OMGosh I FELL! First time since 2006!

Today I was out for my first official "training trail run" for a Half Marathon Trail run I'm doing in May in Colorado. Now, mind you, I've run this trail on South Mountain in Phoenix MANY times in the last few years, but I have not EVER fallen while running....until TODAY. Scraped up my hand, my phone was OK (whew!) and I think I gave myself whiplash but other than that I survived. But tonight it got me thinking about the last time I REALLY fell, which was 2006.

In 2006 I weighed 268 pounds, and I was carrying my then-1-year-old son across a parking lot. My foot caught in a small pothole and because I was so large, my muscles so weak, and there was so much forward momentum from my weight, I couldn't catch myself. We both went down onto the pavement. My son hit his head on the asphalt, and I realized at that moment that my weight was to blame. I cradled him in my arms and we both cried for a few minutes until someone helped me up. He ended up being fine, but I realized I needed to make a change, that my weight was not only endangering me, but it was endangering my son in a very real way. And there began my weight loss journey.

Here it is, 8 years later, and I fell again while running down a freaking mountain, and I was FINE! The circumstances of my life are SO different now, and I am simply grateful. Grateful that I found a tool that helped me get ME back! Grateful that I can model health for my son and for my family! It isn't always easy, but the alternative would have cost me WAY too much.

I can't tell you how joyful I feel that I made this decision.  And I'd love to help you are someone you love create health in your lives also!  It won't cost you NOTHING (although I am a FREE Health Coach!).  But it may cost you EVERYTHING if you ignore your health.  If not now, when?  

The "Extra Skin?" Post

Many people have asked me what I did about my extra skin, if I HAD extra skin, if my extra skin BOTHERED me, basically wanting to know a little bit about what they may deal with after they've lost their weight.

Here's the skinny on the skin, in MY experience.

If anyone were to have extra skin, I guess it should have been me, since I lost 140 pounds in 14 months, gained it all back the next year, and then 2 years later began to lose it again, finally losing 150 pounds off of my 5 foot 3 inch frame.

Extra skin depends on many things:

Genetics.
Your age.
Your skin elasticity.
How much weight you lost, and where you carried it.
The rate at which you lose your weight.
How much circulation your skin got in the process of your weight loss (read light-to-moderate cardio, a few times per week).
Your level of hydration in the process of your weight loss.

etc etc...in other words, it is not an easy task to "predict" in advance who will have extra skin, and to what degree, as there are so many variables.

Skin is a living breathing "organ" so to speak.   It is constantly turning over, constantly renewing, and the body has an amazing ability to adapt, or regulate, skin turnover based on the needs of the body.

I believe the most important thing during the weight loss process has nothing to do with creams, ointments, oils, barking at the moon, etc.  OK that was a little humor there.  I digress.

Ointments and oils and other topical "remedies" really do nothing internally to "encourage new skin growth."  The BEST thing you can do is stay hydrated and keep circulation up all the way out to the "tippy ends" of your skin.  Really you are encouraging blood flow to those areas.  Some people believe you can encourage new skin growth by "sloughing off" the older skin on the top layers, using exfoliating techniques, etc.  I don't buy it, just as I don't believe that you can make your fingernails grow quicker by trimming them often.  It has more to do with the INTERNAL environment.  And nothing gets the INTERNAL environment blood flow pumping like some good old-fashioned exercise.   What manual exfoliation (such as brushing) techniques DO provide is drawing extra blood to those areas.  In other words, increased circulation to the site.  I never did any brushing, though.

I will state here, for the record, that I have never had any skin surgeries done.  Ever.

Now, this begs the question "what about the "Biggest Loser" and "Extreme Weight Loss" people, they exercise a TON and they seem to always need/desire the skin surgery.  One of the reasons that you see SO much extra skin in people on biggest loser and extreme weight loss shows is that they lost their weight very quickly, and they didn't have the circulatory matrix underneath the areas those extra skin areas to sufficient to carry nutrients and oxygen to the sagging skin.

