Tuesday, October 9, 2007

Binge Eating Disorder Research.....No, I don't have it...but it is interesting!

No, I don't have Binge Eating Disorder...but I can see how it could develop in people who have food issues, or eat when stressed, etc.

I have manifested some of the characteristics of this disorder, but not to the degree or the frequency that entails "Binge Eating Disorder".

This is a relief to me. However, I can see how eating until you are uncomfortably full can lead to feeling out of control can lead to feelings of guilt...when HAVEN'T some of us done that? But this disorder has to manifest itself about twice a week for 6 months to be classified as such, and I think I've done this about twice in my entire 14 months of Medifasting.

But the Beastie has potential to turn into a bigger Beastie, and that is even more reason to keep it under control. Here is some info I gleaned from a website today....

Walker's room is his oasis. It's where he listens to music, does his homework, and talks online with his friends. For the most part, it looks like a typical teen bedroom — except for what's under the bed. That's where Walker keeps his secret stash of snacks and tosses the empty candy wrappers, chip bags, and cookie boxes.

Walker has just polished off a whole package of cookies and a large bag of chips — and he hasn't even finished his homework yet. He's searching for more chips to eat while he does his math. He hates that he's overweight, but he can't seem to stop bingeing. In the back of his mind, he knows that in an hour or so he's going to feel guilty and disgusted with himself, but right now it feels like he just can't stop eating.
Understanding Binge Eating

If you gorged yourself on chocolate during Halloween or ate so much of your grandma's pumpkin pie at Thanksgiving that you had to wear elastic-waist pants afterwards, you know what it feels like to overeat. It's perfectly normal to overeat from time to time — most people do.

Teens are notorious for being hungry a lot. That's because the body demands extra nutrients to support the major growth of muscle and bone that's happening. So if you go through phases where you feel like eating more sometimes, that's usually why and it's absolutely natural.

But binge eating is different from normal appetite increases or overeating from time to time. People with a binge eating problem consume unusually large amounts of food on a regular basis. They often eat quickly, and they don't stop eating when they become full.

Binge eating involves more than just eating a lot. With binge eating, a person feels out of control and powerless to stop eating while he or she is doing it. That's why binge eating is also called compulsive overeating.

People with a binge eating problem may overeat when they feel stressed, upset, hurt, or angry. Many find it comforting and soothing to eat, but after a binge they are likely to feel guilty and sad about the out-of-control eating. Binge eating is often a mixed-up way of dealing with or avoiding difficult emotions.

How Is Binge Eating Different From Other Eating Disorders?

Anorexia nervosa, bulimia nervosa, and binge eating are all considered eating disorders because they involve unhealthy patterns of eating.

Both binge eating and bulimia involve eating excessive amounts of food, feeling out of control while eating, and feeling guilty or ashamed afterward. But bulimia nervosa (sometimes called binge-purge syndrome) is different from binge eating disorder because people with bulimia vomit or use laxatives to try to keep themselves from gaining weight after eating. They may also try to burn off the extra calories by exercising compulsively as a way of making up for overeating. People with binge eating disorder do not have these "purge" characteristics.

Unlike bulimia and binge eating, which involve out-of-control overeating, people with anorexia are preoccupied with thinness and starve themselves to feel more in control. People with anorexia have a distorted body image and believe they're fat — even though they actually may be dangerously thin. Like people with bulimia, some people with anorexia may also exercise compulsively to lose weight.

All three of these eating disorders involve unhealthy eating patterns that begin gradually and build to the point where a person feels unable to control them. All eating disorders can lead to serious health consequences, and all involve emotional distress.
Why Do Some People Binge Eat?

Most experts believe that it takes a combination of things to develop an eating disorder — including a person's genes, emotions, and behaviors (such as eating patterns) learned during childhood.

Some people may be more prone to overeating because of biological reasons. For example, the hypothalamus (the part of the brain that controls appetite) may fail to send proper messages about hunger and fullness. And serotonin, a normal brain chemical that affects mood and some compulsive behaviors, may also play a role in binge eating.

In most cases, the unhealthy overeating habits that develop into binge eating start during childhood, sometimes as a result of eating habits learned in the family. It's normal to associate food with nurturing and love. But some families may overuse food as a way to soothe or comfort. When this is the case, kids may grow up with a habit of overeating to soothe themselves when they're feeling pressured because they may not have learned healthier ways to deal with stress. Some kids may grow up believing that unhappy or upsetting feelings should be suppressed and may use food to quiet these emotions.

Both guys and girls can have eating disorders. Anorexia and bulimia appear to be more common among girls. But binge eating seems to be just as likely to affect guys as girls.

It's hard to know just how many teens may have a binge eating problem. Because people often feel guilty or embarrassed about the out-of-control eating, many don't talk about it or seek help.
What Are the Signs a Person Has a Binge Eating Problem?

Someone with a binge eating problem might:

* eat much more rapidly than normal
* eat until uncomfortably full
* eat large amounts of food even when not hungry
* eat alone because of embarrassment
* feel disgusted, depressed, or guilty after a binge eating episode
* gain weight excessively

A person who binge eats usually does so more than twice a week over a period of 6 months or more, and often feels upset, embarrassed, ashamed, or angry about the out-of-control eating.

Getting Help

For many people with binge eating problems, it can seem hard to reach out for help because of the embarrassment they may feel and the stigma that society places on overeating and being overweight. Many people don't get treatment for binge eating until they're adults and trying to lose weight. But getting professional help as a teen can reduce some of the long-term health problems.

People with eating disorders need professional help because problems like binge eating can be caused by brain chemistry and other things that are beyond someone's control. Doctors, counselors, and nutrition experts often work together to help those with eating disorders manage their eating, weight, and feelings.

Nutrition specialists or dietitians can help them learn about healthy eating behaviors, nutritional needs, portion sizes, metabolism, and exercise. They can also help design an eating plan that's specially designed for someone's needs and help the person stick with it and make progress.

Unlike a problem with drugs or alcohol where part of the treatment is avoiding the substance altogether, people still have to eat. This can make it harder for someone with a binge eating problem to overcome it because the temptation to overeat is always there. So part of dealing with a binge eating disorder is learning how to have a healthy relationship with food.

Psychologists and other therapists can help people learn healthy ways of coping with emotions, thoughts, stress, and other things that might contribute to a person's eating problem.

Sometimes certain family members can help by talking with the person and his or her therapist about shared eating patterns, feelings (and beliefs about how feelings should be expressed), and family relationships. Doing this can help someone examine how certain eating patterns may have been influenced by family — and to stop the patterns that aren't healthy.

Depending on what's behind someone's binge eating, doctors may prescribe medications along with therapy and nutrition advice.

