Dream Hog

I was ruminating yesterday about how many years the dream of "losing weight" dominated my dreamscape. 

Looking back over my journals, from Jr High on, really, I noticed that the underlying pattern of "Someday I'll......" and the overall theme of a desire yet unmet, was that of losing weight.

Page after page of charts, time frames, resolves, decreasing numbers on the scale with whatever "new thing" I was attempting, only to flip a few pages more and find that months had gone by and the "starting" number was back where it began, or higher.

Where were the young girl dreams of what I wanted to be when I grew up?  What were the young woman dreams of, I don't know, what DO young women dream about? 

All of my dreams were weight-centered.  All of my dreams involved putting off every other thing in my life (dreamwise) because I was constantly working on THIS one?

In short, the dream of "losing weight" was the ultimate "DREAM HOG" for my entire life UNTIL......

I did it.

And let me tell you, I was not prepared for the floodgates to open and all of my other suppressed dreams to rush in and fill the void.

You see, when all we can think about, when the only "I wish I could..." involves "losing weight", then that leaves no room for any other of our legitimate heart felt dreams to develop into REAL dreams, SUBSTANTIVE dreams that we can follow and accomplish.

The only way to allow other dreams to move in and flourish is to GET THIS ONE OUT OF THE WAY.  And the only way to get this one out of the way, is to accomplish it.

You can't push this "losing weight" dream to the rear of your dreamlife.  It will always push it's way back to the front.  You can't ignore it either, it is a legitimate heartfelt desire because you know that ultimately, being overweight or obese doesn't really allow you to live your best life now.  You feel that intrinsically.  Which is why we HAVE the overriding constant desire "to lose weight" that effects everything we do and every decision to make.

The best thing that we can do is to DO IT once and for all.  Accomplish that dream. 

Once I DID THAT, I realized I had all SORTS of other dreams that I was so excited to get working on!

My only regret is that it took me so long to finally get this one done and the box checked off.  Because once I DID that, the ultimate dream hog was resolved into a reality and it allowed new dreams to bloom and grow in my imagination.

And I guess I can really say "I'm living the dream!"

And you can, too.

Is accomplishing this dream worth enough to you to stay on plan today?  That's all you need to do.

Rinse and Repeat!

Changing Our Body Takes Time. Changing Our Mind Takes a Split-Second.

I heard somebody say that on the finale of this season's Biggest Loser.  It really stuck with me.  And it is SO true! 

Think about it.  Changing our body DOES take time.  It DOES take a little bit of time for the Healthy Habits that we have adopted to be reflected by our bodies.  "Allowing for the passage of time" a wonderful Medifaster has said frequently.  Maybe that is why sometimes we don't really grasp the importance, or more accurately the VITAL AND IMMEDIATE AND URGENT importance, of changing our mind.

Once our mind is changed, once we decide that what we SAID we wanted, to attain and maintain a healthy weight, is of supreme importance, and takes precedence over EVERYTHING ELSE that may be going on in our lives, THAT is when we have succeeded.  And that truly takes a split second to decide. 

The rest is just a little bit of time.

Have you CHANGED your own mind?  Or are still still stuck in the hamster-wheel of "On plan during the week, off plan during the weekend".  Or, how about the "I just can't seem to stay on plan for a single day".  Or, have you heard the one about the "I just get these cravings and can't stop myself".....

Yeah, I've heard that one too.  I've heard all of it.  Much of it I have said myself, TO myself.  Do you know when the MOMENT was that I BECAME a healthy weight?  The MOMENT I stopped believing those lies I was telling myself, the MOMENT I was "all in".  Then a little time had to pass.  Big deal.  Time I have.....until I don't anymore.

So take swift advantage of the hours you have ahead of you, my friends.  Will those hours be taking you CLOSER to your goals?  Or will those hours be taking you FARTHER from them?  Or are you stuck in the Hamster-Wheel of Hindrance, which is YOU hindering yourself from achieving what you are SAYING you want?

Find Health my friends!
Rinse and Repeat!

My Second Cup is Black.

