Nov 08-May 09

Eating my iceberg lettuce and grilled chicken
So here I am, just crunching on my iceberg lettuce with a squeeze of key lime, and my "naked" grilled chicken with diced jalapeno. Pretty good lean and green if I do say so myself. I am blogging because this time around my lean and greens are hard to swallow. Literally. Don't know why, but they are my least FAVE part of the diet right now. Again, have no clue why. So I blog and I eat, and I will blog and eat my way through this lean and green so that my day will be as successful as I want it to be. Which is 100% successful.

I have ditched the Coke Zero, and for any of you who know me one iota know that is a BIG DEAL. I was an addict. I just decided over the weekend that addictions have no place in my life anymore. So I stopped. It seemed like the right thing for me to do at the time. I am doing well, it is my 4th day without diet soda or artificial sweeteners of any kind. I'm applauding myself.

I purchased a pair of size 5 Levi's from Costco tonight. I felt a thrill in that purchase akin to 2 years ago when I was assembling my goal closet...of size 2-6 clothing that I eventually fit in to! Now for motivation I go and stand in my closet and think...."I remember when I wore that...and that...and that...and I will do so again."

I'm giving myself one year, committing myself hard core for 12 months to get to my goal. For some reason 12 months sounds more doable than 14. Even though, realistically, it may take me 14 or 15 to get down to 120. But I have patience. And tenacity. And perseverance. And self discipline. And I will pull on all of it and the Lord's strength to boot to get me there. We are on our way.
Posted Tuesday, May 26, 2009 10:23 PM by goalbysummer | 6 Comments [Edit Post]
I am sure being tested this week!
I am being tested this week. I'm a daily weigher, and I have lost zero zip nada over the last 3 days. A plateau so early on? Well, I lost 8.5 lbs the first 3 days, so I 3 days of staying the same still gives me a net 8.5 lb loss for the week so far. Tomorrow I'll weigh again and mark it down as the final weight loss for my first week.

I've been 100% OP, and kept the condiments to a minimum. Mostly lean fish options and chicken breast for my lean, with the exception of lean steak today. Walking every morning, 2 miles. All my water in plus some. I'm doing the plan and I think my body, after 3 days, went "Whoa there nelly! I didn't gain 100 lbs in the last year to let you come in here and start losing it again!"

Well, to that I say TOUGH. I will lose it again. I have started to lose it again. I even began my goal-clothes routine yesterday which, I have to say, was v-e-r-y depressing. I was at Savers, and bought some denim Capri's in a size 20-stretch. They looked so large on the rack, I thought for SURE they would fit so at least I could have something besides sweats to wear right NOW. I also bought a pair of Levi's Low-ride 16 jeans. (Interrim Goal jeans) Well, I got home fully expecting the size 20 capri stretch pants to fit. And I could not even get them up over my well-apportioned buttocks. Wow, wow, and double wow. My body image is NOTHING even close to accurate. I see myself as smaller than I actually am right now. Self-protection? Perhaps. I'm sure I get glimpses of my actual size (like the capri incident) which make me sad...but I am , overall, very optimistic that I won't be here for long.

Is it hard? Yes. It pretty much is. Especially since it only comes off as fast as it came on. 8 lbs/month for me. But going down is better than going up. It has to be, and I have to do this. I have no choice. Well, I COULD curl up and die, but that wouldn't help anyone and I have no desire to do that. So it's onward and downward.
Posted Monday, Mar 30, 2009 5:32 PM by goalbysummer | 9 Comments [Edit Post]
And I can't believe I forgot the true intensity of...the TOXIC GUT.
I think the title says it all. Explaining further would come to no good.
Posted Sunday, Mar 29, 2009 1:55 PM by goalbysummer | 2 Comments [Edit Post]
Mini-Revelation...addicted!
Yes, people, yes, I AM addicted. I'll tell you what I am addicted to which I am breaking RIGHT NOW!! Having started and given up MF so many times this last year, and having made a committment this time to not give up no matter what, I find that here, on day 5 or 6 (I've lost count...it doesn't matter...) I am down and depressed. Why?!?!!?!? I lost half a pound between yesterday and today. So, why am I down and depressed? Because I lost 8 lbs in the first 3 days. Then I stopped losing for a day, now I'm down 1/2 a pound.