People with binge eating disorder may find it helpful to surround themselves with supportive family members and friends. It's best to avoid people who make negative comments about eating or weight because they can add to someone's feelings of self-criticism, making matters worse.

Another thing that can help build self-confidence and take a person's mind off eating is trying a new extracurricular activity or hobby. Finding a way to express feelings, such as through music, art, dance, or writing, can also help someone deal with difficult emotions in a healthy way.

As with any eating disorder, there is no quick fix for binge eating. Treatment can take several months or longer while someone learns a healthier approach to food. But with the right guidance, commitment, and practice, it is possible to overcome old habits and replace them with healthier behaviors.

The Beast Within and What I Fear Most!

I have come to the conclusion (yet again) that my old self, the fat self, is lurking quietly and sometimes not so quietly in some mental closet of mine, and waits for those times when I'm alone and scared and the lights are off. When that happens, it jumps out, unwelcome resident that it is, and temporarily comandeers control of my person. Multiple personality? No, but sometimes I feel like it! This beastie mentality feeds of the feeling of chaos. It feeds off the smallest slip-up and is very opportunistic in when it strikes.

This beastie mentality waits until I'm at my parents house, dealing with the stress of that, on top of the stress of going to Boston this next weekend with our little guy. It feeds on the stresses of our finances, the stresses of my housekeeping skills (or lack of them) and it just collects all of these stresses in it's little closet. (Perhaps that is why I feel so calm most of the time, calm and in control...and then.....BAM!) Yes, and then BAM!!! IT strikes. IT derails me. This little "other" part of myself which I thought I had beat. It is alive and well, and seeking to destroy me.

I won't let it. I've worked too hard. I've come too far. It's back on 100% for me, goal or bust.

I'll spare the gory details, but suffice it to say I was a bad little Medifaster over the weekend. Not the entire weekend, but about 24 hours of the weekend. Enough to backtrack myself a week. Again.

My husband tells me not to be so hard on myself, that I am just about at the point of maintaining, and in effect, if that is being accomplished why worry? Well, I do worry because this is not the method it is supposed to be accomplished by. We aren't supposed to maintain by eating off for the weekend, and crawling back to MF on Monday to re-lose the weight we just re-gained.

And I won't work the program that way. Anymore, I mean.

I have not been consistently acting in this manner, but I enjoyed "preparing" for the Marathon and "celebrating" after the Marathon last weekend a bit too much, and then this Phoenix weekend well nigh took me by suprise.

Ok, beastie, this means war. You realize that, don't you? No more setting myself up for failure by NOT GETTING ALL MY WATER IN. Yes, that is what started it for me. Not enough water on Saturday, which led to me being thirsty and mistaking it for cravings and hunger, which I satisfied in a non-MF approved way, which caused more cravings and mental hunger. It was absolutely crazy. And I needed to blog about it, because I abhor pretense and I am who I am. I'd rather be honest about a mistake and getting back on that trying to hide it and let you all think the GBS doesn't ever struggle. Poppycock.

So. Have I lost alot of weight? Yes. Could I regain it if I began acting like this on a regular basis? Yes. Will I? NO.

Part of the stress was that People Magazine called on Friday and wanted one more picture in order to choose the people they are going to feature in the "People Who Lost Half Their Size" January issue. This was 1 hour before I had to leave for the aiport on Friday. So, I took the picture, sent it to them, and am waiting to hear back.

So there's an update on that.

Oh, right, what I am fearing the most. What I am fearing the most is gaining all my weight back, plus more. In fact, in talking to a friend I hadn't seen for about a year in Phoenix on Friday night, she said "you are tiny!" and I said "yeah, I'm where I want to be, and will probably stay here for, like, 5 seconds, and then start gaining again....it seems to just be what I'm good at...losing or gaining. But I suck at maintaining."

There, I had said it. It was out there, verbalized. Now, did I just reinforce that mentality by verbalizing it, or did I aknowledge that it exists and can combat it? Was the ensuing weekend shenanigans proof that I CAN'T maintain my weight, and that I WILL gain it all back again? Or was it a wake up call? Need some answers, and I think only I can find them.

Thursday, August 23, 2007

Aug 23 - Eve and the Fall of Mankind..."It's only a piece of fruit!"

  • Eve and the Fall of Mankind..."It's just a lil ole' piece of fruit!"

    I loved gruber1008's blog this morning about temptation, and the devotional she shared regarding Peter. How true it is. I've been thinking about temptation, and why it seems like we can do good and be in control of so many other areas, but the food seems to be, for many of us anyway, the ultimate temptation that we aren't victorious over all the time.

    Normally I would chalk it up to being human. Sin nature and all. But how about this for a monkey-wrench in the works.... In the Old Testament, and the Creation account, and the Fall of Man, Eve took the food that God had forbidden them to eat, and she ate it. She did not have a sin nature at the time. Yet she ate it anyway, because "it was pleasing to the eye", and of course she had been deceived by the serpent.

    SO. It seems, my ladies, that we have an unusual and ancient pre-disposition toward eating "forbidden fruit!" It is tantalizing. It looks good. Sometimes we can't seem to muster the strength of resolve to run the other way when it beckons. It is pleasing to the eye, and then our inner voice takes over and rationalizes it, much like the serpent did for Eve. He double-talked her into eating it, misquoting God's directive. How often do we double-talk ourselves into eating something we absolutely know is off-limits for our health and our goals, and something that may even *gulp* kill us. What Eve did is a literal example of what we face every day. Because she at the forbidden fruit from the forbidden tree, she invited a literal death on the whole human race. (Yeah, thanks, by the way.) But how often do we look at something and say "oh, it's JUST a ding-dong" or "oh, it's JUST a little ice-cream cone, how much can it hurt, REALLY?" I wonder if Eve said that about that lil' ole piece of fruit?

    I think food is an issue that is doubly hard to deal with, but it does not negate God's promise that there is NO temptation that will overtake us to where He will not provide an avenue of escape. We just tend not to look real hard for that avenue of escape when it comes to food.

    I thought it was interesting, anyway, and for those who believe in a literal creation, etc etc (as I do) it makes some good sense.

    So look for that avenue of escape, even if it is a window. And thanks, Gruber1008 for getting us all thinking on it.

Aug 21 - Addendum to Holy Freak-out Oly!

  • After Much Deliberation, Some Good Advice From My Trusted MF Friends, and Talking With My Husband....

    Update on my "Holy Freak-Out-Oly" blog entry from yesterday...

    I mentioned in my blog yesterday that I'm an all or nothing person, and that if I stopped before I reached my goal that I would feel like I had failed (or something like that...) and it would effect me negatively psychologically. Well, I found a way around that, and it involves compromise which is good therapy for this "all-or-nothing" girl.

