Phoenix!
Posted Tuesday, Dec 18, 2007 8:29 PM by goalbysummer | 15 Comments [Edit Post]
Nothing Truly Fantastic to Say...
I just wanted to say "hang in there" to everyone! The Christmas Season is winding more week of hard-times. Then New Year's Eve. Then it's done! Two more weeks total. We can either be atleast 4 lbs down....(for me that would be 136)...or waaaaay waaaaay up, or no change.

I opt for 4 lbs down by Jan 1. That is my mini-goal.

Off to the hospital today for more dialysis training. 4 more days of it.
Posted Monday, Dec 17, 2007 8:47 AM by goalbysummer | 5 Comments [Edit Post]
What a Wonderful World! And Day! And Deal! And Friends!
All of it! The whole package! I'm manic right now because I had a fabulous, and I do mean fabulous day! It started out with an Oatmeal Raisin bar and a cup of coffee with 2 TBSP half and half. Then a call from Jodi (RG) telling me she and PattiR were meeting in an hour in Littleton. I scurried around, gave my hubby my already-made oatmeal (I didn't have time to eat it, but had a shake in the car), Dave helped me get little guy in his traveling duds (it's still pretty cold here) and we set off! Dave took the day to himself today, as I did yesterday. Julian (little guy) and I drove down to Littleton to see Jodi and Patty, and had a wonderful time talking and laughing! I had a SF Gingerbread Americano there at the Starbucks at Barnes and Noble, and RG got my little man the coolest little car book!

It was so nice, as it always is, to connect with friends and to make new ones. I always feel like a kindred spirit with Jodi, and we can just talk for hours! I need to meet up with you more often, lady!

And it was wonderful meeting and making friends with Patty in person. What a firebrand, and a sweet and funny lady she is! Thanks for hanging out with us, Patty!

I left the group at around 11:45 or so, thinking I had to get home and get my little man to his nap...but I was going to make a "quick" stop at the Sports Authority to see if they had any killer deals on skis.

You see, I have not skied since my honeymoon, 16 years ago! And I love to ski. But I've always been overweight since then. Well, drumroll puh-leeeeeze....I got a pair of new Volkl 170 ski's for $15.97, awesome new boots for $19.97, and new Rosignol bindings for $45.00! Installation $12.50 (to fit the bindings on the ski's and fit them for the boot), so I walked out of there with new skis, new boots, and new bindings for under $100.00! It was from the Sports Authority Outlet in Littleton, and all for less than it would cost me to rent for a few outings during the season! I already have a Marmot ski jacket I got from e-bay, (in a Medium...yay!) and I picked up a pair of powder pants (Columbia, size Ladies SMALL!!!!) goggles, gloves and ski-poles for a total of $130 more so I am SET!!!! I love a good deal. And I can't wait now to ski! It's actually within the realm of possibility now. Winter Park ski resort is about 2.5 hours away, which ain't too bad!

A year and a half ago I would not have even entertained the notion of skiing again...go check out my before pictures. I would not have fit into any powder pants, and forget getting up after falling! But now, now I am so excited to be able to even think about going skiing. And I have the gear to do it, so all I need is a pass and I'm THERE!!!!!

Oh happy day.

Back to our conversations at Barnes and Noble today, it was quite interesting. Jodi said at one point that she always thought she was big boned because she had always been overweight and just assumed part of that was being big boned. But after she lost her weight she realized that she is actually SMALL boned! She is tiny, actually! (Ring size 5).

Same here, I could relate. Growing up I always thought I was big boned until I lost weight in High School. Then I realized that no, I was actually very Petite! (Ring size 4). Teeny wrists, little ankles, just really tiny! I just never knew it until then. Then I gained 160 lbs over 18 years and everyone thought I was big boned again. Not so, grasshopper!

It was fun shopping with RG yesterday at Old Navy. We tried things on and told eachother whether we liked it or not...I ended up getting one more sweater today when I went back, in the same style as one of the other sweaters I got but in green instead of grey. I really like how they sit on me, and they are a ladies XS so I like that too!

Just keep truckin, ladies and gents. You too will have fun shopping again some day.

I think the diet is hardest right in the middle, because you are ABOUT to see all these amazing results and start dropping dress sizes like there was no tomorrow...but you aren't QUITE there yet so all your motivation has to come from within.

Once you get past that invisible barrier and people start noticing, and you are out of the plus sizes, and really enjoying the way you are beginning to look, you get all sorts of extra motivation from outside sources, and it just boosts you right up in all the right ways mentally.

I was thinking about that as I was driving around yesterday. Of course there are temptations around, it's the holidays. Do I want a Mike's Hard Lemonade which is frosty cold in the fridge? Sure! But do I like the way I look in those Ladies Small black Columbia Powder pants better? You bet! Do I want some Costco Pumpkin Pie? Absolutely! But do I enjoy seeing my collarbones AND those other depressions UNDER my collarbone where it meets my shoulder? Heck Yes, I love that more, it's WAY sexy!

So keep it up. Keep trudging along. Keep making your wonderful 100% On Plan choices. And in no time at all you too will be getting those outside motivations daily to boost your compliance and your morale. Just keep it up.

Take care, y'all!
Posted Sunday, Dec 16, 2007 5:58 PM by goalbysummer | 7 Comments [Edit Post]
Had a Wonderful Day with RG!
Well I went to Starbucks at 11:00 and had a nice SF Hazelnut Americano, and at 11:30 got a call from Radiationgirlie! Jodi was in fact IN TOWN and across the street at the Starbucks at Barnes and Noble! I rushed over and we had a splendid time talking, and browsing the books! Then we went to Old Navy for the cool sales!

First let me say that Jodi looks stunning! She and her little size 2 jeans just made me smile at how far she's come and how dedicated she has been. What a role model, that one! And I loved seeing Madeline and Mitch also...what fun kids. Thanks Jodi!

I ended up getting a couple of sweaters and a scarf for my hubby for Christmas, and of course got a couple sweaters (a juniors XL and a women's XS) and a scarf for myself! Then I proceeded to leave my North Face Ski hat there, so I get to make the 1.5 hour trip tomorrow to retrieve it! Hopefully I'll be able to see RG and Patty tomorrow! We'll see!

Food-wise, I'm a little shy on food today, I'll be sure to get my last meal in before bed....but I'm only at 4 MF meals so far. Don't worry I'll get it in.

I think I'll be firmly in the 130's by the end of next week. On my way to a goal of 122. Yeehaw! Got my hair cut on my way home...I love short hair.

Well, time to feed my family.

Posted Saturday, Dec 15, 2007 9:24 PM by goalbysummer | 5 Comments [Edit Post]
Calling all Coloradans!
Hey there everyone! Just a note to say that I will still be headed to the Starbucks on Bowles in Littleton for 11:00 and would love to meet any of you who's weather let up in the next hour or two! It's beautiful here in the North, although I hear it was awful in the South this morning!

I'd love to meet any or all of you who make the trip, but I understand if conditions don't allow for that. Patty, if you want to PM your cell to me, that would be great!
Posted Saturday, Dec 15, 2007 10:49 AM by goalbysummer | 2 Comments [Edit Post]
I Fought The Zingers....and I Won!
Zingers. The ultimate "I'm a kid again with absolutely zero responsibility" comfort food. And also very accessible in the Children's Hospital Vending Machine (heretofor known as "the beast").

I looked. I salivated. One week of 8-hour-a-day dialysis training with my son. Stress. Ahhhh....Zingers. Chocolate even. With vanilla filling. Only a dollar. A dollar, that's a super-cheap fix for an addict. It could whisk me away into sugarland bliss with not a care in the world...temporarily. 440 calories of moist creamy sin.

But then...the guilt. The shame. The feelings of being overwhelmed. The feelings of the world closing in on me. The feelings of being unable to cope with anything that is going on in my life. Even the thought of these feelings potentially flooding into my life at this moment gave me pause. Pause enough to make the right decision. Pause enough to allow me to wake up tomorrow with a smile on my face and able to handle my current situation and anything else life throws my way. Pause enough for that little voice, the one that seems to be getting stronger, saying "please, don't". That still small voice. I'm beginning to wonder if is even ME saying that anymore, or something or Someone bigger than me who I've never really listened to IN THIS AREA (food) before. Someone who also has my best interests and my family's best interests at heart.

Well, whether it's my conscience or God's soft whisperings, it's working. I didn't. And I won't. And I wouldn't. Because this junkie doesn't think straight when she has sugar in her system. My only option is to stay clean. 100% clean. I can proudly say the I have been "sugar-clean" for 7 days straight. And I'm down 14 lbs. And I can smile at tomorrow.

Thanks for bearing with this little story. Take care! And when life throws you "Zingers", just say no.
Posted Friday, Dec 14, 2007 11:26 PM by goalbysummer | 9 Comments [Edit Post]
The "Magic Threshhold"
I can always tell when I drop to 140 or below. I get my high cheekbones exposed again. It just happens. I'm there, I can tell a difference from yesterday to today even in my face.

Well, just wanted to say that...I'll write more tomorrow night.

Posted Thursday, Dec 13, 2007 10:58 PM by goalbysummer | 6 Comments [Edit Post]
I will be computerless until this evening, just wanted to report.
My "please don't" and consequent "didn't" actions last night payed off with another pound gone this morning. I'll need all the strength of yesterday plus more for today to get through today.

When I'm in a stressful situation is bad enough, but when I'm riddled with self-doubt on top of that (did we do the right thing by putting Julian on Dialysis? etc etc...) it seems to increase the temptation to eat EXPONENTIALLY. Here I thought it would be a piece of "cake" (pardon the analogy) to be so busy in dialysis training I wouldn't even be able to think about food or be tempted by it...just drink my RTD shakes when it was time, have a nice big salad in the cafeteria, drink my water, and go about the business of learning how to care for my son.

But no.

Thank you for all the good thoughts, comments, and prayers you are sending my way. I covet them all.

Have a great day!

Posted Thursday, Dec 13, 2007 9:33 AM by goalbysummer | 9 Comments [Edit Post]
First Day of Dialysis Training and Wanted To Eat Everything in Sight!
First of all, don't read on if you are swayed easily by the power of suggestion/temptations.

I am a stress eater. I am a boredom eater. I am a happy eater, a grieving eater, a relieved eater, you name the emotion and I use food as a response. Today was a lot of stress. I wanted to eat. I wanted an eggnog latte. I wanted some chocolate mousse cake. I wanted a piece of brick-oven baked pizza. And that was all in the hospital cafeteria! On the way home I wanted to stop for sushi. At Costco I wanted a hot dog. I wanted the 2-pack of Nutella. I wanted Stacy's Pita chips to dip into the Nutella. I wanted the brownie samples. The chex samples. The baked bean samples. I pondered the pumpkin pies for $5.99 of mindless eating bliss, and thought of the can of whipped cream I had in the fridge. I got home. I wanted to eat the Nutella I bought in a moment of weakness. I wanted a skinny cow ice cream sandwich in the outdoor freezer. My mind rationalized. My mind said "why not, you deserve it, you've been through so much this week".

But my heart, my will, my spirit, although somewhat downtrodden and buried under the weight of everything going on in my life right now, my heart in a small and shaky voice so faint I would have missed it if I weren't listening for it, said "Please Don't".

So I didn't, I haven't, and I won't. For the sake of that still small voice that is my conscience. I came home, had my last MF meal, poured myself a coke zero and came to blog about it.

'Nuff said.

Have a great week, everyone.
Posted Wednesday, Dec 12, 2007 10:52 PM by goalbysummer | 15 Comments [Edit Post]
The "No-Frills" Approach
Dieting is as individual as the individual's who are dieting, so I wanted to share my approach to the MF diet incase anyone is wondering "what I do" to get results.

Firstly, to get results, I don't eat off program. If I choose to eat off program I am only short-changing myself and sabatoging my efforts for some inner reason. Therefore I don't do it. Not even having the option to eat off-program (I don't allow myself the option) means I have FAR less agonizing choices to make throughout my day. Instead of passing the fudge tray at work (if I worked) and thinking "oh, gee, I wonder if just one taste will hurt anything", I wouldn't even entertain the option. Simple. Instead of making gazillion "choices" a day, each frought with potential peril to my long-term goals, I made one choice on December 8th, and that was to re-start at 100%. Done. Choices finished. No more choices. It really takes a load off the brain, and frees me up to think of all the other stuff of life. I highly recommend it.

I have one bar a day. No more than that, and when my weight loss slows I'll probably ditch the bar. I'll know when that is. No sauces. No syrups. No condiments. 1 TBSP low-carb dressing for my salad MAX, sometimes just lemon juice and basil. Clean eating. Lots of water. No more than 2 cups of coffee per day, and the 2nd cup is ALWAYS without half and half. No exceptions. This is me, this is how I do it best, and this is how I WILL get to my goal weight of 122 by February 29th.

See you there!

Posted Tuesday, Dec 11, 2007 12:15 PM by goalbysummer | 11 Comments [Edit Post]
Good Morning
Well, we were given a one-day reprieve on starting dialysis, due to the snow advisory/warning we have going until 4pm today. It has been snowing steadily all night, and the roads are probably just plain dangerous. So we get to stay home today.

This is my 4th day back. I made it through the 3 days. I only had a headache the first day, but I think that was more because I was coming off Percocet.

I'm feeling the rush and thrill of weight loss again, which brings to mind something that Radiationgirlie said in her blog this morning, about being addicted to the rush of losing weight. Or something like that. That is what I read, anyway, and I was also amused at my portrayal in her blog. Very true and accurate portrayal, and I've been a little more low-key in the past few months. After all, the newbies don't know that I am one of the best "kick-in-the-seat-of-the-pants"-er on the block. Right now I'm focusing on gently kicking MYSELF in the seat of the pants and staying 100% OP.

Down 11 lbs so far, so I've exceeded my 10 lbs/1 week goal for my re-start week. Am I going to slow down? Heck no. I will lose what I will lose by doing the program, I'm not afraid of it coming off to fast. It will slow to 2-3 lbs a week after the first week is through.

Well, time to change and feed my little one! Have a great MF day all of you, drink your water, and like I have said in the past, if you can't stick to the program maybe you would do better with a less restrictive diet like weight-watchers. The weight will come off slower, but it will come off if you follow it, just like any weight loss program.

Posted Tuesday, Dec 11, 2007 10:16 AM by goalbysummer | 9 Comments [Edit Post]
My ticker.
Here is my new ticker.

Posted Monday, Dec 10, 2007 6:14 PM by goalbysummer | 3 Comments [Edit Post]
On To Day Three
I'm on to day three and feeling completely in control. We start Dialysis training tomorrow in Denver, so that will be an adjustment.

Yesterday I had the wedding shower/tea and the Potpie dinner at my house. At the tea/shower I had 2 cups of hot tea with a splash of milk in them, and about 1 oz of nuts so I'd have something on my plate. I ate them slowly and was glad they were allowed! (I wouldn't have had them if they weren't). I skipped the potpie entirely, and just had a salad. I was fine. It was perfect. We enjoyed the company, and loved on our son.

I'm down 8 lbs in 2 days, and think I'll hit my goal of 10 lbs in a week. I know alot of it was the medicine-induced retention of water, so no that is out of my system and I'm feeling much less bloated. Once I get back into the 130's I will feel much more myself.

The 120's will be uncharted territory for me. I haven't been in the 120's since my wedding day, December 28th, 1991. That's a neat goal to have, and I'm looking forward to it. I think I got comfortable at the end of last summer in the 130's, and stopped being extra careful to follow the plan to the letter. Now I will follow it all the way down to 122, and then begin transition.

Medifast will always be a part of my life. I do know this.

I am also looking forward to seeing my MF friends in Denver this Saturday! They'll get to meet my little one, too! Yay!
Posted Monday, Dec 10, 2007 12:35 PM by goalbysummer | 8 Comments [Edit Post]
One Day Down, 83 to go.
I've set an approximate time-goal for myself of Leap Year Day. It involves losing an average of 9 lbs/month which is about right for me.

I got through day 1, it's on to day 2. Oatmeal, coffee, and a boatload of water can be checked off the I have a wedding shower to attend, and to be honest it is easier and more enjoyable for me to attend knowing the food is just off limits. In the past I would focus on the food, and how many times I could refill my plate before people would notice I was eating alot. Now I can focus on the Bride-to-be and drink my tea. It will be a much more fulfilling experience emotionally for me.

We snuggled in bed with our little guy last night, it was grand. It's hard to think that very soon, in a couple short weeks, we will not be able to do that as often because he will be on dialysis. We are so blessed to have Julian. He is the joy of our lives. I'm going to go and spend time with him right now.
Posted Sunday, Dec 9, 2007 10:35 AM by goalbysummer | 8 Comments [Edit Post]
Low On Seratonin, Depression Kicking In
OK, here goes. I think I've been "numbing" myself over the last week with carbs; flour tortillas, chocolate, pumpkin pie, goldfish, chex, cheerios, you name it I turned to it when I began to actually feel the weight of what was going on with my miscarriage.

Now that I've begun MF and am running very low on carbs, the depression is kicking in, I can feel it flooding over me. Part of me wonders if this is such a good idea so soon after the miscarriage.

Another part of me says it is the ONLY solution, and as soon as the awful 3 days are up I will be fine and much more able to cope and deal with these feelings in a healthy non-carb-loading way. I know option #2 is the one I need to take, so I'm continuing to walk forward into ketosis. Please pray for me over the next 3 days. We have Julian's dialysis training beginning on Tuesday, so I need to be clear headed and normal-minded by then.

I dug my 2P "Goal Jeans" out, the ones I never was able to wear during my last weight-loss before getting pregnant. Right now I'm tightly in a size 4. I've got about 32 lbs to lose.
Posted Saturday, Dec 8, 2007 10:27 PM by goalbysummer | 11 Comments [Edit Post]
I'll Be Honest...Today Has Been Hard
Yes, today has been hard. But I am 100% on plan, and looking forward to remaining so. It's just what I have to do. The Costco pumpkin pie was calling my name from the fridge, though, and I just said "no, self, you aren't playing this dangerous game" and made myself a cup of tea instead. I'm about to have another cup of tea, because it is bitter cold outside. Very much winter, that is for certain. Hubby is on his way home, and lets face it, my mood always improves when he is home.

I've worked too hard to get to where I am to be derailed by a piece of pumpkin pie.
Posted Saturday, Dec 8, 2007 7:10 PM by goalbysummer | 5 Comments [Edit Post]
Official Start Date: Today
So, I decided yesterday that today would be my official re-start date. It was too hard to be on the Percocet and think about starting "the three days" of light-headedness, nausea and hunger. It will be hard enough starting today, coming off of 3 solid days of non-stop narcotics. Withdrawals can be a bear, but that is what Extra-Strength Excederin Migraine is for! Hooray for that acetomenophen/aspirin/caffiene concoction!

