How Can I Be So Sure I Won't Gain it Back?

Having "done Medifast" twice since 2006, one time gaining all 140 pounds back, and the second time maintaining for 18+ months, I feel like I can write down a few thoughts about how I can be so sure I won't gain it back.

Because, you see, I AM.  SO SURE.  I WILL NEVER.  GAIN IT BACK.  AGAIN.

The first time I did the plan, I was "doing a diet".  I was holding my breath.  Sure, I would have told you "I got this longterm!" but I was PETRIFIED inside that the moment I hit my "goal weight" that I would "do what I had always done" in the past, and start gaining it back.

I was petrified.  I was fearful.  I felt a sense of panic when I would think about "getting to goal".  I would scour and devour any advice I could on the topic, always thinking "yeah, that is fine for them, but what about me?"

My whole life I had never EVER been able to sustain and maintain any weight loss for more than a few months.  So what would be different THIS time? 

Well, the first time I "did Medifast" in 06/07 I see now that NOTHING was different.  I did not develop a fit and healthy mind in the process of "dieting".  I just put my nose to the grindstone, lifted the burden of following a plan, and had dreams of the day I would be "done with this thing".  And I was a great little dieter, believe you me.   If you go back on my blogs www.goalbysummer.blogspot.com to the early years, you will see how much muscle and passion and spit and fire and "just follow the plan already!" ideas I had.  I knew exactly how to follow the plan "100%" and I had very little compassion on those who couldn't seem to do that.  Because I could.  I was a perfectionist too.  All or nothing mindset.  So of course, I had to be "ON" all of the time, on task on purpose on fire on plan and I ran my little self all ragged and probably was one of the most DISLIKED person around ha ha because I was Miss Dieter.  Miss Expert.  You could almost say that my whole life I had always been the MOST SUCCESSFUL at LOSING WEIGHT.  I was a Professional Dieter and I was GOOD at it.

That MAY be part of the reason I had to gain it all back again, so I could once again feel successful losing it again, but that is probably a conversation for another day LOL.

To paraphrase Dr. A (in his book Dr. A's Habits of Health), I was stuck in an Oscillating Pattern of lose-gain-repent-repeat where my sole motivation for change was "I don't want to be fat anymore".  I was very focused on what I DIDN'T want, what I wanted OUT OF MY LIFE FOREVER.  I had gobs and gobs of negative goals.  (Things you want OUT of your life as result of your actions). 

I was stuck seeing food as the enemy, and my desire for it as "bad" (a moral choice).  When I was "off plan" I was "bad" and when I was "on plan" I was "good". 

I viewed my power to resist temptations as the all-important factor in my success.  And I viewed any lapse or fall as a failure, and consequently I viewed MYSELF as a failure when it would occur.  This is characteristic of a "diet" mentality.  I saw oozy cheezy yummy gooey decadent food as desirable but something I "couldn't" have.  One big deprivation.  Diet focused.  Food-centric.  Holding my breath.  But the one over-riding emotion was FEAR.

FEAR that I would wake up and all of my progress would be erased almost overnight.  FEAR that I couldn't safely give away all my bigger clothes because I'd probably have to pull them out again some day.  FEAR that I ultimately didn't have what it took to be successful in this area of my life.  FEAR that this time would be just like all the other times.  FEAR FEAR FEAR.

That was in 06/07. 

And I DID gain all my weight back.

Fast forward.  Now that I've painted you a picture of what was going through my mind the FIRST time I "did Medifast", I want to paint a very different picture for you.  I want to tell you how my journey in 2010-to-present feels. 

In July 2010 I made the command decision to pursue Optimal Health.  Notice, I didn't say "go on Medifast again". 

I knew that the definition of insanity is doing something over and over and expecting different results.  So, I was NOT going to do something over.  I was going to CREATE SOMETHING ENTIRELY NEW in my life.

Health.

Optimal Health.

Ultra Health.

Have I lost you?  I hope I haven't, because this is really SO key to understand. 