Every morning I have one P*E*R*F*E*C*T cup of coffee.  I get my green Jadeite Fire King Coffee mug off the shelf, the one from the 1940's when serving sizes were "normal", not on "steroids" like they are today, and I put it on the food scale (after pre-warming the mug with hot water, of course!).  Then I pour exactly 30 grams of real Half and Half in my cup (2 TBSP), and put 1 packet of Splenda in.  I pour the steaming just-brewed coffee in, to the top, and then I sit at my computer and say "Hello" to you all with a healthy breakfast and my perfect cup of coffee.  It is a piece of art.  It is just the color I like it, the same color I painted my bedroom walls because I am OBSESSIVE about a good cup of coffee.

And then, as it inevitably happens, I find I have sipped the last sip.  Sadly, my coffee cup is empty. 

And that is always when it happens.  Every day, mind you.  The voice.  You know the one "just have another small cup.....a little more half and half won't kill you...it's just a little half and half....."

Every morning.  Without fail.  I laugh when I hear it because no matter how long I've been practicing my Habits of Health, my thoughtlife always continues to push the limits, to challenge me.  I would have thought my thoughtlife, that inner-brat, would have given up by now on this one, but she hasn't.

So what do I do?

Do I have that second little cup with just a little half and half in it, and count it as my healthy fat for the day since I counted the first cup as my condiments?  I mean I COULD work it in, technically, to my plan, then adjust my entire day around it.  I COULD do that.  It would technically be on plan.

No, I don't.  And the reason is simple.  I recognize that voice.  It is the voice of "more, more, more...." and so first thing in the morning, with my very first challenge, I shut it down.  I set the tone for the day.  Because that choice WILL set the tone for the day, and my two "tones" I can choose between are:  Stay On Plan no matter what you WANT to do, or the second tone of:  Indulge your wants.  It's just a little bit.  Sure you can count it as a healthy fat, then just kind of forget about that later and have beef, because really, this little amount isn't going to hurt anything in the long run....."

I'll tell you what it will hurt in the long run.  It is about being faithful in the little things, staying on track at the times you think no one (including yourself) is really looking.  And the result of very small deviations from my course would actually, repeated daily, over time, take me to an entirely different destination than the one I want to go to.

Imagine if I were an airplane going on a day-long flight, to such and so place.  Very early on in the day, I make a 1 degree deviation in my course.  It is just 1 degree.  No big deal.  I mean there are 100 degrees, right?  As long as I get the other 99 or so right, I should be fine!  So, I'll be great for the other 99, and I'm "mostly on-track" for the day.  And here is the problem.  As time passes through the day, the after effects of the lil' 1 degree course deviations take me to a different place than where I was going.  But it also sets the tone for another 1 degree deviation later on in the day, if I feel like it.  I mean I've already satisfied the inner-brat once, and she SHOULD be actually satisfied and it SHOULD keep her quiet for the rest of the day.....

But it never does.

In fact, when I feed that inner-brat, her voice gets louder and comes more often.  Every decision that day becomes harder.  Ever decision requires more and more discipline and self-control to keep her quiet, to not do as she suggests. 

And then I realize....I could have just said "my second cup will be black, thanks!" and stopped this whole spiraling process before it even began.  Because I would have reinforced with my behavior that my goals MEAN something.  I would have indicated to myself that NOTHING is too small to not be considered.  That EVERYTHING that enters my mouth needs to have a REASON to do so, and that REASON must agree with my primary goal of attaining and maintaining a healthy weight.

And so, my second cup is ALWAYS black.

Rinse and Repeat!

I forgot how it felt NOT to be able to shop in "regular" stores!

I remember when I began this process wearing my size 26 Women's Stretch Jeans, and really busting out of them.  I remember thinking I SHOULD be wearing 28's or 30's, but I refused to buy them.  We're NOT talking "waist" size, we're talking clothing size.  At 272 pounds and 5 foot 3, with a BMI approaching 50, I felt like I was nearly as wide as I was tall. 

And one of the trademarks of being "that big" is that no way no how can you shop in "regular" stores for your clothing. 

Fast forward to now, I had a very interesting experience at Costco yesterday.  Gloria Vanderbilt came out with some SUPER CUTE capri's for summer, and I wanted to get me a pair!  So I searched in the pile of sizes, you know how you do at Costco, just digging and diving and setting rows aside, looking for that magic number!  Well, the magic number I look for NOW is a size 4, because that is my jean size. 

Looking.....digging....looking....digging...until finally I had the presence of mind to look up at the sign above the capri's. 

And my heart sank, then it took off like a hot air balloon because I realized....I have undergrown Costco!  The sign announced that the only sizes available for these capri's were 6-16!  And I'm NOT a 6!  The 6's would have fallen off of me! 