So then there is the age factor.  Age effects elasticity of the skin.  When we are young, the skin turns over much more rapidly then when we are older.  In our 30's and 40's, it turns over about once every 3-4 weeks.  When we are over 50 it turns over once every 3 months or so.  So, age is a factor.  I lost my weight at a rate of about 2 lbs/month.  And I was 37 when I began losing my weight the first time, and 41 when I began the second time.

My best advice is to WAIT a FULL YEAR after your are FINISHED with your weight loss before considering ANY type of skin surgery.  My skin continues to adjust and minimize even 2 years after my weight loss, for example.  Remember that it is a living and breathing organ, and respect that.

In the meantime, support-clothing can help you feel great if you are a little self conscious.  Spanx works wonders with little problem areas, and hey, I didn't take my BEFORE picture in my birthday suit and I don't ever plan on taking any AFTER pictures in my birthday suit so there's always that!

Who ARE you, anyway?

How I view myself makes all the difference.

Maintaining my healthy weight these last 2 years has been an eye-opening experience in many, many ways.

Firstly I have learned that my body will ALWAYS respond to the instructions that I give it, like a good little soldier.

Secondly, there is a big difference between seeing myself as a fit and healthy woman, and seeing myself as someone who has lost 150 pounds and is "trying to keep the weight off".

Big.  Difference.

What is the difference you say?  The difference mentally is in the DIRECTION of the TENSION, which drives our thought process and then which translates PHYSICALLY to my first point above, which is that our bodies will always respond to the instructions that we give it.

The instructions we give it are rooted in how we view ourselves, which ultimately drive our actions and our health direction.

If we are simply "trying to keep from gaining weight" because we "have always gained it back" in the past and we are petrified and fearful of "gaining it back again" this time, WHERE is our FOCUS?

It is on GAINING the WEIGHT back.  We almost create the inevitability of that event by focusing on it and being fearful of it, allowing it to consume our thoughts and create tension the direction of what?  Of gaining the weight BACK.

Here's the thing that neuroscience has come to realize recently.  Our brains are wildly active even in our sleep.  They are organizing things, filing them away where they belong, figuring out solutions to things we are pondering during the day, etc.

Therefore, when it comes to unresolved tension, no matter what it is, part of our brain is on autopilot, figuring out how to resolve the tension, how to solve the problem.

When it comes to the arena of the fear of weight regain, our minds are viewing that as unresolved tension.  In essence, our brains are working out ways how to just GET IT OVER WITH (gain the weight back) so we can put that tension to rest and resolve it!  How do you like that?  How do you like the thought of your brain working overtime, in parts that you can't even cognitively pinpoint, and even in your SLEEP, trying to resolve the tension you've created by placing your focus on the WEIGHT you are afraid to gain BACK.  I don't know about you, but my mind is pretty sharp, and I certainly don't want it off somewhere, on it's own, cooking up devious plots on how it will get me to gain my weight back!  No thank you!

So what is to be done then?  Well, for me, daily success involved how I view myself.

I don't view myself as a "constant dieter who is in maintenance trying not to gain her weight back".  There is a real danger in this kind of mindset, as I explained above.

I DO view myself NOW as a fit and healthy woman who enjoys and active lifestyle and who joyfully chooses to eat a certain way in order to REMAIN fit and healthy.

New York Times bestselling author Dr. Wayne Scott Andersen, co-founder of Take Shape For Life and Medical Director of Medifast, Inc. talks about this phenomenon in his book "Dr. A's Habits of Health" when he discusses motivation for change, structural tension, and the difference between the "diet mentality" which is essentially an oscillating pattern driven by the conflict resolution model, and "creating optimal health" which is a creative process focusing on the amazing things we can bring IN to our lives as a RESULT of becoming optimally healthy.

There is tension created in our brains in both scenarios.  The tension we create with the conflict-resolution model is tension to GAIN our weight back.  This is because LOSING WEIGHT is a NEGATIVE GOAL (something we want AWAY from, or OUT of our lives) and our motivation for LOSING the weight is because we are in emotional pain and conflict which we want GONE also.  When we begin feeling BETTER about ourselves as the weight begins to come off, we LOSE our motivation.