    Here's what I have decided to do. Instead of stopping before reaching my goal to begin transition so that my hubby and I can try to get pregnant again soon, I will CHANGE MY GOAL WEIGHT. That way, I will still have reached my goal, will have still been successful (wildly!), and feel that sense of completion that I so need. Plus, as others have pointed out, There ain't 17 more pounds of me to be lost! Seriously! And I don't want to be a size 00.

    Back when I joined Medifast, I took the goal weight MF suggested for me. 118 lbs. That was fine then. I was 266.5 at the time, and so it gave me something to shoot for. But when I got married almost 16 years ago, I weighed 128, and I thought I looked and felt pretty darn good. So, I'm changing my goal weight to between 125 and 128. That gives me a couple pounds to fluctuate and still be "in the 120's". It is also 10 or less pounds instead of 17 lbs to go. Once I reach 128 I will stay on MF 5&1 (as recommended) for one more week. Whatever I land at is then my goal at the end of that week, and I will begin transition after that. If I reach 126.5, that will be a nice even 140 lbs lost. I like that.

    I've got 4 months of transition after that, so I'm not going anywhere anytime soon, and I plan to use the Blogs/boards as a tool to keep my going strong on Maintenance anyway. It is vital.

    In the grander scheme of things, ie if/when (Lord willing) I am giving birth to a beautiful baby boy or girl, it will matter not whether I reached "the magic" number of 118, or 126, or 128 before getting pregnant. The things I've learned on Medifast about myself, about how my body responds to certain foods, about my metabolism, etc, are priceless. And I will concentrate on gaining a "healthy" amount of weight during pregnancy, ie no more than 25 lbs. Then I'll see you all back after I'm done nursing. I'm making alot of assumptions here, that we can even get pregnant again. But I'm trusting. We will see.

    So thank you Nutrition Support, for recommending something as "drastic" as beginning transition sooner rather than later. And thank you all my MF friends for giving your input...some said go for goal, and I respect that entirely and considered it as my first option, and some said transition, and I think I'm doing something in between. I'm 135 right now, I want to lose 7 more pounds. Should take me one month, which, oh my word, I just realised that, interestingly enough, it still puts me at "goal-by-summer" on the 21st of September. I think it's prophetic. And very appropriate. Wow. I'm blown away.

    Have a good day, keep your eye on the prize, and don't waver.

Aug 20 - Holy Freak-out Oly!

Holy Freak-Out-Oly!

Another day for reality to smack me in the face! Ok, so here's what happened. I posted a question to Nutrition Support asking them about pregnancy and transition. No, I'm not pregnant, but hubby and I would like to begin trying again very soon (I'm 37 ya 'know!) and although I already knew that MF is not recommended whilst pregnant, I wondered if that was just the weight reduction phase, or did it also include transition? Because ain't no way in this lifetime am I going to throw my weight loss away because I did not transition correctly. I want to set myself up the best way possible for a healthy pregnancy, with a healthy normal weight gain, and not some astronomical figure that I'll have to fight my way back from later.

OK. So NS, bless their well-intentioned and very helpful souls (I am NOT being sarcastic here. I love NS and I think they are one of the most valuable resources on this site!) She came back and told me that since I'm *only* 16 lbs from goal I may want to begin transition now. Since she said I will probably continue to lose 1-2 lbs per week on transition, I should actually still hit my goal in the 4 months of transition.

GULP!!! GULP GULP GULP and DOUBLE GULP!!! What? No no no no no, you can't mean transition NOW? NOW???????? Uh....

And so I thought about it. I thought good long and hard about it, for, like, 2 seconds....and decided that hubby and I can wait another month or two. I'm gettin' to my goal on the reducing, and then I'm transitioning, because that is what I set out to do. And I am not one to change my course mid-stream, or I lose my motivation (some of it, anyway!)

But it WAS interesting, even entertaining the thought that transition is actually an option for me right now, so says NS! It made me feel great, but also made me feel like "wait a minute, you must have the wrong girl...I'm SO far from being done losing weight...aren't I?" The answer to that is no. I am NOT so far from being done losing weight. I AM almost to my goal. Part of me is giddy, part of me is freaking freaked out about that.

I was taking my hot steamy afternoon bath this afternoon, contemplating things, contemplating how my life will change on transition and maintenance, and the realization came to me that transition and maintenance are actually going to require more thoughtfulness, and more self-discipline and determination than the reducing phase of MF did.

What? MORE? Sheesh, didn't it take every ounce of self-discipline and determination to get me here? Do I have any left? The answer to that depends on your outlook.

If you believe that self-discipline and determination are ours in limited quantities, for limited times, and we can "run out" or "get tired" or "get bored" or have "had enough", well then, my friend, I hate to break it to you, but you may want to consider not losing any more weight because you will gain it back plus some. But if you are beginning to reach deep within yourselves, and beginning to understand the self-discipline is a muscle, and although it may have atrophied a bit over the years, or may be a little rusty from non-use, then you can begin to exercise it. And it will get stronger. And, just like any muscle, it does not just disappear overnight. It continues to grow with use, and it is able to support more and more weight, ie more and more temptation, stress, business, whatever life throws at you.

By the end of your weight-loss portion of Medifast, if you reach your goal, you will have exercised this muscle called self-discipline long enough and hard enough that it will be able to support your transition and maintenance lifestyle. But that is only if you've worked it.

If you've not, if you've given in to every temptation, if you've lost weight by default, but not really learned anything or done the "head work" necessary, you will not maintain. I speak of "you" in a very generic term. Please know I am not isolating anyone or speaking from anyone's postings in the least. I've been around here long enough to know we ALL struggle. But this blog is to give HOPE, not despair.

So. Have you been off program this week? Have I been off program this week? What are we doing to exercise our muscle of self-discipline? What are we doing to be intentional about our head-work, in order to prepare ourselves to keep the weight off in the long term? Because I'll tell you, the stats are against us. The deck is stacked for our failure. It really is...if you look at the statistics for weight loss and re-gain. They are ominous. *Results Not Typical, you know the little disclaimer thingy. It strikes fear into all of our hearts. But the good news is that WE are in control of whether we will be typical or not typical.

I choose not typical. How 'bout you?

Aug 20 - From size 26 jeans to size 2

It's Official...from a size 26 W jeans to a size 2 Misses jeans in less than 13 months.

The mailman delivered the package this morning. I opened it, and pulled out a pair of Levi's 515's in a size 2. "What the...there's no way! These are going to be WAY too small...no way can I fit into these." My heart became discouraged.

"Well", I told myself, "they ARE goal jeans, so why not just put them on and atleast see how far I have to go...." I step one leg in...I step the other leg in. Tight. I knew it. I wriggle them up OVER my bum, doing standing acrobatics. Hmmmmm....