I am addicted to the glycogen drop! I'm addicted to that 5-8 lbs that comes off in the first 3-5 days of the program! It is obvious. And I missed it until today. But now I realize that I feel so awesome, amidst the crappiness of the first 3 days I still feel awesome that my body is shedding so much volume/weight that when that level of weight loss is not sustained I become disheartened.

Don't tell me, I know all the answers to this one theoretically...the head knowledge so to speak, that "the first three days are just the getting rid of the glycogen so your body can begin the real work of burning fat"....and "you would not WANT to lose 5 lbs every 3-5 days because that would be too hard on your body...loose skin...etc...unhealthy...etc." I know all this. And I agree with it all.

AND YET, psychologically there is that deflated feeling after the first 3-5 day initial loss upon starting the program again. I need to blog it out, to see it in print, to remind myself that if I stay addicted to the "weight loss high" of seeing those scale numbers go down in large amounts I will be disappointed and will risk throwing the baby out with the bath water.

No. I will not. Because I already determined that my feelings were not going to enter into it for the first 2 months. Feelings aside, cravings aside, I was making the DECISION not to go off program. And by sheer grit and determination, and asking the Lord to back up my CONSCIOUS DECISIONS with His supernatural strength, I will succeed.

There is an our part and a His part. I must decide to exercise self-control (it is a muscle, you know!), and once I turn my face to that direction and take just one step, the Lord comes in and gives me the strength to walk the rest of the steps away from the temptation. He will not rescue me from my temptation if I keep looking and longing and lingering. Eventually I will wear what defences I have down with my loitering around the temptation, and will succumb. He wants me to get the heck out of Dodge and, whether symbolically or actually, put the temptation out of my mind....get over it...get myself into a bubbly bath, go into another room, go throw myself on my bed with my pillow over my head...WHATEVER that looks like for me to practically move myself away from the temptation...and viola, He replaces those yearnings that seemed so overpowering with His peace. But it takes a few minutes, at the very least. And sometimes it takes me putting that half gallon of ice-cream in the sink with the lid off and water running.

Here's a tip to anyone who happens to be reading this. If you've got a plate of "X" or leftovers of "Y" and you are finding yourself attracted to it, run to the sink and throw it in there with the water running. I guarantee that "X" or "Y" will present itself as much less attractive to you when it is covered with water. And it will be unedible, as opposed to placing it in the trash, where it can still issue it's siren call to you. Yes, I have retrieved items from the trash before to indulge. If I put 1/4 of a costco carrot cake, still in it's box, in the kitchen trash can, I have been known to go scavenging later on. The alternative to that is putting it in the OUTDOOR trash bin, the one that gets collected ever week. If it is in THERE, it is guaranteed I will leave it alone. The water trick works will with the costco cakes also though, I have found.

So, tips for survival. Is that XXXXXX a temptation to you? Run water over it OR put it in the OUTDOOR trash bin. Or both. Guaranteed you won't be picking at it later. ESPECIALLY if the outdoor bin was empty when you threw it in there, upsidedown? Heh. I've thought of all the angles here, folks. And you know the best part? You don't even have to have mental buy-in or agreement to do this. You just do it without thinking. If you are IN the moment, and craving the THING, you are NOT going to get mental-buy in to go run it under the faucet. In fact, you have to do it so fast so as to shock your brain so to speak. If your brain gets wind that you are doing it, it gives it more time to give you all the reasons why you shouldn't run water over the temptation. "What a waste!" It will say..."You don't have to do THAT, that is CRAZY!" It will whine. It will plead. It will cajole. It will tell you you can handle it, you can be good. But DON'T believe it. Your brain has entered the bargaining stage of grief over the item you are about to render inedible. Just DO it. You will thank yourself later. You will also find something pleasantly surprising. Once you destroy the item and render it inedibly, the tension, the pressure you were feeling to give in and have some disappears! It disappears just as soon as you render it inedible!

