And it's a New Year.
Full of new opportunities. Full of the same opportunities, again!
On plan and have a plan and doing the plan.
Posted Sunday, Jan 4, 2009 10:56 PM by goalbysummer | 3 Comments [Edit Post]
God is smiling on us....
Having a wonderful day! I just made an awesome salad with cabbage, lime juice, lime zest, finely grated fresh ginger, etc. It was fabulous!
I am thrilled that my husband and I are on the Medifast Bandwagon again. It is time to get healthy.
I enjoy looking at my "after" pictures, the ones I took at or near goal, on my blog. I know that this is an indication that I am hopeful I will be there again, and am looking forward, instead of regretting I let myself gain the weight back, and looking backwards.
Lots of exciting things happening in my life right now. God is smiling on us.
Cheers to all, and praise to God.
Stacy
Posted Saturday, Dec 13, 2008 8:12 PM by goalbysummer | 5 Comments [Edit Post]
I love all the positive blogs!
Keep up the awesome blogs, people! I love reading them in the afternoon~ Keep it up.
I bought some posterpaper and have made myself an actual graph on which to record my progress for my downward spiral of weight loss. It helps me to see it on something other than the computer.
I have a trajectory of 2 lbs/week and 3 lbs/week, and as long as I'm within that trajectory I am going to feel like a huge success.
I have vowed to myself to be on plan 100% this time around, as I can really see how bites, licks and tastes affected my previous rate of weight loss the last time I did Medifast. For the first 4 months I was on plan and lost about 10-12 lbs/month, and after that I struggled to eke out 7 lbs/month, and that was with lots of exercise included.
So, this is an experiment for me. I am going to stay 100% and see if I can't maintain a 10 lbs/month weight loss. Let's go for it.
I think when I'm done I'll consider opening a Medifast franchise here in Arizona, if they allow that. My house is a live/work zoning, so I can set up my counseling office in my home gym upstairs. At the very least I'll be a health coach for TSFL.
Posted Thursday, Dec 11, 2008 4:50 PM by goalbysummer | 8 Comments [Edit Post]
Where I was, then I was, and where I will be again...
So here is a "before" pic, an "after" pic, and I guarantee I'll be there again.
Starting weight 266.5, "goal pic" weight 130. Now I'm 230. I want to be 125. Here I go.
Posted Wednesday, Dec 10, 2008 10:36 PM by goalbysummer | 4 Comments [Edit Post]
End of Day Three. All I can say is...WOW.
I am drinking my last MF shake, which comprises my last meal of the day. I was utterly successful today, yesterday, and Monday, meaning I have reached the end of "The Dreaded Three Days". Yay Me.
This evening I felt a moment where it seemed my cravings went away. It was a little eerie. It was actually a moment that I can point my finger at and say "oh my goodness, I don't feel deprived, I feel hopeful!"
So, yay me. I have a new goal weight, and will be on this program 100% until I get there, which is something I did not do the first time. The first time I did Medifast, I was on program for 4 months, then I dilly-dallied around. I still got to 128, don't get me wrong, from 266, which means I did do the work. But I settled for negotiating with myself to add little extras here and there. More than one person on this site will remember my "Sun-Butter Attacks". (sun butter is made from sunflower seeds, and was one of my downfalls/vices in my previous weight loss). This time I will be like RG. I will be 100%. I will be ruthless with my compliance. I have to be.
Thanks for being an inspiration, RG!
Posted Wednesday, Dec 10, 2008 10:04 PM by goalbysummer | 2 Comments [Edit Post]
4 meals down, 2 to go.
Just a quick note to say that today, day 3, has been hard but good. Good in that I decided it matters not how I feel, it only matters what I let pass through these lips of mine. It is like medicine. I will lose weight if I do the work. I'm ready to do the work. End of story. Beginning of story.
Posted Wednesday, Dec 10, 2008 6:39 PM by goalbysummer | 5 Comments [Edit Post]
Just had a fabulous lunch...