I go to my bedroom, lay on my bed, and with relative ease button and zip them. They are on. They are tight, but not obscenely so. I can actually wear them out, as long as I have a bit of a looser top on so as not to reveal the minor muffin-top I have coming out the waistband.

SO! PEOPLE! These are no longer my goal jeans! Because I can wear them! They are my "wearing" jeans, and the 2 Petite's are my goal jeans now. I am not in a hurry to get to the 2P's though, I will enjoy the 2's for a good long time. I like the color better with the 2's anyway. More stylish, a little lighter, with some built-in visual crinkles at strategic places.

Thank you MF, and most of all thank you Lord. Then thank you community, and lastly but not leastly, than you Me! Determination.

This is what determination will get you. Hubby will take pictures tomorrow and we'll get them in my album on tomorrow night. =)

Aug 19th - People Half Their Size

I just signed up for the "People Half Their Size" issue....wish me luck!

Hello all! Ever since the "People Half Their Size" People magazine series began coming out I have always dreamed of being in that issue. I never thought it possible until Medifast. I just e-mailed a snippet of my story and some before and interrim pics to Medifast Powers-That-Be after they asked for submissions in their Discussion Board thread.

We shall see! These people, every time the issue comes out, have always inspired me....and Nnedi's story on one of the Medifast ads in Us Weekly a year ago saved my life. So I want to give back some inspiration so that I can hopefully save someone else's life. Lord Willing!

I'll keep you posted! I'm within 2 lbs of having lost half my size.

Aug 16 - Yes, we deserve make-up...and I remember!

  • Yes...We Deserve Make-up! =)

    Something Positive1 said on my blog really hit home for me, and I wanted to explore it a bit further. Then I wanted to issue a challenge to every red-blooded female MF'er on this site.

    First the contemplations. Positive1 said that many times when we are morbidly obese we cease to look at ourselves as anything resembling female. I paraphrased it, but that was the gist. It is so true. When I weighed almost 270 lbs, I didn't think of myself in kind terms at all. And definately not in female terms. More of, as she said, a beast. It almost hurts to type the words, but it is true the more I look at it, and it saddens me that I put myself through that. Saddens me that I felt so worthless, so base, so like I was less than nothing, that I never even did any of the girlie things that girls (and ladies) do, or should. I chalked it up to me being a "tomboy". But I think it was deeper and more raw than that. I think I felt I didn't deserve or wasn't worth spending any time on.

    And at the time, there was hardly anything I could have done to make myself look better anyway. I think that was part of it. I felt old and fat and horrible, so I didn't do anything to improve the way I looked because I felt old and fat and horrible. One of the thoughts that used to run rampant through my head was "you can't dress up a pig". I would think that in my mind, and it would be so self-incriminating it would almost make me nauseaus. And sad. And depressed. So I slunk around in my XXL unisex sweatshirts, cut my hair really really short, and told myself it didn't matter what I looked like. It was the inside that counted...but wait, I didn't have much of an inside either. I had successfully ERASED myself for 15 years.

    How does one do that? I have no idea. If I did, I'd write a book about it. I'd probably make a million dollars in my book deal. I'd go on all the talk show circuits. Wow....I wonder if....naw, I'll leave that for someone else. While I'm not quite sure what led me erase myself, I can tell you what brought me back. For one, the unconditional love of a baby boy who looked at me with such wonderment that I began to look at MYSELF with wonderment. Who put so much faith in me that I began to have faith in MYSELF. My son has been one of the biggest blessings of my life, and I thank God for him. He brought me back from the land of the half-dead into the land of the living. Once I caught that glimmer of hope from him, there was no stopping me. Like a parched wheat field in a drought that catches a spark...I was off and running like a wildfire.

    And something happened along the way. One, I learned self-discipline and perseverance. I began to love others in a way I couldn't before, because I didn't even love myself. When you are leading an unbalanced life, in whatever area it is unbalanced, you spend so much time trying to stay on your feet (self-focused) that you don't have time or energy for anyone but yourself. I was unbalanced in that way. Now I'm not. And I praise God for starting it all. He'll finish it all too.

    So now the challenge. For all of you who don't think you deserve a new wardrobe before you get to goal. For all of you who forgot what putting on mascara felt like. For all of you who couldn't find a tube of lipstick under 5 years old if you tried. For all of you who gave up the joys of manicures, or pedicures, or facials, or makeovers, or whatever, years and years ago, listen to me. I marched into the St. Julien Spa weighing 250 lbs a year ago and got a full-body massage. It changed my life. It made me feel worthwhile. Like I was actually somebody.

    I challenge all of you to pick something. Just one thing. Be it a manicure, a pedicure, a massage, a new piece of beautiful clothing, a make-over, a new skincare product line purchase, WHATEVER it is that you haven't done for years because you didn't feel worthy. AND GO DO IT. THIS WEEKEND. Report back to me when you've done it and what you did.

    Take care, and love yourselves.
  • Nothin' cures the TOM blues like a good "Gift With Purchase" at the Lancome Kiosk!

    Nothin' no nothin' cures the TOM blues...well you read the title, I don't have to say it again! Lancome is having a gift-with-purchase, it's been going on two weeks which shows you the last time I was at Macy's! =)

    So two days ago I was at Sephora, just seeing what they had...always in the market for a good lipstick, ya know. (I didn't used to be this way, I blame it on Medifast....)

    So I see they sell Lancome, and I wanted to try the Mousse Foundation they have. Tried it. LOVED IT. Decided I'd hit Macy's today to see if they happened to have a "gift with purchase" because I love those thingies! And they did. In two shades...warm and cool. A whole neat little gift baggie with resolution, lash enhancer, mascara, lipstick, and eyeshadows (4 on a palatte). I got the Mousse Foundation which qualified me for the gift...so I got the warm shades. Fall is comin', ya know. Then I hit up another Macy's for their Double Acting Eye Make-up Remover...had to buy a gloss too because the eye make-up didn't put me over the $28.50 purchase minimum for the gift...and I got the cool palatte too! Gotta love those gift with purchases.

    OK! This is a two-bath day. Bub is down for his nap, I just drank my Liter of water, my Lean and Green isn't for another hour, so I'm going for a hot soak. And some Pamprin.

    This was just a whimsical blog. Nothin' deep this afternoon. Enjoy!
  • Waiting waiting waiting

    I am waiting. Waiting for my size 2 Levi's jeans to come in the mail. They were mailed priority on Tuesday. That means they should be here today or tomorrow...right? It's what will keep me on the straight and narrow today. The thought of my goal jeans coming in the mail, and me trying them on. I'm TOM right now, big time. I'm antsy, distracted, irritated, my hubby is going out of town tomorrow for the weekend, and I've been on a plateau, although I've been 100%, for about 5 days now.

