A SORT OF RESPONSE TO COMMENTS ON MY LAST BLOG

Sort of a response to the comments on my last post "My two cents" + more...
Thanks for all the comments...and in answer to question that was posed to me, is it really even worth it if there is a chance I'll gain it back again...to that I say it is only worth it if the pain of being overweight (mentally and physically) is less bearable than the pain of learning to be self disciplined for the rest of your life. It's a choice. Obviously, I oscillated between the two and gained my weight back, trying to mask OTHER, unrelated pain which became more overwhelming than either of those pain options (don't my life sound like a bowl of cherries?---God is my strength and my comfort now, but I mistook food for God for about the last year and a half.....).

Now that season of my life is over, and being fat just hurts.

Being fat I just hurt all the time, in my body and in my heart. But in the losing, there are periods of great joy punctuating the long hard work of buckling down and losing the weight. It really isn't a case of "WHEN I get to my goal, THEN I'll be happy." I was actually elated once I dropped below 200, and all the way TO my goal! So there IS joy in the journey.

And I was so flattered when "PEOPLE" Magazine interviewed me for their "PEOPLE WHO LOST HALF THEIR SIZE" January 2008 issue. I didn't make the cut, but hey, I WAS considered! My new goal is to be featured in the "PEOPLE WHO LOST HALF THEIR SIZE...AND ONE WHO DID IT TWICE!" 2012 edition, (I Made up that title...but who knows!?) once I've lost my 149 lbs and been maintaining for a year. I want to show other people that they can do it. And not only the people who haven't yet done it once, but I also want to inspire the people who have done it, gained it back, and are sitting there thinking "why bother-I could never do it again-I'm obviously a failure". My heart hurts for such people.

But the only way for ME to get there in any time frame that means anything concrete to me, any time frame that I can actually wrap my mind around and say...."OK, 15 months..." is to do it 100%. The 100% AS WRITTEN food plan. I Do weigh every day, and actually I find that vital for me. But that is not a "cheat" in the food sense of the word. Do it 100% as written, and you will stay motivated enough to stick to it 100%.

Eat off plan? Have a drink? Your results will suffer and at some point you just won't make that next order. You'll drift off the boards. I'm not condemning, the Good Lord knows I have attempted restarts 5 or 6 times in the last year and a half. So I'm not condemning, I've BEEN THERE.

Anyway, I hope this helps someone! Ya gotta be CERTAIN you will get there, and the only way you can be CERTAIN is being 100%. Otherwise the variable is too great, and the possibility exists that you WON'T get there. For me, that ain't an option.

So, today I went to goodwill and found a CRAZY-BEAUTIFUL embroidered pair of jeans by CosJeans in a 4P, and a matching CRAZY medium shirt by Edista, total price for this goal outfit: $14.00. It actually looks like something RadiationGirlie would wear, and let's face it, she is my hero. I SO want to be like her!

Bear in mind, I'm less than 1 week into the LAST restart of my LIFE, currently sitting here in size 26 shorts and a Large really stretchy Talbots shirt which should actually be a 2 or 3XL.

But I am certain. I am 100% proof positive that right around new year 2011 or thereabouts I will be fitting in to those jeans. And I'll paste and copy this entry to inspire the people who have just started the Medifast Program at that time.

Have a great day, y'all!
Posted Sunday, Aug 30, 2009 9:26 PM by goalbysummer | 4 Comments [Edit Post]

MY TWO CENTS

My two cents....
The following are my opinons, and my opinions only:

I've been a no nonsense advocate from day one. And I've taken my share of heat from it. Did I play around on the diet on my way to my goal? VERY seldom, and when I did, I OWNED it and was appropriately rewarded with no weight loss for the week.

People say "oh, but you've got to learn how to eat moderately etc etc etc...." Then go find a plan where you can do that, like Weight Watchers.

THIS is a no-nonsense, no-foolin' around weight loss plan. I did not come here to learn how to eat moderately. I came here to lose weight. Eating moderately most of the time and eating what I wanted SOME of the time put 137 freaking pounds BACK on me once I was at my goal a couple years ago.

