Success or Not? You decide.
I've finally got my stuff together. Thanks for gently prodding me along the way. I haven't gotten our most recent order, but we still have a couple weeks of food and I'm on day 3. Hubby is doing it too. Down 7 pounds. My goal is to lose 100 lbs by next summer. It's ambitious. But so am I. Hence, GOALBYSUMMER. My ultimate goal is losing 145-150 lbs, putting me at 117-122. I was 122 when I got married, and it is a nice GORGEOUS weight for me. Hopefully I'll be AT goal on my 41st birthday, and run a Marathon shortly thereafter. I'll be 40 on October 30th, so I think that is realistic.
No matter, it will come off as fast as it will come off, and I intend on being 100%. I even conquered my nemesis, the Cream of Tomato soup today. I put 1/2 clove garlic, a few TBSP of fresh cilantro, a tsp of fresh jalapeno pepper, a dash of mexican cumin and mexican oregano, a splash of lime juice (1/2 tsp) and some salt and pepper. I blended it in the healthmate blender and warmed it in the microwave. It was like drinking a taco. I LOVED it. It was my meal two.
Now the question: What has changed? Why will it work for me again this time when I have failed so many times in the last year to successfully and permanently re-start a program that I already know works?
Well, it was a little video by Tony Robbins. You'd have to see it to fully appreciate what impact it had on me, so here's the link.
http://www.moneymastersseries.com/squeeze.php
You have to enter your e-mail address, but it is just so he knows you aren't a spammer.
The take-away that I got from it is that there are two methods by which successful people become successful. Both of them involve coming to the mindset that you are CERTAIN you will succeed and not fail.
Two things can drive us to this certainty: The first is a motivation that comes from their back being up against a wall, and them seeing no other option BUT to succeed. For me, that was when I tripped in my husband's parking lot in July of 06, and dropped my son on the pavement. My back was up against the wall. When that happened I was determined to succeed if it killed me.
The second way to instill certainty is to condition yourself for success. I have heard this in the past, but never knew really what it meant, it was all gobbledygook to me. But basically, it is also reinforced by the Beck Diet Solution which I am listening to.
Most people think that POTENTIAL is what you start with, which leads to ACTION, which leads to RESULTS, which leads to FAITH IN YOURSELF, CERTAINTY THAT IT WILL WORK. But in actuality, you must START with the FAITH and the CERTAINTY that you WILL succeed, which when combined with the POTENTIAL (and tools), which leads to the ACTION (utilizing the tools) which leads to RESULTS because you know it will work, which REINFORCES the certainty and faith in yourself.
In chart form, this is what most people believe is the route:
POTENTIAL leads to ACTION leads to RESULTS leads to FAITH (that it will work and you will succeed)
But in actuality, it looks like this:
FAITH determines POTENTIAL leads to ACTION leads to RESULTS which then continues to reinforce your FAITH.
Upward spiral, not downward spiral.
That is the route I am going.
One would think it would be easy to be certain that Medifast works, especially since it worked so well with me the first time around. But the very fact that I gained all the weight back undermined my certainty in MYSELF and erroded the confidence needed to realize my potential again. So, a few days or a week in of my restarts, since my skepticism of my ability to do it again was RICH with uncertainty, I would allow myself to sabatoge my plan. This would reinforce my failure. Which minimized my potential. Which shut off my action, which ended my positive results. Which reinforced my sense of uncertainty (failure), etc etc.
In that my back is not up against a wall in a medical or life threatening RIGHT NOW way, I must go this second route of reaffirming my certainty that I will do this again. I have to start from there. I have to start from imagining and remembering me in the 120's. I have to go in my goal closet, look at the clothes, and be CERTAIN that it is only a matter of time before I am wearing them again.
So, that is what I am doing. I am CERTAIN this time that I will once again see the 120's. There is NO DOUBT in my mind that this will happen.
And ultimately, this is the big bugaboo of the age old question "is it OK to cheat every once in awhile?"