    Usually during TOM I see a big drop, 3 or 4 pounds. Not so this time, for some reason. So I have to be convinced that I'm losing inches. I THINK I am, but the goal jeans will tell me definitively.

    OK, time to feed the boy and go to Costco. Well, they don't open until 10:00 so I'll feed the boy, take a shower, THEN go to Costco.

    Have a wonderful ON PLAN day, everyone! (Including me!)
  • I never tire of the compliments...because I remember when...

    Saw my hubby's boss today. He hasn't seen me in a few months. He told me that I was looking SO good (he wasn't trying to pick me up....my hubby was there too....lol!). Then after I left he told my husband that I was a fox. A FOX!!! Wow! I had to report on that. If you look at my before pictures, I was anything but a fox. A "fox" was actually the farthest adjective anyone would come up with to describe me at that time. Maybe in opposite-world! So, do I tire of the compliments? No. Never. Not once. I will take them all in and treasure them, let them be kindling to stoke the fire of determination.

    Because I remember when. I remember when I contemplated ordering a seat belt extender for my Volvo. I lost weight instead. I remember when I couldn't get private health insurance and was a financial risk to my family as a result. I lost weight instead. I remember when I fell in the parking lot of my husband's work while holding my precious baby boy, then being depressed because I couldn't seem to lose weight. I lost weight instead. I remember when the only store's I could go in at the mall in Boulder were Starbucks and Yankee Candle. I lost weight...now I frequent Ann Taylor, White House/Black Market, Levi's, Sephora and M.A.C. (because it is worth it now to wear make-up!). I remember when I'd wear sweatshirts and size 26 W stretch jeans (tight!), because I refused to wear mumu's. Did I ever buy any mumu's? No. I lost weight instead. I remember when salespeople held their breath as I walked by, not wanting to catch what I had (obesity). Do they do that now? No. I lost weight instead. I remember when I couldn't qualify for life insurance. I lost weight instead, and now the life-insurance sales people are calling me every week.

    I remember my Mom being concerned about my health...even as she had and has metastatic cancer of the bone...and me knowing that one of her last wishes is to see me thin and healthy. Did I disappoint her? No. I lost weight instead.

    What are we waiting for. Tomorrow is today. Don't beat yourself up over previous failed attempts at weight loss. Lose weight instead.

Aug 14 - I'm "healthy" ... Go figure!

I'm "healthy". Go Figure.

Who'd 'a' thunk a year ago that a year from then (that being NOW,) I would be sitting at my computer and at a healthy BMI, a healthy Waist:Hip ratio, a healthy waist measurement, a healthy resting pulse (65), and just gosh darn all-around healthy to the point that I can apply for life insurance and pass the physical?! Ok, I haven't done that yet, but I have my info in to a life insurance company and in one month I will be pursuing that. I want to be in the 120's before I get blood tested and all that!

I went to a site called www.healthcalculators.org and did a bunch of their thing-a-ma-jiggies. Apparently I have a healthy Waist:Hip ratio now, (anything below .85 for women is considered healthy, and I'm between 0.68 and 0.73 depending on whether you include my saddly-bags in the hip measurements!). Waist:Hip ratio is a big factor in heart disease risk, even bigger than BMI. I challenge you all to go to the site and do the test.

I'm encouraged. And my size 2 515's are on the way. I won 'em on Ebay two days ago, so I don't have to try to squeeze my ever-shrinking self into the size 2 Petite 515's I mistakenly bought a few weeks ago. (I blogged about it...) I'll be happy in the regular size 2 Levi's.

I can't believe I'm typing this. I can't believe my size 4 Levi's 515's are getting looser! Lots looser! I'll report on how well I can squeeze into the size 2's when they get here. Probably not wearable in public, but I'll let you know.

Don't hate me (I say that tongue in cheek, I know none of you do). The only thing standing between where I am now and where you can be is time. (And yourself, if you are a self-sabatoger). Get yourself out of the way, do the program to a "T", and in a matter of time you will get there. The biggest thing us dieters battle is our impatience. Then we get all discouraged because it's not going fast enough and we're still waking up fat, and we give in to the momentary release and false pleasure of food. Don't do it. Do Medifast, give it time, and you too will be healthy. You will. I guarantee it.

Aug 14 - Going for a run this morning

Going For a Run This Morning

I just thought I'd have you guys all hold me accountable. I've decided to go for a run after my little man finishes his formula, because my exercise has been going great lately and I feel like I'm on a good streak here. Then tonight I'll go to the gym at 9pm and do upper body workouts for a half hour. That is my plan, and I'm sticking to it. Oh yes, that and get all 5 MF meals in and my L&G. And drink my water, starting now.

I find it's super easy to allow myself to go quite a bit of the morning without drinking any water. This is bad. Especially if I'm exercising! But if I don't drink atleast 16 oz directly after my coffee and oatmeal, then I tend to forget until about 10 am or so. Then I'll pound about a liter. If I don't get all my water in by 2pm I'm in trouble, because I tend to not drink alot in the afternoon. This is all going to change. This week I'm going to focus on being very intentional about drinking my water.

I can always tell when I'm teetering on the brink of collapse in any diet. There are two things that go out the window first. Number one is my half and half intake increases. Instead of 2 TBSP per day, which we are allowed, I find myself adding it to other coffee drinks later in the day as well. These calories really add up. The second is my water intake. I begin to "restrict" water to a degree (a little eating disorder lingo...no, I've never had an eating disorder that I am aware of, but I was a Mental Health Technician at a very successful private Eating Disorder Clinic for women and adolescent girls in Arizona for awhile....). "Restricting" water means that I intentionally (or subconsiously) stop drinking it. Either of these presenting themselves in my routine make me stop immediately and re-evaluate exactly what I'm doing and why. I've been very mindful all throughout this program to keep these two things in check, and it has worked for me.

And remember in my blog yesterday I said I wondered if there was a PPMS...like a Pre-PMS? Well, I was wrong. It was just regular PMS. My TOM appeared yesterday which explained quite a bit of my mood the last two days. Whew!

Ok, this is enough rambling for a day. Little man is done with his formula. He didn't eat as much as I'd hoped so I need to pop something in him first, then I'll go for a run with him.

Take care, all!

Aug 13 - No fear!

New Recipe for Portable Oatmeal, and Other Ramblings

I have a new recipe for "portable oatmeal". I prefer to call it "portable oatmeal" because it has such a minimum of "additives" in it that it is almost like doing straight MF meals. I will tell you how I do it, and you can modify it as you like in terms of serving/portion/pan size, so long as your number of portions ultimately matches the number of MF packets you used, you will be fine.

