Even When You Don't Feel Like It?

Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it. - Proverbs 4:23
A double minded man is unstable in all his ways. - James 1:8

I believe that what we believe, what we feel, and what we tell ourselves daily matters.

I believe that we need to be careful about what we are feeding our mind, and be careful that we don't become double-minded as regards our program.

What did this mean for me?

It means being intentional about what I "feed" my mind during the day, viewing this journey as a creative process of creating the life I want.  Do I watch "The Food Network" every day?  Do I spend my time on the internet looking at Pinterest "Food Porn"?  No, I don't.  Why?  Because if I do that I risk beginning to desire things of my old life.

Let's take a quick realistic glance at what that old life looked like, just for comparison:

Weight 272, wearing size 26 Women's Stretch Jeans
Walking with a cane because my knees hurt all of the time
Sore aching back, never having a good night sleep because my back hurt all of the time
Plantar fasciitis
Not being able to get up off the floor after playing with my boy by myself, requiring someone to help me or a piece of furniture to lean on
Chest touching the steering wheel
Unable to buckle the safety belt on my Volvo Wagon
BMI approaching 50
The beginnings of neuropathy in my hands and feet (numbing, tingling)
Out of breath walking out to the car in my driveway
My "comfortable" shoes weren't really that comfortable
Was wearing 4XL men's T-shirts and sweat pants with holes in them
Walked around with a scowl
My son called me "Sully" from Monster's Inc

And that was just my PHYSICAL reality.  Let's take a look at my mental reality:
Felt like a failure with a big fat "F" on my forehead
Rarely looked strangers in the eye because I knew their reaction to me would be averting their gaze anyway
Felt like I couldn't walk into a "regular" clothing store even to browse because the salespeople would be asking "what is SHE doing in here?"
Having lost and gained 140 pounds recently, I felt like I had a taste of a new life and then it all disappeared.

So that was my life at 272 pounds, with no hope.  But the day I really decided to do this plan, I began to intentionally turn it around.  I took steps to NOT be double minded (ie...."I'll start tomorrow"....or...."I can tweak this a little bit, what will it matter?"....).

I began to guard what I paid attention to, what I spent my time thinking about.  If it was food-oriented (unhealthy food that wouldn't take me closer to my goal) I took my own thoughts captive and intentionally began to think of something else.

One of my biggest "fat-brain" issues was assuming that whatever thoughts were in my mind could not be changed, that I had to continue to entertain them even take them out to their conclusion.  For example, if the words "Sprinkles Cupcakes" entered my brain from an advertisement or Pinterest, etc, my brain would begin to obsess about Sprinkles Cupcakes until I ate one, and then it would rest.

Well I decided that I was the boss of my brain, not the other way around.  And it has made all the difference.

This morning is just some musings that I was thinking about, because as I went out to QT this morning for my Unsweetened Mango Black Tea (Lipton) I took stock of what my life looks like NOW and was incredibly grateful that because of some incremental improvements, practiced DAILY, I have had stunning results.

NOW, physically:
Salespeople greet me right when I walk in the door of any clothing store
Men hold the door open for me even if I'm only half-way across the parking lot (I'm not bragging, it is just such a difference from what I was used to at 272 pounds!)
I can run 4 miles without stopping
I can do a sprint-distance triathlon
I wear size 4 jeans now, in several brands.  Levi's and White House/Black Market are my favorite
My husband can't tell the difference anymore between MY sweatshirts and my 8-year-old son's sweatshirts
I went from a 44 HH bra to a 34D
AND SO my chest doesn't rest on the steering wheel anymore
I can wear and I love everything in my closet.  If it is too big I got rid of it ages ago because I never plan on wearing things that are too big for me ever again
I think I look pretty good for being 43 years old!  I look and feel better than I did in my late 20's and 30's!

How I feel:
Can I even describe this to you?  No, not really.  Amazing.  Empowered.  Capable.  Strong.  Grateful.   Excited.  Hopeful. 

And everything in between.

So yes, it is worth it to guard your heart, and it is worth it to NOT be double minded as regards this plan, otherwise you will be back and forth, back and forth, like you were being tossed by the waves.

You choose which life you will life.  Your family doesn't, your boss doesn't, your kids don't, the Taco Bell advertisements on the television don't.  YOU do.

Rinse and repeat!