NO. Because cheating erodes the certainty that I will succeed. It deviates from the formula of success and that variable alone is enough to throw anyone (especially me) off his/her game. It erodes that, which minimizes my potential (ie...i "could" have lost more, quicker, but I cheated X amount of times....) which erodes the action..makes it a half-baked attempt, and I don't have to tell you what a half-baked attempt does in terms of results. Zip zero nada results. Attitude change from certainty to fear and failure. Bingo. Downward spiral is launched.
That is my two cents worth, as inspired by Tony Robbins.
I'm on Day 3.
Posted Tuesday, Aug 25, 2009 3:10 PM by goalbysummer | 4 Comments [Edit Post]
Determined
Drinking my water and plugging along. Determined as ever.
Posted Monday, Aug 24, 2009 11:49 AM by goalbysummer | 2 Comments [Edit Post]
There is no charge for awesomeness.....or attractiveness....
That's probably my most favorite quote from Kung Fu Panda. Now, onto Medifast news, I am so NOT HUNGRY. I forgot how so NOT HUNGRY this program makes me. It's actually a little annoying. Since one of my "triggers" to overeat comes from the feeling of fulness, it is actually downright inconvenient that this program makes me feel full, like, ALL OF THE TIME. Y'know what I mean? I find myself trying to convince myself I don't need that last Medifast meal, just so I can experience hunger again.
But this is not correct thinking, and therefore I will not act on it. I will do the program. I'll do what I need to do. Why? because I need to.
I also love the quote from the Gladiators...when the AWESOME Russell Crowe character is talking to his steward, and asks him if he wants to do something or other...his steward says "Sometimes I do what I want to do...the rest of the time I do what I have to do."
Ain't it the truth? I'm going to live this day in and day out on this program. And after the program. Because if you haven't noticed, thin people often watch what they eat too. And it's not because they need to lose weight or are on a diet. It's just that they know and have ACCEPTED their limitations where food is concerned. And it isn't a chore to them. They just do it because it is a fact of life. It only becomes a problem to those of us (myself included) who have attached every possible emotion to our food, and use it as a way to obtain peace, joy, etc.
Which we all know is a trap but keep trying anyway.
Well, not this gal. Not no more.
Take care, y'all.
Posted Thursday, Jul 16, 2009 11:39 PM by goalbysummer | 5 Comments [Edit Post]
Just Feel Blah...
I'm guilty. Have I gone off program? No. I'll tell you what I HAVE been engaging in this morning: Self Defeating Thoughts.
I am not a person who is prone to depression "for no reason". My Mom experienced clinical depression, and I have had post-partum depression before (mild), but I've never experienced clinical depression. And I don't think I am now, either. But I AM beating myself up. I AM feeling horribly at what I allowed myself to gain over the last year and a half. I AM feeling like a failure.
Perhaps this is one of the reasons that it is SO HARD to stick to the program once you've slipped off? The guilt, the pain of failure, the knowledge that the success was yours and you threw it away.
It is sometimes easier to bury the pain, to try to ignore it, and to distract yourself with FOOD.
I must be a foodaholic. Alcoholics use alcohol as a crutch. I use food. I get grumpy when I can't have it.
Right now, this moment in my diet, is the most dangerous time of my restart for me. WHY? Because I'm not losing gobs of weight super fast. I'm dutifully mixing up my white packets every 2-3 hours, fixing a lean and green, but I'm still in my size 26 shorts.
Bottom line is that I've found no magic wand or even my own personal fairy godmother to say "Bibbety-bobbity-boo" and take this 130 lbs off me in a snap. And I'm whining about it. Damn straight.
It's hard work. It's overwhelming. It's depressing. And I seem to be focusing on the negatives.
That's it, I'm getting my "positive affirmation" index card out and I'm going to drink another liter of water, and sit here until I get happy.
