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Yes...We Deserve Make-up! =)
Something Positive1 said on my blog really hit home for me, and I wanted to explore it a bit further. Then I wanted to issue a challenge to every red-blooded female MF'er on this site.
First the contemplations. Positive1 said that many times when we are morbidly obese we cease to look at ourselves as anything resembling female. I paraphrased it, but that was the gist. It is so true. When I weighed almost 270 lbs, I didn't think of myself in kind terms at all. And definately not in female terms. More of, as she said, a beast. It almost hurts to type the words, but it is true the more I look at it, and it saddens me that I put myself through that. Saddens me that I felt so worthless, so base, so like I was less than nothing, that I never even did any of the girlie things that girls (and ladies) do, or should. I chalked it up to me being a "tomboy". But I think it was deeper and more raw than that. I think I felt I didn't deserve or wasn't worth spending any time on.
And at the time, there was hardly anything I could have done to make myself look better anyway. I think that was part of it. I felt old and fat and horrible, so I didn't do anything to improve the way I looked because I felt old and fat and horrible. One of the thoughts that used to run rampant through my head was "you can't dress up a pig". I would think that in my mind, and it would be so self-incriminating it would almost make me nauseaus. And sad. And depressed. So I slunk around in my XXL unisex sweatshirts, cut my hair really really short, and told myself it didn't matter what I looked like. It was the inside that counted...but wait, I didn't have much of an inside either. I had successfully ERASED myself for 15 years.
How does one do that? I have no idea. If I did, I'd write a book about it. I'd probably make a million dollars in my book deal. I'd go on all the talk show circuits. Wow....I wonder if....naw, I'll leave that for someone else. While I'm not quite sure what led me erase myself, I can tell you what brought me back. For one, the unconditional love of a baby boy who looked at me with such wonderment that I began to look at MYSELF with wonderment. Who put so much faith in me that I began to have faith in MYSELF. My son has been one of the biggest blessings of my life, and I thank God for him. He brought me back from the land of the half-dead into the land of the living. Once I caught that glimmer of hope from him, there was no stopping me. Like a parched wheat field in a drought that catches a spark...I was off and running like a wildfire.
And something happened along the way. One, I learned self-discipline and perseverance. I began to love others in a way I couldn't before, because I didn't even love myself. When you are leading an unbalanced life, in whatever area it is unbalanced, you spend so much time trying to stay on your feet (self-focused) that you don't have time or energy for anyone but yourself. I was unbalanced in that way. Now I'm not. And I praise God for starting it all. He'll finish it all too.
So now the challenge. For all of you who don't think you deserve a new wardrobe before you get to goal. For all of you who forgot what putting on mascara felt like. For all of you who couldn't find a tube of lipstick under 5 years old if you tried. For all of you who gave up the joys of manicures, or pedicures, or facials, or makeovers, or whatever, years and years ago, listen to me. I marched into the St. Julien Spa weighing 250 lbs a year ago and got a full-body massage. It changed my life. It made me feel worthwhile. Like I was actually somebody.
I challenge all of you to pick something. Just one thing. Be it a manicure, a pedicure, a massage, a new piece of beautiful clothing, a make-over, a new skincare product line purchase, WHATEVER it is that you haven't done for years because you didn't feel worthy. AND GO DO IT. THIS WEEKEND. Report back to me when you've done it and what you did.
Take care, and love yourselves.
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Nothin' cures the TOM blues like a good "Gift With Purchase" at the Lancome Kiosk!
Nothin' no nothin' cures the TOM blues...well you read the title, I don't have to say it again! Lancome is having a gift-with-purchase, it's been going on two weeks which shows you the last time I was at Macy's! =)
So two days ago I was at Sephora, just seeing what they had...always in the market for a good lipstick, ya know. (I didn't used to be this way, I blame it on Medifast....)
So I see they sell Lancome, and I wanted to try the Mousse Foundation they have. Tried it. LOVED IT. Decided I'd hit Macy's today to see if they happened to have a "gift with purchase" because I love those thingies! And they did. In two shades...warm and cool. A whole neat little gift baggie with resolution, lash enhancer, mascara, lipstick, and eyeshadows (4 on a palatte). I got the Mousse Foundation which qualified me for the gift...so I got the warm shades. Fall is comin', ya know. Then I hit up another Macy's for their Double Acting Eye Make-up Remover...had to buy a gloss too because the eye make-up didn't put me over the $28.50 purchase minimum for the gift...and I got the cool palatte too! Gotta love those gift with purchases.
OK! This is a two-bath day. Bub is down for his nap, I just drank my Liter of water, my Lean and Green isn't for another hour, so I'm going for a hot soak. And some Pamprin.
This was just a whimsical blog. Nothin' deep this afternoon. Enjoy!
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Waiting waiting waiting
I am waiting. Waiting for my size 2 Levi's jeans to come in the mail. They were mailed priority on Tuesday. That means they should be here today or tomorrow...right? It's what will keep me on the straight and narrow today. The thought of my goal jeans coming in the mail, and me trying them on. I'm TOM right now, big time. I'm antsy, distracted, irritated, my hubby is going out of town tomorrow for the weekend, and I've been on a plateau, although I've been 100%, for about 5 days now.
Usually during TOM I see a big drop, 3 or 4 pounds. Not so this time, for some reason. So I have to be convinced that I'm losing inches. I THINK I am, but the goal jeans will tell me definitively.
OK, time to feed the boy and go to Costco. Well, they don't open until 10:00 so I'll feed the boy, take a shower, THEN go to Costco.
Have a wonderful ON PLAN day, everyone! (Including me!)
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I never tire of the compliments...because I remember when...
Saw my hubby's boss today. He hasn't seen me in a few months. He told me that I was looking SO good (he wasn't trying to pick me up....my hubby was there too....lol!). Then after I left he told my husband that I was a fox. A FOX!!! Wow! I had to report on that. If you look at my before pictures, I was anything but a fox. A "fox" was actually the farthest adjective anyone would come up with to describe me at that time. Maybe in opposite-world! So, do I tire of the compliments? No. Never. Not once. I will take them all in and treasure them, let them be kindling to stoke the fire of determination.
Because I remember when. I remember when I contemplated ordering a seat belt extender for my Volvo. I lost weight instead. I remember when I couldn't get private health insurance and was a financial risk to my family as a result. I lost weight instead. I remember when I fell in the parking lot of my husband's work while holding my precious baby boy, then being depressed because I couldn't seem to lose weight. I lost weight instead. I remember when the only store's I could go in at the mall in Boulder were Starbucks and Yankee Candle. I lost weight...now I frequent Ann Taylor, White House/Black Market, Levi's, Sephora and M.A.C. (because it is worth it now to wear make-up!). I remember when I'd wear sweatshirts and size 26 W stretch jeans (tight!), because I refused to wear mumu's. Did I ever buy any mumu's? No. I lost weight instead. I remember when salespeople held their breath as I walked by, not wanting to catch what I had (obesity). Do they do that now? No. I lost weight instead. I remember when I couldn't qualify for life insurance. I lost weight instead, and now the life-insurance sales people are calling me every week.
I remember my Mom being concerned about my health...even as she had and has metastatic cancer of the bone...and me knowing that one of her last wishes is to see me thin and healthy. Did I disappoint her? No. I lost weight instead.
What are we waiting for. Tomorrow is today. Don't beat yourself up over previous failed attempts at weight loss. Lose weight instead.
Thursday, August 23, 2007
Aug 16 - Yes, we deserve make-up...and I remember!
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