By this time my hot-air-balloon-heart was floating somewhere near the skylights over the frozen food section, so I abandoned my futile effort and skipped over to the frozen food aisle to coax it back down again...and to finish my shopping.

Imagine.  UNDERGROWING Costco.  COSTCO!  I remember going in to Costco as a Class IV Super-Obese (that's one step BEYOND Morbidly-Obese) 40 year old lady and just passing the clothing section by every single time, casting wistful glances to it every once in awhile but KNOWING they never carried anything higher than a size 16. 

I remember thinking "Someday, S.O.M.E.D.A.Y. I will indeed shop the cute clothing at Costco!"

Well, my window seems to have run out, at least for some brands of pants.  I DID find an ADORABLE and BEAUTIFUL Kirkland brand turquiose 3/4 sleeve button-up dress shirt though, in a size Small (4-6) so I snatched it right up and it FITS.  It is hanging in my closet right now waiting to be ironed.  =) 

So there is hope, my friends.  Wherever you are on this journey, REMAIN ON PLAN day in and day out, and by ON PLAN I mean the one that is written in the Quick Start Guide and the Condiments/Healthy Fats publication.  If you DO the plan, you WILL have my kind of success!  Over time, those on plan days add up to stunning results.




Rinse and Repeat!

Will what you are doing TODAY get you to where you want to be TOMORROW?

Because you are on a path.  And TODAY is the ONLY day you have to choose what that path will lead to.

The best choice you can make today to get to where you have SAID that you wanted to go (towards a healthy weight) is to stay on that path and move forward.  The worst choice (yes the worst) is to to think that somehow what you do today, even in this instant, "won't really matter that much" in the grand scheme of things.

This moment is the ONLY moment that matters.  This day is the ONLY day that matters.

So what does your day look like?  Did you scratch victory out of the hours and the minutes and the seconds?  Did you NOT answer stress with off-plan eating?  Did you NOT answer boredom with off-plan eating?  Did you NOT answer loneliness with off-plan eating?  Then you have a wonderful successful tomorrow to look forward to.

Or, did you decide that this little "somethin'-somethin'" was truly just so small that you don't even consider it off-plan?  Did you decide that today is not the best day to stay on plan because of such and so?  Are you waiting for an easier day to really tackle your program?

Well, I got some news for ya.  THINGS don't change, PEOPLE do.

So, have you changed?  Have you decided what you want and does TODAY reflect that desire?  Because if today is not/has not been an "on-plan" day then one of a few things are going on inside your head.

Firstly:  You don't believe the plan works.
Secondly:  You don't believe YOU can work the plan.
Thirdly:  You don't want what you SAY you want, you want sunshine all day long and rainbow ponies to take you someplace that you don't have the dedication and stick-to-it-tiveness to get to by the strength of your resolve and the result of your commitment.

Harsh sounding, maybe.  But I just watched the finale for the Biggest Loser and what I saw on that stage, and the stories behind the struggles gave me a new respect for what "fighting for it" really looks like.

And the "I just couldn't help myself....I just woke up and realized I had eaten...at the end of the day I found I wasn't on plan...." sentiment that I sometimes see from people who SAY they want health, well, that just doesn't jive with what I saw on stage today.  I think if anyone said that to Jillian they would be in for, well, I can't say it on this blog I will get censored, but that sort of "no can-do" attitude had NO place on the biggest loser.  And it really has no place in our journey.

So, what will it be?   Because whatever you are doing TODAY, will determine your tomorrow.  We do the changing TODAY.  We alter our behavior TODAY.  Tomorrow is just an accumulation of a bunch of todays.  So what'll it be?

Picasso was sitting in a Paris Cafe'......

Picasso was sitting in a Paris café when an admirer approached and asked if he would do a quick sketch on a paper napkin. Picasso politely agreed, swiftly executed the work, and handed back the napkin — but not before asking for a rather significant amount of money. The admirer was shocked: “How can you ask for so much? It took you a minute to draw this!” “You are mistaken, my Dear”, Picasso replied, “It took me 40 years.”

How often do we want the masterpiece NOW, and how often do we want it with no significant cost on our part?

I lost 130 pounds.  I am in the best shape of my life.  When people ask me how I did it, I tell them.  "Oh I could never do that" they say.