IF you make the DECISION to remain FOOD-CENTRIC and DIET-CENTRIC you will likely continue on in FEAR that you are going to gain everything back.

IF you make the DECISION to NOT BE ON A DIET and instead to use the Medifast 5&1 Plan as a tool to ATTAIN optimal health, IF you read and ADOPT DAILY Dr. A's Habits of Health, if you find supportive people who you can be accountable to in your journey in a community or one-on-one, if you DO THESE THINGS, then your journey, like mine, will be a hopeful one.

HOPE.  ANTICIPATION.  DESIRE to bring good things IN to my life.

See the difference?  This time my journey has a hallmark of HOPE.

Not shame, guilt, dread, deprivation, failure, all-or-nothing mindset, yummy nummy food that I can't have, etc etc etc.

Instead, I can describe this most recent journey as one of hope, optimism, the desire to create health in my own life, the desire to be my absolute best self that I can be, forgiveness, understanding, grace, self-love and acceptance, deciding who I want to BE and then doing what I need to DO in order to BE that person, getting up when I stumble, orienting myself towards health, adopting Habits of Health that I can practice daily and consistently over time to produce STUNNING results, staying accountable to those who care about my progress and want to see me succeed, etc etc etc.

And I know in my GUT and every other part of me that this is a permanent change.  I am not biting my fingernails waiting for the hammer to drop.  I have changed my mind.  And that was the hardest thing to change, but once I committed and surrendered to the process it wasn't hard anymore.  Seriously. 

Some things I DID change externally to help me make this change was:

*Turned off Food Network and Cooking Channel PERMANENTLY (we actually canceled our cable altogether).
*Stopped hanging out with the people who were not helpful to my journey.  Yes, some relationships did change, and some discontinued entirely because studies have shown that we tend to adopt the mindset and behaviors of the 5 people we spend the most time with.
*Said no to the "good" to say yes to the "great".  Meaning I raised my bar of expectations on myself.  I expected to stay on plan.  I didn't settle for "good enough", I began weighing my cooked proteins and counting my condiments because those are the things that would get me where I wanted to go, to optimal health.
*Read Dr. A's Habits of Health thoughtfully and intentionally every single day.
*Found one-on-one accountability through Take Shape For Life
*Stopped buying the "junk" for my house. 
*Bought a journal where I could begin to write out my POSITIVE goals, which were the awesome and good things I wanted to bring IN TO my life as a result of the process of getting healthy.

These are just some practical things that you can do to ready yourself to begin developing a fit and healthy mind.  Your action steps will look different than mine.  The doing is up to you.  A fit and healthy mind doesn't just "appear" the morning you hit your "goal weight" you must develop it intentionally over time like a muscle.

It will rock your world if you commit to making these changes.  Even if you have been in a "diet" mentality so far in your plan, you CAN begin to change over to being oriented towards health instead of viewing this as a "diet".  It is NEVER too late to become the person we 'might have' been!

Question is, are you ready?

Rinse and Repeat!

What About All The Processed Stuff? I'm Worried About Processed Foods....

If I had a nickel for every time I heard this, I'd be a rich woman with a lot of nickels.

So, I decided to put an end once and for all to the question "But what about all the processed stuff?  I'm worried about that, and I'm worried that this plan won't teach me how to eat healthy...."

Here is a picture of my average weekly intake while on plan getting healthy and burning fat:

Here is a picture of what, per Time Magazine, the average American family of 4 eats in a week.  Pretend there is 1/4th of what is pictured to account for an individual's intake on the average American diet, but pay attention to the TYPES of foods:

Need I say more?

YES, the portion-controlled meal replacements I utilize for this plan are, in fact, processed.  But the ingredients are healthy.  Yes they are processed in to "bars" (and other things, oatmeal, soup, shakes, pudding, brownies, smoothies, pretzels, puffs).  But I can tell you, when it gets into your stomach and your intestines, it pretty much all looks the same, but HEALTHY.  And the purpose it serves is to allow you to CREATE HEALTH in your own life.

