Shallow Hal Mindset Regarding Food...

I was reading a post by someone who said that they are starting to see food in a different way...instead of seeing the cake for the yumminess they perceive when looking at the cake as a whole, they are starting to be able to break it down into it's non-nutritional components, and make the decision based on that.

That is a Shallow Hall mindset. It is seeing what is inside, instead of what it outside. Shallow Hall could only see what was on the outside regarding women, until he had an epiphany with a motivational speaker. He was "brainwashed" to view women on the outside as they are on the inside. Thus, some "pretty" women all of a sudden looked "ugly" to him, and some "ugly" women who had wonderful hearts all of a sudden looked "gorgous" to him.

When we do that to food, it allows us to separate the good from the bad, and then we don't even want the bad anymore. No matter what pretty bows they tie on them...no matter what color the frosting. It's still white flour, sugar, butter. Absolutely nothing we want to be putting into our mouths. That's it for now.

Take care!

I'm a Runnin' Fool!

I never ever thought I would be able to say that. But I am a running fool. I have been doing the "Couch Potato to 5K in 9 Weeks" running program podcasts, and they have been absolutely wonderful! Big thanks and kudos to the guy who put those together! So, I'm on week 8 right now, and I've actually skipped to doing the running in week 9, although I'm not skipping week 9. I'll do the same regimen for week 9. The normal regimen for week 9 is to run for 30 minutes. In this guys' stride, 30 minutes is about 3 miles or 5K. Not in my stride. In my stride, it takes 40 minutes for me to do 5K. I know, because I did 5K last night. I can't believe it, I ran 3 miles. Me. Without stopping! I entered my first 5K in about 25 years yesterday! I registered for the "Canine Classic" which is a 5K and 10K...I'm doing the 5K bit...around Boulder Reservoir just outside Boulder Colorado. I live about 20 minutes from the 5K starting site, so should be great!

This 5K is a "qualifier" for the Bolder Boulder 10K at the end of May. I'm actually thinking of doing it! That's like 6.2 miles! It's about 1/4 marathon! I'm so stoked. My body is really changing now that I've stepped up the running. I've decided that 3 miles is going to be my normal regimen 2X a week, and then for the 3rd run it will be a longer one. This week I'm going to do 3 miles (yesterday) 3 miles tomorrow, and 4 miles on Saturday. FOUR MILES! Let's see if I can do it!

Ok, got to get my little man down for his nap...have a good day, all!

100.5 lbs gone forever

One Hundred and a Half pounds GONE.

I have succeeded in losing 100 lbs. I have become one of the few, the proud, the people who "did it", with "it" being one of the hardest things in the world to do. I know. I've tried "it" before. I've dieted and beaten myself up and lost heart and felt guilty. I've felt downtrodden and hopeless and worthless and scared and depressed.

But this, this accomplishment is empowering. I have done it. I give God the credit for supplying the actual strength, and I give me the credit for choosing to do what is right. Again, it's His part and My part. He's been more faithful than I have! I've eaten off program 8 times in the last 8 months. But each time I would keep getting back on, and re-committ the very next day. About 3 of my 8 "cheats" were blatently off-program meals. But 5 of them were just having extra of what we were allowed...an extra snack, 5 extra snacks, an extra bar, 2 extra bars.

So, I'm off to get my next and last 48 lbs off. I'm 2/3 of the way to my goal. Amen!

Ninety-Nine and One Half

I am so close I can actually taste it. Whatever "it" tastes like...I'm not sure. But I am down 99.5 lbs and lovin' life.

I have to re-iterate here, that I share the credit for this accomplishment with God. I believe there is a His part and a my part. My part is to make the decision to choose the correct option when it comes to my health and my food choices. His part is to back up my choice with His supernatural strength to see the choice through.

But if I don't choose what is right, God's strength and power is not available to me to get me through the temptation. And I seem to throw myself head-long into wrong choices every once in awhile. My weight loss suffers for those wrong choices. But on average I have done very well. If I lose 1/2 lb in 3 more days, I will have lost 100 lbs in 8 months. That is so wonderful and so mind-boggling to me. But I do thank the Lord for His strength. I asked Him to help me, and He did it. Yay God. Yay me for making right choices.

Have a great day, y'all!

99 Pounds of Fat off my Bod!

"99 pounds of fat off my bod, 99 pounds of fat!
I take them off, let them scoff! 99 pounds of fat off my bod!