So, you want a poster child for moderate eating? Look at me, on my way back up. You want a poster child for Medifast success, in addition to success at maintenance? Look at Radiationgirlie. And even SHE, or anyone else who is currently maintaining, will probably tell you it is a struggle to maintain when she eats what she wants, even SOME of the time!

For many of us, excess calories even in maintenance mode means anything over 1200/day. That's why we need an 800-1000 calorie diet to even lose weight in the first place.

Hear me now. The struggle does not end once you get to goal. In many ways it gets harder. But the rewards are worth it.


Posted Sunday, Aug 30, 2009 5:15 PM by goalbysummer | 14 Comments [Edit Post]

ANN TAYLOR LOFT AND NEW YORK & CO

Ann Taylor Loft and New York&Co!
So Ann Taylor Loft and New York&Co were the stores at which I purchased the goods. Three tops at Ann Taylor Loft, the end of summer clearance of clearance sale. All a beautiful green color. One in a Large, one in a Medium, and one in a Small Petite. All three for under $17.00.

New York & Co 4 pairs of pants and 1 top. 2 of the pants are crop Jeans in sizes 16 and 10, for the winter. 1 pair is a tan khaki-ish capri for next summer in a size 4. 1 Pair XL workout pants. 1 tan top XL also for working out. All approximately $10 a piece.

Total pull for the day=4 pairs pants, 4 tops. $70.00 total. All worthy additions to my goal closet.

I'm super excited to wear these gorgeous items. And it's only a matter of time.
Posted Sunday, Aug 30, 2009 12:50 AM by goalbysummer | 5 Comments [Edit Post]

OFF TO ANN TAYLOR'S LOFT AND BANANA REPUBLIC AND TO SEE DISTRICT 9

Off To Ann Taylor's Loft and Banana Republic and to see District 9
Yes, I am off for an afternoon of fun and festivities. I intend to leave at 1:30, go to our nearest mall and peruse the sale racks at Ann Taylor's Loft and the Banana Republic. Possibly White House/Black Market also. These are my favorite stores. And if I find something STELLAR in a size 4 or 6P I will BUY IT!!! As long as it is super-cheap. And as long as I LOVE it. So what that I'm in a size 26 right now. So what. It's only a matter of time. And the act of purchasing something in a size I know I'm capable of in my adult life (like two short years ago, helloooooooooo), will be just another "monument" that I set up to the fact that I AM losing this weight.

Then I'll go see District 9.
Posted Saturday, Aug 29, 2009 3:52 PM by goalbysummer | 2 Comments [Edit Post]

TODAY IS THE MOST IMPORTANT DAY OF THE REST OF MY LIFE

Today is the most important day of the rest of my life.
As is every day from now on. But today especially. This is the day I have fallen off MF every time I've restarted in the last year and a half.

I look back at my past diaries and weight charts, and see that today is THE day. Why is it? Well, every time I restart, today is the day that I see no weight loss.

Day two, am weighing -5
Day three, am weighing -2
Day four, am weighing -1/2
Day five, am weighing - 1/4
Day six, am weighing - 0.

So, it is on the sixth day, the day I see zero weight loss, that my mind says "SEE!!!! It's not going to work!"

It's crazy to think that, because I know it is a FACT that Medifast DOES work, and not only that, but that Medifast works for ME.

So I am banishing these self-defeating thoughts, and I am staying ON program 100% and will drink ALL my water, and will motor on.

Why can't I just stay off the scale? I can't. The scale is my motivator. It truly is. If I can get a handle on not being so discouraged when I don't see a loss, then I feel I can continue to weigh every day.

So here goes.
Posted Friday, Aug 28, 2009 1:45 PM by goalbysummer | 7 Comments [Edit Post]

I MAY NOT BE THAT SKINNY GIRL WHO CAN EAT WHATEVER SHE WANTS, BUT I CAN LOOK LIKE HER

I May Not BE That Skinny Girl Who Can Eat Whatever She Wants, But I CAN Look Like Her.
Yes indeedie. I cannot wait for the day, granted in the future, when someone who has never met me says "I'll bet you can eat whatever you want and not gain weight, huh..."