I'm switching up my routine a bit. The first time 'round I had Maple Brown Sugar oatmeal and 1 cup of coffee with 2 TBSP half and half in it every day for breakfast. This morning the thought of that actually made me feel sick to my stomach so I had a hot cocoa with 6 oz coffee and a splash of SF gingerbread syrup. Now I'm about to have a Cream of Brocolli soup. So far, so good. The water is hard, but I'm being deliberate. I figure three days of he** and by Tuesday I'll be bright-eyed and bushy-tailed just in time to begin the home-dialysis training at the hospital with little man.

My present weight (after 3 days of percocet...) is 154. I know alot of it is fluid retention, as I was 148 on Wednesday afternoon, the day of my miscarraige. My goal weight, as set my MF for my height, is 122. I'll be a solid size 2 at that weight, I believe. Maybe even a zero, but the size doesn't matter to me, the health does.

Part of me says "don't start now, the holidays are here, you want to enjoy them, don't you?" And "you have a wedding shower to go to tomorrow, and dinner with friends tomorrow night, what harm will one more day do?" The harm it will do if I wait is the harm it will do to my resolve. I am focused right now. I am dedicated right now. If I wait until Monday or until after the holidays I may just be riding the "weight gain" train all the way back to 200 before I get my head screwed on right again. You have to catch these moments and harness them as they present themselves. Did you order MF this week? Start when the food arrives, don't wait until January 1st.

Okay, 'nuff said for today.
Posted Saturday, Dec 8, 2007 1:34 PM by goalbysummer | 8 Comments [Edit Post]
A Few Milestones...
I thought I would reflect on some milestones I have reached as a result of Medifast. When I started the program at 266 lbs, I could not get health insurance OR life insurance. I could hardly buckle the seat belt in my Volvo. I could not buy a winter jacket in anything smaller than a 2XX. I wore size 26 jeans. My knees hurt. My back hurt. My hips hurt. I couldn't play with my son on the floor. I couldn't get up off the floor on my own, I needed to hold on to some furniture for leverage. I couldn't walk 1/4 mile without getting out of breath. I couldn't climb a flight of stairs without getting out of breath.

Well, I obtained my own health insurance since then. I just got life insurance, a 1 Million dollar policy, at the "super-preferred rate". That would have been unheard of for me just a short year and a half ago. I can play with my son. I wear a "small-petite" and "medium-petite" winter jacket now. I regularly wear my size 4 jeans, and can fit into my 2's as well. I ran a half-marathon in September. I can roll around the floor with my son. He will never know his mom as having been "fat". This is the greatest gift I can give to my family.

So, any of you who are just starting, please be encouraged. Just know that in a short period of time you can be where I am now. Living my dream.

Stay strong!
Posted Thursday, Dec 6, 2007 7:47 PM by goalbysummer | 7 Comments [Edit Post]
Thanks everyone!
Hello all, and thank you for all the support. I tend to isolate a bit when I'm going through something traumatic, and the fact that you all have reached out to me through the computer simply by leaving heartfelt comments, well, I am beside myself with love for you all. (Sniff sniff!)

I am doing better today, my throat is still sore and I'm still on narcotics but life is moving on and moving forward and there is simply no time to stay in one place...although I did sleep until noon today which was absolutely glorious! My husband is so supportive and so sweet, and took 2 days off to take care of me and our little boy.

Weight wise, I'm stable at 149. Yesterday was a write-off, understandably. Actually, there are some "food rituals" I have that I will never outgrow...and I think it is OK. The main one is that anytime I have a "traumatic gynecological experience" or experience "sever gynecological trauma" such as a miscarriage (that was my 4th) or the time they had to laser some stuff can imagine...that was traumatic...I always have some sushi. I know, I know, Miss Goalbysummer, advocating finding comfort in food. SO not like me. SO against all that is MF. SO what, I say! Ha. You didn't expect to hear that one, did you?

Well, it could be worse, it could be, like, a whole pecan pie, or a pint of Ben and Jerry's.

So, I had about 1/2 a spicy shrimp tempura roll and 1/2 of a catepillar roll last night to fulfill my sushi requirement and that was that. I maintained through the whole thing, and today I am back on track. I just had to admit that to all of you.

I'm looking forward to continuing to get this weight off, and getting down to 122. That was the weight I was when my husband flew in for our wedding, about a week before the big day. We had a long-distance relationship, as he was Canadian (He's American now....) and lived in Winnipeg, while I lived in Phoenix. By the time the ceremony rolled around I was up about 6 lbs to 128, and by the time we drove across the border into Canada a week later I was already in the 130's.

But the 120's are a good weight for me to hang out in. I like the 120's. I will soon be there again. My first "mini-goal" is to be back in the 130's by Christmas, and then under 135 by the time we fly to San Fransisco on the 26th of January. I think it is doable. Hopefully there will be no more "traumatic gynecological experiences" in the near future.

Well, just had my oatmeal, my coffee with 2 TBSP half and half and my boatload of Percocet...ok, my 2 tablets of percocet...time to do some dishes (don't worry, I won't handle any sharp knives while on narcotics) and get my house in reasonable order.

Love and hugs to you all....
Posted Thursday, Dec 6, 2007 2:53 PM by goalbysummer | 14 Comments [Edit Post]
Confirmed 100%, lost the baby...Graphic......
I don't have much to add the my blog from the other day except that this morning at the Dr. it was confirmed that my pregnancy is over.
.I actually partially miscarried at the Dr.'s office, and was hemmhoraging something fierce so they rushed me up to the OR for an emergency D&C before I lost too much blood.

Now I'm home. That about says it. Loaded up on Percocet, which I forgot keeps me awake so I also took a sleep aid. Obviously didn't do MF today. Will start tomorrow.

Take care.
Posted Wednesday, Dec 5, 2007 7:54 PM by goalbysummer | 47 Comments [Edit Post]
Back on MF, 100%, 29 lbs to go.
Time to refocus on this blustery Fall day in Colorado. I'm 99.9% sure we lost the baby, and will have an appointment tomorrow to double check. Losing a baby after having a baby is less traumatic, I think, as I had 3 miscarriages before Julian was born and each one was devastating. This one is more matter-of-fact and I'm confident that the Lord, in His wisdom, knows what is best for my little family. I'll rest in that knowledge.

Meanwhile, Julian has recovered well from his surgery last Thursday. He is still tender but is "running around" independently again and does not appear to be in any significant discomfort. This week I discovered a "Steroid-Free Transplant Protocol" being used primarily at the Children's Hospital in Palo Alto associated with Stanford Medical School, which cuts out steroids entirely from the immune-suppressant anti-rejection medication Julian will be on for the rest of his life.

In that long-term steroid use causes vascular disease, high blood pressure, soft bones, stunted growth, abnormal hair growth, modified facial features, possible lymphoma and skin cancer increases, and possible diabetes, we are anxious to look into this steroid free option further and have made an appointment for the end of January to fly out and be evaluated to be added to their list for kids waiting for a kidney transplant.

Medifast-wise, I began in earnest today, December 4th. For those who don't know me, I did the program for 14 months and lost 136 lbs, then got pregnant back in September and took myself off the program a couple pounds shy of goal. I was very happy with where I was, and very happy to be pregnant, so the 16-17 lbs I've gained in the first trimester here does not concern me, I will take it off. I have re-instated the current MF suggested goal weight of 122, instead of 128, so this means I have about 29 lbs to take off which I figure will take about 4 months. Here's for "goalbyaprilfoolsday!"

I try to blog daily, as it helps me maintain my focus. I'll be running 2 miles 3 times a week once my first week on program has passed. Before getting pregnant I was training for a half-marathon and completed it on September 30th, so I am starting out doing only a fraction of what I was doing before. I don't plan on running any more half-marathons soon, however I do plan on settling into a regimen of 4 miles 4 times a week after about the first month on plan.

The good news is that I never outgrew my size 4 jeans. The 16-17 lbs I gained must have been spread out pretty good. Sure, they are tight, but I still wear them as my primary jeans and are already getting a little looser. I'm sure I'll lose alot of fluids in the next week, I anticipate dropping about 10 in the first week. We'll see what results doing the program gives me. Time to drink my water.
Posted Tuesday, Dec 4, 2007 4:39 PM by goalbysummer | 21 Comments [Edit Post]
Still Here...Rough November...
I just wanted to check in really quickly and let you all know what was going on in my life. I am still here, but in all other regards November has been the best AND the worst month of my year.

We went to see my Mom, who is dying of cancer, and it will probably be the last time she will see Julian or me before she goes. That was hard. Secondly, my son Julian had an operation on Thursday to install his Peritoneal Dialysis Catheter into his abdomen. He is recovering at home and doing well, but it was rough on him. He is still in alot of pain, and they are going to let him heal for a week before beginning dialysis. My husband and I will go in to the hospital with him for eight 8 hour days of training to be able to do the dialysis at home overnight every day.

Double scary.

The pregnancy is iffy at this point, I will have an ultrasound this next week to see if the baby is still there or not, as I've had some spotting and "other" which I won't describe in detail here. I'm not too optimistic, but do remain hopeful.

Weight wise, I'm about 11 weeks into the pregnancy and have gained about 15 lbs. I'm not doing Medifast presently, because I am pregnant.

The good part of November was when my little family and I went to Disneyland and stayed at the Disney's Grand Californian Hotel for 2 nights with a 3 day Park-Hopper pass. Julian passed for "under 3" because he is so little and can't go on any of the "over 3" rides anyway. I don't feel bad about that little deception. We'll get a pass for him next year. I've already made reservations for next November, before Thanksgiving again.

We had a blast there. Didn't get to eat at the Blue Bayou as I learned people make reservations up to 60 days in advance...but I will do that next time. Julian's favorite rides were (in this order) the Monsters Inc ride at California Adventures, then the Teacups, then the Monorail. We pretty much focused our efforts on that, and getting free tortillas at the "Tortilla Factory Tour". Julian loved those tortillas.

So, that's a brief update, I'll check in every once in awhile and I'll give an update as to whether my pregnancy is still intact or not.

Take care....
Posted Saturday, Dec 1, 2007 10:17 PM by goalbysummer | 29 Comments [Edit Post]
One More Thing...Baby starts Dialysis this month.
Please pray for my little Julian. We are starting him on Dialysis as soon as we get back to Colorado, as his kidney function is now right around 10% and it will be better for him in the long run to have more clearance. We meanwhile wait patiently for a kidney. And we are still trying to raise funds through COTA. So if you feel so inclined, you can go to the Children's Organ Transplant Association website and look for my little Julian Phillips on the patient list. All contributions are tax deductible and 100% of the funds go towards defraying the costs associated with transplants for the children registered with them. You can click on Julian's name and bring up his website and click "donate now" or you can go directly to his site by typing

Thank you for considering it.
Posted Friday, Nov 16, 2007 3:36 PM by goalbysummer | 7 Comments [Edit Post]
20th HS Reunion, "You Look Exactly the Same", and Doc says more calories.
First off, a big "THANK YOU" shouted out to Radiationgirlie for giving me an actual call on my actual cell-phone last night! What are friends for, eh? Thanks for lookin' out for me, lady!

RG knew I was in the middle of a lions den here in Phoenix with all the stress that comes with being around my mom/dad, and she knew my tendancy to jump off the wagon into a pile of food when that happens. Thankfully not too much damage to report on the food front. As a matter of fact, I had an extreme bout of vertigo (minus the ringing in the ears) this morning which lasted about 4 minutes. I had to crawl to the bathroom because I was getting motion sick from all the spinning that was going on and then had to lay on the floor for a few more minutes until I felt "stable" enough to walk to the bed and lie down. Little man was in his pack and play watching a Beatrix Potter video, or it could have been alot worse.

After talking to the doctor about it, it was determined that I need extra calories and that is that. Possibly more iron also. So I went and got a "double-single" protein style from In and Out, which is two patties and a slice of cheese wrapped in lettuce. I also toasted some pecans yesterday, so I'll have a few of those also. I have been ferociously hungry, and I have to conclude that NS is, once again, correct when they say it's not good to be on MF in any degree (besides using the packets as supplements to an otherwise healthy pregnacy eating regime) when one is pregnant. Not even transition. Not enough calories.

So, I'm off to try to see how I can do eating sensibly and using some of the MF meals as supplements throughout the pregnancy.

I dreampt last night we were having triplets. Crazy.

OK, now on to the 20-year HS reunion. I brought my size 6 Ann Taylor gorgous black cocktail dress that fell mid calf, and my size 8 White House/Black Market cocktail dress that had spaghetti straps, just incase I couldn't fit into the size 6 (chest getting too large) by the time the reunion happened. Well, I could, and it fit, and I did snap a picture of me at my sister's house with my hubby at my I can't post them yet because they are on his flash card and he's in Colorado just about to fly here to Arizona this afternoon...but I have to say, in my usual modest form, that I think I looked smokin' hot. Hubby says I was the most attractive woman at the reunion. Now, granted, he's partial, but he's also pretty truthful. He says it was more than my face and form, it was in how I carried myself, with warmth and confidence, and that I smiled alot.

So. That was his feedback. It was nice feedback. I have to say as a whole that our Arcadia High School class of 1987 looked pretty good in general. Better than I thought they would. My sis said all they guys at her 20 were bald and fat. Not so, my reunion. It was actually pretty darn cool. Granted, had my reunion been 1 year earlier I would have honestly said that I would have been the biggest person there, and the most changed for the worse physically. (I weighed 133 in high school, and I started MF at 266). What a difference a year makes. Superficial observations aside, though, it was super to see some old friends and catch up. I found myself "hanging" with the guys like I've always done, and it was fun. My hubby chatted with my HS best friend's hubby, which was nice for them. So there is the report, and pictures will follow when I can get ahold of them. I was told by several people that I looked exactly the same. That was so nice to hear! It must mean my face hasn't aged a ton...the wonders of MF and self-control! And Arbonne skin care products. They are pretty cool too.

OK, I'm rambling now so that usually means the meaningful part of the blog is over. Tomorrow it's off to Disneyland. I have no agenda there but to stay with my hubby and son at Disney's Grand Californian Hotel and have a blast.

Posted Friday, Nov 16, 2007 3:17 PM by goalbysummer | 8 Comments [Edit Post]
Getting Ready For 20 Year Reunion!
Well, my 20 year reunion is on Saturday night, and I am so looking forward to it! I know there will be other ladies there that look spectacular and that it is not a contest, but I have to say I am just so pleased that I'm going to this without the pervasive thoughts that WOULD have been there had I not lost over 130 lbs. You know what those thoughts are..."I am fat. I'm not going, I'm too fat. I will embarass myself and my husband. I don't want to show my face. Everyone will click their tongues and say "Look at Stacy, she used to be so pretty! Typical, cheerleader graduates and then gets fat..."

I am so glad that I'm freed from that train of thought! I am so glad I can focus on other people when I'm there, and be genuinely interested in THEIR lives instead of hiding in a corner wondering what THEY are thinking of ME. Isn't being huge a lonely, self-centered existance? We don't mean to be self-centered, and we aren't self-centered in a vain way. It's an opposite-of-vain way, but it is still self-centeredness.

Wow! And how many people say they are losing weight in time for their reunion and then actually DO it? My reunion was not my motivation, thought, I find that having event-type motivations although good up until the event, don't carry you past the event. So there has to be more than just the event motivating you.

I have used events to motivate my short-term goals, like "wearing the size 8 dress to the July wedding last year" and then doing it. And the reunion has played a little part in keeping me on the straight and narrow for the last 3 days since my debacle on Sunday. But I'm in my range, my 132-135 lb range. I'm healthy. Yay!

Posted Wednesday, Nov 7, 2007 10:45 AM by goalbysummer | 9 Comments [Edit Post]
It's All Part of the Learning...
So, looking back on my last month and a half, my little ups and downs, my news of being pregnant, all of it, I have to say I am pleased. Normally on any diet I've been on I've been unable to maintain my low weight for anything longer than a few days before slowly starting to gain it again. Well, I'm in the 5lb range of my low and this is where I intend to stay for awhile.

I've learned many things in the last month and a half. Firstly, I don't want my entire maintenance life to be falling off the wagon for a day and spending the week getting it back off. Although at the end of the day the results are the same (maintenance), the mindset is not and it's in the mind that this final battle must be won.

I realize that in maintenance there will be times I can allow myself a treat. But it's the crazed and dazed mentality that currently takes over when I do, that I want to eliminate. Part of this will be allowing myself treats and forcing myself not to feel guilty, because it is in part the guilt that contributes to my spiral out of control.

But that is a long way off still, I have lots of weeks of transition still and that IS a rigid system where I'm not allowed the treats....yet.

Thanks all, for accompanying me on this journey. You all mean so much to me, and you have seen firsthand that I am indeed infallible. We all are! Some to bigger degrees than others, and some in other ways than food!

I do feel like I'm still doing the headwork, the figuring out what makes me tick, what motivates me, what sabatoges me, and these are all good things. This blog is a wonderful tool for me to look back and evaluate. I will spend this week reading old blogs of mine. I think it will be healthy.

Headed to Phoenix for 2 1/2 weeks on Thursday with my precious little darling man. I'll take my computer and check in.

Take care!
Posted Tuesday, Nov 6, 2007 9:56 AM by goalbysummer | 12 Comments [Edit Post]
Doing Better!
I'm doing better, was hungry all day today but expected that. It is my penance. I think more clearly when I don't have any sugar in my system! The world looks brighter, and I feel empowered that a slip up here or there does not my journey negate. I am still a size 4. I have to work hard this week, and I will. I didn't set myself up very well to be looking or feeling my best for my 20 year HS reunion, but that's nobody's fault but my own!

But I do still feel good. Dug out some dresses as possibilities and underneath I'm still a 4-6 in dresses, but up top a 6 looks a little squeezie, and an 8 is better for the girls now, who seem to have renewed their vigor for life now that I'm pregnant. =)

I'll take a size 6 and a size 8 to Phoenix and see which one looks best on me that day. The size 6 is a beautiful little Ann Taylor number, black and flowie, with a very low cut top and some flounces in the skirt. There is a bit of velvet black ribbon just below the bustline. The size 8 is my gorgeous White House Black Market ivory strapless with black pattern, absolutely great for a little cocktail party dress but may look a little too Prommy. We'll see. I'll take my spanx and let the chips fall where they may. I'll make sure there are pictures to be had, regardless.

Take care, and I'll write more tomorrow.
Posted Monday, Nov 5, 2007 7:49 PM by goalbysummer | 10 Comments [Edit Post]
I Threw Myself Under the Bus This Weekend.
My head is still reeling from the impact of throwing myself under the bus this weekend. I'm trying to analyze it, and lots of things come to mind, but none of them explain why I seem to have completely gone off the deep end like a junkie looking for her next fix!