I have what's called a "half sheet" aluminum baking pan, which is great for this recipe, because I make 12 meals at a time. Spray the pan with Pam. (A half-sheet is like the size cakes they sell at Costco. A 1/4 sheet would use half this recipe, and would be like a normal sized cake pan.)

For a "half sheet" 12 serving "portable oatmeal":

Preheat oven to 375F

10 packets Oatmeal (any kind)
2 packets vanilla or banana pudding (even chocolate would probalby work!)

1 Tbsp baking powder
1 Tbsp baking soda

4 Cups water

In a large bowl, combine water and puddings, and whisk until fully blended, no lumps. Sprinkle 10 packs of MF oatmeal over top, and the powder and soda, and mix with fork or whisk until uniform in appearance. Pour into pan, and spread evenly with a spatula.

Bake for 22-25 minutes, until golden brown on top and firm. Remove from heat, let cool completely, and cut into 12 servings. Store in individual zip lock bags in refrigerator, keeps for about 1 week. Can be frozen.

I made my first batch with Apple Cinnamon oatmeal and Vanilla pudding, and this current batch that is in the oven uses Maple Brown Sugar oatmeal and Banana pudding. So so yummy, so so portable. Just grab as many as 5 for your day out and you will only have to worry about your Lean and Green!

...On to other ramblings. I wonder if there is such a thing as pre-PMS? Would that be PPMS? Well, I'm in it I think. That is where the "I feel fat" thoughts were coming from yesterday, I'm pretty sure of it. Last night I wrestled with thoughts of sunbutter, and ended up eating some sugar-free hard candy. It staved off my craving pretty well, and I went to bed feeling like I had conquered the world.

Oh, yes, and the restaurant! The restaurant ended up being lovely. I had my salad there, and a gazpacho, which is a raw vegetable puree'd soup. I considered that all my green, and then I had flank steak (a bit on the fatty side) for dinner. All in all I thought I did tremendously well. I even survived a visit to "Powell's Sweet Shop" on Pearl street, which is a new "old tyme" candy store. My determination is back. I ran three days in a row over the weekend, and this mental block I've had about getting into the low 130's is disappearing. I'm still in the high 130's, but in about 6 more pounds I will have lost 1/2 of me.

Perhaps I am afraid that once I get to the "lost half of me" point I will lose my motivation, and believe I have "arrived" even though I will still be 15 lbs shy of my goal? You know what the funny thing about that is? Here I am saying "I'm afraid I'll stall out and self-sabatoge once I get to 133" and yet, I have stalled out and have been self-sabatoging myself in the process! So, I've decided....DECIDED...to put it behind me and venture on, fear or no fear. Since when have I been deterred by fear? Well, ok, the Rattlesnakes incident, but I eventually figured it out and once I identified the fear I could put it into it's proper perspective and motor on. Besides, rattlesnakes usually only venture out into the road at night, to soak up the heat that has been absorbed on the asphalt during the previous day. So the likelihood of actually seeing a live rattlesnake ON the road while I am running is slim-to-none. Because, I run during the day. Not at night.

SO! Let's all identifiy our fears, give them their due, but then categorize them away in a box called "unfounded" and move on with our lives.

Have a great week, all!

Aug 12 - Back in the weight loss saddle

Back In The Weight-Loss Saddle

I finally feel like I'm making headway again in my weight loss efforts. Although I am still 1.75 lbs above my 15-year low of 137.75 (where I was a week ago Monday), I am feeling very encouraged and energetic, and best of all, strong in will and body.

This morning I took my % body fat measurement on my little hand-held Omron Body Fat Analyzer, and for the first time in recent living memory I am below 30% body fat. Last time I measured, I was about 31.5%. This morning I was 29.8%. Hey, I'll take it. I've got 96.5 lbs of lean body mass, 41.5 lbs of fat, and weigh 139.25 lbs. At 5 foot 3, that makes me around 24 on the BMI scale, but % body fat is usually higher unless you are a professional body builder. I want to look long and lean, but I will never be a professional body builder.

Last night I averted the late-night munchies by having 2 pieces of sugar-free candies. It worked. I have run 2.5 miles a day for the last 2 days, and will probably do the same today. Feeling grand.

I am going back to the restaurant tonight that threw me off last Wednesday, but this time I will be prepared. I have decided to have my green at home, and my lean at the restaurant because as I recall they had a 1/2 roasted chicken with some sides. I can peel off the skin, eat the white meat only, and hubby can have my sides.

I've just got to get this mindset as my "autopilot" mindset again, for real authentic change to take place. Sometimes I feel like I'm teetering back to the old mindset, the mindset that got me weighing almost 270 lbs in the first place...but it is a mental discipline to stay in the now, remember what is important to me, and to remember that food is not the answer for anything except basic energy needs. Food is fuel.

I've got to remember that emotions are fleeting, and temporary, and often misleading and misguided. They "cause" us to consider things and do things that are contrary to our best interests sometimes, so I need to focus on facts and have my actions mirror what I have determined will be my path. Determination.

So, as I go into my Sunday, I will remember how far I've come. I will remember that I have lost almost half of me...(6 more lbs will make it 1/2 of me)...and I must finish the task.

Enjoy your weekend.

Aug 11 - On plateaus and feeling fat

On Plateaus and Feeling Fat

Can I just make an appeal to you all right now? For the love of all the reasons you began your programs, DON'T DRINK ALCOHOL. Not only will you gain weight, but you will continue feeling the effects of it (ie you won't be able to lose the weight you gained for several days!!!) for quite a bit of time afterwards.

What possessed me to drink alchohol? My wrong choice. Nothing possessed me. Nothing made me do it. I did it to myself. Sometimes, and I fully recognize this in myself, sometimes the stress I am going through coupled with an inner voice that says "hey, you look ok, give yourself a break tonight..." combine to form a deadly combination. The result of that combination, when my will is weak and I choose wrongly, is to eat off program. Well, Wednesday night was a doozie. I won't bore you with the details, but suffice it to say that the damage was 4 lbs up, of which I have only lost 1/2 of. I went from 137 to 141, and this morning I was down to 140.5

This is dangerous. Not only is it a slippery slope, but the fact that the weight isn't coming off as quickly as I'm used to it coming off tells me that this is different...this isn't "just" glycogen (or water) weight that can easily come off almost as quickly as it came on. The alcohol changed the way my body was metabolizing, slowed it's metabolization, and I'm suffering the results until the wonders of MF can truly take over again.

I've got to get this together. I did go for a run yesterday, and I'm planning on going today. It is a better way to blow off stress and steam, even if I don't "feel" like I'm stressed, let's face it, I am.