Seems like whenever I restart Medifast I have the temptation of doing the "complete Medifast" which excludes the lean and green. This type of Medifast is for use only under a Doctor's supervision, and of course I'm not going to do that so that is reason #1 not to do it. But I think it is important to recognize my desire to "restrict" my intake excessively, and to "punish" myself by punishing my body. I've decided not to do that. So, I intentionally make myself my lean and green and look at it as an act of love to myself. An act of taking care of myself in a practical way.
So, my lunch today was a beautiful stir-fry of shaved fennel, yellow squash, and tofu.
I sprayed a big pan with Pam, threw 1 1/2 cups of chopped fennel bulb, and 1/2 cup yellow squash. I added a splash of soy sauce, and let it cook until tender. I removed it from the pan, and put the tofu in, another splash of soy sauce, seared it, and cubed it in the pan. I then tossed it all together, and minced up a half clove of garlic to sprinkle on top. It was delicious. It was very filling, and I am very close to deciding to become a vegetarian. For some reason I'm sick of chicken, fish, beef, turkey, etc. I'm going to read the "Medifast for Vegetarians" portion of the program and see if I can make it work for me...hmmm.
Keep on keeping on, MFers! And drink your water!
Posted Wednesday, Nov 26, 2008 2:32 PM by goalbysummer | 2 Comments [Edit Post]
Good Wednesday.
Good Wednesday to you all. When I read the blogs first thing in the morning it helps me set the tone for my day On Plan. This morning I was particularly struck again by the fact that none of us are doing this in a vacuum. We can all support eachother. So let's lean on one another and get through the temptations, the self-doubt, the self-loathing, the thoughts of "why bother" or "I'm not worth it" or "I can't do it."
We can all do it.
Posted Wednesday, Nov 26, 2008 11:22 AM by goalbysummer | 3 Comments [Edit Post]
Down Five and Drinking My Water.
Down 5 and drinking my water. Down 5 and drinking my water. Gonna do it. Gonna do it.
Of course I choose the week before Thankgiving to restart my program. I am an overcomer of obstacles. I will do it.
I walked to Fresh and Easy today with my little man. It felt good to get out. I wore shorts. It meant I had to shave my legs, so I did that. Wow. This whole taking care of yourself thing is hard work. Hard hard work. But I'm convinced it is worth it.
Do you know what I'm looking forward to? I'm looking forward to waking up pain-free. I'm looking forward to weighing what my driver's license says I weigh. 128.
I will get there again. I guaran-****-tee it.
Posted Monday, Nov 24, 2008 4:56 PM by goalbysummer | 7 Comments [Edit Post]
Today is THE day.
This morning I woke up with pain in my back. As I walked down the hall I had the acute realization that I was no longer walking. I was lumbering. The difference between lumbering a walking, for me, is around 230 lbs. When I weigh less than 230 I walk. When I weigh more than 230 I lumber. It is a distinct difference in how I carry myself, and in the stress that is upon my knees. I feel like a cautionary tale. I feel like people can look at my story and say "but whatever you do, don't do what SHE did".
I restarted MF today. I have been watching with mortified wonder as the scale has gone up and up. When my mom died I weighed 150 at her memorial service. That was a "mere" 20 lbs over my goal. When I went a month later to Palo Alto to begin the wait for my son's kidney transplant I weighed 170. A "mere" 20 lbs over my "mere" 20 lbs over goal. When I returned from Palo Alto to Colorado I weighed 209. A "mere" 29 lbs over the "mere" 20 lbs over the "mere" 20 lbs over goal. This morning I weighed 233.
This morning I and my husband began MF again. It's all I can do. I feel it is the last effort I can muster before giving up completely.
So I begin my journey once again, stepping on the path I deviated from a year ago. Anyone want to join me? I've got size 18 jeans just calling my name, and I'll be happy when I can get into them without a struggle.
My new goals are to run a triathalon next summer, and to be able to run up Camelback Mountain (in Phoenix) without stopping. I used to do that, when I was in college. Every other day, just before I got married, I'd hit the mountain with my trusty dog Kenika. She was a white wolf/shephard mix. She was awesome.