I have really gone off on a tangent on this one, but I was just remembering some of my past temptations and what I have done. Especially when everything in my rapidly-shrinking-body screamed for that taste of this or that bite of that.

Hope this helps someone. It helped me to remember.




Posted Sunday, Mar 29, 2009 12:56 PM by goalbysummer | 4 Comments [Edit Post]
Morning sunrise
So I was able to get up this morning at (croak, groan...) 6:30 and go for my walk. I've decided it has to be mornings, or else I will risk not getting the walk in, and since I've determined it to be so vital to my success I must make time at one end of the day or the other.

I was glad I did. It was a beautiful sunrise, and I cannot tell you when the last time I saw a sunrise was. It was wonderful.

Well I'm off, I'm cleaning the house and getting ready for an afternoon BBQ with some good friends.

Take care!
Posted Saturday, Mar 28, 2009 12:18 PM by goalbysummer | 5 Comments [Edit Post]
One More Meal Ends Day 4
I have one more meal to go and it will be chocolate pudding. I did go on my 2 mile walk today, as I have done every day this week. Did I feel like it? I don't know, it didn't matter. I just did it. My mahi-mahi and salad was wonderful tonight. I had 2 shakes, 1 cream of broccoli soup, and 1 puddings so far.

Good times, good times. A few headaches and nausea over the last few days, but just bore with it, and took some tylenol.

So, can't wait. 4 days down, 396 to go.
Posted Friday, Mar 27, 2009 11:19 PM by goalbysummer | 5 Comments [Edit Post]
A great 3 days done and onto the 4th
So here I am, day 4. The verdict after 3 days was a loss of 8.5 lbs. I'll take it. Yippee. Here is how I will accomplish my goal in the next year:

1) I will stay 100% OP
2) I will walk or run 2 miles per day, rain or shine, feel like it or not.
3) I will find my goal jeans and line them up so I can once again track my progress from a 26W to a 2 Petite.
4) I will blog and read/comment on other people's blogs
5) I will track my food
6) I will keep the condiments to a minimum
7) I will drink my water every day. No exceptions. Not if I feel like it, I WILL DO IT.
8) I will remember that the weeks I am not losing on the scale I am losing inches.
9) I will do this.

If I can do it for 3 days, I can do it for 30 days, and I can do it for 300 days. I will do it for as long as it takes. As Renee Zellwegger said once "It's only about how much you care. The rest is just math". Math. 5 and 1 math. 2 miles a day math. 8 glasses of water math. And that is it.

It don't matta how I feel. But now that I mention it, I'll let you know how I feel. Just before re-starting 3 days ago, I felt fat. I felt worthless. I felt like a failure. I felt my knees aching. I felt my spine being compressed again (I gained an inch in height doing the MF program last time...I can feel it compressed again). I felt like a waddling chicken. SO!!! I have suspended "feeling" for the next few months, because I KNOW all of those things will be changed as I lose the weight.

Some of you may be asking how I allowed myself to gain 124 of the 136 lbs I lost the first time back again. Many of you don't know my story. For the newbies I will sum up and try not to sound super pathetic doing it. Mind you I'm not fishing for sympathy, not at all, I am just stating the facts of the last year.

1) I did not transition. I hit my goal weight of 130 in September of 07, ran a half marathon, and immediately found out after that I was pregnant. MF does not allow you to even be on transition when you are pregnant, so I adhered to the policy and tried eating healthy.

2) My then 3-year-old son (he is 4 now) had a peritoneal dialysis catheter surgically installed in November 07 in order to begin dialysis, as his kidney function dipped under 10%.