First I'll give you the reasons that come to mind. None of them justify what I did, because ultimately it was a choice...that single choice to deviate that seems to last all day for me and resets at midnight...again, no clue why.

I sang on the worship team this weekend, which means a Saturday night and Sunday morning comittment. There was a past student of mine who I haven't seen for about 4 years playing drums, he just moved back to Estes Park and is all grown up and newly married. Anyway, Sunday morning between the two services he caught up with me going up the stairs and said "I'll have to admit I didn't recognize you at first last night, and it was only when you started talking about (the school) that I realized who you were!" I thanked him, told him I actually get that alot these days, as I've lost half of me! Anyway, it was a cool interaction.

But when things like that happen, I begin to think I've "arrived" and that I'm "normal" and can eat whatever I want. Either that or I'm riding high on good emotions and want to supplement that with yummy treats. Either that or it actually creates stress and tension and eating helps release that stress or tension. Either that or I feel like "hey, I deserve it, I've worked so hard!" Either that or I feel like "hey, I'm looking pretty good, I can have this one little thing!"

Regardless, it involved a willing suspension of self-control that led to a BLT of something which led to a completely off-program lunch. I felt stuffed and sick for the rest of the day. It's like a different dynamic took control once I took the initial BLT. The new dynamic was that I felt ashamed and full, and that triggered my semi-binge eating mechanism.

So, I did not weigh today but I will weigh tommorrow and face the music. I am back OP today and disappointed with myself. Back to the old "thriving on a bit of guilt" that I need to work on.

Thanks for listening.
Posted Monday, Nov 5, 2007 10:34 AM by goalbysummer | 18 Comments [Edit Post]
So I'm Kind of On "Speed Transition"....
I decided that due to my incredible hunger (being pregnant) and being in transition ANYWAY that I needed to fast forward it. I don't recommend this for the average Medifaster who is starting transition, but I must do it or fall completely off the wagon!

I was already eating extra veggies for the last couple weeks, so about 5 days ago I added a dairy and KEPT a MF meal (instead of dropping the MF meal)...yesterday I added the fruit and dropped the MF meal, so although I've only technically been transitioning for about 10 days, I'm already to the +dairy +fruit -MF meal stage. I'll keep this up for a solid week, then next weekend add the wholegrain in if I've maintained my weight thus far.

I didn't think it would be so fun adding in the extra food! I was scared of doing it! But I'm very much looking forward to my nonfat plain yogurt and orange which I will have around 7:30 pm. I'll have my bar at 5:00, my L&G at 2:30, and my pudding in about 5 minutes.

This time it's different. I'm not using the pregnancy as an excuse to eat. I'm letting it drive my motivation to stick solidly to my plan. My plan is to gain 5 lbs over the next 13 weeks, and then 1 lb a week therafter, until baby is born. This is what my Dr. has recommended, so this is what I will do.

I already have my whole grains picked out, as far as what I'm going to incorporate at first. I've never done well with bread, rolls, pasta, rice, any of that, whole-grain or not. They are trigger foods for me. So, I have my Ryvita and Wasa breads, which are Swedish Flatbreads and they are about 60 calories per slice. They are more like crackers, and they are whole-grain or rye usually. I'm so looking forward to being a normal pregnant person instead of a large bulky oversized pregnant person! Meanwhile, I'm taking my pre-natals and taking a daily nap and making sure I find time to relax.

So there is my update!
Posted Saturday, Nov 3, 2007 2:19 PM by goalbysummer | 9 Comments [Edit Post]
Looking out, not down.....
Man, when the inspiration to write hits, it hits hard! I feel like a philosopher today! But I'm borrowing ideas and piggy-backing off of other people's amazing blogs, so they really get the credit.

Sonce81 just had an amazing blog entry about Holiday feasting, and the difference she has noticed in her life. How she is free now to enjoy the people instead of being resentful that they can eat what she can't, etc.

Got me thinking...Thanksgiving, Christmas, etc, these festive occasions are beautiful times to come together and enjoy family and friends. Many of us have been so focused on food throughout our lives that food is the main attraction.

This year, instead of being obsessed with what is on our plate or isn't, what is on other people's plates that we can't have, etc, lets "Look out, not down". Let's decide ahead of time what we will have, and stick to our plan but focus on the PEOPLE. Focus on OTHERS. Look OUT when we are sitting at the table, and not DOWN at our plates.

Happy Holidays, everyone!
Posted Thursday, Nov 1, 2007 1:45 PM by goalbysummer | 11 Comments [Edit Post]
Why Is It?
A few blogs and comments this morning got me thinking again about the obsession today's church has with food. First let me say I am a believer, came to Christ in junior high, was part of a Baptist Church through college and now belong to an Evangelical Free Church. So I'm speaking from the "inside" so to speak, and am not meaning to be harshly critical, just making observations based on what I've seen.

Firstly, if you take a cross-section of church-goers across the United States I would just about bet a "dollar to a donut" that as a general population, we are more obese as a percentage than the population at large.

Food and the overuse of it (meaning any extra calories that we are not expending on a regular basis...) is THE vice of today's church. And it is fully accepted, embraced, and encouraged. What it isn't, and really should be, is embarassing! I mean think about it...

I look back on our monthly potlucks after church on a Sunday...I picture the people and their massive plates of food piled high. I see them going back for seconds. Thirds. Desserts. It's an eating frenzy, an eating orgy, and ok there is some fellowship going on but it is like a college drinking binge using food as the substance of choice.

Food has always historically been used in just about every culture for a coming together, a fellowship time, etc. But not the over-indulgence thereof (Except..was it the Romans or the Greeks who used to eat and eat, throw up and eat some more?). Gluttony is spoken against in the Word of God, but most Christians I know gloss over that one...and look it! Why can't today's church really go on an anti-gluttony campaign? If gluttony was spoken against even OCCASIONALLY, I believe more people would take it to heart that it is indeed a sin. I think as a body of believers we should really be a little more embarassed at this fact than we are.

But it is socially acceptable, not only that but the peer pressure to succumb and to over-indulge with the rest of the masses is HUGE! And many of us do it, to "fit in", to "not feel deprived", to "not call attention to ourselves." Honey, I got news, we are calling plenty of attention to ourselves by our size. Gluttony is the sin we wear on the outside, there for the world to see. And I think that is what is a huge pitfall for us as we are loosing weight. We are doing everything right inside, working on our issues, building self-control, honoring God with our bodies, but it isn't immediately obvious to the world that we are doing that. And that doesn't seem fair, almost! An alcoholic gets to quit, and immediately enjoy the benefits of being and looking sober. Food-a-holics reform and it takes months for that reality to catch up in our appearance.

Let's just say no to "gluttony". When we go to that "All you can eat Buffet" or that "Church Potluck"just take a look around you at the unusually large folk that are eating...and eating...and eating. If that doesn't give us a sense of conviction, well, I don't know what will.

Take care, all!
Posted Thursday, Nov 1, 2007 11:45 AM by goalbysummer | 9 Comments [Edit Post]
Beat the candy monsters!
Just a quick post...took our kiddo to a Harvest Festival and got a bunch of candy...I wasn't tempted a bit. Said no to all of it. I'm happy as a clam and am set up for a bit of a loss for tomorrow! How many people can say they lost or maintained their weight from October 31st - November 1st?

NOT MANY! We are in the minority and it feels grand, don't it?

Happy Halloween, all!
Posted Thursday, Nov 1, 2007 12:36 AM by goalbysummer | 7 Comments [Edit Post]
Diary of a Pregnant Ex-Fat Woman, Entry #1
Being pregnant has definitely changed my cravings. I don't crave things that I used to crave, and instead I crave things I didn't crave before. I do crave BLT's. I do crave Shrimp Tempura Rolls from Sakura Sushi (cooked). Have I had either? No. I did buy the bacon in a moment of weakness but I haven't actually cooked it up. Thankfully I didn't buy the ready-made bacon!

I started eating extra veggies last week because I was so hungry and couldn't wait for Nov 1st to begin transition. So this week I've added in a serving of dairy. 1/2 cup of non-fat plain yogurt. (NS said I could switch the dairy and the fruit re-introduction if I wanted to). Yummers! I love my yogurt. And now I can eat it without feeling guilty! I love that! Mentally it is great, because since it is "on" plan it doesn't trigger me into eating other "off-plan" items. Had I known I'd love transition this much I would have started a month ago!

Weight wise, I think my metabolism has kicked up from being pregnant. Firstly, I feel like a furnace half the time when I used to be cold! Secondly, I am still losing weight even in transition. Granted, it is weight I am re-losing since I gained a few lbs in the last month by eating off-plan most weekends. (BAD Goalbysummer!) I so don't recommend doing that, as losing the same weight all over again is depressing. But I'm back to 135-136-ish, and I'm really not trying to lose any more weight. That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

I'm still getting many compliments from people who haven't seen me in awhile, and my 20 year high school reunion is a week from Saturday. I looked at the list of registrants, and it looks like it will be so fun. All "the crowd" will be there, people I have not seen for over 20 years! I can hardly believe it. And I weigh about what I did for my first 3 years of high school. When I was a Senior and on the Varsity Spirit Line (our version of cheer), I weighed 133 going into that year. I dieted down to about 108 with Diet Center (no longer around as a center, only online now) and was itty bitty teeny tiny. Not underweight, but close. I think I'm lots more healthy looking now, and am so looking forward to this reunion!

I'm sure there will be other "in-shape"people there! I can't wear what I was going to wear (the red dress) because it is a size 4 and my upper body has gone back to about a 6-8 due to being preggers! (One of the benefits, my hubby would say!) So I really need to find something else.

Well, I'm off. Need to clean the house!
Posted Tuesday, Oct 30, 2007 5:39 PM by goalbysummer | 14 Comments [Edit Post]
A Different Perspective...
I guess I have a different perspective on the whole "public" thing with the blogs and my username, because I actually already have a public blog entitled and I cross post from here to there.

That being said, private blogs should be private and not viewable to the general community. Comments we make on other's blogs, however, if their blog is not private then we comment at our own risk.

Generally, this is one of the reasons I changed my username from my full name spelled out to one that doesn't actually indicate who I am. If my struggles and my story are beneficial in someone else's journey, even someone else not on MF, I am OK with that.

Some general tips on blogging would be to not post anything that would indicate your address, your family's or your own personal contact information, and the like.

I know many of you are hurt and disappointed with the system, and feel you have been let down. This is legitimate. I am not dismissing or belittling your perspective here at all. The struggles we face here can be intensely private, and if we are private people to start with it would be mortifying to find out our thoughts/comments are out there for the world to see.

If any of you have commented on my blog and would like me to delete your comment (from my crosspost on blogspot) please let me know. I'll go and do it.

Regarding MF, I feel in control and ready to start the next phase. Transition! All in all I'm 6 lbs above my lowest, which was 129. That would mean I'm 135 currently, and will use this as my goal weight due to the fact that I'm pregnant. My size 4's are still very comfy and loose/baggy, I'm sure that will change as the weeks turn into months, but let me tell you what I'm really looking forward to.

I am really looking forward to buying maternity clothes, and looking pregnant. When I was pregnant with Julian I weighed about 210 when I became pregnant, so I was a big girl anyway. I just wore my normal clothes, although they got a bit tighter as I went along.

But now, I can wear those cute little jeans that are smaller in the leg and have that stretchy fabric above...and they will make sense on me!

Ha! I'm also excited to not already look pregnant from the get-go. My former boss once said, when I got to 8 months pregnant last time, "Now you look pregnant!" Meaning my body was just big in general. This time there will be no mistaking it.

Last time I had to TELL people I was pregnant up until about 8-9 months, otherwise they wouldn't have known. This time it will be obvious.

This time I will be in control of what I eat, not use pregnancy as an excuse to eat, and maintain a sane relationship with food and with my body.

Ok, 'nuf said. Have a good day, y'all!

Posted Tuesday, Oct 30, 2007 10:54 AM by goalbysummer | 9 Comments [Edit Post]
Oh, I forgot to add....
When my OB saw me a few days ago, he was absolutely amazed at how much weight I had lost (130 lbs total, and 50 lbs since he had seen me last...) and during the exam he said "Now tell me, how in the world did you manage to lose all the weight you did and not have an excess skin problem?" I said "well, I do have a little...." He said "Not any more than every Mom who has had even a single baby...."


WOW!!!! What a compliment! I went on to tell him that exercise was the key then, because I exercised as I lost the weight. He was super impressed!
Posted Saturday, Oct 27, 2007 6:45 PM by goalbysummer | 11 Comments [Edit Post]
Wow this is hard!
Being pregnant really wreaks havoc with the whole hunger thing! I have fallen on my face more times this month than I care to recall. I'm still in the 130's, and hope to stay in the 130's throughout my first trimester.

I want to stress again that Medifast does NOT condone using their supplements as a weight loss aid while pregnant, and I'm happy to say that I'm not looking to lose any more weight. They do say in their quick start guide that although they don't recommend using MF as a weight loss program during pregnancy, that one who is pregnant should consult with their Doctor to see if MF supplements would be appropriate to keep using during pregnancy (for nutrition and convenience, I imagine!).

So that is what I did, and I will continue to use the supplements. My Doc said small meals, frequently, and I can't imagine any meals I could put together with higher nutritional value than what MF provides. After I get done with my first trimester and am well into maintenance I'll keep adding calories (with regular foods) to get my appropriate weight gain.

But I can't go on eating Sunkist Fruit Jellies! Even IF I crave them! I have to resort to raw willpower to not gain more than the prescribed 25lbs. I vow to be a healthy pregnant woman, not a fat one.

Ok, that's my update. The morning sickness has begun, and I have an ultrasound next Friday to make sure baby is in the right place. (I've had suspected tubal or ectopic pregnancies in the past....)

Bye for now! Off to paint the living room (with plenty of fresh air coming in!)
Posted Saturday, Oct 27, 2007 1:10 PM by goalbysummer | 9 Comments [Edit Post]
This post is outdated. It is from October of 2007. I am not pregnant again, and I lost this baby last December.
Posted Thursday, Oct 25, 2007 9:22 PM by goalbysummer | 72 Comments [Edit Post]
Starting transition in T-9 days!
What a wild ride MF has been. I'm not the same person as when I began, yet I AM the same person as when I began. It is a strange dichotomy, but one that indeed dwells in me. Reminds me daily of where I've been. Reminds me daily that I could be back there in a flash if I let my guard down.

Transition begins for me November 1st. I'm not sure what I will weigh, and I think I've become less fixated on a "number" goal on the scale. I'm into my size 2 jeans, what more can I ask for? So, I'm looking for recipes on that extra cup of veggies I'll begin to incorporate. I love eggplant, so I'll probably roast some of that or grill it up and puree it with a little bit of laughing cow lite cheese for a topping for my chicken, or for a dip for my soy crisps. I love grilled veggies...peppers, onions whole cloves of garlic, butternut squash. Mmmmmm.....

Just a short one today!

Posted Wednesday, Oct 24, 2007 5:49 PM by goalbysummer | 10 Comments [Edit Post]
A Lesson on Eating Out....
Eating out is usually where many of us have the potential of making poor choices. There is something that happens when we are having fun with our peers or our officemates or even our family that effects how we look at the menu. I call it the "I've been doing so well, I deserve to have a 'little' of what I won't REALLY hurt" syndrome. It strikes every time we get that menu in front of us, and really can have a negative impact on our program and our weight loss goals if we succumb to it.

In this day of "supposedly" eating healthier, our beloved restaurants have cunningly renamed or reformulated some of their specialties to appear to be more diet friendly. But look out. Many things are cooked or sauteed in butter or butter substitute to give more flavor. Even things like Fajitas, which on the surface look doable, (minus all the fixins) may require a little special instructions when ordering.

The biggest thing one needs to overcome on these eating out adventures it the desire to sink into the booth and not draw any attention to onesself by asking for something to be a little altered when ordering.

So here are some tips I have found helpful. Firstly, when I get to a restaurant and open the menu, I head directly to the salad section. Then I narrow down which of the available salad has the least amount of items that are considered "no-no's" on the MF means it is less for me to have to ask to be held when I order...

I look for either a grilled chicken or a grilled salmon selection. If there is none with the particular salad I decided on, I'll see if ANY of the salads have it as an "ad-on" option, and if they do I'll ask to have it "added on" to whichever salad I end up choosing.

If there is absolutely nothing available, I've been known to ask for a house salad (hold the cheese and croutons, dressing on the side) with a grilled chicken breast. Usually they accomodate.

However, the sit-down restaurants who DON'T have a grilled salmon or chicken salad are very few indeed. I've only had to resort to the very special request once, and that is at Olive Garden.

So....if I don't look at the rest of the menu, I am much more satisfied with my salad option. I make it a game to try to choose the best option with the least amount of modifications necessary.

Here's an example:

My favorite restaurant has a tremendously long and glorious menu. I go straight to salads. I end up with the grilled salmon salad, hold the potatoes hold the dried cranberries, dressing on the side. See? There is a short sentence, not unusually high maintenance, does not draw too much attention to the fact that I'm on a diet, just looks like I don't like potatoes or dried cranberries. Restaurants are very accomodating these days.

So...avoid things like "pears, candied pecans or walnuts, dried cranberries, mandarin oranges, won-tons, potatoes," all of the things that they like to add into salads that will throw us out of ketosis or make us have to pick them out later. Then just order it the way you need it.

Have fun!
Posted Wednesday, Oct 24, 2007 12:03 PM by goalbysummer | 9 Comments [Edit Post]
Trudgin' Along, Doin' the Work
Sometimes MF is just work, pure and simple. Today it is just work. No fireworks, no big losses, no milestones, nothing to remember this day by, and nothing coming out of the sky to motivate me. I don't even feel particularly motivated. Don't FEEL particularly motivated. But that doesn't really matter, now, does it. I'm just going to DO it because I made a decision to stick it out and start Transition on November 1st. I've just made a yummy homemade batch of yogurt in anticipation of adding dairy to my diet. (Good thing it keeps for several weeks!)

NS said I could add the dairy in the second week, and the fruit in the 3rd week if I wanted to. So that is what I'm going to do.

Oh, and it's my Birthday today. 38. I received my present in the mail today, how appropriate is that? I bought myself a gently used red Marmot Ski Jacket in anticipation of actually going skiing this winter!

Some things have transpired that may preclude me from actually doing that, but I have a really cool red $300 jacket that I got for $59.00! It's a Medium, and it fits beautifully.

I remember when I couldn't even fit into a Men's XXL winter jacket. Now I'm in an adult Medium Women's jacket. Priceless. Beautiful.