I'm off.
Posted Saturday, Nov 22, 2008 11:21 AM by goalbysummer | 11 Comments [Edit Post]
Revised Goal: Lose 100 lbs.
My journey has been interesting. I am fully responsible for my failures but continue to strive to minimize them. So, I am here to say that I will lose 100 lbs and be DONE with this yo-yo-ing forever.
I have decided to read the Beck Diet Solution, and the Rules of Normal Eating, both books have been recommended to me by others. I am convinced that my biggest personal issue I must deal with is my issue with food.
Posted Saturday, Nov 15, 2008 12:27 PM by goalbysummer | 7 Comments [Edit Post]
Day 7.
I'm on to day 7, and I already have 1 Liter of water in me. I'm happy about that. It is beautiful today and I plan on going for a long walk with my son. It is supposed to be an "Indian Summer" today, tomorrow, and through the weekend.
Having no scale is making it quite an interesting journey for me. I used to jump on the scale every morning right after I peed, and that worked really well for me. But then the scale beat me up on the way back up. It stared me down, and made me feel super bad. I'm still smarting from the mental abuse =)
So I am trying to do some, if not all, of this journey without the scale. I am trying to use my clothes as a guide. Right now I hate what I look like in the mirror. But I just have to keep on believing and having faith that this program works so long as I am working it. I have to remain rooted to the fact, the FACT that I am shrinking every day as I have my lean and green, eat my 5 MF meals, and stay true to the MF program.
As I get closer to my goal I may seek some professional counseling to try to understand what my triggers are a little better than I do. I can throw out a blanket "stress" and that covers just about everything. How about "fear"? I can see that, I can see how my fear of gaining the weight back looms over me and turns into a self-fulfilling prophecy, somewhat like a believe that "well, if I'm going to gain the weight back anyway I might as well get on with it, get it over with, so I can eat what I want on the other end and already BE large and feel worthless".
I'm back from our glorious walk, I am waiting for those exercise endorphins to kick in, and am eating my MF chicken noodle soup, and tofu. I'll have my "green" for dinner. Oh, excuse me, my SON is assisting me with the Tofu..had to go make some more! He loves tofu.
Ok, just another day, just another blog. Just another thread in the tapestry of my re-re-invention that I am weaving here. Take care, all.
Posted Thursday, Oct 16, 2008 12:36 PM by goalbysummer | 3 Comments [Edit Post]
Day 6 almost done...
And I'm about to go for a run/walk. My ketosis is in full swing. Had the sweet taste in my mouth this afternoon. I haven't weighed yet, I'm kind of excited for the challenge of NOT weighing for a good long time.
Staying on program is paramount. Staying on program is my goal. I will stay on program and wear my goal jeans next weekend. I got my size 14 jeans at the Levi Store last Friday, and I couldn't even get them over my hips in the dressing room. Yesterday I got them up over my hips and BUTTONED!
I love this program. I feel myself shrinking. This weekend I'll go and get my size 10 jeans. In a few weeks I'll be pulling THEM up over my hips, and in a few weeks after that I will be buttoning THEM. Then it's the size 6's. And that is how it goes.
Alright, I just returned from my walk/run. And I'm drinking my cup of tea with splenda, no creamer, and updating my blog. I have to keep telling myself I am in self-imposed recovery from my possible eating disorder. It's not a clinical, diagnosed eating disorder, but, like most people doing the MF program, I love food too much. I love it more than I love myself, and that is what needs changing. I am committed to changing that.
Tonight I will go back and read some of my old blogs. You may find them helpful as well. But I won't presume.
Posted Wednesday, Oct 15, 2008 7:49 PM by goalbysummer | 3 Comments [Edit Post]
On to day 6.
Got through day 5, and I'm on to day 6. Had my water last night. Went to bed. Two meals down today, three meals and a lean and green to go. Julian has the sniffles, I don't know if it is allergies or a cold. I did go out to see a friend yesterday, and she has an 8 month old baby, I just pray Julian didn't get anything the baby may have been carrying.
