Wednesday, July 23, 2008

This morning I fired up my oatmeal, had my cup of coffee, drank my water, and thought "Now THIS feels right." It feels right to be back OP and going the right direction. It feels like a relief. Like I've veered off the dangerous path that was heading for the precipice, and am headed in a healthy direction.

The same life that felt so scary and anxious a few days ago, mainly mine, has a little bit of a glow to it now. Even as I walk by the stores at the Stanford Mall and see my frumpy sweat-pants and sweat-shirt clad reflection peering back at me, I am at the same time saddened and, strangely, hopeful.

It wasn't too long ago that I peered INTO shops like that, wondering if I would ever be able to buy "normal" clothes again. I watched my transformation with awe and wonder, as I bought smaller jean size after smaller jean size...and wore them! My shining moment was buying the size 2's from the Levi's store...and wearing them in public! I still remember walking in that store and being thrilled I could purchase a size 16!
I remember buying a size 8P dress from Ann Taylor and the cashier asking if I wanted a gift receipt with that? I said "no, it's for my goal closet". Then I remember that same outfit becoming too big for me and having to give it to my sister. Boy did that feel good.

So I'm back to size 12's being super-tight. So what? It's only a matter of time before I'm back in my beautiful wardrobe. The wardrobe that I only got to wear for a few short months. I will be back in them and wearing them around town, with my little man Julian by my side. A picture of healthiness and happiness. A picture of nutritional balance and spiritual refreshment.

Instead of being angry all the time, which I'm convinced is a direct result of my disgust with myself for letting half my weight creep back on, I will be happy and smiling. I was before. I can do it again.

So, day 3, here we go. Last day of hunger. Last day of irritibility. Tomorrow is a brand new "ketosis" day. Bring it on.

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