Ok, I've motivated myself.
Posted Monday, Oct 22, 2007 2:21 PM by goalbysummer | 26 Comments [Edit Post]
Almost Through the Day and my Cold!
I'm so glad to be almost through my day. This cold knocked me right out, and I am so looking forward to it being over. I am making a birthday cake for my little boy, one without eggs (he's allergic). It is in the oven and almost done, yay. Short blog today. Did well. Hope to be down tomorrow. One meal left.
Posted Friday, Oct 19, 2007 6:56 PM by goalbysummer | 9 Comments [Edit Post]
How I Lost 136 lbs (over Half of me), and Gained My Life Back...
There are many new Medifasters over the last few weeks, and I wanted to post this encouraging blog to let you know that it is possible and it is wonderful to take control of your life and your health.

To get a more detailed history of my journey, feel free to read my blog. I've been on MF now for almost 15 months, and lost over half of me.

I began MF July of 2006 weighing over 266 lbs, and being 5 foot 2 1/2 inches tall. My BMI was over 47. I did not have health insurance, life insurance, and could barely get myself in and out of the car without huffing and puffing. I hadn't flown anywhere for years because I was too afraid of not fitting into the seats. My jean size was a Women's Plus 26 (stretch) and even those were beginning to get tight. My top was a 3XXX, although I squeezed myself into 2XX's. My wardrobe was tent-like tops and sweatshirts, and jeans. The same pair, every day. My shoe size had gone from a 6 1/2 in college to a 7 1/2. I couldn't play with my son on the floor. I was 36 and on a fast track to diabetes, hypertension and the like. I was a ticking time bomb.

When I began MF, I vowed that nothing would stop me from obtaining my goals for myself. Not even me. So I began. I "just" did Medifast for the first month, no exercise. Then, as my energy level increased, I began to walk a few times a week. I walked about 2 miles, about 3 times a week. I did that until I reached a safe weight to begin jogging at, and for me that was when I reached about 200 lbs, 5 months into the program.

I found the Couch Potato to 5K in 9 Weeks Podcasts, and went from there. I ran a 5K 9 weeks later, than a 9K a month after that, then a 10K a month later, and a Half Marathon a full 9 months after I began jogging.

And I did the MF program. The only supplement I take is a Pre-Natal vitamin, and even THAT is not necessary, it's just a safety net. MF doesn't recommend the use of other supplements while you are on the MF program. So I did the program.

I don't snack, that is probably a good tip. I am small boned person, and the 5&1 (without a snack) is plenty for me.

Oh, I also grew an inch. With that 136 pounds on my frame, my spine was being compressed and when I released all that weight, my spine de-compressed and I am now 5 foot 3 1/2. My shoe size went back to a 6.5, and I am happy as a clam.

Clothing size-wise, I went from a size 26 Women's Stretch jean to a size 2 Levi's Misses non-stretch jean. My top went from a 3XXX to an Extra Small (although I still wear D cup).

I still remember the day I walked into the Levi's Store and bought my first pair of bonifide "Goal Jeans." I'm a huge advocate of goal jeans. Every time I'd fit into the next size down, I'd go buy the next size down in the same style and make them my new goal jeans. I did that from a size 16 all the way down to a size 2 Petite in the Levi's 515's. I'm not into the 2 Petites, but I AM into the Regular 2's. I love goal jeans.

I also assembled a modest goal closet, with in-style items that were on clearance from Ann Taylor and Ann Taylor's Loft, etc. I originally bought a few pieces in a size 8 Petite, but I'm actually in 2-4 Petites now, so I have to get the 8's altered. It's such a great feeling, and the first time I walked in to the Ann Taylor Loft and bought something off the rack in a size 8 was empowering. The sales lady asked me if I needed a "gift receipt" with that. I said "no, it is for my 'goal closet', because I am losing 100 lbs!" She was impressed and very encouraging. It's fun now to go into the same store and talk to the same sales lady.

My skin isn't anything I worry about. Do I have a little extra? Sure. But it isn't excessive, and I still look great in clothes so I really don't mind.

Someone asked me once about the skin thing, she was petrified that she would have excess skin when she lost the weight. I replied to her that she could either let that fear paralyze her from doing anything, she could remain morbidly obese and never look good in anything, or she could lose her weight, get fit and healthy, look amazing in so many things, and risk a little extra skin. I didn't hear from her again after that, but it is true what I said.

I adopted a mindset for the majority of my program which was a no-compromise, take-no-prisoners approach. I needed that rigidity. It was an extreme stance, and I needed the structure. And I did very well, being 100% on plan.

The danger with eating off plan is you never know if this time will be the time that steals your dedication and resolve from you for the long-haul. Some people can bounce back and go on. I myself have tested those limits and boundaries a few more times than I can count over the last month. I don't advocate that. It is hard to get back the mindset you need to truly succeed.

So, my advice? Be 100%. Never NEVER plan on eating off. Always be prepared. If you slip? Well, make your next meal a Medifast one. But don't play around with being on plan, then off plan. Yo-yo dieting is hard on the body. So hard, in fact, it is better to not lose the weight in the first place than to lose it, gain it back, lose it again, and gain it back. Every time you gain it back you gain a little bit more than where you started last time...and it is devestating for your heart.

So if you are gonna do this, do it.

This is my "how I did it" blog entry, hope it helps or encourages or whatever. Keep up the good fight. It is well worth it. And check out my before and after pics....
Posted Thursday, Oct 18, 2007 11:02 AM by goalbysummer | 24 Comments [Edit Post]
Back from Boston, and Still Dancing in the 130's.
Greetings all my fellow Medifasters! I am back from Boston with the second opinion on my son Julian, and the good Dr's there agree that Julian is on the right track by being on the transplant list. They would prefer a live donor for him, but my uncle is still obese and therefore is not a candidate currently. So, we will continue to pray for just the right person to decide he/she wants to donate, and remain on the "cadaveric" kidney transplant list.

I am still dancing in the 130's. I will say that I disappointed myself in Boston diet-wise, but I take responsibility and am back and re-focused. With all the stress we have been under I am being kind to myself and instead of beating myself back into submission so to speak, I am speaking gently and re-assuringly to myself. I am at a different stage, I feel, in MF than where I was while drastically losing. I am so close to my goal range (125-128) that I'm basically happy with where I am. So the drive to lose and change my body shape has waned, in that I'm in a size 2-4 and very happy with where I am.

I do need to finish it, though, and my committment to go into transition on November 1st no matter what I weigh is still in place. I feel like I'm in a type of transition mode right now, with gaining a few on the weekend and losing it through the week, but it's not a healthy way to do it. The common denominator in all my past failed diets is that I would always skip the transition step, because I never felt like I was "finished" losing. This time is different, for more reasons than one. But this time I will do transition correctly...I almost feel like I should start this week, just to give myself something else to focus on...but I will stay true to my November 1st timeline.

So, I have exactly 2 weeks to get myself to 128. I think I can do this.

Now that the update on the news is done, I'll post a "how I did it" entry, since there are alot of new and exciting people who have joined in the last few weeks.
Posted Thursday, Oct 18, 2007 10:46 AM by goalbysummer | 20 Comments [Edit Post]
Going to Boston
Off to Boston tomorrow, for a second opinion on our little one! We are going prepared to stay on MF the entire time. My husband is on program too, and we'll be gone Friday afternoon until Tuesday afternoon. We are taking a case of RTD shakes, a box + 1 packet of Maple Brown Sugar oatmeal, a box + 1 of bars, and that really ought to do it except for our Lean and Green! I am determined to be very close to my goal when I return, within 2-3 lbs of it. I WILL BE AT 125 by NOVEMBER 1st!

Then I will begin transition.

So that is my plan. And I'm sticking to it.
Posted Thursday, Oct 11, 2007 1:29 PM by goalbysummer | 17 Comments [Edit Post]
Today was wonderful....and busy!
Today had me driving all over tarnation, otherwise known as Boulder Valley. I had to go to Lafayette to complete a grant application for Julian, then to Costco where he was mortified to see mommy get a flu shot, and then picked up his prescription for HIS weekly injection which we will give him tomorrow night. Hubby and I will go make a list of what we need to bring to Boston, what have we gotten ourselves into? Sometimes you just do what you have to do, and then make it an adventure. Over 3 1/2 hours on a plane with a 3 year there's an adventure!

MF wise, it was a wonderful day. Got all my water in early, and had mostly my shake-bon-bons, in addition to my oatmeal. I usually have Maple Brown Sugar oatmeal for my first meal, then shake bon-bons for the rest of the day. I'm hooked on them, actually.

We are taking a case of RTD chocolate shakes with us to Boston, and a box of Maple Brown Sugar oatmeal, as well as a box of bars. It should be enough for us for the 4-5 days we'll be gone. I actually do very well on trips, as long as they aren't to my parents. And the stress we will be experiencing on this trip is different than stress at my folks house. This stress on this trip is an empowering, decision making, adventuring stress. The stress with my parents is the kind where I feel like I'm 10 years old and can't wait to grow up if only they'd let me type thing. Like I said, different stresses.

Ok, just popped in to say a quick hello. To all who are messaging me, thank you. Take care!
Posted Wednesday, Oct 10, 2007 10:24 PM by goalbysummer | 8 Comments [Edit Post]
Some Interesting Research on Binge Eating Disorder....
No, I don't have Binge Eating Disorder...but I can see how it could develop in people who have food issues, or eat when stressed, etc.

I have manifested some of the characteristics of this disorder, but not to the degree or the frequency that entails "Binge Eating Disorder".

This is a relief to me. However, I can see how eating until you are uncomfortably full can lead to feeling out of control can lead to feelings of guilt...when HAVEN'T some of us done that? But this disorder has to manifest itself about twice a week for 6 months to be classified as such, and I think I've done this about twice in my entire 14 months of Medifasting.

But the Beastie has potential to turn into a bigger Beastie, and that is even more reason to keep it under control. Here is some info I gleaned from a website today....

Walker's room is his oasis. It's where he listens to music, does his homework, and talks online with his friends. For the most part, it looks like a typical teen bedroom — except for what's under the bed. That's where Walker keeps his secret stash of snacks and tosses the empty candy wrappers, chip bags, and cookie boxes.

Walker has just polished off a whole package of cookies and a large bag of chips — and he hasn't even finished his homework yet. He's searching for more chips to eat while he does his math. He hates that he's overweight, but he can't seem to stop bingeing. In the back of his mind, he knows that in an hour or so he's going to feel guilty and disgusted with himself, but right now it feels like he just can't stop eating.
Understanding Binge Eating

If you gorged yourself on chocolate during Halloween or ate so much of your grandma's pumpkin pie at Thanksgiving that you had to wear elastic-waist pants afterwards, you know what it feels like to overeat. It's perfectly normal to overeat from time to time — most people do.

Teens are notorious for being hungry a lot. That's because the body demands extra nutrients to support the major growth of muscle and bone that's happening. So if you go through phases where you feel like eating more sometimes, that's usually why and it's absolutely natural.

But binge eating is different from normal appetite increases or overeating from time to time. People with a binge eating problem consume unusually large amounts of food on a regular basis. They often eat quickly, and they don't stop eating when they become full.

Binge eating involves more than just eating a lot. With binge eating, a person feels out of control and powerless to stop eating while he or she is doing it. That's why binge eating is also called compulsive overeating.

People with a binge eating problem may overeat when they feel stressed, upset, hurt, or angry. Many find it comforting and soothing to eat, but after a binge they are likely to feel guilty and sad about the out-of-control eating. Binge eating is often a mixed-up way of dealing with or avoiding difficult emotions.

How Is Binge Eating Different From Other Eating Disorders?

Anorexia nervosa, bulimia nervosa, and binge eating are all considered eating disorders because they involve unhealthy patterns of eating.

Both binge eating and bulimia involve eating excessive amounts of food, feeling out of control while eating, and feeling guilty or ashamed afterward. But bulimia nervosa (sometimes called binge-purge syndrome) is different from binge eating disorder because people with bulimia vomit or use laxatives to try to keep themselves from gaining weight after eating. They may also try to burn off the extra calories by exercising compulsively as a way of making up for overeating. People with binge eating disorder do not have these "purge" characteristics.

Unlike bulimia and binge eating, which involve out-of-control overeating, people with anorexia are preoccupied with thinness and starve themselves to feel more in control. People with anorexia have a distorted body image and believe they're fat — even though they actually may be dangerously thin. Like people with bulimia, some people with anorexia may also exercise compulsively to lose weight.

All three of these eating disorders involve unhealthy eating patterns that begin gradually and build to the point where a person feels unable to control them. All eating disorders can lead to serious health consequences, and all involve emotional distress.
Why Do Some People Binge Eat?

Most experts believe that it takes a combination of things to develop an eating disorder — including a person's genes, emotions, and behaviors (such as eating patterns) learned during childhood.

Some people may be more prone to overeating because of biological reasons. For example, the hypothalamus (the part of the brain that controls appetite) may fail to send proper messages about hunger and fullness. And serotonin, a normal brain chemical that affects mood and some compulsive behaviors, may also play a role in binge eating.

In most cases, the unhealthy overeating habits that develop into binge eating start during childhood, sometimes as a result of eating habits learned in the family. It's normal to associate food with nurturing and love. But some families may overuse food as a way to soothe or comfort. When this is the case, kids may grow up with a habit of overeating to soothe themselves when they're feeling pressured because they may not have learned healthier ways to deal with stress. Some kids may grow up believing that unhappy or upsetting feelings should be suppressed and may use food to quiet these emotions.

Both guys and girls can have eating disorders. Anorexia and bulimia appear to be more common among girls. But binge eating seems to be just as likely to affect guys as girls.

It's hard to know just how many teens may have a binge eating problem. Because people often feel guilty or embarrassed about the out-of-control eating, many don't talk about it or seek help.
What Are the Signs a Person Has a Binge Eating Problem?

Someone with a binge eating problem might:

* eat much more rapidly than normal
* eat until uncomfortably full
* eat large amounts of food even when not hungry
* eat alone because of embarrassment
* feel disgusted, depressed, or guilty after a binge eating episode
* gain weight excessively

A person who binge eats usually does so more than twice a week over a period of 6 months or more, and often feels upset, embarrassed, ashamed, or angry about the out-of-control eating.

Getting Help

For many people with binge eating problems, it can seem hard to reach out for help because of the embarrassment they may feel and the stigma that society places on overeating and being overweight. Many people don't get treatment for binge eating until they're adults and trying to lose weight. But getting professional help as a teen can reduce some of the long-term health problems.

People with eating disorders need professional help because problems like binge eating can be caused by brain chemistry and other things that are beyond someone's control. Doctors, counselors, and nutrition experts often work together to help those with eating disorders manage their eating, weight, and feelings.

Nutrition specialists or dietitians can help them learn about healthy eating behaviors, nutritional needs, portion sizes, metabolism, and exercise. They can also help design an eating plan that's specially designed for someone's needs and help the person stick with it and make progress.

Unlike a problem with drugs or alcohol where part of the treatment is avoiding the substance altogether, people still have to eat. This can make it harder for someone with a binge eating problem to overcome it because the temptation to overeat is always there. So part of dealing with a binge eating disorder is learning how to have a healthy relationship with food.

Psychologists and other therapists can help people learn healthy ways of coping with emotions, thoughts, stress, and other things that might contribute to a person's eating problem.

Sometimes certain family members can help by talking with the person and his or her therapist about shared eating patterns, feelings (and beliefs about how feelings should be expressed), and family relationships. Doing this can help someone examine how certain eating patterns may have been influenced by family — and to stop the patterns that aren't healthy.

Depending on what's behind someone's binge eating, doctors may prescribe medications along with therapy and nutrition advice.

People with binge eating disorder may find it helpful to surround themselves with supportive family members and friends. It's best to avoid people who make negative comments about eating or weight because they can add to someone's feelings of self-criticism, making matters worse.

Another thing that can help build self-confidence and take a person's mind off eating is trying a new extracurricular activity or hobby. Finding a way to express feelings, such as through music, art, dance, or writing, can also help someone deal with difficult emotions in a healthy way.

As with any eating disorder, there is no quick fix for binge eating. Treatment can take several months or longer while someone learns a healthier approach to food. But with the right guidance, commitment, and practice, it is possible to overcome old habits and replace them with healthier behaviors.

Posted Tuesday, Oct 9, 2007 5:32 PM by goalbysummer | 16 Comments [Edit Post]
Scared Myself! And put into words what I am fearing most....
I have come to the conclusion (yet again) that my old self, the fat self, is lurking quietly and sometimes not so quietly in some mental closet of mine, and waits for those times when I'm alone and scared and the lights are off. When that happens, it jumps out, unwelcome resident that it is, and temporarily comandeers control of my person. Multiple personality? No, but sometimes I feel like it! This beastie mentality feeds of the feeling of chaos. It feeds off the smallest slip-up and is very opportunistic in when it strikes.

This beastie mentality waits until I'm at my parents house, dealing with the stress of that, on top of the stress of going to Boston this next weekend with our little guy. It feeds on the stresses of our finances, the stresses of my housekeeping skills (or lack of them) and it just collects all of these stresses in it's little closet. (Perhaps that is why I feel so calm most of the time, calm and in control...and then.....BAM!) Yes, and then BAM!!! IT strikes. IT derails me. This little "other" part of myself which I thought I had beat. It is alive and well, and seeking to destroy me.

I won't let it. I've worked too hard. I've come too far. It's back on 100% for me, goal or bust.

I'll spare the gory details, but suffice it to say I was a bad little Medifaster over the weekend. Not the entire weekend, but about 24 hours of the weekend. Enough to backtrack myself a week. Again.

My husband tells me not to be so hard on myself, that I am just about at the point of maintaining, and in effect, if that is being accomplished why worry? Well, I do worry because this is not the method it is supposed to be accomplished by. We aren't supposed to maintain by eating off for the weekend, and crawling back to MF on Monday to re-lose the weight we just re-gained.

And I won't work the program that way. Anymore, I mean.

I have not been consistently acting in this manner, but I enjoyed "preparing" for the Marathon and "celebrating" after the Marathon last weekend a bit too much, and then this Phoenix weekend well nigh took me by suprise.

Ok, beastie, this means war. You realize that, don't you? No more setting myself up for failure by NOT GETTING ALL MY WATER IN. Yes, that is what started it for me. Not enough water on Saturday, which led to me being thirsty and mistaking it for cravings and hunger, which I satisfied in a non-MF approved way, which caused more cravings and mental hunger. It was absolutely crazy. And I needed to blog about it, because I abhor pretense and I am who I am. I'd rather be honest about a mistake and getting back on that trying to hide it and let you all think the GBS doesn't ever struggle. Poppycock.