I can tell you true that until I was 41 years old I did not truly understand the vital role that glycemic index, portion control, healthy movement, lean proteins, and vegetables in particular needed to play in my health and in my life.  Now look at what I eat in 1 week.  I doubt I ate this many vegetables in a MONTH!  And the lean white fish of Mahi-Mahi and Ono?  Fantastic sources of lean protein.  Olive oil?  Wonderful healthy fat.  Balsamic vinegar?  Great flavor enhancer.

Garlic?  Ginger?  Can't beat them for the phytochemicals and nutrients they pack in a very small amount.

So, if you ask me "what about all the processed foods?" I very well may send you a link to this blog.  If you have any other questions that pertain to your attaining the absolute best health that it is within your power to attain, ask me another question, like "How soon can I begin?"

I can honestly say that Dr. A and this plan taught me MORE about how to attain and maintain a healthy weight than 41 years of government public service announcements, food guide pyramids that were ever changing, and a 4-year Bachelor of Science in Human Nutrition ever taught me.

Don't tell my Dad.  He paid for my college.  Thanks Dad!  =)

Rinse and Repeat!

Meeting.....ME.

You know how you get that tacky question every once in awhile, during mixers at parties, or get-to-know-ya meet-and-greets, the question of "If you could meet anyone living or who has ever lived, who would it be?"

Yeah.  That one.  I was thinking about that this morning as my alarm went off at 4:30 am and I dragged myself out of bed to grope around in the dark for my running shoes.

No, I wasn't actually thinking of that at that time, what I was really thinking is "Good Gosh it's early.  Again.  Will I ever get used to this?  Will it every be easy to get up at 4:30?  Wait, why AM I getting up at 4:30?  I could easily sleep in another hour and no one would care.  What, am I crazy?  Am I actually a crazy person?  OK enough, get the shoes on and get out the door get the shoes on and get out the door...."

Conversations with myself at 4:30 am do, in fact, go something like that.

But it was around the time I was completing lap 2 of my trail run, with the sun peeking through the clouds casting Gods-Rays over the dewey Arizona morning desert, it was in THAT moment of inspiration that I began thinking about that question.

Well, firstly I'd love to meet Henry Cavill.  The dedication that actor has to mastering his craft, to doing whatever it takes WITHOUT the complaining bit (unlike me in my personal conversations with myself), him getting up at 3:00 am so that he could work out to look right in the Superman Suit for the 15-hour work day ahead of him, his notorious reputation for arriving on set at 5:00 am and being the last one to leave at night to get up and start it all again the next day.  Yes, I'd like to shake his hand and thank him for being an inspiration.

And then I got to thinking, that a few years ago I had a deep desire to meet......ME.

You see, I knew that I was in there, encased in that fat suit. 

I knew that there was a whole LIFE that I was NOT living, a LIFE that was meant for ME in particular to LIVE, and I WASN'T DOING IT.  I was NOT the ME I wanted to be.....yet.

I knew that I had to potential within my soul, spirit, and mind, to rise above any perceived limitations and to become the person I 'might have' been.  I had lots of God-given potential that frankly, I was squandering by not being a good steward of this AWESOME gift He gave me, my life, my body.

I.

KNEW.

IT.

And I deeply desired it.  You see, I'd been a stranger to myself for so long.  I had a fat suit which I had worn for most of my adult life which I felt like an ALIEN inside.  I felt so INauthentic as a morbidly obese person.  And every day, looking in the mirror, I struggled with that disappointment that there was MY LIFE out there and that I had not yet STEPPED INTO IT.

I felt a sense of urgency.  I felt a sense of resolve. 

And finally, the reasons why I "couldn't" do it disappeared, because I ignored them.  Don't tell me I can't have MY life.  Don't tell me I can't be FULLY and AUTHENTICALLY ME.

Because I will prove you wrong.

The funny thing is, that it was ME telling me that I couldn't do it.  For all of those years living trapped in my fat suit, my BMI of over 48 body, I actually listened to that part of me which told me that lie.