Posted Monday, Jul 13, 2009 1:50 PM by goalbysummer | 10 Comments [Edit Post]
Putting more thought into my Lean and Greens
I've been putting more thought into my lean and greens this time around, partly because I LOVE vegetables now, and partly because I want to be intentional about making good "real food" choices instead of the auto-pilot salad and grilled chicken track I was on the first time I was on Medifast. THERE IS NOTHING wrong with grilled chicken and salad, but I burned out due to having it every night day in and day out, and therefore it was the LAST thing I wanted when I was "off-program" because I was SO burned out. Now it is hard for me to look a chicken breast in the eye and think "mmmmmm-yum!" and I'm having to be creative with my lean and greens as a result.
So I am enjoying lean beef. And lean pork. And tilapia. And salmon. And I'm enjoying all the things I can do with them (summed up it is usually piled high with grilled or raw vegetables)...but I am getting creative with condiments now, and adding different flavors in tasty ways.
When I'm "off" the reducing phase of the Medifast program, I will look forward to carrying these eating habits forward. Intentional, creative, healthy, very "Mediterranean" eating.
Happy Medifasting, everyone!
Posted Saturday, Jul 11, 2009 11:08 PM by goalbysummer | 5 Comments [Edit Post]
Today I laid out what I will be wearing in one year...
I spent a little time in my closet today, amidst my size 2-8 clothing, doing some visualizing.
I decided it would be productive and inspirational to go into my closet as if I could fit in all of the clothing in there, and pick out what I would wear today "if" I were near my goal weight.
I selected my old college black Guess jeans, size "30" (which I think is like an 8) and a black and white patterned spandex-like top which looks GREAT when I can fit into it.
I laid these items on my bed (after I made my bed), so I can see that outfit every time my daytime wanderings through the house take me into our Master Bedroom.
I'm inspired. Although I may not do this every day, I will do it often. It helps me solidify my goals into actions. Because we all know that HOPE is not a STRATEGY. Hope coupled with the IMPLEMENTATION AND EXECUTION OF A PLAN (ie hope+strategy+action) will result in our dreams becoming reality.
How do I know? Because I did it once. And my body is still my body, so I know it works, and I am doing it again. I'm into week 2, and feeling great about where I'm going. OK, maybe not FEELING great, but THINKING great. What is the diff? There is a huge difference between my feelings and my thoughts. My feelings may sometimes be irrational, and try to draw me down the path of failure. But as long as I control my THOUGHTS, and make corrections to any wrong thinking that I may be wallowing in at any given moment, I can still succeed.
It doesn't matter if I FEEL fat. It doesn't matter if I FEEL like I want to go off program. It only matters what my decision is, and what my action is. So. Here's to right thinking. Here's to logical and sane and realistic thinking. Here's to the certainty that if we do the program it WILL WORK FOR US. I am not the exception, although sometimes that little inner (icky)voice will tell me "So what, so you did it once...look where you are NOW. You call that success?" And to that I say. "Actually, yes." You see, I chose to do the right thing a week and a half ago. And I am living proof that it is NEVER TOO LATE TO START DOING THE RIGHT THING.
So let's have a successful day. Here's to us. All.
Posted Friday, Jul 10, 2009 2:00 PM by goalbysummer | 5 Comments [Edit Post]
Starting week 2, and down 8.5 lbs
It's just a mathematical certainty that if one does the program, one will lose the weight. I've got 8 "on-program" days under my belt, or rather "gone" from my belt, and am down 8.5 lbs. My clothes are already fitting looser, and I can't wait to see the changes that next week bring. Already I can tell this time it is different than all my failed re-starts in the last year. How can I tell? Because I am happy to be on the program, not dreading being on the program. Because I'm looking at my closet full of beautiful size 2-6 clothing with optimism and hope, knowing-catch that-K-N-O-W-I-N-G that the only thing standing between me not wearing those (currently size 26) and me wearing those is time. It WILL happen. OK, so I can insert the word "Again", but that word is better than "Never again".
I am also listening to the audio book "The Beck Diet Solution" and I believe it is helping. I made my list of the reasons I want and need to lose weight, and it is 3 index cards, front and back, that I read every day along with my morning coffee.
