A Good Question And a Good Response

I really appreciated this question that was posed by a fellow health seeker on our support boards today, and I wanted to copy and paste both the question and the response.

It was posted to our Behavioral Specialist, and he responded beautifully.  I have read portions of the book "Brain over Binge" but not the entire thing, and he really summarizes it well.

"Hi Nick, It's (Name Withheld), again! So, I am now in maintenance, although, it was very bumpy arriving here. Metaphorically, when considering transition and maintenance I felt a little bit like someone at the end of a diving board, afraid to jump. I knew it would be 'safe', in the sense that I had learned how to swim, that the water was deep enough, and that my coach was waiting for me (I love analogies, can you tell? This is how I make sense of my Life!). Yet, I just couldn't jump. Them came the binge behavior. Finally, I just told myself to go for it. I needed to move past binge, 5&1, cycling. So, I made a conscious choice to just jump right in. I followed (made up?!) some modified version of maintenance. I am hoping that this decision is not the kiss of death for me with maintaining a healthy weight and lifestyle...doing your own thing on MF typically does not bode well. In any case, I am on a three day tune up, trying to regain some composure and control. I feel good on the 5&1, more specifically, I feel safe.

Anyway, I can't live on this forever. So please help me to figure out how to stay here! I have managed to graze and binge on healthy things. I am eating like a starving person! There are still some of those compulsive tendencies that I used to exhibit when I was at my heaviest. I eat quickly, I eat secretively, I snap when my husband says something like, 'but you just ate dinner' when I am having a bowl of blueberries 15 minutes after I got up from dinner. It's very scary to me that these things are rearing their ugly head again, and now I am saying, ' well, you are eating healthier things!'

This added layer of 'justification' (I.e. healthy choices, but WAY too many) has me the most concerned. I also want to be done with this heightened level of vigilance. Me realize that I will ALWAYS need to be mindful of my choices, and that the days of eating whatever are out (I am we'll aware of the repercussions of that type of disordered eating). You can also tell me if I am kidding myself that I will ever be able to let my guard down, even a little bit, in the future.

Hope that makes sense. Any insight, observations, and advice would be appreciated."


Response from our Behavioral Therapist Nick:

Hi (Name Withheld), nice to hear from you again.

 Thanks for reaching out for some help with these challenges, I'd be happy to offer up some possible insights. Also... I love metaphors too! So, here are a couple that will help us to understand these challenges in a different light.

When it comes to recovering from disordered eating like compulsions, restriction, binge eating, etc. there are two types of recovery stories out there: The Butterfly Tale and The Tamed House Pet.

The Butterfly Tale goes something like this... the person struggling with disordered eating is the caterpillar. They aren't happy and struggle with all kinds of issues in relationships or with depression or hurts from the past or whatever. Supposedly the disordered eating is all about dealing with this pain but it only makes her more miserable.

Then she enters into a journey of change - the cocoon - and works to resolve all these issues. This is a very hard and challenging process and takes a long time. Finally, she emerges as a fundamentally changed person - the butterfly. She's happy and fulfilled. She no longer needs to hold onto to the disordered eating. She can fly away.

The other story, The Tamed House Pet, goes something like this... the person dealing with disordered eating - the untamed animal - lives a self-destructive life full of binge eating, restriction, compulsive behaviors, etc. and struggles through every day. Then she enters into a program of change and begins the long, hard process of taming her disordered eating behaviors.

After much training, practice, attention, and patience she learns how to reduce the episodes of disordered eating and thinking. This type of recovery is like a wild animal who is taken into a home, trained diligently and painstakingly, given attention and care, and learns to live a better life. IN this type of recovery, an occasional binge is excused and she gets back on track afterwards. This type of recovery eventually becomes fairly secure; however the recovered person can never get too comfortable. She has to take it "one day at a time."

Can you relate to one of these tales? From my perspective, you're going the Tamed House Pet route of recovery... right? There's no doubt that this is a possible path to recovery, that many people have found success with, but it is certainly not effortless - it takes constant maintenance. Sounds like this is what is troubling you, correct?

Over the years of working with people with disordered eating I have seen both tales play out. Some people become tamed house pets and others become butterflies (though, not very many... in fact, I'm having trouble even thinking of one!). However, there is another way. One that deals more directly with the actual disordered eating behaviors and has a clear path to recovery.

Note: this method doesn't help you become more assertive, spiritual, emotionally satisfied, or happy, or solve any other problems, or recovery from past hurts. However, it can help to end destructive eating habits.

Let's first get clear about why these binges happen. You don't binge to satisfy deep inner emotional needs (as the butterfly tale suggests) and you don't binge because you have a disease that you're powerless against (as the tamed house pet tale suggests). Instead, there is only one concrete and clearly identifiable reason:

You binge because you have urges to binge.