What will I answer? Will I keep that little secret between me and the scale that I'm NOT that person, even though I may LOOK like that person?

I'll probably tell them..."Yes, I CAN eat whatever I want, but I choose not to because it WILL affect my weight."

You see, many people who look like they are that girl...well they really aren't. They have just made a lifetime of good choices. Sure, there are a few people in this world who have those kinds of metabolisms. But I don't know any of them myself. Every one of my friends or relations who has kept a trim physique has done it purposefully. Their decision making is second nature to them, though, so it never looks like a struggle from the outside. They just don't think twice about taking a second or even a first piece of pie. Their reason? "I'm not hungry". Or, "I had a big lunch, thanks!" Or..."I don't feel like it right now, thanks."

And their answers are accepted because it wasn't phrased as "I'm on a diet".

You'd never hear this in a restaurant:

Friend 1: Should we split a dessert? What do you want, Cheesecake or Chocolate Mousse?
Skinny Friend 2: No thanks, I don't feel like it. I'm stuffed from lunch.
Friend 1: Oh come on, just try a bite. I won't tell. It won't hurt you!

No, you wouldn't. But you probably HAVE heard this one:

Friend 1: Should we split a dessert? What do you want, a Neopolitan or Molten Chocolate Cake?
Dieting Friend 2: I really shouldn't, I'm trying to be good on my diet.
Friend 1: Oh come on, one taste isn't going to hurt you! I won't tell. It'll be fun.

SO.....I will become, in my mind, skinny friend and instead of saying "I'm dieting thanks" I will say "I'm really full from (lunch) or (dinner) and I really couldn't possibly." End of story. They understand that, even if you don't fully understand it...SAY IT. See what kind of response you get!

I will become that person. I AM now that person, my body just has to catch up with me.
Posted Thursday, Aug 27, 2009 4:04 PM by goalbysummer | 5 Comments [Edit Post]

My Fat Called...Left Me a Message...

My Fat Called, Left Me a Message.....Read On...
Yes, it's true. My fat called me this morning. I wasn't available to answer the phone, but I pulled the following off the machine:

"Hey! I hear you are trying to get rid of me. Well, I'm not going without a fight. After all, I am a virtual storage-house for the emotions of the past 2 years. Remember when you were sad that your mom died? And instead of pushing through and processing the grief you ate it away? Well, that grief is stored up in your fat cells now. Remember your son's kidney transplant and the worry and pain and apprehension you began to feel...so you ate it away? Yup, that is stored in your fat cells too. And your miscarriage...where exactly do you think the heartache of that went? You stuffed it down with a Sprinkles Red Velvet Cupcake, and...you guessed it...it is stored in your fat cells. Even your fear of failure and your disappointment in yourself is tucked away in those layers of excess fat. Because you insulated yourself from your emotions by eating them away.

So now that you are planning on LOSING me? Just a word of warning, all those emotions are IN HERE. And as you LOSE me, stripping away the layers upon layers of emotion, they WILL come out. Sometimes they will seep out in ways you don't understand, giving you a general feeling of rage or sadness. Sometimes you will snap at your family because a bubble of emotion will make it's way to the surface. It will make it difficult, because the first thing you'll want to do is to relieve yourself of the unwanted emotions, by eating. It's what you've always done."

Wow was I surprised to hear from my fat in that way. But a take it as a warning AND a challenge. This isn't just about losing the weight. It is about dealing with life in a way that doesn't use food and the good feelings associated with eating food as a crutch. Because those emotions that we are eating away? They don't go away. They get stored. And as we lose the fat, they come out.

So we have to deal with them now or deal with them later. So here goes. I am prepared for the onslaught of emotion.
Posted Wednesday, Aug 26, 2009 11:09 AM by goalbysummer | 0 Comments [Edit Post]