So. Have I lost alot of weight? Yes. Could I regain it if I began acting like this on a regular basis? Yes. Will I? NO.

Part of the stress was that People Magazine called on Friday and wanted one more picture in order to choose the people they are going to feature in the "People Who Lost Half Their Size" January issue. This was 1 hour before I had to leave for the aiport on Friday. So, I took the picture, sent it to them, and am waiting to hear back.

So there's an update on that.

Oh, right, what I am fearing the most. What I am fearing the most is gaining all my weight back, plus more. In fact, in talking to a friend I hadn't seen for about a year in Phoenix on Friday night, she said "you are tiny!" and I said "yeah, I'm where I want to be, and will probably stay here for, like, 5 seconds, and then start gaining seems to just be what I'm good at...losing or gaining. But I suck at maintaining."

There, I had said it. It was out there, verbalized. Now, did I just reinforce that mentality by verbalizing it, or did I aknowledge that it exists and can combat it? Was the ensuing weekend shenanigans proof that I CAN'T maintain my weight, and that I WILL gain it all back again? Or was it a wake up call? Need some answers, and I think only I can find them.

Take care!
Posted Monday, Oct 8, 2007 6:13 PM by goalbysummer | 28 Comments [Edit Post]
2 more pounds to pre-marathon weight
It was a real setback for me to do the 10 mile run a few weeks ago, and then do this marathon! My body does not respond well to carb-loading in terms of weight gain/loss/management. But I wanted to do it, and I knew it would happen that way. All in all I lost about a week and a half I think. I lost 3-4 days for the 10 mile run, and I lost a week for the marathon. (Meaning I had to relose the same weight again....)

But! Give it a few more days and I'll be back at 130, on my way to 125. I never changed my ticker because, well, what's the point, it's almost off anyway.

I'm glad it's over, and I feel good again. Us overweight or previously overweight people, I think we are the only ones who can actually GAIN weight after a marathon! Craziness.

Anyway, I'm off to Phoenix this weekend to see my Mom, and attend the homecoming game at my High School, as it is my 20th reunion year. I graduated in 1987. Wow!

Just checking in and saying "hello!"

Posted Thursday, Oct 4, 2007 11:57 AM by goalbysummer | 11 Comments [Edit Post]
Looking back on my last 15 years....
So, I had some thought provoking conversations with a friend of mine today, and we were e-mailing back and forth about the victim mentality. I thought back on my life, and thought it worth exploring a little further.

Having been morbidly obese for 15 of the last 16 years, I wondered if I had ever displayed a victim mentality. For example, was my weight gain and subsequent failed efforts to lose it, a result of other people or other circumstances, or how I chose to respond to those other people or other circumstances?

I became invisible when I became overweight/obese. This made me bitter. People are social beings, and without positive social reinforcements, can become angry and depressed. I was definitely angry and depressed. And in my anger and my depression, I could not muster the energy or the will to do anything about my weight.

But I take full responsibility for this. I am now realizing that it was the fact that I hated MYSELF that made me so angry and bitter toward other people. And although my weight may have contributed to the fact that I was invisible to them, it may have been my dour disposition and countenance that turned them off, not my weight, and then I'd get angry that I was being treated poorly.

When I decided to do Medifast, and by Medifast I mean the whole shebang...the 5&1, the water, all of it...I began to do something positive for myself, instead of hating myself. I found it more pleasant to wake up in the mornings...and find out I was still me! Because hey, I was becoming a far more pleasant person to be around!

My husband and I took a Myers-Briggs temperment test a few years ago, and our dear friend/mentor told me that I was angry. And that I needed to get in touch with why I was angry and try to do something about it, because I had so much to offer other people. I took his words to heart.

I can honestly say, I'm not angry anymore. Because the anger was completely self-directed, however it gave me a super-short fuse with other people as a result. But I don't hate myself anymore. I don't feel the constant sense of guilt that I'm not good enough, or I'm not doing enough, or I'm wasting this life that God has given me, and expending all my energies on food! What a false idol food is! I can't even begin to tell you how freeing it is and it was to let it go.

So. I wake up happy. I wake up energized. I wake up able to give 100% to anything I choose to do. I am almost at goal. It's taken me 14 months to do it, and will probably take one more month. All in all, I will have lost 141 lbs when I'm at goal. I'm so excited!


Ok, that's all I had to say....
Posted Wednesday, Oct 3, 2007 5:40 PM by goalbysummer | 12 Comments [Edit Post]
Ug. Headaches, munchies, the whole shebang...
Yay, day two of getting back into Ketosis under my belt. Advil was my best friend today, and copious amounts of good ole' H2O. Needed my bar today, and yesterday actually, to combat munchiness, and I ran out of meals before I ran out of day. My last meal was at 6:30.

Sounds like I'm complaining. I am. I'm actually a big baby when it comes to getting back into Ketosis. But I will persevere, I will be victorious, I will lose the weight I gained for the 1/2 marathon. Sounds ironic, doesn't it, gaining weight for a 1/2 marathon. Crazy, I know. The next one I do I'll be over 1/2 way through transition, though, so I don't think I'll have the same problem.

Ok, time for more advil and bedtime. Take care.
Posted Wednesday, Oct 3, 2007 12:19 AM by goalbysummer | 8 Comments [Edit Post]
A New Month, a New Task...
October will be "Housecleaning Month" for me. Every day I will do general cleaning, the maintenance stuff like dishes and laundry. As I feel stronger in that area and more energetic (in that area) I will begin to add more deep-cleaning things, like windows, organizing my pantry, etc. But for now, these things will get done every day before my second cup of coffee: (usually I blog during that time, but I spend so much time at the computer to the neglect of my household duties....)

1) Breakfast Dishes
2) Start a load of laundry
3) Process and put away any clothes coming out of the dryer (including ironing it it needs it)
4) Sweep living room and kitchen
5) Mop kitchen

If bub is awake before I get these things done, feed him breakfast and let him "run-awound".

Medifast-wise, today is the 2nd so I have 30 days of reducing on MF.

I will be 100%.

Take care!
Posted Tuesday, Oct 2, 2007 10:32 AM by goalbysummer | 8 Comments [Edit Post]
So I knew the marathon would set me back a bit....
I knew the marathon would set me back a bit, weight wise, but I'm determined that by the end of this week (Sunday) I'll be back to my pre-marathon weight.

I read Radiationgirlie's blog posting tonight, if you haven't read it you should. What a gal! I have decided to join her on November 1st to begin transition, whatever the scale may say. I have come to the realization that I can play around 130 and never reach my goal of 125 if I really want to! I'm wondering if, psychologically, I'm scared to reach goal because I've always been really good at losing weight, but horrible at maintaining it. Well, it's time for that to change. From now on I'm going to be excellent at maintaining it as well.

But I've got 1 month to get as close to 125 (goal) as I can. Then I'm transitioning. Does that mean I won't lose anymore? No, NS said that lots of times people will continue to lose on transition. Look at DMeyerowich (sorry if I spelled that wrong...). He has done a fantastic job, and is lower than where he was when he started atleast 5 lbs I think, if not more! Does it mean I'm done retuning and refining my body? Heck no. This bod could stand quite a bit of toning still. I plan on continuing to run 3-4 miles three times a week, in addition to strength training, with a bit of swimming and yoga thrown in. I may even get my bike out of the garage and take it for a spin. Do I smell a triathalon in my future? Maybe a sprint triathalon, but not a full one.

I met a lady last month who was THE original Iron Woman. Of course her name escapes me, but she is in her 30's, and lives in the foothills north of Boulder, same as me. Apparently this area is a mecca for triathaletes. So I'm told! And I believe it, the climate is great, the hills and climbs are great, as well as the flatlands. I love it here. Anyway, I digress.

What I'm meaning to say is I've got some shaping and toning to do, and I don't have to be losing weight to do it. As a matter of fact, it will probably be to my benefit that I am increasing my overall caloric intake. My percent body fat right now is around 28-29%, and I'd like to get it under 25%. That is my next "goalbysummer". Let's see if I can do it. I think I can.

To anyone who is starting out, please don't think you have to kill yourself exercising to get where those of us who are at or close to goal are. I walked 2 miles 2-3 times a week for the first 5 months of program, and only then did I slowly begin to jog. When I started jogging in my 6th month of the program, I could only jog for about 30 seconds at a time. Running a mile seemed like a pipe dream to me. I did the "Couch to 5K in 9 week" podcast program, and in 9 weeks I ran a 5K! Another dream come true! Then I did 9K a month later, then a 10K a month after that. Then I had this hairbrained scheme of attempting a half marathon. I did that on Sunday, a full 14 months after beginning the Medifast program weighing over 266 lbs. (At 5 foot 3)

So. Take heart. Take it as it comes, don't force it, don't overdo it. Make your primary focus the PROGRAM, not the exercise. Stick to the PROGRAM at all costs, and add in exercise only if you have an abundance of energy. I think you will have an abundance of energy, though.

To anyone thinking "oh my gosh, I can't do this for 14 months"....well, if you have over 140 lbs to lose you may want to reconsider. It will be the best 14 months of your life. You don't have to put off living until you reach goal. Your living starts now. Your new life starts now. And you WILL enjoy the journey if you get your mind of food, or thoughts that you are depriving yourself, and get your thoughts on LIFE, and the living of it. Food is for the stomach, and the stomach for food. But it was never meant as a way of life, it was never meant to control us. It was never meant to dictate our moods, calm our fears, soothe our heartaches, fill our voids, it was never meant for any of that.

Can food be enjoyable? Yes, yes and yes. But it should be our reason for living. It shouldn't be our constant companion. Let it go. Embrace life.

Ok, off my soapbox, time for bed.
Posted Monday, Oct 1, 2007 11:58 PM by goalbysummer | 10 Comments [Edit Post]
Half Marathon
It started out like any other day. I woke up, made my breakfast, had my coffee. But then I put on my new little Nike running outfit I had purchased especially for this occasion. Running pants (I had undergrown all my other running pants) and a medium running bra (I had been making do with one several times larger than it should have been for some time now.....). I put on my running shirt, and my "Boulder Marathon" t-shirt I had picked up in my race packet the day before. I put on sunscreen. I put on my Boulder Marathon hat which had also come in the race packet. I packed my energy gels, my shot blocks, and my sport beans. I filled up my water bottle. Removing my Ipod from it's charging station, I grabbed my earbuds and threw them all in my butt bag. And I was off.

The morning was a beautiful morning, crisp, 47 degrees, slightly breezy. The skies overhead and to the west were clear and blue. The skies to the east were overcast, and the sun had not yet broken over the horizon of clouds left over from the scattered showers the day before. One could not have asked for a more beautiful day.

I drove down to Boulder, and out to the Boulder Reservoir where the race was being held. I parked. I arrived 15 minutes before the start time. I stretched. I savored the excitement in the air. I heart a bullhorn "Runners, please make your way to the start. We are 15 minutes to start time. Please make your way to the start. I complied. The 15 minutes felt like 5, and before I knew it the entire pack was moving down the road. I walked until just before the official start line, letting the main pack move away from me to give myself some space. I was running when I crossed the start.

When I ran 10 miles two weeks ago, I paced myself so slowly (and I mean SO SLOWLY) that I had an 18 minute mile. (Yes, I WAS jogging!) Now that I knew what that felt like, I knew how to up the pace a bit. I wanted to average a 15 minute mile for the whole race, meaning I'd be running for 3 hours and 15 minutes solid.

The first 3 miles I was at about a 12-13 minute mile. It was great. I felt good. I felt strong. Between mile 3 and 4 is usually when I hit my first slowdown, and when I get past that I'm fine until mile 10. That is exactly what happened. The turnaraound was at mile 6 1/2, and I was feeling good. My legs were beginning to feel a bit beaten up, but I wasn't out of breath and I felt good. When I passed mile 10, I thought to myself "Hey! I feel good! I can do this!"

You see, I had a theory that if I could run 10 miles I could run 13. That was my working hypothesis. Upon testing that hypothesis I concluded that "If you can run 10 can run 10 miles and walk 3". Yes. at about 10 1/2 miles, my quadricepts absolutely shut down. Then I felt my right achilles tendon giving me grief, like I had not felt before. It was tightening up, and I felt I would risk injury to keep doing the same motion over and over, so I figured I'd walk for 1/2 a mile, stretch it out, and resume. When I attempted to resume at the 11 mile mark, my thighs politely informed me that I would be walking for a bit longer. I walked all the way to 12 1/2 miles, and then ran the last 1/2.

The word "gruelling" comes to mind. Half marathons would be great if they were only 10 miles long! But it was not to be.

However, I finished. I finished the 1/2 marathon. I don't know my time, I think it was around 3.5 hours, but I finished. My husband, who despises bumper stickers (and has to this point in our marriage forbidden me to put any on our cars) installed the "Marathoner" bumper sticker that I had purchased the day before and the Running Store. (I took a sharpie and put "1/2" in the corner). That gesture meant more to me than anything! Mr. Bumper Sticker Hater actually put a bumper sticker on our Volvo.

He is so sweet!

After the Marathon, I went to lunch at my favorite restaurant, The Med, and then had an 80 minute "hot rocks" massage at my favorite Spa, after sitting in the whirlpool for a half an hour. Then I hobbled to the car and drove home. For the entire rest of the day I was a useless invalid. My husband requested the evening to himself, and I said I just didn't feel like I could do anything at home, so he reconciled himself to having a night off this week. I needed his assistance to get off the couch at the end of the evening. I took a hot soak in the tub, took some ibuprophen, and went to sleep.

And that was my day.

It was wonderul, having completed my first ever Half Marathon! Really, it was.

Posted Monday, Oct 1, 2007 10:40 AM by goalbysummer | 37 Comments [Edit Post]
And Just a Note about the Night Before a Marathon (ok, 1/2 Marathon)`

Note to self:

Dear Self,

The next time you decide to load up on carbs the night before a super-long run, make sure that you a) don't eat SF candy earlier in the day, (can you say "laxative effect"), and b) eat carbs your body is actually USED to eating.

I have this pending explosion going on in places we don't talk about, and feel sicker than a dog. This is NOT what I had in mind when I decided to eat sushi as my carbs.....

And note to all: I am not attempting to stay on the MF plan today or tomorrow. Doing this 1/2 Marathon has been a dream of mine and I will resume the 5 and 1 on Monday to get these last 5 lbs off. =)
Posted Saturday, Sep 29, 2007 11:23 PM by goalbysummer | 8 Comments [Edit Post]
Are We Addicted to Feelings of Remorse/Guilt?
Sometimes, on my weight loss journeys, I have gotten into a cycle of lose/gain lose/gain lose/gain, and find it very frustrating. Recently, I've realized that there is some aspect of my personality that is addicted to "being bad" or addicted to the "feelings of guilt and/or self-hatred" that go along with cheating. Thankfully I have not fallen off the wagon many times in my journey of 14 months. Oh, enough times, don't get me wrong, but thankfully I have discovered this tendency in me early on to need to wake up feeling guilty.

Maybe that is one thing that us "night eaters", or us "weekend eaters" struggle with. It's hard for us to let ourselves actually be successful, because that is an uncomfortable and foreign feeling to us. We are much more comfortable in the well-worn soles of our "guilt" or "self-loathing" shoes. And if we allow ourselves to be successful, we move into uncharted emotional territory that throws us off kilter. See, we've figured out how to manage and how to navigate and make sense of our world through our filter of self-hatred and guilt. But we are not used to the brilliant colors and flashes of light that accompany the "success" filter, so if we let ourselves get close to success, we sabatoge our efforts.

Take the dieter who goes all day doing very well. But, for the last meal of the day, for some inexplicable reason, she/he purposefully (yet with seemingly no forethought so it seems to be impulsive on the surface) eats off program. Too much peanut butter. And extra bar. Two extra bars. Five extra soy crisps. What compels us to do that, if that is our story? Or the person who goes all week being perfect, and killing themselves with exercise to boot...who gets an A+++ rating for the week. Then maroons themselves over leftover pizza or that 1/2 pint of Ben and Jerry's "someone" left in the freezer. We can't seem to let ourselves be successful, and just when we come to the cusp of it, we sabatoge ourselves so we can wake up the next morning with that comfortable sense of guilt.

It's like staying in a relationship with an extremely physically and emotionally abusive partner. One who you know is going to probalby end up killing you, but don't/can't muster up the courage to leave. Your world makes sense staying with this person. You can't imagine life without him/her. Well, these feelings of guilt are similar. This weight is killing us. Yet we won't leave it behind. The question is no why, the question is why NOT?

There IS freedom beyond the doors of imprisonment that we have exiled ourselves behind. I say this as someone who has gone out of the cave, and seen the light, and seen the world of "if only I were thin...." I've been there! I'm there right now...and I'm standing at the entrance to the cave, and I'm saying to anyone who will listen...KEEP MOVING TOWARD THE ENTRANCE OF THE CAVE. Even if you have to feel your way every step. Even if you don't have shoes on and the rocks hurt your feet. Even if you can't imagine in your wildest dreams what the world of "if only I were thin...." looks like, smells like, tastes like, IS like! It's not a scary place. There are not monsters here that will get you. Everything shines. It is not a problem free world, but you will leave many of your current problems, the obesity-related ones, behind. And for many of you (as was true for me), these obesity-related problems rule your life right now. They dictate to you what you can do, where you can go, what you can buy, what you can't buy.

Join me in the world of "if only I were thin...." I'm just getting there myself but I can tell you it is a GOOD place to be.

We'll see you there.
Posted Saturday, Sep 29, 2007 4:46 PM by goalbysummer | 10 Comments [Edit Post]
Off to see the Fall Colors!
As I blogged yesterday, we are off to see the fall colors! I'm holding steady at 130, and I'm not sure I'll be under 130 until this time next week because of my 1/2 marathon tomorrow and the "plan" I've worked out to make sure I get enough nutrition/energy for it. When I did my plan for the 10 mile run, it took a few days for my body to recover and begin moving down again.

Take care!
Posted Saturday, Sep 29, 2007 11:53 AM by goalbysummer | 12 Comments [Edit Post]
Not eating until 10:30 has me completely whacked out....
So with my two home appointments this a.m. for the two life-insurance companies I am applying with, I could not (and I mean COULD NOT) eat until 10:30 am this morning. As soon as he drew my blood at 10:25 I pressed "play" on my microwave and cooked up my oatmeal...ate it with my coffee...

Then at 11:30 I had my lean and green, at 1:30 I had chocolate shake, at 2:30 I had chocolate shake, I'm taking a bar to Costco with me for 5:00 pm meal, and will have a chocolate shake at 7:30.