Yes, people, (or just me if I'm the only one who reads this!) I am One Pound away from having lost 100 lbs! If I can do it by next Tuesday I will have lost 100 lbs in 8 months. I feel good, no, I feel GREAT! One of the most suprising things is that my feet have lost almost a full shoe size! At my heaviest I was starting to buy 7.5 shoes. I just thought my feet had changed since getting pregnant, etc. I heart somewhere they do that. But I think they do that because of the extra weight people gain and then don't take off. Now I'm fitting into size 6.5, and not just in sandals and open heeled shoes. I'm talkin' boots. Nice, mid-calf boots that I've gotten off of Ebay. I never though I'd wear boots again. Not because of my feet, because if that were the case I could've always bought a larger size. No. Because of my calves! I could never zip up the boots. Never! It wasn't happening! So I just gave up on boots.

I just got a pair of Coach rust colored suede boots from ebay for about $40.00. I wore them yesterday and they are great! I'm so excited.

Ok, other than the boots, I noticed today that my body actually has a "womanly" sillouette again, when facing full front. Can you imagine? I could not have imagined it last summer. I was carrying 396 sticks of butter around that I don't have now. But looking in the mirror today, I was seeing a sillouete, where my waist actually goes in in the right places! Crazy, but true.

This week I have cut out the bars and snacks, really watched my half & half consumption (I can't live without my half & half, I'm so glad it's allowed in moderation!) and gotten all my water in. I've also been exercising, and having a shake for at least 2-3 of my meals. And it's working. Yay!

My son has a "psychological evaluation" at Children's Hospital this morning, which is one of the last pieces in the puzzle of getting him listed on the transplant recipient list. He is so sweet. We went up to Estes Park yesterday (a mere 25 minute drive....I LOVE living here!) and walked along the river outside of Starbucks. Then I had lunch with some friends at the Egg and I, I had a Vegetable Frittata with no cheese. It was quite good, and quite filling. I've got a few more "dinner dates" in the next two weeks, and I am determined to make wonderful choices. I'm sure I can do it! I'm going to Chili's on the 2nd, and I'll have a chicken salad, dressing on the side, no cheese or croutons. Then I'm going to the Med on Thursday April 5th, and I'll have a Salmon Salad, no nuts or cheese, dressing on the side. The portions are usually pretty good, I just have to be careful of any extras...oh yes, they also put potatoes on the salmon salad...I'll have them leave those off also. I should be fine.

Then my whole little precious family is going to Phoenix for Easter, it may be the last Easter I spend with my mom. She just isn't doing well. We'll all fly out on Friday, then my hubby will come home on Sunday and I'll stay with Julian until the following Saturday. Should be a good visit. Julian absolutely loves his cousins. And they love him.

Ok, have to sign off now, must feed the little man and get him dressed (and myself too!) to go.

Have a good weekend, all!

Thursday, March 22nd

Yay! I'm back out of the 170's and back into the 160's! 160 1/4 to be exact. (And, if I'm anything, I'm accurate! It's part of my nature and temperment). That puts me just at the overweight category! For the first time in 13 years. I'm so thrilled, and that is an understatement. I finally just decided to cut out all bars and snacks, and have shakes for 2-3 of my meals. That, and I resumed my running. I had taken a 1 week bread from running while my parents were here, and it really affected my mindset! What I found it did is increase my anxiety even more. I need that exercise fix, both for the physical reasons of the endorphins as well as the psychological component which assures me I'm doing everything I can do to lose weight and get healthy.

I am getting comliments left and right from people I haven't seen in awhile, like Julian's Pediatrician yesterday. I am so close to having lost 100 lbs that I just round up now. It's technically 97 1/2 lbs, but to say "Ninety-Seven-and-a-half Pounds" sounds like I'm a little too focused on the numbers. And I am, sure, but they don't need to know that! Ha!

Things this week have continued on the stress-level they were, but I'm coping with runs and long baths and quiet times in my Bible. Turns out the Kidney Dr. is still talking Dialysis for Julian, and since Dave is not a match we may need to go ahead and get that going. My uncle is still being tested, so we will see if that all works out or not. My Mom was admitted yesterday to a hospital in Tucson, to be close to her Cancer Doctor, because she is having some difficulties in her health we believe related to either the Chemo, the Radiation she received, or ultimately the Cancer. I don't know the prognosis yet, my Dad has yet to call.

Julian has oral surgery on Monday to fill 4 cavities down at Children's Hospital, and that cost us close to $1,000 that we didn't have, so that is stressing me out! If only I could channel this stress-energy into housecleaning! (Instead of impulsive shoe-buying on E-bay!) After all, we didn't have the $1,000 for the dental work, and I have a complete disconnect with that and buying shoes on e-bay. Something not right there....a topic I'll explore with my counsellor on Friday.

I am encouraged that I actually have several "lunch/dinner" dates with girlfriends. I have about 6 ladies within about a 45 minute radius who I try to get together with every once in awhile. I'm not really a phone person, I'm much more relaxed in person...I always feel like I'm intruding when I call someone...it's like popping over unannounced, y'know? But finally our schedules have meshed and I have something on the calendar with 3 of them. Today, lunch in Estes, a week from Monday dinner at Chilis, and a week from Thursday dinner at the Med in Boulder. Yay! (Thanks for worrying about me, Anita, I am an introvert by nature and I'm ok!!!)