3) I suffered a miscarriage in December 07
4) My son's PD catheter failed in December 07
5) We moved to another state in March 08
6) My mom died after an 8 year battle with cancer in March 08
7) We relocated temporarily to the Ronald McDonald House at Stanford in Palo Alto in order for my son to begin hemodialysis and receive a kidney transplant.
8) My son received a kidney transplant (praise God!) and we remained in Palo Alto for 100 days post-transplant
9) My dad got remarried
10) We moved back to Arizona
11) My husband lost his job, he had been commuting for a YEAR to another state for work..so it was actually a blessing that he can now seek work here in Arizona full time.

My son Julian is doing great, which is the main reason I can begin to focus on myself again. The stress of the last year + and the constant eating out in Palo Alto caused me to balloon back to 254.5 lbs. (That .5 is important because I am such a literalist).

My husband and I are now settled into our new house, our son is doing great, and we are doing MF together.

So, here I go. I took before pics yesterday, and will post them in a few months when I have some interrim pics to post along with them.

I am committed. I will do this. I have to do this.


Posted Friday, Mar 27, 2009 3:37 PM by goalbysummer | 9 Comments [Edit Post]
Back in the groove...and on my way to 120.
I am back in the groove, and on my way to 120. That is goal. That is the weight I will begin transition at. I can't wait..oh, but wait, I HAVE to wait. I have to wait, and be patient, and let the hours turn into days turn into weeks turn into months turn into 14 months because that is how long it will take me to get to my goal. Goal-by-summer of 2010. I'll be back into my size 2 goal jeans that I was into in September of 07 and LOVING it. I will have lost half of me. Again. Now there's a story for PEOPLE, huh? Can't wait. Oh, wait, I HAVE to wait. But the journey will be a good one.

That's it, I'm going to my before/after pics on my blog to dream of the day I'm there. Again. =)
Posted Wednesday, Mar 25, 2009 5:25 PM by goalbysummer | 13 Comments [Edit Post]
On Pins and Needles
I'm a little bit on pins and needles today regarding whether or not we will be moving into our new house in 2 weeks. Our application is still in underwriting, and all should be good, but we thought to have heard yesterday or today and because of that the anticipation of knowing is paralyzing me. It's quite crazy. But there you have it.

On the Medifast front, things are going swimmingly well. Except for a minor glitch last night, I feel strong and capable, and have lost about 13 lbs in a week and a half. I'm optimistic that by the end of summer I will be a sliver of my formal self.

Our new house has a room for a home gym, and since we already have a bow-flex type machine, free weights, and an eliptical trainer I am super excited to be able to set up "shop" when we get in.

Time to go now.
Posted Wednesday, Jan 14, 2009 11:48 AM by goalbysummer | 3 Comments [Edit Post]
Happy Sunday.
Down 11 lbs in 1 week. I love that. Now if I can maintain a 3 lb loss per week from here on out I will be happy as a clam.


Posted Sunday, Jan 11, 2009 3:54 PM by goalbysummer | 8 Comments [Edit Post]
And it's a New Year.
Full of new opportunities. Full of the same opportunities, again!

On plan and have a plan and doing the plan.
Posted Sunday, Jan 4, 2009 10:56 PM by goalbysummer | 3 Comments [Edit Post]
God is smiling on us....
Having a wonderful day! I just made an awesome salad with cabbage, lime juice, lime zest, finely grated fresh ginger, etc. It was fabulous!

I am thrilled that my husband and I are on the Medifast Bandwagon again. It is time to get healthy.

I enjoy looking at my "after" pictures, the ones I took at or near goal, on my blog. I know that this is an indication that I am hopeful I will be there again, and am looking forward, instead of regretting I let myself gain the weight back, and looking backwards.

Lots of exciting things happening in my life right now. God is smiling on us.

Cheers to all, and praise to God.