I think it just means that I can't see any people who have kids, or expose Julian to anyone like that. There are a couple of viruses he just can't get, or his risk of other diseases gets higher. At least in the first year.
Posted Wednesday, Oct 15, 2008 12:33 PM by goalbysummer | 1 Comments [Edit Post]
Facing my food demons...and keeping my butt planted firmly on the couch.
I have thought about going off program today. I told a friend of mine, who started a different diet a few days ago, that I was so hungry I could eat the walls. But I'm sitting on the couch where I have banished myself until I am convinced I have the strength to go downstairs to bed and wake up in the morning to my 6th day OP.
I am blogging this because the emotions, the feelings, the struggle, is real. There are real Rice Chex in the cupboard. I developed quite a taste for those while at the Ronald McDonald House in Palo Alto. Then UNWRAPPED had a sinful segment about American Brownies that made me want to order a box of 12 and eat them all. Wicked, wicked show.
Of course I did not. Of course I still sit here, getting so bone dog tired. Blogging to help keep my resolve to go to the kitchen for a glass of ice water and then head downstairs.
Pirates of the Carribean at Worlds End has been my companion as I ponder the complexities of dealing with my emotions. I love Johnny Dep. I have to say he's my MovieStar Boyfriend. Ha!
Ok, I know that I am strong enough to make it downstairs without any bites, licks, or tastes, and definitely no extra bar. So I'm off. I've been incredibly thirsty these last 2 days, and have been drinking a ton of extra water. Must be in Ketosis now.
Take care all my MF friends.
Posted Wednesday, Oct 15, 2008 1:04 AM by goalbysummer | 5 Comments [Edit Post]
Having the second cup black.
Today is day 5. I have been on the Medifast program 100% now for 4 full days. If I keep lining up these days in a neat little row, I will soon be at my goal. One morning I will wake up and it will be a day just like any other day...except I will be at my goal.
Stop and think, in your own situation, what would you not give, what would you not sacrifice, to wake up one of these mornings and be...at your never-before-imagined-you-could-be-at GOAL WEIGHT?!?!?!
Now, if that list includes just about everything, then do it. Sacrifice all of that today. Or, wait, just sacrifice your cravings and temptations. That is easy enough. Sacrifice your ability to eat whatever you want whenever you want. That is all you need to do. To stay on Plan. You know how, the day is young. If you've started out on MF today, just make your next meal a MF one. Then repeat. Then repeat. And soon you, too, will be near or at your goal. Unless you sabatoge yourself.
My goal today is to go for a walk with my sweet boy, stay on program, and wake up tomorrow to repeat.
And I will have my second cup of coffee black.
Posted Tuesday, Oct 14, 2008 12:15 PM by goalbysummer | 2 Comments [Edit Post]
Took My Own Advice Today
In the spirit of putting my money where my mouth is, I took my own advice today. I went and shelled out $16.11 at the Levi's Store in Boulder to buy a pair of goal (little "g", as it isn't my goal-weight) jeans.
When I went looking for jeans last week, ANYTHING I could wear instead of my sweat-pants, I broke down and bought a pair of 18W jeans from Walmart. My heart sank that I was "back" in 18's. But today I bought a pair of 14's, in the "552" style of jean from the "regular" Levi's store.
I have always been an advocate of goal clothing. Buying a size or two smaller than where you are at present so that you can have a concrete "other than the scale" reference point to monitor your progress.
When I "did it before" I started at a size 26 and "goal jeaned" my way down to a size 2. I was most comfortable in my 4's.
Instead of dwell on the past and make myself feel horrible for "having" to buy size 14 "goal jeans" again, I decided to pretend it's a brand new experience. These size 14's are my best friends right now, and I WILL fit into them in a few short weeks. I am determined.
Goal clothing allow your mind to break the "I can't" barrier. They allow you to do something concrete (other than staying on MF which I also advocate!) to help you along, to tell your inner-voice that you ARE committed, that you DO believe you will get there.