Anyway, just thought I'd check in, for any of you who keep wondering "what happened to GBS?" I'm hangin' in and feelin' fine.
Posted Thursday, Jul 9, 2009 10:00 AM by goalbysummer | 9 Comments [Edit Post]
Day 2
Day 2 of my recovery. I relapsed for a year and a half but I'm back. Hi, I'm Goalbysummer and I'm a food-a-holic.
I have been guilty of using food to calm my fears. To pacify my anger. To arrest my boredom. To celebrate my successes. I have poured my life into my food and not my life. Guilty as charged.
True change is hard and as IslaMolly just shared with me an old Chinese Proverb..."Fall down 7 times and get up 8". Thank you, Isla! Point well taken, and I also love the song "Stand" by Rascall Flats, here are the lyrics:
You feel like a candle in a hurricane
Just like a picture with a broken frame
Alone and helpless like you've lost your fight
But you'll be alright
You'll be alright
Cause when push comes to shove
You taste what you're made of
You might bend, till you break
Cause it's all you can take
On your knees you look up
Decide you've had enough
You get mad you get strong
Wipe your hands shake it off
Then you stand
Then you stand
Life's like a novel with the end ripped out
The edge of a canyon with only one way down
Take what you're given before its gone
Start holding on, keep holding on
Cause when push comes to shove
You taste what you're made of
You might bend, till you break
Cause it's all you can take
On your knees you look up
Decide you've had enough
You get mad you get strong
Wipe your hands shake it off
Then you stand (then you stand)
Yea, then you stand (then you stand)
Everytime you get up
And get back in the race
One more small piece of you
Starts to fall into place, yea
Cause when push comes to shove
You taste what you're made of
You might bend, till you break
Cause it's all you can take
On your knees you look up
Decide you've had enough
You get mad you get strong
Wipe your hands shake it off
Then you stand.
I'm getting up for the 8th time, and I'm standing.
With the Lord's help and strength, that's for sure.
Posted Friday, Jun 12, 2009 3:33 PM by goalbysummer | 9 Comments [Edit Post]
Eyes on the Prize
We met with an insurance agent today about switching our auto and home insurance. He offered to review our life insurance policies as well, to see if we had good policies, or if he could offer a better product at comparable rates. I was humbly reminded how incredibly well I did on Medifast the first time around, and it is just sinking in as I type this blog how successful I was, and can be again.
When I began Medifast at 266 lbs (and 5'2) in July of 06, I was in a bad situation. I had no health insurance, no life insurance, and my back and knees were beginning to wear down. I was in a size 24-26 in bottoms, and 3XXX in tops. I had a little boy who was facing dialysis and/or a kidney transplant, and who needed a healthy vibrant Mom.
I used these circumstances to will myself into action. I lost 136 lbs over 14 months. I went from a size 24-26 to a size 2-4. I went from huffing and puffing when I climbed a flight of stairs to running a 1/2 Marathon (The Boulder Backroads! YAH BABY!!!). I obtained affordable health insurance through Blue Cross/Blue Shield! I not only applied for a life insurance policy, but was granted the SUPER-PREFERRED rate, which our insurance agent today said only 3% of the population qualify for!
I did it. I even grew an INCH to 5'3", and dropped a shoe size...from 7.5 to 6 and 6.5. Because my spine was decompressed and my feet were also decompressed, and less chubby.
Then I faltered. I had a tough year, and instead of transition (I was pregnant at the time I would have begun transition and couldn't be on MF---Medifast rules not mine---) I ended up gaining back most of my weight.
Ughhh.
I have tried to restart numerous times, but it's like my brain has forgotten how to muster that self-discipline.
But today I was reminded that I can do this. I was reminded by my insurance agent, who had no idea he was encouraging me to obtain my weight loss goals again. Just by saying that I was within the 3% of the population that gets the super-preferred rate, he has lit a spark in my heart. A spark of a hope that maybe, just maybe, if I accomplished it once, I can accomplish it again. I told him my story and he said "Well, you know you can do it, since you've already done it once."