My husband is very pleased with my progress on MF. I am smaller than I have been in 13 years, and we've been married for 15 years! So in a few months, 4-5, I'll be at my wedding weight. 122. I have my wedding dress in my closet, and it would be awesome to fit in it again! I never thought it would be possible. Never in my wildest dreams.

Oh, a super fun story from a few days ago...I went into the garage for something, and saw my two "wardrobe boxes" filled with clothes I have been dragging around since I got married....Some of them are actually in style again, and best of all most of them fit! So I brought about 15 garments in from the garage, washed the ones that needed washing, and brought them in. Thankfully we have lived in dry climates (Arizona and Colorado) so they aren't moldy or mildewy (ie ruined) and they aren't moth-eaten! I even have a black pair of jeans I had in college, and never EVER thought I'd get into again. I can't wait to try them on in 10-20 lbs down the road.

I remember an outing that one of my friends went on a couple years ago, it was a group of about 8 women who got together and had a night on the town in their wedding dresses. I saw the pictures from that night, and they all looked beautiful. I remember feeling a deep sense of sadness because I wasn't even considered to be invited to that outing. A deep sense of sadness directed at myself. I couldn't have gone even if I was invited, but I probably wasn't invited because it was assumed I couldn't fit into my old wedding dress. I remember an intense longing to be able to wear it again! To be beautiful again. To use a familiar analogy, I've felt like this glorious swan locked inside an ugly duckling body for so many years, I almost forgot I was a swan. But deep down I knew, and it only made me depressed and mad at the world and extremely bitter because I couldn't turn myself back into the swan. Well, I couldn't, but God can! He is backing up my decisions with the strength to follow through.

I really feel like I'm learning some self-control AND some perseverance. It's a long road, and it doesn't only apply to food and exercise...that is definately a start, but it's not IT. I also have to translate this self-control and perseverance into the area of finances and housecleaning. Once I'm able to do that, I will have turned myself, with God's help, into the vision of who I wanted to be. It seems insurmountable, but so is losing 100 lbs and I've just about done that!

Well, that's it for now. Julian's Physical Therapist will be here in a few minutes and I don't want the place looking like a bomb has gone off! Social pressure gets me motivated every time!

Folks gone

My folks are gone, it is Sunday, and life is movin' along. I had two really good days of dieting after Thursday night's debauchery, and I am slowly losing the 4 lbs I had gained. I took my folks/niece to the airport yesterday, and it was all I could do to keep myself from having a Vodka shot when I got home, to help me decompress. My wonderful friends talked me off the ledge, and I'm grateful to them.

I've never been an alcoholic, but drinking is really an old coping mechanism of mine. I am a new person with this weight loss, and my habits need to change if I am to succeed in getting to my goal and keeping it off for a lifetime. So. Drinking was an OLD coping mechanism, a coping mechanism that helped get me to 266 1/2 lbs to begin with. I don't do that anymore. I used to be able to down 2 bottles of Mike's Hard Lemonade lickety split, and then I was good for the night. It took the edge off, y'know? There is no distraction like alcohol. Well, I guess Thursday night I dove off back into that coping mechanism which altered my judgement for the rest of the night. You know what I learned? The biggest thing I remember, and I think I blogged this during my last entry...is that I like Medifast Chocolate Pudding better than Mint Chocolate Chip Ice Cream. I know. Crazy. My tastes have actually changed! I am so happy.

So, turned a positive out of a negative, and used the opportunity to yet learn something else about myself. And another thing I learned is that my body will ALWAYS be prone to gaining weight. ALWAYS. I'll have to be vigilant my WHOLE LIFE. I could be bitter about that, or "poor me" -ish, but what would that accomplish? NOTHING! NADA! So, I move on.

Today I ran again. I took a 1 week break from running while my folks were here, but I am back full force now. I am in week 7 of the "couch potato to 5K in 9 weeks" program. It's great...I was supposed to run for 25 minutes today, but I ran for 28. I skipped ahead to see what week 8 was going to have in store for me, and learned that there are 3 runs of 28 minutes each for week 8. So, I think I wanted to prove to myself early on that I could do it so as to minimize the anxiety I feel this week in preparation of next week. I know, I'm a freak. But it felt good. The best thing about Daylight Savings Time coming early is the fact that it is so light so late now. Duh, that's why they did it. But what it means for me is that I get to run after Dave gets home now during the WEEK, and I don't have to do three runs in three days Friday-Sunday anymore. I can actually take a day off (atleast) in between runs. That will be great, will let my body recover more.

Well, that's it for now. Time to go take a hot bubbly bath.