It's on. Today I sized up my closet, and my closet sized up me. Neither of us were extremely pleased with what we saw. But that is about to CHANGE. WHEN you ask? As soon as I finish typing this blog!
Today I had an epiphany. An "Ah-Ha" moment. When those moments of clarity break through into my brain I stop. And I listen. Here is what my clarity-moment made me realize:
My Closet is a Window into my Brain. A Mirror of sorts.
Let me explain.
When I am not feeling great about my health, or when I feel like things are slipping with my healthy habits, I avoid my closet. And when I say "avoid" I mean AVOID. Clothes pile up on the floor instead of being hung up or folded and neatly placed on a shelf. Shoes get thrown in (usually one at a time once I've located them in various places around the house). My closet is, in a word, MAYHEM.
This last year, 2015, I have slipped in my healthy habits. So you can imagine what a year of neglect looks like. Just look at my closet. Clutter. Disorganization. Recrimination. Judgment. Regret.......
OK maybe not all that other stuff, but it sure feels like all of that when I open the closet door. That is IF I can clear off enough space on the other side of the floor near the door to actually fully OPEN the door.
Clothes that you can't fit into can do that, can't they? We give them power over us, over our psyche, and they hang there unworn, or lay there on the floor when you last wore them months and months ago, and even LOOKING at something you can't fit in to sends electric jolts of despair and regret and shame coursing through your body. Well, if it doesn't do that to you, it sure does it to me!
On the other hand, when I'm regularly practicing healthy habits, I LOVE my closet! It is neat, tidy, orderly, and USED frequently. The clothes hang there, as if smiling at me, saying "Choose me! Choose me! I fit! I fit!", and it is a joy to select what I want to wear that day.
Now maybe I'm making too much of the whole closet as a window to my brain thing, but I don't think I am. I believe our external environment is an extension of ourselves. If I am cluttered in my brain, and if I am not taking care of myself or my health, that extends beyond the boundary of my epidermal layer of "me" (my skin). When I am not nurturing myself, loving myself, and doing the things necessary to take care of myself and my health then everything and everyone around me suffers. I lack the emotional energy to take care of my family, because I'm all-consumed with the roiling cluttered emotions of ME. It is kind of self-centered in a NEGATIVE way.
Today I begin the process of getting back ME. I'm on day three of my tune-up with my health, and today I can walk into my closet (figuratively...I think I will really need to start at the door and make a path first to really get IN the closet) with hope and joy, knowing that I AM taking care of myself.
My size 2-4 clothing which have been neglected for the past year will not stare me down in judgment, but if they could talk they would say "Hello! Nice to see you! Can't wait for you to wear me again, it will be SOON!"
And I'll smile, pick them up lovingly, and put them in their proper place. By the end of the day TODAY, I WILL have a clean and beautiful closet again, which speaks hope and anticipation of the things to come. Just like my mind.
Closet Before and After Pictures to come!
Now wish me luck....and focus...and determination....and perseverance....I'm going IN, with a little vintage "Collective Soul" playing on my new CD Player..."It's Simple"!
Rinse and Repeat!
1 comment:
Oh my, you must have seen my bedroom! I have a folded pile of clothing that I can no longer wear sitting outside my closet and it really does look up at me in judgement. I'm going to imagine it now as not a pile of judgement but as an invitation; "can't wait for you to wear me again."
THANK YOU for giving me this new perspective. :)
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