And I wonder, what, exactly, were they expecting?

And I always KNOW what they were expecting.  The quick fix.  The instant microwave zap-it-and-it's-done solution to health.  As if it came out of a vending machine and required zero work or time, and very little expense.

I will tell you what this journey has cost me.  This journey has cost me to give up everything that was making me sick.  And I was happy to give it up.  Was it easy?  No, it wasn't.  REPLACING habits of disease with habits of health is NOT easy.  But it IS simple.  And it IS possible.  I don't have any particular super-power that allowed me to do it where others have failed.  In fact, I "failed" many times in the process, just as Picasso I am sure crumpled up many drawing attempts and threw them into the corner of the room.  But I stuck with it.  I knew that if I continued with diligence to every day make the decision to orient myself towards health, that I could not HELP but succeed eventually.  Because the science is solid.  The results are solid, WHEN THE PLAN IS ADHERED TO.  THE  plan, not MY version of the plan.

Was it quick?  Well I've seen quicker.  Not because the program isn't rapid and effective, but because I was not perhaps as diligent as I could have been in executing the program.  But I committed to the journey.  And I began lining of those on-plan days and dealing with the underlying issues with Dr. A's Habits of Health book.

So now when people ask me how I did it, I tell them "I ate 6 times a day, I drank water, and at some point along the way I started moving my body a little bit more each day.  I sought out additional support and accountability, and read (and applied) the concepts outlined in the book Dr. A's Habits of Health."   I want to really emphasize that ANYBODY CAN DO THIS.  Anybody who knows WHY they want it.  They can do it if they can get past the concepts and the excuses that may be holding them back, one of those being that age old cry of "but it will take so looooong!"

To that I say the time will pass, you got someplace better to be?  You got something better to do?  Yes, the time will pass!  And when it does, you will wake up one day and be where you want to be too!  You will say "TODAY I reached my healthy weight."  If you don't start NOW, and treat every day of your journey with the utmost respect, then in one year you will still be saying "but it will take so loooooong!"

Rinse and Repeat!

What Happens When I Just Don't Wanna?

Do you ever just wake up one morning and NOT wanna "do this anymore?"

The difference between success and NOT success is overcoming this in your journey when it arises, because it WILL arise.  The morning you think, despairingly, "I am so tired of doing this.  I just wanna be normal.  I just don't wanna have to care all of the time.  Am I going to have to live 'like this' for the rest of my life?"

When I wake up with those thoughts, I know I have a choice to make.  I know that my inner-brat is trying to assert herself into my life again, and is trying to make my decisions for me again.  And I know where that leads ultimately.  I KNOW where that leads.  And I'm not going back there.

So what do we do when this happens?

Ignore the thoughts.  Act in a manner which agrees with the direction that we have determined to go.  Which IS towards HEALTH.

"I don't wanna do this anymore" sounds like my 8 year old when he, well, when he doesn't want to do something he should be doing anymore.  And I, as the responsible parent, sit him down and discuss with him that great truth from a quote from The Gladiator "Sometimes I do what I WANT to do.  The rest of the time I do what I HAVE to do."

We love movies at our house.

But that truth is pretty universally applied in our lives when we cease being small and petulant, and begin being adults. 

And taking charge of our health and our lives which had, up until Medifast, been out of control, is a very mature and adult-like decision.  So let's put on our big-girl panties (or big-boy panties....wait...pants?) and get this job done. 

Let's understand the right relationship to have with food.  It isn't meant to entertain us.  Haven't we been entertained enough?  I know I felt like a circus clown myself, that one who wears the brightly colored clothing and the big red nose, but the face paint is of a sad clown with a tear rolling down her cheek?  Yes, that was me.  That isn't entertainment.  We also can't use food as comfort.  I was not comfort-able with my chest resting on the steering wheel as I drove.  I was not comfort-able not being able to fit the seat belt of my Volvo around my girth, and wondering if they sold seat belt extensions for automobiles.  We can't use food for a substitute for love.  I have a wonderful husband and child who love me, and whom I love.  People are for love.  Food is not.  We can't use food as a numbing-out tool.  Yes, our relationship with food must necessarily change in this process.  And if it does not, we will not change either.  Our minimal weight losses will be short-lived at best.

So what do YOU want?  Are YOU oriented towards health?  Or oriented towards food?

YOU decide.

Rinse and Repeat!