Some typical thoughts at this stage are:
* It was SO easy at the beginning, why is it SO hard now?
* Why can't I seem to stay a SINGLE DAY on plan?  I used to be able to go WEEKS at a time!
* What is WRONG with me?  Why can't I get my head straight and succeed at KEEPING THE WEIGHT OFF!

I recently went through a precarious mind-shift myself, and only in hindsight can I now see what was happening.

You see, this viewing myself as a fit and health woman is not necessarily a permanent state.  If I don't cognitavely CHOOSE to do this, my default tends to be focusing on the WEIGHT instead.  I mean let's face it, I have about 40 years of practice viewing it as a WEIGHT thing and a DIET thing, and about 4 years of learning HOW to choose HEALTH as my focus.

I ran the Paris Marathon last April, and also participated in the Carlsbad Triathlon in July this last summer and the reality of that made it super-easy for me to continue identifying myself as a fit and healthy woman.

Since August of this year I noticed a bit of a mind shift in to old fears (about "keeping the weight off") and pressures I put upon myself in not wanting to let anyone down by regaining any of my weight.  I became anxious at every daily change of the scale, if it were up 1/4 pound, or up 4 pounds, and this daily hyper-focus on the scale, this daily anxiety if there was a change in the "upward" direction simply began to compound itself.  Before I knew it I was at my "scream" weight, which triggers an automatic "reboot" on our program for me.  I had some time to think about what happened, because I definitely noticed a shift in my mindset in August.

Before August there was joy in creating health!  After August there was fear in gaining weight!

So what have I done recently to give myself more opportunities to continue creating health?  I am beginning AGAIN to identify myself as a fit and healthy woman.  It is who I AM and who I wish to REMAIN.  I have banished the thoughts and fears about "gaining the weight back" because I actually BELIEVE what Dr. A says about all that structural tension stuff!  I have LIVED it time and time again and I recognize the TRUTH about the mind always seeking to resolve unresolved tension, and that by our thoughts, goals and values we create those tensions ourselves!

I have lived on both sides of the spectrum, in the arena of truly creating health in my life, and in the devastation of massive weight regain (which is simply a "snap-back", an "auto-correct" if you will, of the tension I was creating with my "negative goals" mindset).

I have lived BOTH of these ways, and I MASSIVELY prefer the joy and peace that comes from creating health in my life.  I choose to continue in THAT mindset.  Intentionally.

What does that look like practically?

Today I ask the question "Who Am I?"
Next questions "How will my actions today be authentic with who I am?"
Then go and do it.

Genius is 1% Inspiration and 99% Perspiration - Thomas Edison

I LOVE to live in the inspiration side of genius.  I can spend hours dreaming of places I want to go, things I want to do, feats I want to accomplish.  Looking at Thomas Edison's quote I can't help but WISH that what he MEANT was that "Genius is 99% inspiration and 1% perspiration."

But alas, it is NOT what he said, and the truth of what he DID say tends to gobsmack me every time I truly ponder the words.

We have all sorts of intentions, don't we?  I know I do!  And I tend to speak my hopes out loud.  For example, we have a room in our house that has fallen in to deep disorder.  I mean DEEP.  Disorder.

Every time I pass by that room I get a pang of guilt that it has fallen into such disarray.  So, I do what any "I'm too busy right now maybe another day" mom would do, I simply close the door.  Sometimes the door gets opened again because I actually NEED something from that room, and then the cycle repeats.

Once a week or so I have the inspiring thought that maybe I'll actually try to tackle it "today".  I fully "intend" to tackle it for about the first 3 hours of said day.  Soon, the day happens "upon" me (as opposed to ME happening on the DAY) and I "find" that quite inexplicably the room has not, in fact, been tidied.

Big surprise there.