I have found that even if my inner voice is skeptical, the moment I lay down that debit card for the purchase it is like throwing down the gauntlet. It is a self-challenge, and I am always up for a challenge. I thrive on challenges. I thrive to overcome them and move on to the next one.
So. I visited my familiar haunt of the Levi's Store and layed down the gauntlet. I'm just glad the gauntlet was on sale. I can't bear to pay $30-$60 for jeans I won't be in for long......heh heh heh.
And the day those size 14's fit I'm gonna buy me some size 10's. I'll wear the 14's until I can fit into the 10's. That's just how it's going to be.
I also made another purchase today, I bought a small coffee cup. Since most of my belongings are in Arizona I didn't have my "just the right size" coffee cup for my morning cuppa Joe. I just have a few mammoth coffee cups that always make me feel deprived because I can't put in more than 2 TBSP half and half. (Is half and half still "allowed?" ... It is in my book if it's not technically allowed on MF. I got to my goal before using half and half..)
My coffee has to be the appropriate camel color in order for me to fully enjoy it, and only using 2 TBSP of half and half limits the amount of coffee I can put in the mug. So, I have an appropriate size mug now, which is about a 4-6 ounce mug. Yay.
Just had to have that.
Posted Monday, Oct 13, 2008 6:57 PM by goalbysummer | 5 Comments [Edit Post]
"I deserve this piece of ..... (fill in the blank)...because....
I've worked hard. I've had a tough day. I have cravings. I've been good in my diet. ERGO: I deserve this piece of...halloween candy, chocolate bar, cheesecake, granola bar, chocolate chip cookie, sushi (my particular weakness), etc.
Let's change the wording of this a bit to reflect the reality of what we are saying:
"I deserve to sabatoge myself and undo all the progress I've made because I actually haven't learned to love myself yet and therefore will do all I can to ensure my own unhappiness and ultimate destruction."
No matter what we try to tell ourselves in the moment of temptation, ultimately the message we are sending ourselves when we cave to the food demons is that we are unworthy to be happy. That we are the lowest of low creatures who aren't worth a second glance. Call it years of conditioning. Call it a coping mechanism to insulate us from the realities and hardships of life. In fact, the failure to do what we know is right actually adds to our stress, adds to our hardships.
I know. I've seen both ends. Many of us have. Many of us have lost weight only to regain it again. And feel like failures. And think "self, I told you so, I knew you couldn't do it, I knew you couldn't keep it off...why even try again."
I'm facing up to that bold faced lie. The truth is that I CAN do it, I have proven that. The truth is that anyone CAN do it. Anyone CAN lose the weight, and more importantly or equally as important, anyone CAN keep it off. It comes down to choices. Some of us lost our way in the choices category. Well, it doesn't mean we have to keep it that way, to keep wallowing in the mud as I call it. We can lift ourselves out and determine the quality of our own lives.
We can hate it, hate ourselves, or we can love it and love ourselves.
I choose the latter.
Posted Monday, Oct 13, 2008 12:14 PM by goalbysummer | 4 Comments [Edit Post]
Day Three Done.
I threw my husband under the bus. I encouraged him to have some of Julian's chocolate birthday cupcakes with chocolate icing. And we are supposed to be doing this together. I feel a little wicked. But it WAS his choice. Poor guy, he has to go through the three days again.
I went for a walk/run this afternoon, it was good to get out in the blustery chilly day. Being outdoors invigorates me.
I'm pretty sure I've lost this weekend. It was a good weekend and it was a hard weekend.
Posted Sunday, Oct 12, 2008 10:29 PM by goalbysummer | 4 Comments [Edit Post]
Day Three
Day three, and just cruising along. No glitches so far, a few near misses but no catastrophes. Still on program, working specifically on making the "second cup black" (coffee) and getting all my water in. Today I will focus on making sure I meet my needs as well as the needs of my family. My needs are to stay on Medifast. And to get plenty of rest.
So here we go...Happy Medifasting!
Posted Sunday, Oct 12, 2008 10:44 AM by goalbysummer | 4 Comments [Edit Post]
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