The problem is that you have strong urges to binge eat, at many different times and in many different places; and giving in to those urges again and again solidified this behavior as a habit. Once this behavior became habit it would send out more urges to binge. You would give it. The cycle would go on and on.

Therefore, this third and alternative way to recover is to learn how to manage and eliminate these urges. This is a five (5) step process that I briefly outline here but if you want more information I would suggest that you read the book Brain Over Binge by Kathryn Hansen.

1. View Urges to Binge as Neurological Junk – In order for her to stop acting on your thoughts (such as "well, you are eating healthier things!"), feelings (such as anxiety or boredom), that are part of these urges, you have to see them as essentially meaningless. These thoughts, feelings and urges encouraging you to binge are nothing more than junk emanating from the depths of your brain in order to maintain a self-destructive habit. These urges are completely separate from your true-self, which brings me to the second step.

2. Separate the True-Self from Urges to Binge – Your urges to eat aren’t truly yours – you are not your habit. You want a better life for yourself than stuffing large amounts of food in your mouth. You have goals for yourself that you know are inconsistent with binge eating. You know you want a healthy life but your habit keeps you trapped in destructive patterns of behavior. Now, your true-self is the seat of your consciousness and identity. It holds your values and goals and self-image. It won’t be until you separate the most sophisticated and most uniquely human part of your brain from your urges to eat, and really feel that separation, that you will feel capable of saying no to binge eating. You will need to recognize that any thought or feeling that encourages you to binge eat is something completely apart from your true-self and is merely a product of the habit. In other words, disconnect from those thoughts and feelings instead of getting so wrapped up in them. The thought "I'm eating healthy so I can overeat" is not truly you but merely a product of your brain trying to maintain a habit of overeating.

3. Stop Reacting to Urges to Binge – Once you separate your true-self from your urges to eat, it will become possible to stop reacting to your urges, meaning that you will stop letting your urges affect you emotionally. I am sure, currently, you are emotionally overwhelmed by your urges. You probably feel mad, frustrated, depressed, anxious, desperate, even – when your on the brink of giving in – excited. Reacting emotionally only gives your thoughts and urges power, strength, and the ability to influence your choices. When you let your urges make you mad, frustrated, depressed, anxious, or excited, you allow them to take over your whole body and state of mind – and that probably leads you right to food. However, if you separate your true-self from your urges to eat, you can be aware of them but you can stop paying attention to them and reacting to them. With distance between yourself and your urges, you can experience them as if they’re playing on a tape recorder, as if they’re not your own thoughts and feelings. They were only the result of your brain trying to maintain a habit.

4. Stop Acting on Urges to Binge – Not only does separating yourself from your urges give you the power to stop reacting emotionally to them; more importantly, it gives you the ability to stop acting on them. Once you can stop acting on your urges to eat, you will break the cycle. You don't have to substitute any other activity for binge eating habit or distract yourself with a hobby, work, phone calls, or journaling. You don't have to find a way to your her emotional needs. All you have to do is recognize those thoughts, feelings and urges that encourage you to binge eat and disconnect from them, as if they aren't even a part of her. You don't need to struggle with these thoughts and urges if you can see them as not really you. If you lose that separation and think that it is really you who wants to eat, then you will get wrapped up in your urges and you may binge eat again and that’s okay. This will take some practice. Just go back to listening to your brain as a detached observer.

5. Get Excited! – This will actually speed along your brain changes. Praise, from others (such as a coach) or from within, and enthusiasm for learning something new cement that learning on a physical level in the brain. In short, “Celebrating a new discovery increases the likelihood that it will be remembered.” – Thomas Czerner. Every time you allow yourself to experience a craving without acting on it, every time you have thoughts and feelings encouraging you to eat and don't act on them, every time you have powerful urges to eat but you remain detached and unaffected by them… GET EXCITED! Brain functions that are given attention and significance strengthen, and brain functions that are not given attention and significance weaken. Focusing on the power of your true-self to remain detached from your urges to maintain a habit and congratulating yourself for it serves to strengthen new connections in your brain and weaken the old ones.

Following these steps doesn’t mean that you will never have urges to engage in binge eating again because it is possible for neurons to remember old patterns of behavior. However, if your habitual brain sends out an urge to binge eat in the future, you will know exactly what to do: Listen to it with detachment, and don’t react emotionally to it or act on it. Then, your habit will never develop again!

I hope you found this information helpful and should you have any follow-up questions please feel free to write back anytime. Again, this information is taken from the book Brain Over Binge by Kathryn Hansen. So, if you want to learn more pick-up that book. Thanks!

Take care,
Nick