Both blood tests were the fasting variety, so I couldn't eat...that coupled with them taking 4 tubes of blood between them...and I feel a bit woozy. I'll be careful driving though. Sheesh, am I tired!
Posted Friday, Sep 28, 2007 6:06 PM by goalbysummer | 6 Comments [Edit Post]
Hopes of a Better Tomorrow! Or at Least One as Good as Today!
Living in the now. It's not something I have done very well in the past. Until now.

I used to wish for the seasons to fly by, like JustPraisin' warned about...up until my son was born. Now I want to savor every moment. Every step. Every giggle. Every time he starts reciting lines to Wallace and Gromit's "The Curse of the Were-Rabbit"...

"A bullet"...."Ahahahahah"....."A bullet"....."Teee heee heee haaa haaa"... "What KIND of bullet?"....."Ggggrrraaaaahhh hah hah tee heeheehee" Yes, that is my almost 3 year old son reciting lines...the Vicar scene, in particular...and him laughing and giggling uncontrollably in between the delivery of the lines...

Too funny.

Last night he had a bit of a spill on the hardwood floor, blood everywhere, trip to the emergency room, the whole bit. He ended up being fine. That kid is just high on life.

This year I have wanted to savor the changing of the seasons. We are headed on a wee bit of a road trip tomorrow...more just a drive. Every year we find ourselves headed up to Gold Hill just west of Boulder, up Sunshine Canyon, to see the leaves changing color.

We start at a little coffee shop called "Spruce Confections" on Pearl street, the west end, and head up Mapleton out of town a few miles. There is an overlook we always end up at, taking pictures. We'll take pics again, all in our matching sweaters, and I'll post 'em along with last year's pics at the same spot, and the year before's pics at the same spot.

It's kind of a tradition. Then we head through Gold Hill with a little stop at their general store, more coffee, and up through Ward. I think we might skip Ward this year, though, we'll see how we are on time. I get to pick up my race packet for Sunday at the Boulder Reservoir, then Bub has to have atleast some SEMBLANCE of a nap.

I'm excited. As I look back on the last year, I'm amazed. Health Insurance. Life Insurance. Yay! Premiums! Yay! The peace of mind those premiums buy is priceless though. My husband knows that if anything happens to him we will be alright, and I know if anything happens to me they will be alright. I just remember a year back when I couldn't qualify for health insurance OR life insurance. No longer.

Take care, all! And remember, so much (good!) can happen in a year... if you just claim it, and do it. There is no pricetag to be put on good health.
Posted Friday, Sep 28, 2007 4:52 PM by goalbysummer | 8 Comments [Edit Post]
Down and Lovin' Life!
Not down as in SAD, down as in the scales! I was rewarded with a 1 lb drop I made the 130 lbs that I "said" I was for the life insurance exam! As a matter of fact, her scale was just a portable bathroom scale and although my Dr's scale said 130, hers said 127. She went with 127, and I'm all for that.

Congratulations to all you newbies who have committed to MF. The goal is to lose weight, and you will do that! To find success on this program is simple. You do the program. I'm down 136.5 lbs as of today. Yippee! Almost to goal, almost to goal. At the beginning it was only a dream. MY dream. And I'm doing it, and it's almost done.
Posted Friday, Sep 28, 2007 11:08 AM by goalbysummer | 13 Comments [Edit Post]
Thoughts Ramblings, and an Apology
First, the apology. I am sorry I am unable to read every blog this morning, as my husband has respectfully requested I clean the kitchen this morning. Actually, he typed it in bold type on a blank word document and signed it "your conscience" for me to discover when I woke my computer up from sleep mode to check the MF site with my coffee and my oatmeal in hand. I was able to read one or two and comment, but I have to do domestic stuff this morning, so please don't hold it against me! =)

I love all of you, and if you've strayed, get back on. If you are doing great, keep it up. 'Nuff said!

Thoughts: (and discoveries) As you get closer to goal, your body gets more stubborn. I've been on a plateau for a couple weeks now, and am very much looking forward to being under 130. I've been saying "six pounds from goal" for some time now, and I'd really love to say "four pounds from goal". I know I'll get no sympathy, as close as I am to goal =) and I'm not complaining, I am happy as a clam.

I've always said that no matter how much weight you have to lose (I had 141 lbs to lose when I started), if you give it time, one day you will wake up and be at goal. So although it takes time, the reward is that someday that day is "today". I remember that day getting into "onederland", I remember that day of getting my individual portable health insurance card in the mail. I remember that day of buying my first item at Ann Taylor. I remember that day of buying my first pair of normal sized Levi's. I remember that day of getting into a size 2 skirt from Ann Taylor. I remember that day of getting into a size 2 Levi's jeans. I remember the day I set up my medical appt for Life Insurance (which is tomorrow, btw!) and I remember running my 10K. Sunday I will wake up and run a Half Marathon. Sometime in the next two weeks I will wake up and be in the 120's. These successes keep piling up, and every day is a new discovery.

So take care, one day you will wake up and have met your next goal, whatever that next goal is, be it a mini-goal or otherwise. And some day soon, I will wake up and be AT GOAL.

That was the ramblings part. It's time to do dishes.
Posted Thursday, Sep 27, 2007 11:49 AM by goalbysummer | 16 Comments [Edit Post]
I'm Off To Eat Bon-Bons in the Bathtub
Yup, tis true. I took a pack of dutch choc shake, whisked it with 3-4 TBSP water, added a few drops of capelle marshmallow drops (cheesecake drops are good, too!), drop by spoonfuls on a tinfoil lined baking sheet, let freeze for an hour or so, and BAM! Frozen treats! Hot bath! I can't think of a better way to spend 1/2 an hour! I usually make 4-5 batches at a time, freeze them all, and divide them into the individual meals in zip lock baggies. That way I just pull a baggie out, let thaw for a few minutes, and I'm good to go.
Posted Wednesday, Sep 26, 2007 5:09 PM by goalbysummer | 9 Comments [Edit Post]
The Second Cup Is Black....
I know I've mentioned this before, and it is as true today as ever. Every morning I have my first cup of coffee, and it has 2 TBSP half and half in it. I savor it with my oatmeal. It is my routine. I read the blogs, I drink my water, and I refill my coffee cup. Black. Well, black with 1 packet of splenda. But no half and half inthe second cup. It is my first real "decision" of the day as far as staying on program or not goes. (My oatmeal is on autopilot, it is not a decision but a habit).

I rarely get more than two or three sips of the black stuff in, but the fact that I don't put more half and half in it really is my make or break point in the day.

Seems a little silly, that a little half and half can dictate my attitude for the day, but it does.

Any diet I have tried to do in the past has failed at the water and half and half point. I call it the "Half and half factor". As I reflect on previous programs, I can always pinpoint the time frame of the programs' demise by tracking when I stopped drinking all my water, OR when I started adding extra half and half into my coffee. So I have been extra diligent this time around to drink all my water, and not drink extra half and half.

What is your trigger? Think back on all the weight loss programs you have done in the past. What is the common failure factor in all of them? It's important to figure this out so you can guard against that with extra vigilance. It is THAT important.

So, is half and half trivial? To some, yes. To me, no. "My Second Cup is Black" is a testament to myself DAILY that I am committed to this for the long haul. Remember, a year and two months ago I was starting out on this journey too. I may be close to goal now, and in a size 2 jean, but my second cup is STILL black. I am hoping that my committment and dedication to the program continues into transition and maintenance, and that my second cup will always be .... you guessed it, BLACK.

Have a great day, everyone.
Posted Wednesday, Sep 26, 2007 11:59 AM by goalbysummer | 12 Comments [Edit Post]
I've never been happier to go the DMV than today!
How many of us have driver's licenses with an innacurate (or just plain untruthful) weight? Well, I sure did! And in 2002 when I got my Colorado Driver's License, I KNOW I weighed more than the 228 I wrote down. Well, today I had to go in to change my weight DOWN!!!

Yes, I had them put 125 on my drivers license. I am 131, so technically I was not accurate today either, but 125 is my goal and I will be there within the month of October. All of the clerks were asking me how I did it, etc. It was super fun.

But I had to do it, not JUST for vanity sake, but also because everytime I fly now I am just waiting for the TSA agents to say "you don't weigh 228, this isn't you!" when they see my driver's license. So, here's to my FABULOUS day at the DMV.
Posted Tuesday, Sep 25, 2007 10:34 PM by goalbysummer | 17 Comments [Edit Post]
No Other Options
There really aren't, and there weren't for me. It was either lose the weight or lose my health. And I wasn't going wait to have actual diagnosed health issues push me into losing weight. By then some of the damage has been done. I was going to beat it before the health issues became a problem.

I've been successful. I weight 131. I used to weight 266.5. I committed to MF, did the program without adding "extras" to make it more "enjoyable". For me, just eating "less pizza" than I normally would, or "less ice cream" than usual, or "less candy" than I would "normally" consume wasn't an option. That is not how I defined success. My goal was to lose weight, not eat "less" of the bad stuff.

That is how I found success. Waking up every day and doing the Medifast program. Did you know that statistically only 5% of people who lose weight keep it off? I'm striving to be among that 5%.

I will never EVER tell anyone "it's ok" to binge. I will never EVER tell anyone it is OK to overeat. We get enough of that in culture, and I'm not going to dish it out here. Because it's not, and it won't get us to our goal IF our goal is to lose weight.

Now, if our goal is to hang out with like-minded people and we don't really care if we lose weight or not, hey, if that's a goal, go for it.

But I'm here to lose weight, transition to a maintenance program, and keep my weight off. Anybody with me?
Posted Tuesday, Sep 25, 2007 6:05 PM by goalbysummer | 20 Comments [Edit Post]
Life insurance, Life Insurance, I'm applying for Life Insurance!
One of my last goals. Applying for life insurance. A million dollar policy, so that if anything happens to me my family will be taken care of. My son won't have to go to daycare. My husband would be able to be Mr. Mom.

I could not qualify for life insurance before Medifast. None. But now, I am dancing! LIFE INSURANCE!!! Yippee. I have the at-home blood draw/medical exam this Friday. I told them 130 so I have to get this pesky pound off by then! =) I'm sure it's not a big deal though.

Well, take care!
Posted Monday, Sep 24, 2007 5:31 PM by goalbysummer | 11 Comments [Edit Post]
Reflections on a Year Well Lived
This may be a more appropriate post for January 1st, 2008, but I feel like being reflective and contemplative today. I am proud of the last year. I feel like it has been a year well lived. For once, I can look back and instead of saying "If only I'd......" I can say "I'm so glad I......"!

What a great feeling that is, to have no regrets in the weight loss area. I am so used to the "If only I'd started a weight loss program a year ago, I'd be at goal today...." mentality, that it is actually a bit of a shock to be able to say "Look! I did it!" I'm still wrapping my head around the whole thing.

Gone are the days of remorse, guilt, self-hatred, shame, embarassment at my size. Gone are the days people would look upon me with disgust, or cringe if I moved toward a seat next to them in a movie theatre or ballpark. Gone are the days when the only stores I could enjoy in the mall were non-clothing stores. Old Navy? Levi's? Ann Taylor? I hadn't seen the inside of those places for years. In fact, I had NEVER bought a single item at Ann Taylor because I grew out of her clothing sizes at age 24, before I was even in to her styles!

It has been fun unwrapping the new me. It has been fun seeing what styles look good on me, and what styles I'm attracted to. Bizarre, and a whole new experience, but an exciting one!

Self-assurance wise, losing weight has given me much more freedom to be me. I don't feel encumbered or entrapped by the weight anymore. I assume that people want to speak with me, not that they are doing it out of obligation or are waiting for the first chance to bolt. This makes interacting with other people so much more satisfying. I am no longer "self" conscious when I do this. And it is freeing indeed.

I could lament the fact that I let so many years pass me by living in the land of morbid obesity. That lonely land, where it is hard to find an exit out of. But I won't. Nothing can dampen my mood now. I refuse to beat myself up over things I can't change. The fact is I have changed now.

So you are now, then you will be. Meaning, if you want to be different "tomorrow" you have to make the right decisions today. Because today is just tomorrow in rewind. Do you want to be fit and healthy tomorrow? What will you do today to make sure that happens?

Have a good week.
Posted Monday, Sep 24, 2007 10:41 AM by goalbysummer | 9 Comments [Edit Post]
Fresh from the Blackberry Patch!

Posted Sunday, Sep 23, 2007 8:22 PM by goalbysummer | 13 Comments [Edit Post]
Just Posted My After Pic in my EX-Small holiday sweater-and "GoalBySummer?" Hmmmm.....
I said I would, and so I did. I have just posted my "after" picture with the holiday sweater from LL Bean in an Extra-Small Misses, as opposed to the 2XXL Women's I posed in in my before picture. The jeans I'm wearing in this particular pic are my size 4's, because they are not super tight like the size 2's, and I like to wear them. (Down from size 26 Women's jeans). Plus, they are closer to the color of my original jeans.

I also posted a couple of pics of me holding the original sweater up. Oh my, it is amazing what 135 extra pounds of fat will do to a body. My husband called me a "slip of a thing" today. That makes it all worth it. That plus the size 2-4 clothing. HA! I think I have arrived.

Am I at goal? Well, let's just see. Summer is over, and I am not at the NUMBER I wanted to be at. HOWEVER, comma, I have reached all of my non-number goals. So I am happy and content.

How did I set my goal time period? I took the amount of weight I wanted to lose and figured 10 lbs/month. It was about right. If that discourages you because of the fact that you have 100+ pounds to lose, take a good hard look at my before and after pics. Yours can be that amazing, that transformational. Wishing you all the best success. I'm not going anywhere, I'll stick around. I still want to get to my number goal, so I'm hanging out on the "reducing" phase with Radiationgirlie until October 31st. Then we are both starting transition, no matter what the scale says.

Posted Sunday, Sep 23, 2007 5:50 PM by goalbysummer | 18 Comments [Edit Post]
No Bake Choc/Oatmeal Cookies/Truffles
Makes: 12 Cookies/Truffles, 4 per meal.

1/2-2/3 C water
2 packets choc shake
1 packet maple brn sug oatmeal
dash of salt

combine water and shakes, and whisk until smooth. Add in oatmeal packet and stir, dribbling in more when all ingredients mixed so as to have a cookie batter consistency.

Drop by TBSP fulls....usually makes 12 cookies for me, but you can do more or less, so long as it's divisible by "3". If you do 12 cookies, you have 4 per meal. If you do 9, you do 3 cookies per get my meaning.

Drop onto foil-lined pan and put in freezer until they firm up. Can do overnight, and then have next day, and you can either eat them straight from the freezer or let them thaw SLIGHTLY. You don't want 'em gushy again or they are hard to eat unless you use a spoon.

Posted Friday, Sep 21, 2007 3:06 PM by goalbysummer | 10 Comments [Edit Post]
One More...This One's Cute Too!
Check this one out...
Create your own banner at!
Posted Thursday, Sep 20, 2007 6:37 PM by goalbysummer | 13 Comments [Edit Post]
What Fun!
What fun is this?

Create your own banner at!
Posted Thursday, Sep 20, 2007 6:03 PM by goalbysummer | 6 Comments [Edit Post]
My Sweaters Arrived!
My sweaters arrived, and boy oh boy does my XS look GREAT! I'm thrilled beyond belief. It fits wonderfully, no gapping, no tugging, no nothing! If you look at my "before" picture you see that the 2XX sweater I'm wearing (in the pic taken in front of the red house) is gapping and stretching over my rolls. This new XS Misses sweater hangs beautifully and I can't wait to get a picture when my hubby gets home. Yippee!

Julian's sweater is OH SO CUTE also, so I think there will need to be another mother/son picture taken soon as well. Little boys can play "matching" with their Mom's until they turn 5. That is my newly-made-up rule. Then they have to play "matching" with their Dad's only.

Weight-wise, holding steady at 131. I'll be thrilled to break into the 120's, but I know it just has to happen when it happens. I HAVE cut out my bar today, and gone to 4 shakes and an oatmeal along with my L&G. And trying to get a wee bit extra water in. Hopefully tomorrow I'll be able to report a weight in the 120's!

Posted Thursday, Sep 20, 2007 4:51 PM by goalbysummer | 13 Comments [Edit Post]
Prayers for wisdom and healing please......
Greetings, fellow Medifasters. I'm asking from prayer specifically for healing for my son's current kidneys, and I'm asking for prayer for wisdom for the Doctors and for us as we travel to Boston in October to get a second opinion on Julian's treatment course.

He is still on the Kidney Transplant list and we are going to get a second opinion at the Boston Children's Hospital in October. We just want to make sure Julian absolutely requires medical intervention at this point in his life, because putting him on dialysis or giving him a kidney transplant will set his course for multiple transplants and anti-rejection/immune suppresant medication for the rest of his life. If there is any way we could "leave him be" for now and see if he might grow out of his low kidney function (by good tissue growing as the kidneys grow) then we'd rather do that. He is a happy boy, (he's almost 3) and the quality of his life presently does not seem to be affected in any negative way due to his dysfunction. The last thing we want is to push him into a lifetime of treatment not having given him every opportunity to "grow out of it".

On the other hand, we do not want to withhold treatment if having a kidney transplant WOULD be the best thing for him long-term. That is why we are getting a second opinion from a Nephrologist at Boston Children's. A "fresh look" so to speak.

So, there you have it.

Thank you.

Posted Thursday, Sep 20, 2007 3:22 PM by goalbysummer | 23 Comments [Edit Post]
Just Trying to Stay Busy!
It's about time for my afternoon bath and hot tea. Just catching up on the blogs, keeping myself out of trouble.

I find that just because I'm almost to goal does not mean that my food demons are conquered. I still am confronted every morning with that little thought in my head..."why don't you just have one more cup of coffee with a little bitty bit more half and half in it" (after I've already had my one cup with half and half). Every morning I think that! And every morning I pour a second BLACK cup and drink it. It's like I'm always testing myself, and that moment of the day is the decision point. If (and I most always do) I decide to stay on plan, then the rest of the day breezes by. The one or two times in the last year I have given in to that urge, I noticed many more temptations throughout those particular days.

Crazy, but true. I still love the quote I got from a fellow MF-er

"I'll never BE that skinny girl who can eat anything....but I can LOOK like her!"
Posted Wednesday, Sep 19, 2007 5:33 PM by goalbysummer | 12 Comments [Edit Post]
A New Day, Another 5&1
Good morning all. It is a new day, and another 5&1 to be accomplished. As the days turn into weeks turn into months I am constantly amazed at how simple the program is. Although it does add up to a cummulative weight loss, it truly is just one day, one meal, at a time. And then the time passes. And you are into smaller jeans. And then the time passes. And you are into even smaller jeans. And guessed it....the time passes, and you are just a few pounds from goal. That number that you are striving for? Yes it is "just" a number, but it also represents a dream, an ideal you have for yourself, that sometimes may seem like a fairy tale. You may look at that number and say "Yeah, in my DREAMS!!!"