The same is sometimes true with my health goals.  Some days I have great "intention" of staying on my plan today.  I have even greater "intention" of getting some healthy motion (read exercise) in as well!  A few hours later, the exercise piece gets pushed to the side, and I'm left with my "intention" of staying on my eating plan.  A few hours after that, once again, I let the day happen TO me instead of me happening on the DAY, and viola my best intentions and inspiration for the day have evaporated.

Oh, Thomas, why can't I seem to remember your words every day?

Truly our best intentions and hopes must be followed by ACTION.  Perspiration he calls it.  Work.  Labor.  Sweat.  Doing.

Today I am going about things a little differently.  I have opened the door to "that room" and I have DECIDED to follow up my intentions with ACTIONS.  I have decided to put a DATE on my goal of getting that room clean and organized.  That day is TODAY.

With my health journey I have also put a DATE on my intentions.  Last year I ran the Paris Marathon because I put a training plan down on paper, with dates, and followed it up with the DAILY action, the "perspiration" to get the job done, to have my goal realized.  I've just set some new health goals this week, with dates, and today I will be setting my training plan down on my whiteboard, and will follow those "intentions" with daily action, the "perspiration" to get the job done. 

Choose Your Own Adventure

Resolve.  Willpower.  White-knuckling.  Holding my breath.  What do these things have in common?

Simply this:  They are usually followed by feelings of shame.  Failure.  Inadequacy.  Self-loathing.

Then repeating resolve:  "I will  $%&**#&)  follow my "diet" today,  %&^*#  it!" and then by about 8pm comes the "What is WRONG with me?  Why can't I DO this?  Why can't I stick to a simple plan for 24 hours?"

Followed by feelings of shame.  Failure.  Inadequacy.  Self-loathing.

When I find myself slipping into this cycle, the "diet cycle," that oscillating pattern of "Lose-Gain-Repent-Repeat" I know that I have shifted my focus OFF of creating health.

There are now TWO directions I can go.  There are TWO outcomes to this scenario.  It is kind of like being in one of those "Choose Your Own Adventure" books.  Pretend with me that you are reading one of those books right now.  Pretend this is YOUR adventure, and not MY adventure.

"To put your head in the sand, to continue on in this downward spiral of despair, defeat, self-loathing and anguish, turn to page 45."

"To make a fundamental decision for health, realize that your actions TODAY determine the direction you will go in your health, and to look FORWARD at creating health in your life and continuing to be the heroine in  your own life story, turn to page 63." 

I choose to turn to page 63.

Page 63 represents hope.  Page 63 represents my continued DECISION to move in the direction of optimal health and ultra health.

On page 63 are two sentences.  Are you ready for them?

1)  It is NEVER too late to become the person we "might have" been. - Brenda Warner
2)  First, say what it is you would be, then DO what you have to do.  - Epictetus

And so, which page will YOU choose?  Which adventure will YOU choose to live out in your own life?

I am a FREE Certified Health Coach and am ready to help YOU choose YOUR own adventure! Message me and let's get going TODAY!

Rinse and Repeat!

Sometimes It's Like NOT Scratching an Itch....

I have decided that resisting cravings are somewhat like NOT scratching an itch.  I conducted an experiment last night on our car trip back from Los Angeles to Phoenix, it was somewhat unintended but gave me some great insights!

I was in the back seat of our car with our awesome 10-year old son, and I had closed my eyes to rest a bit.  He noticed my eyes were closed, and said "Hey Daddy!  Mama is asleep!"  My husband said "well, don't wake her up, let her rest."

Not wanting to disappoint my son and make him think he had woken me up (he hadn't, I wasn't asleep in the first place) I wanted to keep my eyes closed for a bit and remain still.

But there was a problem.  I immediately developed an itch on my nose.

What could I do?  I couldn't scratch it, or he would see me moving/stirring/awake and be devastated that he had woken me up!  So, I sat there, eyes closed, nose itching, and DIDN'T scratch it.

It persisted.  In fact, it got stronger.  It became almost unbearable because I was doing everything I could to NOT scratch it.  I thought I was going to succumb to it, to respond to the itch, and everything in me WANTED to do that and was TELLING me to just scratch it already.

