Are We Dealing With Our Addictions or Not?

People ask me "what can you possibly learn about eating right on a portion-controlled meal replacement plan?"

The biggest thing in me that has changed is that I used to make everything about food.  I'd wake up in the morning and wonder, excitedly, "oooooh, what can I eat this morning that will be yummy?"

Then I'd get bored and think "ooooooh, what I can eat for entertainment that will be yummy?" 

Then I'd get stressed and think "ooooooh, what can I eat for comfort that will be yummy?"

Then I'd get sad and think "oooooh, what can I eat to cheer me up that will be yummy?"

TSFL and working through the Habits of Health taught me (the SECOND time I lost the weight) that food is not supposed to be used to pacify my emotions.  Food is not supposed to be used for entertainment, for comfort, for loneliness, to cheer me up, to calm me down, or any of that.

It was THAT improper place I had given food in MY life which led to me weighing over 270 pounds to begin with.  And if I went through my entire program without UNLEARNING that, then I would have the same overall results as I had always had in the past, which is, gaining all of it back.

I decided that to BE different I had to DO differently.  So I set about on a quest to detach emotionally from food.  I grieved.  Sure I did.  I went through the 5 stages of grief:  Denial, Anger, Bargaining, and Depression until I finally hit Acceptance.

What did I accept?  I accepted that my body was never going to process extra calories/carbs etc in ANY other way than to store them as fat.  Again and again.  And I could not change that fact, so I accepted that fact and began learning my individual limitations while practicing contentment.

I am at a place in my life where I have accepted my "boundaries".  I actually rejoice somewhat in the simplicity of it all.  And I also know when I am coming perilously close to jumping over my boundary fence and enjoying grass that isn't my own.....

I'll tell you what my warning signs are that I'm working myself OUT of acceptance and contentnment and BACK IN to holding food and flavor up as Idols.

When I'm more concerned with making something yummy nummy oh-so-good at the expense of the best possible nutrition/plan for me that day.  When I start salivating over the possibilities for my Medifast brownie.....ooooohhh, I could put a few extra chocolate chips in there, and then spread cream cheese and splenda over the top.....oooooohhhh....that sounds so good.......

Once I start making decisions based on how GOOOOOD something is going to taste, once I start sacrificing simplicity for flavor I reawaken certain appetities and passions that I have purposefully allowed to lay dormant.  Once I do that I begin to feel the familiar pull of what I call "fat-brain".

When I develop "fat-brain" I am in food-seeking mode.  Every once in awhile I sense "fat-brain" coming on, let's say if I'm looking at food pictures on pinterest and then have a sudden urge to go to the store and get some ingredients to make something.....

If I act on that desire, that urge, I am feeding that urge.  It will get stronger.  I will go down that road.  And I know where that road leads.  Back to my fat pants.  Back to my size 26 Women's Stretch "Just My Size" Jeans.  And I prefer the size 2 White House Black Market jeans I just pulled on yesterday.  Yes indeed, I do.

So what do I do?  I keep it simple.  I keep it clean.  I don't go searching for cheesy-tomatoey-yummy lean and greens.  I don't need them.  Do you know why?  Because I have chosen NOT to fill some emotional need for comfort food with food.  I have chosen to break that addiction, to use food for fuel. 

Does it make life boring?  Heck no!  I want to use entertainment for entertainment.  I want to use actual human comfort for comfort.  I want to use relaxation techniques for stress.  I feel like my life and its possibilities have been expanded, not limited. 

So what do YOU use for entertainment?  For comfort?  For relaxation?  If it involves making a yummy nummy cream cheese laced choc chip enhanced brownie to fill that need, or getting a taste explosion of a cheesy-tomatoey lean and green TO FILL THAT NEED, then I recommend you re-examine how you are treating food.  You may be losing (some) weight, but are you dealing with your addiction?