Well, on Medifast your dreams can come true. Although I changed my goal weight from 118 to 128 and then back to 125, all of those numbers seemed unattainable to me when I started back at 266. Deep down I had to convince myself that it WAS possible. Otherwise I would not have been willing to invest so much time and $$ into the process.

With every jeans size dropped, that ember of hope that was burning in the deepest part of me was fanned into a little flame. Then a big flame. Then I knew nothing could stop me except me, and here's the thing: I trusted myself enough to know that I WOULDN'T sabatoge my own efforts. And I haven't. Me, myself, and I, with the help and strength of the Lord, have worked this whole thing out simply by doing the program and exercising a little. It is so simple. It just takes time and determination, and the right tools. If you don't have the right tools (ie Medifast, or some other diet that works for you specifically) you will just be beating your head against the wall. Or, if you ARE doing Medifast but you aren't REALLY doing Medifast. And you don't want to beat your head against the wall. So just do it. Just do it.

Just do it.
Posted Wednesday, Sep 19, 2007 10:48 AM by goalbysummer | 12 Comments [Edit Post]
I Loved That Sweater....and Surprising New Measurements!
I just ordered new Christmas/Winter sweaters for my son and I. My husband can inherit my old one, and we'll get pictures taken of all of us in our cutesy matching sweaters!

LLBean has a beautiful printed cardigan button-up, it is the one I am wearing in the "before" picture of me when I had the red hair and am up against the backdrop of the red house.

Well, that sweater was a 2XX and I kept it for comparison, but I loved that sweater! So I got online today after receiving the new LL Bean Winter Catalog (darn catalogs!) and looked up the sweater to see if they still sold it. They do. I then looked at the sizing chart, and decided I'd have to get the tape measure out to measure bust, waist, and hip to make sure I got the right size! I measured....I looked at the chart. I was between sizes so I went with the smaller one because it is a relaxed fit and I like things a little more with 6 more pounds to lose it ought to fit perfectly in about a month.

Guess what size I ordered? I went from a 2XX Women's size to an Extra Small Misses. Yup, you read that right. Not even a Small Misses. I ordered an Extra Small Misses. Crazy times. And my hips measure just under 36 inches. (Not my bum, mind you, my know, those hipbone things that I haven't seen for 15 years.....THOSE!)

So, I am a classic 36-27.5-36 now. I can hardly believe it. Now if I could just get someone to airbrush these saddlebags off the sides of my bum I'd be soooo happy! Just kidding, I am so happy right now. Very content. Very in control. Very looking forward to starting transition soon, and then maintaining.

My waist went from 49 inches to almost 27! That's just amazing to me.

Well, thought I'd let you in on all the fun-ness I've been having today. When I get the sweater I'll take a repeat picture outside in front of the house, same shoes and all, and do a morphing thing...(if I can find the shoes....) Should be fun.

Take care!
Posted Tuesday, Sep 18, 2007 5:39 PM by goalbysummer | 24 Comments [Edit Post]
Wondered why I was up this morning....
For the first time in almost 14 months, I lost track of how many meals I had, without realizing I had lost track. So, I had my last meal around 8pm. Unfortunately, I was so excited to have the chocolate shake brownie that RG posted yesterday, I mistakenly had a 6th MF meal! So that's 6 and 1 instead of 5 and 1. Up 1/4 lb this morning.

Whew! Here's to tracking it in My Plan! For some reason yesterday I never took the time to sit down and do it. I usually do every day. Not yesterday. I'll go ahead and do it now for today...I have 2 meals down so far. Next one at noon.

Trying to get back into the swing of half marathon is in less than 2 weeks. I'm nervous, but I'm sure I will do fine.

This is short and sweet...have a wonderful week.
Posted Tuesday, Sep 18, 2007 1:17 PM by goalbysummer | 6 Comments [Edit Post]
Posted Another Red Dress Pic!
Hi All, I just wanted to post a new picture to my photo album that DOESN'T have that weird effect all over it!
Posted Monday, Sep 17, 2007 5:11 PM by goalbysummer | 7 Comments [Edit Post]
And It's Still Coming Off! (For any newbies, I've lost 135 lbs so far!)
At some point, I think one of my fears was that I'd get close to goal and all of a sudden MF would stop working for me. Heck, let's face it, I think that's been a fear of mine from the beginning! That one day It would just stop working. Well, it doesn't, and it hasn't, and I'm still losing! Am I on plan? Yes. Am I losing weight? Yes. I now weigh 131 and I am thrilled. I have 3 more pounds to goal. As soon as I get there, I will re-evaluate. I think as we get close to goal we constantly need to re-evaluate. I'm thinking that 125 is actually a better goal for me, since it doesn't look like I'm going to be at "goalbysummer" quite, I may as well drop it by 3 lbs and go for 125. (I originally had 118 as my goal, and changed it to 128 because I don't want to get to 118 anymore...too thin.)

But now that I'm 131, I can see that there are about 6 more lbs that could stand to come off...then I'll work on percent body fat and working out with weights and swimming to tone and firm even further.

It's weird being at the other end of the losing weight thing. I'm really good at losing weight. I've always been good at losing weight. Now it's time to be good at keeping it off. I'll need to work just as hard. I do really feel like my mindset has changed, though, and that I'm no longer a fat person masquerading in a thin body. I really feel like a thin person now, one who can understand the struggles of an overweight person very well.

This weekend was a good visit with my Mother. It solidified the fact that we really need to take that trip with all of us. So, I came home and booked our tickets on Southwest. Hubby has a week off, so he will join us for a week while we go to Disneyland for a few days of (our) family time. She's just fading fast. It will be good for her to see Julian before she dies.

I just wanted to pop in and say hello. Take care.
Posted Monday, Sep 17, 2007 4:43 PM by goalbysummer | 9 Comments [Edit Post]
Just a quick check-in...
Right in the midst of a birthday party with 15 Thirteen year old girls..I was just the driver in a 2 hour-long scavenger hunt, and I was the picture taker and kept up with ALL of them running all over the place. Couldn't have done that last year! I'm so happy about that! The cake and pizza is not even tempting me, going to have some water and join the festivities in the other room. I'm such a good Auntie!
Posted Saturday, Sep 15, 2007 10:44 PM by goalbysummer | 5 Comments [Edit Post]
Are We Keepers of our Word? How About to Ourselves?
Some of us keep our words to others if it kills us. We say "yes" to something, or someone, and our word is binding. They determine our actions. Some of us struggle with keeping our word, even to others. I am a "word keeper" when it comes to committments I make to other people. Before MF, though, I didn't consider myself important enough to keep my word to myself.

"I will start this diet".... "I will be successful"..."I will lose weight"..."I will resist temptation"....these kinds of "deals" I made with myself never lasted beyond the first small temptation. Why not? I seemed to be fine at honoring committments to everyone else, but treated myself like a second-class citizen.

When I began Medifast is the first time in recent memory I can actually remember telling myself I was going to do something and then doing it. Following through. I elevated myself to the status of "person" and knew that if I wasn't going to keep my word to myself, well, there was no hope.

How many of us start our days saying "I will......." and then we don't? Is it that we don't consider ourselves significant enough in the scheme of things to honor our words to ourselves? I don't think it's always a "self-discipline" thing....because you have to have a pretty healthy concept of "self" before the "discipline" thing can kick in.

So! This weekend...have you made a committment to yourself to stay on program? Then how about looking at it this way? When temptation strikes, say to yourself "Self, I would be dishonoring you as a person to give into this XXXXXX when I made a committment to you on Thursday not to eat off plan this weekend. I will therefore choose to honor you, and value you, over and above this XXXXX because you are so worth it." And there you go.

Now, some of us have a problem doing what we say we are going to do in any circumstance, with others AND with ourselves. I don't have any advice for you if you do that, and you're not a bad person, I just can't speak from personal experience on that one.

Just some thoughts to get us into our weekend......I plan on utilizing that perspective this weekend, as I plan to lose my last 3 lbs in the next 2 weeks so I can truly be at "Goalbysummer" before the Fall Equinox.

I'm going to Phoenix this weekend, so will be incognito unless I can get on my parent's computer and play catch up! Anyone who is in Phoenix area and is planning on meeting up at The Coffee Shop in the Agritopia Subdivision at 8:00 am on Saturday, I'll see you there. (Ray and Higley, next to Joe's Farm Fresh Ray just West of Higley, North side of the road).

Posted Thursday, Sep 13, 2007 3:58 PM by goalbysummer | 8 Comments [Edit Post]
Ode to Radiationgirlie...
Oh Radiation-ation Girlie
You always entertain us with your whirly's
If I were there I'd give you a swirly...
Oh Radiation-ationGirlie.

Oh Radiation-ation Girlie
You are so sweet with teeth so pearly
And a hubby who is oh so burly
Radiation-ation Girlie

Oh Radiation-ation Girlie
What would we do without your sterling
Advice for us ... just gets us twirling
Oh Radiation-ation Girlie

Posted Wednesday, Sep 12, 2007 10:20 PM by goalbysummer | 8 Comments [Edit Post]
One more...The Red Dress!
The Red Dress:

Posted Wednesday, Sep 12, 2007 3:32 PM by goalbysummer | 22 Comments [Edit Post]
Here are some pics! Before: 266.5 lbs, July 2006
After: 132 lbs September 2007
Pounds lost: 134.5 and counting (4 more to goal!)
Height: 5 foot 3

Posted Wednesday, Sep 12, 2007 3:27 PM by goalbysummer | 18 Comments [Edit Post]
Medifast Medifast I love Medifast
Can I just say again how much I love the Medifast Program? Not in a hundred million years would I have been able to do what I've done this past 13 months had it not been guessed it, Medifast. It was like the secret button that, once pushed, unleashed all of my potential to do the plan, to drop the weight, to live my life, to be in control (of much more than just my food intake and my weight!).

I am almost to goal, and I know I've got to get a few more pics up in my photo album for y' I'll work on that in the next few days.

Fall is here, and for once I am so thrilled with putting on the jeans, the fun knee-high boots, the cute little jackets, and looking so fall-ish. My husband enjoys it when I play "dress up" and look put together, and although at first it was a discipline for me to begin doing, I have to say I enjoy it now too. Because I can honestly say and believe that I look good doing it, and am not an overweight person trying to look trendy. I SO did not want to be that, that I went to the other extreme before Medifast, which was not taking care of me at all. And it showed. Down to the fact that I probably have some major dental work coming up because I didn't even used to brush my teeth on a regular basis. Weight-related depression, heck, ANY type of depression, will do that to a person. Looking back, I honestly believe I've been in a weight-related depression for the last 14 years. But now, I feel like and I AM a new person.

I didn't meet any mini-goals this week, but I did get an excellent hour long massage AND I got a sassy new haircut, which I blogged about a couple days ago. Not thrilled with the cut, but the ultimate goal is to grow it out so hey, I'm not complaining. I found a tailor in Boulder and I'm going to take a bunch of my Ann Taylor stuff (10's and 12's) in to get them altered so I can wear them for the fall season. I'm confident when I say that Ann Taylor is one of my all time favorite stores. Then Levi's, REI, etc etc.

I remember going into an Outdoor Outlet Store in Estes Park a few years ago (2 years ago) and not being able to find a single winter jacket in my size. Not one. I was so depressed, because I NEEDED one! And not even the 2XL's fit my ever expanding girth!

Well, I went into the REI store two days ago and found a beautiful brown Marmot hip-length jacket and the large was too big...the small was too small but not because of my girth if you get my meaning and the medium was JUST RIGHT. Did I buy it? No. But I wanted to! Ha! I'm getting better in my spending decisions. Plus I have plenty of fun cool beautiful jackets in my closet right now. Including a size 6 Ann Taylor ankle-length navy wool coat that I bought last year for my goal closet.

Ok....there are many many new people who have come online in the past few weeks. I am so thrilled for you, to have found Medifast. The Holidays are awesome incentives to get people here, and better to start now than to gain 10 over the holidays (or more if you are me!) and have to do this as a New Year's Resolution type offense to those who joined last January...kudos to you all. The biggest piece of advice I can give any new people is to remember that food is fuel. Medifast is a prescription for your health, especially if you are morbidly (I hate that word) obese, like I was. So look at it in that way. Change your thinking. Food is fuel. Don't look to it for comfort, companionship, cuddly nights in front of the TV. Don't look to it for inner peace, joy, a drug to lift you out of depression, a friend, a lover, or anything of the kind. Food is fuel. Break it down to it's basic components. Nutrition. You are doing this to get healthy.

When I started, I told myself I would either lose the weight or I would die trying. Some of you may think that is an extreme point of view. Well, don't read this blog then, what I write isn't for you. Again, no offense intended. Many of you veterans know the "trigger" that catapulted me into this mindset. I fell in a parking lot while carrying my almost-2-year-old precious son, and he smacked his head on the asphalt. That sound was a sound I will never forget. It will haunt me until the day I die. It was the sound of my old way of life, my old self, dying. Never to be revived again. It was the sound of the last nail being put in the coffin of my obesity.

You see, I fell so slowly, so slow-motion-like, that had I not had 148 lbs of ugly gross overbearing undisciplined FAT on my small frame, I would have recovered my step. It was only a small mis-step. Had I not had all that momentum behind that small mis-step, my little angel would not have had what could have been a fatal fall. Thank the Lord that Julian was alright. But if a baby isn't safe in his mother's arms, where the he** is he safe? Excuse my asterisks. I determined then and there that my weight was proving to be a danger to more than just myself. And I go back to that moment often and re-think my reasons for doing this program. I will not waiver until I am at goal in my determination to make every day a 100% day. There is no room for planned or allowed deviations in my book. None. It may work for some, but I will not allow it to enter my mindset.

So. Fast forward to 13 1/2 months later, having lost to within 4 lbs of my goal, all of the side-benefits to me having lost the weight, while they are nice, they aren't IT for me. I just wanted you to know that. Being in the size 2 Levi's? Great! Being beautiful (so others tell me)? Stunning? Gorgeous? (Again, not my words) Fine, I'll take them. But they are NOTHING in comparison to the fact that my baby boy has a healthy MOM who won't FALL because she is so FAT she can't NOT FALL in a parking lot while carrying him. It is NOTHING in comparison to the fact that I now have HEALTH INSURANCE that is not tied to any job. It is individual portable insurance that I can have for the rest of my life. It is NOTHING in comparison to being healthy and active so I can be there for my family, and not be constantly tied up in MY needs and MY wants and MY failures and MY laziness and lack of self control. So.

Have I arrived? No. Am I immune from gaining weight? No. Do I still have failures, am I still lazy, do I still lack self-control? Sometimes. But it's getting better all the time. And my husband is getting his trophy wife. (heh...little side note there....)

Ok, enough for one day. Have a great week!
Posted Tuesday, Sep 11, 2007 6:32 PM by goalbysummer | 12 Comments [Edit Post]
On the Eve of Tuesday, September 11th...
Six years ago. Six years ago our country and our life as Americans forever changed. This is to remember those fallen heroes who risked their lives to save others....and to all of those who perished in the act of war which was 9/11.

Some will not agree with this blog...I ask you to refrain from commenting. We will all have differing opinions. This is mine.

This country, The United States of America, is a good decent country. We are the most generous country in the world today, and are doing more to fight poverty than any other country ever has. Americans are a generous people. A good-hearted people. We did not "deserve" what happened on September 11th, 2001.

I still remember that morning, getting ready for the students to arrive at our Bible School up in Estes Park. It was the first day of classes. It is a residential school, so most students were flying in. My folks happened to be back east, in Boston, and were scheduled to fly to Phoenix that morning. I did not know their itinerary, or the company they were flying on. All I remember is seeing the towers burning as I got ready for work, and hearing that one of the planes originated out of Boston. I called my parents. I could not get hold of them. We waited. My sister and I did not hear for several hours, but they were ok. They had ended up changing their itinerary without telling us, and were actually scheduled out of Baltimore that morning. Of course they didn't make it and were stuck for a day or two, but considering the alternative we were so happy they were alive. My heart goes out to anyone who lost anyone in that horrible horrible terrorist attack.

Our country sprang into action, went on the offensive. I applaud the leadership of President Bush. I applaud everything he has done to keep this country safe. If he were allowed to run for a third time I would vote for him again. He is a godly man and spends the first part of his morning on his knees in prayer. I may not agree with every decision he makes, but I am not the President of the United States of America. He is.

Again, this is not meant to offend, I am stating my beliefs and my opinions. Please be respectful and if you disagree, feel free to blog respectfully about it...but I will delete any negative comments off this particular blog.

Whatever our political leanings, let's all unite in rememberance of those who died. Those innocents whose only "offense" was to get up and go to work that day.

Makes all my problems seem small.
Posted Monday, Sep 10, 2007 11:11 PM by goalbysummer | 3 Comments [Edit Post]
Oh Please, 4:00 GET HERE SO I CAN EAT!
I am so tired, and I am hungry, and I just want 4:00 to roll around so I can have my banana pudding. TOM sucks. Sorry so negative.
Posted Monday, Sep 10, 2007 4:59 PM by goalbysummer | 13 Comments [Edit Post]
TOM Threatening....
The days leading up to TOM are hectic days indeed, emotionally. Before Medifast, I never got emotional during TOM and I didn't understand why women did! Why not? Because I would stuff my emotions with food. Any food. Sushi, chocolate, you name it. So I never let myself experience the emotion involved.

But when MF began, I started experiencing a strange sensation.... I began to experience EMOTION! And ever since I began MF, I have had one good cry directly before TOM begins. So, I always know the day it will start because I will have bawled my eyes out the night before. Haven't bawled my eyes out yet, so I know it's not starting today. But my body is acting like it will start any day by holding onto a few pounds. It always does this, and I feel bloated and big for no dietary reason...then it all just melts away and I usually have my biggest drops during TOM. I am hoping to get below 130 by the end of the week. We will see. I have two weeks to make it to 128 before Fall hits, but I've already reconciled myself to the fact that I may not get there and that is alright. After all, with this training stuff for the half-marathon my body may just be wanting to hold onto weight.

After the race I'll go for a week or two with no running, and it's possible I'll hit my goal during those two weeks directly following the race. We'll see.

Nothing profound this morning, it's raining here and my house is a mess, I'm going to clean it.
Posted Monday, Sep 10, 2007 9:46 AM by goalbysummer | 8 Comments [Edit Post]
3:50 AM Check-in!
Yup, it's not quite 4:00 AM and I'm just hangin' out. I'm not usually up at this hour, but I was tonight so I figured what the heck! Good morning!
Posted Monday, Sep 10, 2007 5:50 AM by goalbysummer | 5 Comments [Edit Post]
Yes, I Gave Away My Name!
Yes, it is true. I gave away my name. Goalbysummer2 now belongs to Prairie Lady. Why? Because she will be at her goal by next summer. Maybe the beginning of the summer, maybe the middle of the summer, hey, maybe the end of the summer (like me! 4 more pounds!), but she WILL be at Goal. By. Summer. Too.