I do notice that when I'm not running on a regular basis (every day or every other day at the least) I tend to be a little more loosey goosey on the program. And I wonder why I plateau out, or bounce around losing the same 3-4 pounds over and over again. Actually, I don't wonder. I know why. And it stops now.

I am the only one who can keep me on the straight and narrow. If I don't do it, no one will come along and do it for me. I've proven to myself that I can do it, with no compromise. I need to adopt that mindset again. I'm not saying it will be easy, but I am hoping it will get easier as I log the 100% days over and over again.

I have not gone up in size, but I haven't gone down either. And let me tell you something. To taste "forbidden food" just feeds the desire for more, when I was perfectly happy cruising along NOT eating those things before I tasted them. I have to detox my brain and my body and be 100%, with running included, and I'm confident I'll drop to 135 by the end of the month. That's my goal. 135 by August 31. That will give me a slight chance of being 128 by the end of summer, September 23rd. That was my wedding weight. Now, I have said before that I think it's a bad idea to set date-certain targets. But I'm breaking that rule.

I got my goal jeans, my size 2 Levi's 515 Misses, in the mail last week. I'm bummed because I didn't read the ebay ad quite as well as I should have, and the jeans are size 2 Petite's, which are even smaller than size 2's. I was looking for size 2 "S" for "Short". What I got was size 2 "P" in a Medium length. So they'll be a bit long, but realistically I should be able to fit into them in 20 more lbs. They are my last pair of goal jeans. I ain't buying no "Zero" size.

OK. So Who's with me? Can we do this, or can't we? LET'S ROCK!!

Aug 8 - Here's How you can help my son get a new kidney

Here's How You Can Help My Son Julian Phillips - Tax Deductible

Greetings fellow Medifasters. Well, the time has come for me to ask anyone and everyone who has a willingness to do so, to aid us in getting my son a new kidney. Many of you have asked how you can help, and I told you that we would be setting up an account with Children's Organ Transplant Association to help offset Julians kidney transplant costs. It looks like my Uncle Joe may be our match, and the costs will exceed our ability to pay.

So, for any of you who desire to help in a tax-deductible way, you may either go to the www.cotaforjulianp.com site and click on "donate", or you can go to the www.cota.org site and find his name in the list of current patients, and click on that and donate from there.

Either way, you donation is completely tax deductible, as COTA has been around for 20 years and is a 501(3)C nonprofit organization. COTA has complete oversight over these donations, and we work with a trustee and submit our transplant-related costs for re-imbursement if they qualify. If something would happen to Julian, all of his funds would be disbursed to other waiting children's funds for their use.

Thank you for considering this life-changing gift. And keep Medifasting.

Aug 7 - Celebrity face recognition

Aug 7 -Today is the first day of the rest of my diet

Today is the first day of the rest of my diet!

This diet has become such a way of life for me, that I feel a little bit like I'm too comfortable with it. I know what I can and can't do, I know what I can throw in and not mess things up too badly, and I choose sometimes to go off program. All of this has led to a self-induced plateau, and I need to get to the bottom of the reasons why I'm hesitant to lose the rest of my weight. I have 20 lbs to goal, technically. I know that with hard work and staying on program 100% I can probably get there by my Birthday in October (October 22nd). What a great birthday present that would be.

On the other hand, if I keep being a little "loosey goosey" in my choices I won't get there EVER! I'll still be hanging out at 138 when I turn 38. And honestly? I'd like my present to myself to be that I am at goal and beginning transition. I really would.

So. Today marks a day of renewed recommittment for me.

I think part of my response is a stress response to venturing into the unknown again with Julian. He has reached the point where he needs dialysis, and we will be consulting with his urologist and his nephrologist this week, to decide whether or not to do his bladder surgery at the same time that the dialysis port (the peritoneal dialysis port) is installed in his abdomen. This is scary. I need to remember that food won't fix the problem. Sun Butter won't make it go away, make it better, or make me any more lucid or available to care for my sons' needs. We will have to undergo a couple weeks of training at the Children's Hospital in order to be able to do the dialysis at night at home, every night, while he is sleeping.

So. I will eat my MF meals today. I will eat my L&G today. I will drink my water today. I will do all of it.

Take care.

Aug 6 - Savers is Great.

May I Suggest Savers?

For any of you who find that you are wearing your baggy baggies because you don't want to buy clothing you will only have for a few weeks/months, may I suggest Savers.

I just went for the first time last weekend, because all my sweaters were XL or higher from last season...I bought about 10 sweaters, and 5 pairs of pants for around $60.00. They are Small and Medium sweaters, and mostly 8 pants which I may grow out of. But at $2.00-$5.00 per clothing article, I think I did pretty darn good. I'm talkin' Aeropostale, American Eagle Outfitters, Gap, Polo, Liz Claiborne, good good stuff. All previously worn, but all stylish.

I also got a beautiful button-up turquoise colored linen dress in a size 6 Petite that is sleeveless, but long with slits on both sides. Fully lined. Gorgeous. $7.99.

So quit hiding behind the baggy clothes. People will immediately notice your weight loss if you'll start wearing things that fit NOW. And you will feel better too.

Aug 6

Back From Phoenix, Lost 2 lbs Over The Weekend, and Other Ramblings

Friday morning, Saturday morning and Sunday morning I walked/ran 3 miles with my sister at 6:00 am. I was in Phoenix (Gilbert), and it was hot and humid this weekend. We felt heavy and sticky and gross. But we did it anyway. And I stuck to plan. I was rewarded with a 2 lb weight loss, putting me at 137.5 lbs. My BMI is 24.3 now, and in a few more pounds will be under 24. I feel confident and empowered, that is for certain. My goal jeans should arrive today or tomorrow, so I can have a pair of tight jeans to motivate me again...I think it will be my last pair of goal jeans. I have a feeling that it is a huge jump from size 4 to size 2 P, and then an even bigger jump to a size 0, which isn't where I necessarily am shooting for. I'm shooting for my goal weight. That is all.

It is so easy to convince myself that I "deserve" this or I "deserve" that. I have not strayed since the evil sunbutter incident last week, but I find that the more confident I feel in my weight loss, the more my mind wants to play tricks on me and convince me that I can eat what other people eat. I've been fighting it, and will continue to fight it. Here is to keepin' on keepin' on.

My Mom and Dad are doing as well as can be expected. I just found out over the weekend that my son's Doctors are wanting him to go on dialysis pretty quickly, probably within the next month, so I might not be going to Phoenix again soon, unless I can take him for a week or so before the Doctors put the port in. I'm going to look into that. I'd really like for Julian to see Mom and Dad and his cousins before he starts Dialysis, because it will be tricky to see them afterwards.