Wow! Instead of focusing on my failure (in my eyes...my weight re-gain), he turned my eyes to look at the initial success. I DID do it once. I CAN do it again. In fact, I am the only one who can STOP me from losing the weight again.
I think I should be the poster-child for transition. Because this time I'm going to transition to maintenance and I will not give up the fight.
We just completed my home gym. I have always dreamed of having a room dedicated to my work-outs, and until now we have not had the space to do it. But a dear friend of ours just gave us a beautiful piece of resistance/weight equipment that is kind of an all-over machine with pulley system and weights (always attached...no need to switch carabeeners over to the new pully when another exercise is attempted) and it is super smooth. I also have an eliptical machine that I am going to start getting up in the morning and using. I also have quick-change free-weights. So I am set, and there is no excuse to not exercise, even in the heat of the Arizona summer.
Thanks for reading, and if you've found anything helpful that I have said please let me know. The support we receive from this site is incredible. Many people think that I have it all together, and how in the world could they encourage ME. Well, you can. I need it.
Thanks.
Posted Thursday, Jun 11, 2009 6:44 PM by goalbysummer | 10 Comments [Edit Post]
Ceviche ceviche ceviche.
I am doing very well this time around on MF, and am pleased to report that I am enjoying seeing my body get back into the swing of this!
I still get the munchies, but I have split my Lean and Green into 2 meals and this gives me 7 "eating times" per day. I've discovered an awesome way to get my lean and green in...I make a big batch of red snapper ceviche at the beginning of the day, and then whenever I get hungry I dip into that. I make sure that the quantities are appropriate for a lean and green meal, and then it really doesn't matter how many times I dip into that bowl, by the end of the day I make sure it is gone and I feel super-satisfied.
I use 5-7 cooked oz of Red Snapper, (I know, ceviche technically starts with raw fish or shrimp, but since the lemon/lime juice doesn't kill the bacteria I cook my seafood first) and the juice from several limes. I cut 1/2 of a white onion into small dice, do the same with a seedless cucumber, and 1-2 jalapeno, seeds and stems/ribs removed. I chop a bunch of cilantro into it, and put it in the fridge for the flavors to meld.
It is a refreshing summer treat and fully on program.
I make the same thing for my husband, and he dips the MF crackers into them for an even crunchier treat.
Well I'm off, time to eat some more ceviche!
Posted Tuesday, Jun 2, 2009 7:56 PM by goalbysummer | 6 Comments [Edit Post]
Eating my iceberg lettuce and grilled chicken
So here I am, just crunching on my iceberg lettuce with a squeeze of key lime, and my "naked" grilled chicken with diced jalapeno. Pretty good lean and green if I do say so myself. I am blogging because this time around my lean and greens are hard to swallow. Literally. Don't know why, but they are my least FAVE part of the diet right now. Again, have no clue why. So I blog and I eat, and I will blog and eat my way through this lean and green so that my day will be as successful as I want it to be. Which is 100% successful.
I have ditched the Coke Zero, and for any of you who know me one iota know that is a BIG DEAL. I was an addict. I just decided over the weekend that addictions have no place in my life anymore. So I stopped. It seemed like the right thing for me to do at the time. I am doing well, it is my 4th day without diet soda or artificial sweeteners of any kind. I'm applauding myself.
I purchased a pair of size 5 Levi's from Costco tonight. I felt a thrill in that purchase akin to 2 years ago when I was assembling my goal closet...of size 2-6 clothing that I eventually fit in to! Now for motivation I go and stand in my closet and think...."I remember when I wore that...and that...and that...and I will do so again."
I'm giving myself one year, committing myself hard core for 12 months to get to my goal. For some reason 12 months sounds more doable than 14. Even though, realistically, it may take me 14 or 15 to get down to 120. But I have patience. And tenacity. And perseverance. And self discipline. And I will pull on all of it and the Lord's strength to boot to get me there. We are on our way.
Posted Tuesday, May 26, 2009 10:23 PM by goalbysummer | 6 Comments [Edit Post]
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