Stacy
Posted Saturday, Dec 13, 2008 8:12 PM by goalbysummer | 5 Comments [Edit Post]
I love all the positive blogs!
Keep up the awesome blogs, people! I love reading them in the afternoon~ Keep it up.

I bought some posterpaper and have made myself an actual graph on which to record my progress for my downward spiral of weight loss. It helps me to see it on something other than the computer.

I have a trajectory of 2 lbs/week and 3 lbs/week, and as long as I'm within that trajectory I am going to feel like a huge success.

I have vowed to myself to be on plan 100% this time around, as I can really see how bites, licks and tastes affected my previous rate of weight loss the last time I did Medifast. For the first 4 months I was on plan and lost about 10-12 lbs/month, and after that I struggled to eke out 7 lbs/month, and that was with lots of exercise included.

So, this is an experiment for me. I am going to stay 100% and see if I can't maintain a 10 lbs/month weight loss. Let's go for it.

I think when I'm done I'll consider opening a Medifast franchise here in Arizona, if they allow that. My house is a live/work zoning, so I can set up my counseling office in my home gym upstairs. At the very least I'll be a health coach for TSFL.
Posted Thursday, Dec 11, 2008 4:50 PM by goalbysummer | 8 Comments [Edit Post]
Where I was, then I was, and where I will be again...
So here is a "before" pic, an "after" pic, and I guarantee I'll be there again.

Starting weight 266.5, "goal pic" weight 130. Now I'm 230. I want to be 125. Here I go.






Posted Wednesday, Dec 10, 2008 10:36 PM by goalbysummer | 4 Comments [Edit Post]
End of Day Three. All I can say is...WOW.
I am drinking my last MF shake, which comprises my last meal of the day. I was utterly successful today, yesterday, and Monday, meaning I have reached the end of "The Dreaded Three Days". Yay Me.

This evening I felt a moment where it seemed my cravings went away. It was a little eerie. It was actually a moment that I can point my finger at and say "oh my goodness, I don't feel deprived, I feel hopeful!"

So, yay me. I have a new goal weight, and will be on this program 100% until I get there, which is something I did not do the first time. The first time I did Medifast, I was on program for 4 months, then I dilly-dallied around. I still got to 128, don't get me wrong, from 266, which means I did do the work. But I settled for negotiating with myself to add little extras here and there. More than one person on this site will remember my "Sun-Butter Attacks". (sun butter is made from sunflower seeds, and was one of my downfalls/vices in my previous weight loss). This time I will be like RG. I will be 100%. I will be ruthless with my compliance. I have to be.

Thanks for being an inspiration, RG!
Posted Wednesday, Dec 10, 2008 10:04 PM by goalbysummer | 2 Comments [Edit Post]
4 meals down, 2 to go.
Just a quick note to say that today, day 3, has been hard but good. Good in that I decided it matters not how I feel, it only matters what I let pass through these lips of mine. It is like medicine. I will lose weight if I do the work. I'm ready to do the work. End of story. Beginning of story.
Posted Wednesday, Dec 10, 2008 6:39 PM by goalbysummer | 5 Comments [Edit Post]
Just had a fabulous lunch...
Seems like whenever I restart Medifast I have the temptation of doing the "complete Medifast" which excludes the lean and green. This type of Medifast is for use only under a Doctor's supervision, and of course I'm not going to do that so that is reason #1 not to do it. But I think it is important to recognize my desire to "restrict" my intake excessively, and to "punish" myself by punishing my body. I've decided not to do that. So, I intentionally make myself my lean and green and look at it as an act of love to myself. An act of taking care of myself in a practical way.

So, my lunch today was a beautiful stir-fry of shaved fennel, yellow squash, and tofu.