I am so glad I have 130 of 148 extra pound off of me. The goal is in sight. I'm not sure if I will get there by September 22nd, but I've learned to not set date-certain goals/deadlines. If you do that, you only end up disappointed, even if you are close to reaching "the number" by the date, and you end up discounting all your progress and feeling bad when you really don't have to.

Well, I've got to get started on drinking my water. If I can get 1.5 Litres in me in the next 2 hours, I'll be set up well for the rest of the day.

Take care!

Aug 2 - Going to Phoenix to see my Mom.

Going to Phoenix again to see my mom....

Hi all! I was in a pretty weird funk this last week, and didn't post much or read much. But I'll be back in full swing on Monday, Lord willing! Today I'm sitting here with an Arbonne Intelligence Exfoliating Mask with Thermal Fusion, beautifying myself before flying to Phoenix tonight. I like to do this mask thing once a week, it's like a chemical peel for the face. I love it...wait, got to go wet it down to activate the enzymes....ok, now I get to wait for 5 more minutes and then wash it off!

I've been on a plateau, mostly self-induced due to taking a mini-break from exercise. I justify it by thinking that I'd been hitting it so hard for 6 months, I needed a little break in order to not burn out. The reality of the situation is that I saw two different rattlesnakes on two different occasions on my running route. How do I know they weren't the same rattlesnake? Because the first one I saw was dead as a doornail in the middle of the road...smooshed...and the second one I hit with my own car a few days later! I think I killed him. How do I know it was a rattler? I know. I've lived in Arizona and Colorado for most of my life thus far (with the exception of 3 years-1 in Europe and 2 in Canada) and I know. These babies were huge, too. That, and the fact that it is prime mosquito season and West Nile Virus is pretty bad here...has kept me indoors for 2 weeks.

Well, no more. I faced my fears today, and took my little man out in the jog stroller, sans Ipod (I want to hear the rattle before I see the snake if there is one close by!). I was going to run 2 miles, you know, to break myself back in to running after not doing it for 2 weeks....but I ended up going 3. My rule is that I can alter my plan ONLY if the alteration ends up in a longer distance run. I never let myself shorten my plan. Just a house rule I employ to keep my mind from even tempting me to stop early once I'm already out.

But I don't set unrealistic expectations, either. I challenge myself without killing myself, if that makes sense.

Food-wise, I've been doing pretty decent. Got all high and mighty in my expectations last Monday night with company over and ended up crashing and burning. I've got to get a handle on that. It's getting comfortable, being where I'm at, and for some reason that is effecting my mindset. Sometimes I figure if other diets let you have a "cheat day" why can't I take one? It's "legal" on Body for Life, for example, but not MF. I have to stick to my guns, and get the rest of this weight off. THEN I can transition and THEN I can maintain. I have to do this correctly. And I plan to.

Ok, gotta go wash the mask of my face...BRB...okay, here I am again.

I'm taking my new skirt and top to Phoenix with me, it's a little snug around the waist still, but probably by Sunday will be fine.

Have a great weekend, all you great Medifasters! And remember, TAKE YOUR FOCUS OFF FOOD. It isn't your friend. Thinking about it, dreaming about it, obsessing about it will get you a big fat nowhere. You may have temporary success, but you will cave in the long run. You have to do the mind-work necessary to make this permanent. Food is fuel. Nothing else. Food is fuel. Nothing else. Repeat after me. Food is fuel. Nothing else.

July 29 - Just a quickie!

Just a Quickie!

Just a quick post to say hello all, I'm on a plateau but losing inches, I think! Maybe not. Oh well...still hangin' in there, 100% on plan, really concentrating on gettin all my water in today. It really makes a difference, both in my weight loss and how my skin looks/feels. When I don't get all my water in for a few days, I look older. My laugh lines look deeper and more permanent. So, in an appeal to my vanity, I'm going to get it all in today, plus some!

It is T-6 hours on my houseguest, and I will sign off now to do the kitchen. I'd like to be entirely done by the time my little once goes down for his nap, around 1 or 2 pm, incase Mr. Houseguest is a few hours early.

They always are. Unless they are late. Hmmmmm.

July 28 - Size 2 is the new size 8

It is official. Size 2 is the new size 8.

Hey there! I was closet shopping this morning and found an old skirt in a similar style to the infamous Ann Taylor one I just purchased. I tried it on, and it fit just like the Ann Taylor one I just purchased. It is about 17 years old, from Casual Corner, and was part of a beautiful suit-set. I read the tag, expecting to see size 4 or 6, because I know sizes have decreased over the years to make us feel better. It's an 8. Yup, an 8. It doesn't depress or discourage me, but it firms my resolve to get to my goal weight of 118, without fears of me disappearing altogether!

So, if the 2 is the new 8, that means the 0 is the new 6, (or, to give the benefit of the doubt, the new 4-6), and the 00 is the new 2-4.

In that I was a size 1 my senior year of high school, (and NOT anorexic, mind you), that means I can safely descent to a size 0 or 00 and be just fine. Even in high school I was never "underweight" as far as my BMI was concerned. I know, crazy. I weighed 105 at my lowest, and wasn't underweight. So, 118 is a good goal for me. After all, I'm 20 years older.

Ok! Enough said about that!

Good morning everyone! It's a lovely Saturday, what are you going to do with it? I am going to clean my house. Yup, clean my house. It's about time, too. As my last blog mentioned, I am tired of living in the C.H.A.O.S. (Can't Have Anyone Over Syndrome) that defines my house. I want to make as radical of a change in my own home as I did in my own body. Even if I don't "feel" like a neat and tidy organized person, I'm convinced I can "look" like a neat and tidy organized person until my insides catch up with my outsides. Just do the work.

It's a similar principal as in the weight loss, but with opposite outcomes. With weight loss, you do the work, you begin to see results, real results, in a few days, but if you have a significant amount of weight to lose it could take months for the outside to catch up with the inside.

In housecleaning, you do the work, and you have a clean house. Bam! Now, it will take awhile for the insides to actually become a neat freak, but I am determined.

My husband and I took a "His Needs/Her Needs" marriage class a few years ago, and two of his needs that were near the top of his list were "Attractive wife" and "Domestic Support". At the time, I was a failure at both of them. Hopefully I can say I've come really far with the "Attractive wife" part. Now it's time to tackle the "Domestic Support" deficiencies.

Even if I'm not a neat freak right now, I'm determined to do such a good job faking it that no one will know I'm not! And in the meantime, pray that my insides actually catch up with my outsides, that my "autopilot" is reset as I have discussed previously, so it's not a lifelong struggle. I'm prayin' it, I'm sayin' it, here I go.

After I finish my blog and feed my boy, that is.

Just do it.