Until I woke up.  And I realized that time is ticking.  If I'm not prepared to live MY life, then who will?  No one.  That, my friends, would have been tragic. 

So I am very happy to say that in the last 3 years I am meeting ME.

The ME I always knew I could be. 

How did that manifest itself today?  I decided to be my own hero.  I picked something that yesterday I would have said I probably couldn't do.  And I did it. 

It was lap 2 of my trail run.  And it really gave me pause, what if we could show up for ourselves a little MORE every day?  What if we could STOP those voices that say "you can't" and instead dig deep and listen to that deep deep inner voice whispering "but you CAN".

How will YOU show up for yourself today?  Will you pass on that second cup of coffee with cream because you already used your condiments on the first cup?

WIN!

Will you take the stairs to the 3rd floor at work instead of taking the elevator?  Who cares if you've never done it before!  You can do it NOW!

WIN!

Will you eat your meals on time and on schedule and weigh your cooked protein? 

WIN!

Will you empty that FIRST box in the garage, giving away what you don't need anymore to Goodwill, and throwing out what is trash?

WIN!

Will you go through your closet and give away all your clothes that are even a LITTLE BIT too big for you because no way you are EVER going back there? 

WIN!

Will you set the alarm for 1/2 hour earlier tomorrow so you can take a 20 minutes walk around the block?

WIN!

Will you stay OUT of the kitchen after your last Medifast Meal tonight, just turn out the light and go to sleep?

WIN!

Will you pour out the bottle of wine that you opened last night because you are still on the 5&1 and wine isn't encouraged until maintenance?

WIN!

Nice to meet you.

Rinse and Repeat!

Rejoicing in my limitations, blessing my reins

What the what kind of cryptic title is THAT? 

OK, today's blog really came to me a few days ago as I was having my quiet time, but I needed to really mull things over before I put my thoughts down on paper.  You know when you stumble over something that is kind of epic, and it's ramifications in your life are so great that you just want to get it right before you write it down? 

Well, the last few days have been me trying to get it right.

I still don't know if I have it right, but here goes!

The verse I read was:
Psalms 15:5-7:
The Lord is the portion of my inheritance and of my
cup: it is thou that wilt restore my inheritance to me. The lines are fallen unto me in goodly places: for my inheritance is goodly to me. I will bless the Lord, who hath given me understanding: moreover, my reins also have corrected me even till night.
The context of this verse, when they are talking about "lines" are the boundary lines of a pasture.  It is talking as though whomever is saying it is a horse, or an oxen, or the like, who is in a pasture and who is content with the boundaries of the pasture.  In the last sentence, the horse or oxen is even grateful for the reins of instruction, the reins imposed upon it by a loving Master who is guiding it with reins.

So, what does this mean to me? 

Well, lots, actually.

How many times in my past have I been ungrateful for the body that was given to me as a gift?  This body which processes every extra calorie by turning it into fat and laying it down in my fat cells?  How many times in the past have I lamented that I can't be like so-and-so who doesn't have the physical limitations that I seem to have in what I can eat or can't eat?

What I have learned in this last 3 years, through the process of changing my wants, through the process of reading Dr. A's Habits of Health and adopting them incrementally because of all the awesome things those habits would bring INTO my life (instead of viewing it as one big deprivation/diet type thing), is that my body and the caloric limitations that exist upon it ARE my boundary lines.  They ARE the lines of my pasture.  And I needed to learn contentment, even a sense of thankfulness FOR them, not RESENT and DEPLORE them.

Whew!  What?  A grateful, peaceful, thankful heart for my physical limitations?  For this body that until I figured out how to change my mind about this process (thank you Dr. A!) was like a curse to me?  Was a source of supreme unhappiness and sorrow?

Yes.  In a word, yes.

I view this lifestyle, my new normal, my caloric limitations, my choice to live WITHIN those limitations and still have an abundant, full, happy, joyful, peaceful, fruitful life, as me living out that verse.