I sprayed a big pan with Pam, threw 1 1/2 cups of chopped fennel bulb, and 1/2 cup yellow squash. I added a splash of soy sauce, and let it cook until tender. I removed it from the pan, and put the tofu in, another splash of soy sauce, seared it, and cubed it in the pan. I then tossed it all together, and minced up a half clove of garlic to sprinkle on top. It was delicious. It was very filling, and I am very close to deciding to become a vegetarian. For some reason I'm sick of chicken, fish, beef, turkey, etc. I'm going to read the "Medifast for Vegetarians" portion of the program and see if I can make it work for me...hmmm.

Keep on keeping on, MFers! And drink your water!
Posted Wednesday, Nov 26, 2008 2:32 PM by goalbysummer | 2 Comments [Edit Post]
Good Wednesday.
Good Wednesday to you all. When I read the blogs first thing in the morning it helps me set the tone for my day On Plan. This morning I was particularly struck again by the fact that none of us are doing this in a vacuum. We can all support eachother. So let's lean on one another and get through the temptations, the self-doubt, the self-loathing, the thoughts of "why bother" or "I'm not worth it" or "I can't do it."

We can all do it.
Posted Wednesday, Nov 26, 2008 11:22 AM by goalbysummer | 3 Comments [Edit Post]
Down Five and Drinking My Water.
Down 5 and drinking my water. Down 5 and drinking my water. Gonna do it. Gonna do it.

Of course I choose the week before Thankgiving to restart my program. I am an overcomer of obstacles. I will do it.

I walked to Fresh and Easy today with my little man. It felt good to get out. I wore shorts. It meant I had to shave my legs, so I did that. Wow. This whole taking care of yourself thing is hard work. Hard hard work. But I'm convinced it is worth it.

Do you know what I'm looking forward to? I'm looking forward to waking up pain-free. I'm looking forward to weighing what my driver's license says I weigh. 128.

I will get there again. I guaran-****-tee it.

Posted Monday, Nov 24, 2008 4:56 PM by goalbysummer | 7 Comments [Edit Post]
Today is THE day.
This morning I woke up with pain in my back. As I walked down the hall I had the acute realization that I was no longer walking. I was lumbering. The difference between lumbering a walking, for me, is around 230 lbs. When I weigh less than 230 I walk. When I weigh more than 230 I lumber. It is a distinct difference in how I carry myself, and in the stress that is upon my knees. I feel like a cautionary tale. I feel like people can look at my story and say "but whatever you do, don't do what SHE did".

I restarted MF today. I have been watching with mortified wonder as the scale has gone up and up. When my mom died I weighed 150 at her memorial service. That was a "mere" 20 lbs over my goal. When I went a month later to Palo Alto to begin the wait for my son's kidney transplant I weighed 170. A "mere" 20 lbs over my "mere" 20 lbs over goal. When I returned from Palo Alto to Colorado I weighed 209. A "mere" 29 lbs over the "mere" 20 lbs over the "mere" 20 lbs over goal. This morning I weighed 233.

This morning I and my husband began MF again. It's all I can do. I feel it is the last effort I can muster before giving up completely.

So I begin my journey once again, stepping on the path I deviated from a year ago. Anyone want to join me? I've got size 18 jeans just calling my name, and I'll be happy when I can get into them without a struggle.

My new goals are to run a triathalon next summer, and to be able to run up Camelback Mountain (in Phoenix) without stopping. I used to do that, when I was in college. Every other day, just before I got married, I'd hit the mountain with my trusty dog Kenika. She was a white wolf/shephard mix. She was awesome.

I'm off.
Posted Saturday, Nov 22, 2008 11:21 AM by goalbysummer | 11 Comments [Edit Post]
Revised Goal: Lose 100 lbs.
My journey has been interesting. I am fully responsible for my failures but continue to strive to minimize them. So, I am here to say that I will lose 100 lbs and be DONE with this yo-yo-ing forever.

I have decided to read the Beck Diet Solution, and the Rules of Normal Eating, both books have been recommended to me by others. I am convinced that my biggest personal issue I must deal with is my issue with food.


Posted Saturday, Nov 15, 2008 12:27 PM by goalbysummer | 7 Comments [Edit Post]