How many others will be at goalbysummer? My name is free for the taking. It inspired me for so long, and I will remain goalbysummer, but there is goalbysummer3 available, and goalbysummer4 available, and goalbysummer2008 available, and you name it! Or how about goalbyspring? Anybody up for that one? Goalbywinter? Keep you eyes on the prize, ladies and gents, and you will succeed.

I have seen so many positive postings lately, and I'm so thrilled. When the program is worked, you drop dress sizes, you drop inches, you take interrim pictures, people comment on your weight loss....(except for the first 40....if any of you are discouraged because you just started and no one has noticed yet except you and a significant other, fear not. Nobody noticed my weight loss until I had lost over 40 lbs.)

You can put your "normal" seat belt on. You begin to shop in the "other" part of the store, or, heck, in the "other" stores period! People notice you more. People smile at you more. You are less irritated by minor irritations. You are happier. You smile back. The sales people ask if they can help you. You can ride in an airplane without fearing people's reaction when you sit down next to them.

Oh, heck, I have to tell you a story....I used to take up more than one seat in an airplane...never so much that I was asked to buy an extra seat, but then again I was not flying at my heaviest because I was mortified someone would. But I would spill over into the next seat. It gets exhausting trying to keep one's arms tucked tightly to one's sides so as to try to make oneself as small as possible. Well, when my arms were tucked down to their sides, the were still sticking out at a 45 degree angle, so the armrests were useless to me, because my elbows couldn't even reach the armrests! Well, let me tell you what happens see, I travel to Phoenix to see my mom who has metastatic breast cancer of the bone (she's too weak for chemo....) every third weekend, and Southwest Airlines has an open seating policy. I usually get myself in boarding group "A" (Did any of you wonder? No "B" or "C" for this lady!), so I can just about pick any seat in the plane! But any seat in the plane will work for me now! I could hardly believe it the last time, I could actually tuck my legs up underneath my put my feet on MY OWN SEAT and just hang out in that position quite comfortably! I am small! I AM SMALL, people!!!!!! And I love it.

Who knew? Any of us who are doing Medifast can DO THIS. It's not rocket science, it's not even an iron will. It is simply doing the program. Because the program works. Do you think that extra salad dressing won't matter? It will. Do the program. Do you have that second cup of coffee with half and half instead of just one with half and half and the second black? Don't. Do the program. Do you have 10 olives instead of 5? They add up. 5 TBSP peanut butter instead of 2? It adds up (WHEW does that add up!) PS did you know that 5 TBPS of peanut butter is about 500 calories? Do you "round up" your peanut butter? (ie scoop it out with a TBSP measure but don't scrape the top flat for an actual TBSP?) Don't! Do the program. The program works. Are you avoiding your food demons? Don't. Face them. Do the head work necessary to get you through know what those issues are, better than anyone else.

Are you a stress eater? A boredom eater? Do you closet-eat and read the blogs at the same time? Do you eat when you are happy? Eat when you are sad? Do you eat when you celebrate? Eat when you grieve? I am raising my hand at each and every one of these! What is the common denominator? Turning to FOOD to fill a legitimate NEED that we aren't filling LEGITIMATELY. It's OK to be stressed. It's OK to be bored. It's OK to read the blogs! (duh!! =) It's ok to be happy, sad, to celebrate and to grieve. But separate these emotions from food.

I love it when I read on the blogs that people just aren't hungry anymore, and it's hard to get all the meals in, etc etc. Can we even believe that this would be an issue? NOT getting all our meals in? Feeling TOO full? NOT remembering to eat? Wow! That in itself is a milestone! At least it was in my life. But to let our "feelings" rule and not get when we know we need to get is also an reverse sort of, but it IS an issue.

Anyway, I've got to get my little man to bed and hubby is calling for jammies. (Not his, little guys!) Love you all, just a bunch of random thoughts tonight. Take care.
Posted Sunday, Sep 9, 2007 10:26 PM by goalbysummer | 17 Comments [Edit Post]
Got an Hour Massage and a Sassy Haircut!
Need I say more?
Posted Sunday, Sep 9, 2007 9:14 PM by goalbysummer | 11 Comments [Edit Post]
He didn't even recognize me!
And I forgot to say....I'm walking (limping is more like it!) around the house in my size 4 Ralph Lauren Denim Capri's...and they are falling off me! I don't know that I can wear them anymore and be "decent!" Who would have thought, that 13 1/2 months after beginning MF I'd go from size 26 (tight!) Women's stretch jeans to size 2 Misses Levi's!

Yesterday afternoon there was a picnic for the new Bible School students that came on Wednesday for the was across the street, and DH, DS and I walked over as we usually do (because I used to be the Registrar). There was a past student there who was a student 4 or 5 years ago, when I was the Registrar and weighed over 250 lbs....

I walked up to him and said "Hi Jason! It's good to see you!" He looked a bit suprised and said..."Oh, Hi! What is your name again? I'm sorry, I forgot!" I said "Stacy Phillips" He said "oh, yeah...hi!" There was a moment of awkward silence and I moved on, thinking maybe he didn't remember me.

Later he walked up to me and said "Stacy! Wow, I did not recognize you earlier! You look amazing! Incredible!" I told him thank you, and that it was quite alright, I was actually getting that alot lately!

It is amazing what Medifast has done for my life. Just had to add all that.
Posted Saturday, Sep 8, 2007 6:51 PM by goalbysummer | 15 Comments [Edit Post]
Are You On MF Today? Or Trying To Do Your Own Thing?
Good Saturday to you all! So, question of the day: Are you doing your Medifast today? You will get results! Good ones!

5 Medifast packets, 1 Lean and Green, atleast 64 ounces of water? If you are not, why not?

Do we have the tendency to "think we can do it better" than MF? I've been guilty of dropping a MF meal once in awhile, thinking "if 5&1 is good, 4&1 is better!" Not so. MF knows what they are doing in the weight loss department. SO, if you want results, if you don't want to plateau or stop losing entirely, why not do MF? That's a challenge to everyone! =)

Happy Saturday!

Posted Saturday, Sep 8, 2007 6:20 PM by goalbysummer | 10 Comments [Edit Post]
I Ran 10 Miles Today
Yes. Ten miles. Ten big ones. Sixteen kilometers. 10 Miles. Yay!

I wanted to see if I could do 10 this week, because my 13 mile half-marathon is in 3 weeks and if I couldn't do 10 miles today, I knew I couldn't do 13 miles in 3 weeks. So, I just went out and did it. It took me THREE HOURS, but I don't care. I ran 10 miles and that is all that counts. I did not stop to "walk" once, althouth anybody walking may have passed me at a few points.

I don't recommend anyone who is strictly doing MF to attempt to do long-distance runs like I do. On days that I run these distances, I am adjusting my diet in major ways and drinking plenty of replentishing fluids with glucose and electrolytes in them. It is unwise and probably downright dangerous to exercise beyond what MF recommends without accomodating in some way. Have I thrown myself out of ketosis? Probably, but for me being so close to goal and another goal of mine being to run a half-marathon, those worlds overlap sometimes and I have to do what is best for my body in those circumstances.

SO! Back with my MF meals now that the grueling run is over. That will be my last long run until the Half Marathon on Sept 30th, so it will be stricly MF from here on out until the night before the race. (In my case it will not be a race, it will be a crawl...but oh well! I'm going to do it!)
Posted Saturday, Sep 8, 2007 3:09 PM by goalbysummer | 14 Comments [Edit Post]
Hey All You Bloggers!
Goodness gracious me! 2 hours and not a single new blog to read! What is a girl to do?
Posted Friday, Sep 7, 2007 5:13 PM by goalbysummer | 8 Comments [Edit Post]
The Ease of the Program...and other thoughts....
Medifast is easy. I'll say it again. Medifast is easy. Easiest diet I've ever done. And most successful.

It's only hard if you are relying on your emotions or your motivation in order to decide to stick to the program. If you decide to stick to the program regardless of how you feel, and not have to be "fully invested emotionally" or "fully behind every MF meal decision", the likelihood that you will do the program will increase tremendously.

This seems counterintuitive. It's not. We have relied all of our lives on our emotions to dictate what we put or don't put in our mouths. Why not end this cycle of emotional eating? In other words, what does it MATTER how we FEEL about the diet. What does it MATTER if we feel we don't have any motivation? (from the same root word as "Emotion", by the way). I think one of the main reasons we fail is that we tie our committment level to how we are feeling, emotionally, physically, etc.

If you look at each day as a choice, and it will take a year to get your weight off, that is 365 "choices" you have to make in order to get to your goal. If you look at doing the program as a whole as a choice, then the choice is made ONCE. You've MADE the choice. Now, as Nike says, is the time to "Just Do It".

Too often we stick our fingers in the emotional wind and wait to make our decision for the day depending on what we will face that day. Be it a birthday, lunch on the boss, our kids goldfish crackers, a potluck, a date, and we weight our future success against the NOW. Sometimes we give in, sometimes we don't.

Wouldn't it be so much simpler to make ONE DECISION? The decision to change our lives by doing Medifast until we reach goal, and then do it? Seems over-simplistic. But it works. Then every new day is just a continuation of our original committment. Is it hard? Sure. Does it produce results? Yes.

What if we dealt with the committment of marriage in the same way? Sure, I'll commit to you...unless some better lookin' "dish" comes my way, or unless I really really really just have to have that other guy. Or do I have to stay married when I'm PMS? How about during TOM? Is being married a decision we make every morning when we wake up? No. It is a commitment we MADE. Now we are married, and we act married, and we don't honestly think every day "do I want to be married today or not?" (Hopefully!) Now. All that being said, the decision to stay married is easy. Simple. An absolute "YES!" But the working out of the details associated with that decision...getting along, treating eachother with respect, those kinds of things do take work and effort. But the ultimate commitment to stay married, is a no brainer for me. Same with MF. I am committed to stay on MF until goal. The working out of that is sometimes hard, but I do it.

Any time we give in to the food temptations, we are prolonging the lesson. We are avoiding the issue that is driving us to the food, and we are obtaining our emotional "release" through the eating, and not dealing with the problem. Once we've identified the problem, to not deal with the underlying issue is setting ourselves up for failure. Every time. Am I saying we'll never fail? No. Am I saying it is easy? It is the easiest thing in the world.

Bottom line, if your committment has it's foundation purely in emotion, it will be hard to maintain. If your committment is there DESPITE your emotion, you will be successful. Again, kind of like marriage!

I am speaking from experience. I don't face daily food demons. I face munchie (the general desire to munch) demons, but when I go off program (never planned....NEVER planned for me....) it is having too much of something that is already allowed on the program. It's not pizza, it's not chocolate, it's not burger king or wendy's. Those kinds of conscious decisions to go off, that would require a special trip, or me buying something at the store, just don't happen to me. To decide to go off the program is to decide to delay my goal, and that is where I'm coming from.

Are there differing philosophies about doing the MF diet? Absolutely. You figure out what works for you and do it with all your heart. I just wanted any newbies on the boards to know that not EVERYONE goes off program. Not everyone has slip-ups, it is possible to be on plan and wildly successful. Many of you veterans will agree with me, although very few of us have had zero slip-ups. But many of us strive for 100%. If we strive for 100%, we may actually reach it. If we don't strive for 100%, then what are our odds of reaching 100%? And to be honest, I don't want to eat like this forever. I've been doing this almost 14 months, and I'm so ready to begin transition.

So get this 4 lbs off, and get going with the rest of my life.

Thanks for listening.
Posted Friday, Sep 7, 2007 1:48 PM by goalbysummer | 14 Comments [Edit Post]
Just Spent a Wonderful Evening With PattyR2!
I just wanted to blog before I went to bed that I just spent an amazing 2 hours with PattyR2-turns out she's from my neck of the woods, close enough that we can meet somewhere and it's only a 20-30 minute drive for either of us! We talked like old friends, there was absolutely zero awkwardness...after all, we already sorta knew eachother from MF! Turns out we have a lot in common, and she is just an amazing warm-hearted down to earth woman.

Kudos Patty, thanks for enriching my life tonight!

Bye, all!
Posted Friday, Sep 7, 2007 12:42 AM by goalbysummer | 9 Comments [Edit Post]
Meeting PattyR2 tonight! So excited!
Well, I'm off in about an hour to meet with PattyR2! I'm quite excited about it!!! I'll report when I get home! We're meeting at 7pm, at a Starbucks (where else?!?!?!)!
Posted Thursday, Sep 6, 2007 7:08 PM by goalbysummer | 8 Comments [Edit Post]
Anybody have this problem?
I met a friend for dinner two nights ago, a friend who has always been large. I was about to say "like me", but I'm not large anymore. Anyway, this friend of mine is a very large woman, she is also tall-probably 5 foot 8. We have always struggled together with our weight, and shared dieting tips, etc, and then she moved to Sweden to be an assistant cook at a Bible School over there. She is 30, and unmarried (never been married) and I know that the one desire of her heart is to have a husband and a family.

This last year, as I was losing my weight, I told her of my success, and I offered to ship her 1 month's worth of MF food to try to do the diet. She said thanks for the offer, but she really didn't feel like she could stick to "that kind of thing". Fair enough. So, she was in town this week and we met for dinner. She went on and on about how tiny I was, and that she was happy for me. The problem is that I'm not happy for her! She has gained 20-30 lbs since leaving, and is probably close to 350 lbs at this time. A couple months ago, I renewed my offer of the MF food. I also wrote her a very pointed, yet loving, e-mail about the fact that the only thing standing in the way of her dreams is her weight. That she is a wonderful beautiful person within, and her outsides are keeping the right kind of guys from seeing her insides and considering her as a potential wife and mother of their children. I think it hurt her feelings, but I feel like a true friend would point these things out in a kind and loving way. I got no response from that e-mail, but in the last few months she has been signed up with E-Harmony and is shopping her prospects. But they don't look good. I know that with some weight loss, she would be absolutely stunning! I mean look what happened in my before and after pictures! If you were a guy, on E-Harmony, and you saw those two pictures, which would you choose? I'm a realist, and I want her to have the best possible options for her potential future husband. I know that God wants to give her the desires of her heart, but I really feel like she is standing in His way! And she's 30 years her clock is tickin'!

So. Advice please. I'm asking for it. Please tell me the truth. Would you give it another go? Or would you let things lie and let her come to the conclusion herself, with no more input from me? Top that off with the fact that her Mom just died last week, and she is under a ton of stress. I did not mention anything weight-oriented at dinner, it was not even close to being appropriate, I just listened to her and all the stress she is under right now with her family, and the pressures they are putting on her, and grieving her mom. But I know she is so unhappy about her weight. I know it is also killing her, physically. So what should a friend do? What CAN a friend do? What is appropriate, and what is crossing the line?

It's like I've found this secret, this amazing tool, and I want my friends who are obese to find it too, and let it work it's wonders in their lives! But no one can do it 'til THEY are ready, this I do know, but feel free to tell it to me again in your comments.

Help! She goes back on the 18th. Do I give her 20 boxes of food to take back? Do I wait for her to ask? Help!
Posted Thursday, Sep 6, 2007 5:12 PM by goalbysummer | 28 Comments [Edit Post]
What happens when you fall out the other end of your goal closet?-Changing out the closets-and the importance of Self Mastery.
OK, I'm not completely out the other end of my goal closet, that was just one item and a couple of interrim pieces that I need to get altered now because they are too big! Some Ann Taylor size 10 and 12 pants I bought last spring on sale are now hanging on my hips just BARELY! But they are too cute, so I'm going to get them altered. But the item that I'm really talking about is that black and white dress I have in my "after" picture in the photo album! It's TOO BIG! It was an 8, and I bought it as a "goal dress" for the July 7the wedding I attended...which I wore to, (barely...I was bustin' out the seams almost!) which is now too big! I'm sure I can get that altered too, but I WAS going to wear it to my 20 year HS reunion this November. BUT, I found this great little red dress, also spaghetti strap, in a dark red chiffon type material...for $19.00 at the Nordstrom's Rack! It's a size 5. It fits now, nice and snug, so it will probably still fit in November since I've only got 4 more pounds to lose until goal. So! Wow!

Another thing I wanted to comment on was this phenomenon I have never experienced before, but I find quite nice...called the "changing out of the closets". Yesterday, when I was tempted to munch, I blogged for awhile, and then I went into my closet and cleared it out of everything that was too big. Then I separated out the colors/styles into three categories: Fall/Winter, Winter/Spring, and Summer. I'm going to keep my Fall/Winter clothes in the closet, and pack away everything else. Then, when January rolls around, I'll put away the Fall/Winter, and bring out the Winter/Spring, and etcetera etcetera. I never had these choices before! My choices used to be "I wonder what XL or XXL sweatshirt I will put on with my size 26 Womens stretch (tight!) jeans...oh, in the summer it would be an XL or XXL Tee-shirt, so there was a choice there...usually dictated by how hot it was. But that was it! Stylish? No.

So I'm excited. No more stained ratty sweatshirts or men's XXL sweaters. No more tent-like T-shirts to hide my ever widening girth. No. I took control. And for once in my life, I did it.

I am so excited for each and every one of you, who may be just starting his or her journey. It IS a journey, it's not a magic button to press and have it all done with. If that were the case, trust me, you would be ill-prepared to maintain the hot new bod you WILL get on the MF diet. This is why it is good that it takes time and forethought. In the struggle, along the way, you will meet yourself. You will find out what makes you tick, what you struggle with, and how to cope with those things. By the time you reach goal, hopefully you will have put enough thought and intentionality into the program that you will be prepared to keep it off.

There has always been the debate of "if you are 100% person, you won't be able to keep it off because you won't be prepared for real life". I can tell you from experience that this has not been my experience. It isn't the "100% or not 100%" mentality that either prepares you or not for maintenance. It IS the mindful working of the plan, and DOING the headwork necessary. For some, this is aided by the many stumbles along the way, that they turn into learning experiences. For some, it is reading about these revelations, and for some, it is not cheating once the entire time, and having learned a bunch about why they crave things in the process. So, however you learn best, learn it. The better you master yourselves, the more you will lose, and the better likelihood you will keep it off. It is all about self-mastery. And you can't master what you don't know. In College, a "Masters Program" is intense study about a single subject. Well, my challenge to all out there is to take a Master's Course in Yourself along this journey.

Take care, all!
Posted Thursday, Sep 6, 2007 11:31 AM by goalbysummer | 9 Comments [Edit Post]