I am not staring at the neighboring pasture's grass, and pining for it because it looks a little greener.  No.  I have my OWN grass and it is MY grass WITHIN the boundaries of my pasture.  And I am thankful for it.  My reins of instruction are the self-discipline, the self-management so to speak, that I have HAD to develop if I wanted to live the life I desired within the limitations of my pasture boundaries.

Or, conversely, I could always continue ramming my head against the stone boundary wall, mad that I couldn't have the greener grass in the adjacent pasture.  No, I chose not to do that. 

So, I thank God for my pasture.  I thank God for my grass.  I thank God for the lines of my pasture, and I will be content within them.  AND live the optimally healthy life that I choose to live. 

Whew.  I hope I got that right.  It makes sense to me, anyway! 

Rinse and Repeat!

Et tu, Frutas?

Saw a very interesting article in the August edition of National Geographic, which I do not have a subscription to but thought the cover story so intriguing that I bought a copy of the shelf at Costco yesterday.

On the cover is a cupcake.  The headline to the cover picture says "SUGAR:  Why we can't resist it"

The premise of the article is that our bodies have been designed to get by on very, very little fructose as a way that we survived 10,000 years ago.   However, with the refining of the sugar production process, and the manufacture of ever cheaper sugar which spread throughout the globe for the last 1000 years, and the fact that sugar hits our brain (always has) in the pleasure center similar to cocaine or heroine would, that it is a highly addictive substance.

So I submit to you, why in the world do we even ask the question "why am I addicted to sugar?"  It is biological.  There is no deep dark reason that we need to spend thousands of dollars on a therapy couch to try to dig up so that we THEN can do something about it.

It's a drug.  We're all addicted to some degree.  Those who practice self control and moderation who can say "no" to it have the same things going on in their brains when they eat it, but they don't allow it to dictate to THEM what their quality and length of life is allowed to be.

Those of us who end up in a situation where we need Medifast/TSFL likely got there, in part, because we had not developed the same restraint....yet.

So for me, what does this mean?  That I can forget about the "why" of why I am always drawn to "yummy food", and continue developing strategies of behavior modification which allow me to live the life I determine to live.  A vibrant life of health, activity, and peace with the process.  I have had to LEARN contentment (it is learned, as I discover, it is not given or handed out on a Sunday in Sunday school, I had to learn it the hard way, intentionally, and mindfully) in adjusting my behavior to my limitations physically, NOT pining away or complaining about the fact that I HAVE these physical limitations on what type of food, how often, or in what quantity I can eat.

Let's face it, as far as I'm concerned, when Eve was in the garden, what was her temptation?  A piece of yummy fruit.  Am I going to question WHY I want the yummy fruit?  NO.  I want it.  Of course.  So did she.  And she had a choice whether to eat it or not.  She failed to "Stop Challenge and Choose" and instead substituted her own judgment for that of "the plan" LOL I love this analogy!  =)

And look where it got her? 

So let me ask you, will you choose the yummy fruit?  Or will you choose health?  Will you choose the yummy sugar that hits your brain like cocaine and gets you temporary happiness but longterm misery?  Or will you choose to create vibrant health in your life?  Because it really is up to you.  And it is up to what you DECIDE to do TODAY.

Rinse and Repeat!

Cleaning out my closet....AGAIN!

After losing 20 pounds in 2 months over May and June, I find myself back in my closet to do the big purge once again!  I want to encourage ANYONE who has been waffling on the plan trying to get that "last 10 or 20" pounds off to be in the midrange of a healthy BMI to just DO it.  It is SO worth it, and the changes I have seen in my body are downright exciting.

I have officially lost half of me now, starting at 272 I am down to 136.  And size-wise, up until a few months ago I had already given away all of my clothing that I had which was a size 26 Women's and down to about an 8, since I was comfortably in a size 4 in some things and up to a size 8 in other things (like dresses).

Well, no more.  The size 8 dresses are swimming on me, in fact I had a wardrobe malfunction at the convention when I realized that the fun and flirty print dress that had fit me like a glove in April was SO loose that it pretty much showed the entire world what color bra I was wearing!  Yes, pink.  I HATE it when that happens!  So, that dress is the first on the giveaway pile, and since losing that "last 20" I am now in to my size 2 dresses, and my size 2 jeans.  My 6's and my 8's in dresses are all going to Goodwill, and some of my size 4 jeans are just too big now.

