Sept 28, 2008

An Update on Me and Mine...
I am back. I am back on program and back in control of my life and my health. No one but me can do this. No one. And if I don't do it, it ain't gonna get done.

Short summary for those who don't know me, I lost 136 lbs on MF in 14 months beginning in July of 2006. For reasons I won't go into now, I failed to transition properly, and proceeded to gain 90 of my lbs back. I have just returned from a 6 months stint at the Ronald McDonald House in Palo Alto as my son Julian received a Kidney Transplant at the fine institution of the Lucile Packard Children's Hospital. Let me tell you firstly that Julian is doing wonderfully. He has fully recovered and his new kidney is operating beautifully. Praise God.

The Ronald McDonald House had a community kitchen, but due to Julian's food allergies I couldn't use it. We could not have food in the room, and so he and I ate out alot. Some would say "oh, you could have done the MF program there...why didn't you?" Well, to them I say this: I tried. I started and restarted the wonderful MF program so many times from April to October that my head hurts thinking about it. But Julian's medical needs and the stress of the entire situation were too much for my little brain/emotions to bear, and it was all I could do to get us all fed and his medical needs, meds, etc, taken care of on a hourly and daily basis. Suffice it to say I eventually made the choice that I was going to put off Medifast until I returned to Colorado.

Well, I'm back. My husband and I began the program in earnest yesterday. This will be day two. He has about 40 lbs to lose and I have about 90. This will be an interesting go of it for me, because last time I was absolutely addicted to my scale. I had to see the daily numbers to keep me motivated.

This time I am reaching deep and trying to find a different way to stay motivated. Times are hard for us right now, and we simply can't afford a scale. I had to choose between a scale at Costco and a Healthmate Blender, and I chose the Healthmate blender. If it gets too hard without a scale, I will go and get one, but for now I am trying it without. Julian has weekly doctor visits so I can hop on it when he goes to the pediatrician.

Anyway, I am so glad I took so many pictures when I was losing weight last time, and was at my goal. It helps to motivate me now, to see what I can accomplish when I have the right tools and put my mind to it.

I am excited. I could beat myself up and be deflated and depressed because I gained back quite a bit of my weight. But assessing the situation, I did not gain it ALL back. That in itself is a small victory I can pull out of this, it is one thing I can be proud of to say I had the sense enough to turn myself around before I topped 266 or higher again!

I am going to log my food from yesterday and today, because that helps me too. And Blogging helps, so I will be doing that also. One of the motto that keeps me trying and trying again when I feel like a failure is this: "You could always be bigger". It is so true. No matter how big I think I am now, squeezing into size 18 jeans, I COULD BE and HAVE BEEN bigger. The potential is always there.

Sometimes I would think "aw, this isn't worth it..the struggle, the constant battle with food..I just want to eat what I want when I want". Well, I can do that, but my body has proven that it is not content to stay moderately overweight if I keep eating incorrectly. It just keeps gaining and gaining! And I noticed that the gaining of the weight was very similar to the losing. While losing weight, I'd lose for awhile, then hit a plateau while my body "caught up" and dropped sizes while not losing pounds. It is the same when I gain. I will gain weight, then stabilize on the scale for a bit but my body will inflate...then I will continue gaining...then my body will inflate...then I will continue gaining. It is a horrendous cycle and one I never want to participate in again.

So. Here are my goals: Lose my weight, go back to Graduate School for my Masters in Nutrition (I have my Bachelor's in Nutrition already), become a personal trainer/chef and stay fit by participating in triathalons when I get the chance. Lofty goals. Totally obtainable.

Here I go. Goal-By-Summer: By June I'll be my goal weight of 125 and be actively training for a triathalon I am registered in.

Last time I did the program, I not only met my goal of getting to my goal weight, but I also participated in running a half-marathon, I obtained private health insurance, and was able to get life insurance at the ultra-preferred rate. Prior to losing the weight I could not buy health insurance and I couldn't get life insurance. So I know this program works. And I intend to work the program. End of story. Beginning of story.

Bye for now.