I am still in awe of this program, and in awe of what it has allowed me to do in my own life to transform EVERYTHING, because it is NOT about "sizes" and "pounds".  It IS about lightening my burden, inside and out, and that has even extended to my house.  I am no longer a closet hoarder.  My garage is clean, we can actually park VEHICLES in there.

My closets are organized and tidy.  I don't have more dishware than I need, more tupperware containers than I need, more small kitchen appliances than I need or use!  I am achieving balance in every area of my life and it feels GOOD!  And attaining and maintaining a healthy weight was the catalyst for it ALL.

Here is the testimony of a fellow coach that I saw on my FB feed this morning, about the TSFL Convention and the "Company Store" for the logo shirts, etc.  It is truly amazing but not surprising:

In a forthcoming episode of the hit reality show, the 13-year-old gets ready to tackle the 'Pigzilla' - consisting of 3lbs of meat and a 1lb bun.
""I bought a size MEDIUM shirt. Yeah, I'm not just excited about this for me. Listen to this!!! At our Take Shape for Life National Convention, there was a TSFL store. By the end of Day 1 all of the Small and Mediums were sold out. I was fortunate enough to get a M shirt on Day 2 because I was talking to a sales associate who had just done a return. The store was full--but mostly of XL and XXL. This was the first year TSFL outsourced the store to another company. Here's what the associate told me. "We represent other weight loss companies so we thought we knew exactly what we needed. But we've never seen anything like this! We always sell out of the XXL and the XL and hardly sell any S or M. But not with this company! I guess on those other programs people aren't really losing weight, but this is proof to me that you guys are!" HOW COOL IS THAT?!!!! As someone who wore a 3X when I started this program, I was grateful to pay for my size M shirt!"

QUESTION: HOW MANY TIMES?

Question:  How many times does it take attempting to restart this plan to get it right?  Is there ever a time where I should just realize that I'm not going to be able to do it?

Answer:  As many as it TAKES, and NO!  NEVER GIVE UP!

That is what I learned in what I term "The Lost Years" of 2008-2010.

You see, I had just gained ALL my weight back.  Yes, ALL of it.  And four MORE pounds to add insult to injury.  I weighed 272 pounds, after having weighed 128 at my goal the year before.  I was as large as I had ever been in my entire life.  I was as demoralized as I had ever been in my entire life.  And I still clung to hope.  I ordered "Medifast"..... again.  I tried to restart.  One day.  Fall down.  Day one again.  Fall down.  Half a day.  Fall down.  A third of a day.  Fall down.  Two days.  Fall down. 

Do you see a pattern here?  No, it is not the pattern of FAILURE.  It is the pattern of PERSEVERANCE.

You see 20 failed attempt to get back on plan.  At the time, I did too.  That is how I chose to look at it, but I kept trying.  I kept at it.  I may have had a Mis-Take 99 times, but on the 100th time it TOOK.

And I ran with it.  And I went a week!  Then I faltered.  Then I got up the next day and began the day ON PLAN.  Then I went two weeks.  Then I faltered.  Then I got up the next day and began the day ON PLAN. 

How did I finally line up enough on plan days to see steady losses?  To begin gaining momentum in my plan?  I read Dr. A's Habits of Health.  I started incorporating them into my life.  I stopped focusing on my failures and instead focused on the beautiful wonderful things that I could create, that I could bring IN to my life as a RESULT of this process.  I stopped hating myself.  I started believing that if I just did what was written in the plan, the Quick Start Guide, if I just stopped substituting my OWN judgment for that of the experts who wrote this plan, that I would achieve similar results as all those successful people who had done this before me.

And I did.  And it worked.  And the perseverance paid OFF.

So if you are on your 98th restart, I have 4 very important words for you:

DO.

NOT.

GIVE.

UP.

Rinse and Repeat!