But I didn't.

Herculean self control and torture, LOL.  

Then guess what happened?  After about a minute of itching, the itch subsided on its own!  The urge to scratch it went COMPLETELY away!

Wanting to see if this was a fluke experience, I tried to repeat the phenomenon as I lay in bed last night.  My nose had begun to itch, and instead of immediately scratching it I just experienced the itch for 20-30 seconds.  It went away!  I found that if I didn't scratch it, the itch would subside over time!

I drew a parallel to my cravings for off-plan items.  At the time of the craving, it seems that the reflexive desire to answer the craving immediately is all I can think about.  But then I notice that if I DON'T respond to to craving, in about 5 minutes the desire for the item I am craving GOES AWAY!

So here is the lesson in that, BUY YOURSELF TIME away from acting on the temptation to sabotage yourself.  Dr. A calls this the "Stop.  Challenge.  Choose." method, where you literally STOP what you are doing, take 8 deep breaths or drink a glass of water, CHALLENGE whether or not what you are about to do works TOWARDS your health goals or counteracts them, then CHOOSE what is ultimately most important to you.

In the car with my son it was MOST important for me to give the appearance to my son that I was, in fact, asleep.  So I didn't respond to the craving to scratch my nose.  

What is important to you in your health journey?  What actions will you take to realize your most important goals/dreams/desires?  Sometimes it's as easy (hard) as simply NOT scratching that itch.

Rinse and Repeat!

Done with Being Double-Minded!

So it's a new year, and with every new year comes a sense of renewal, of new beginnings, of setting down goals which fall in line with the hopes and dreams of what I hope to accomplish during my time on this earth!  It is a time of reflecting upon the previous year, taking stock of my blessings, and looking towards the next year!

I remember when I was class IV Super-Obese (at 5'3" and 272 pounds, with a BMI of around 48) and every December 31st would be filled with the feeling (again) of failure and regret.  Regret that I had NOT achieved any real measurable improvements in my own health the previous year.  A sense of failure that I had squandered yet another year with failed diets and I translated that failure to thinking that I was hopelessly flawed, that I'd never be able to bring health into my life, so what was the point of making yet ANOTHER New Year's Resolution? 

Then came the summer of 2010.  After getting STUCK in the TURNSTILES at Disneyworld and having to be let through the stroller gate (with no stroller) I was hopelessly embarrassed.  I was mortified, actually.  I was as big as I had ever been, and I was filled with self-loathing. 

Self-loathing had actually been present in my life for most of my adult years, because I KNEW there was a healthy person inside me just WAITING to get out, but I had NO idea how to make my dream a reality. 

Having had success on a program in the past, but having gained it all back, I decided to make a fundamental decision for HEALTH.


I decided to join Take Shape For Life, get a Free Health Coach, and give it my all.

I proceeded to lose 150 pounds over about 18-20 months, and adopted Habits of Health that have really changed my life.

So why the title to this blog "Done Being Double Minded"?

Here's the thing, there isn't any such thing, I believe, as a "Permanent once-and-for-all mind shift" which will forever "cure" me of the desire to eat yummy things.  It's not like a magic wand waived over me and instantly undid the years and years of carb-addiction (white sugar is like crack for me) and the abuse I did to my body by overeating to the degree that it stored 150 extra pounds of fat that I didn't need on my petite frame. 

So although I have lost 150 pounds, although I HAVE grown a full inch from being 5'2" to being 5'3" (it's amazing how springy the spine can be when it isn't so weighted down), although I have ditched the CANE I needed to walk with at the age of 39 because my knees hurt so badly sometimes, although I have run a full marathon, etc etc....there is still a part of my brain which seeks to destroy all that I have accomplished with my health.

The only term I can think of for that is that I am "double-minded" and sometimes my "fat-brain" exercises influence over me.

Well, MY New Year's Resolution THIS year has nothing to do with LOSING WEIGHT because I already DID that, but it has EVERYTHING to do with MAINTAINING the health I have achieved in my own life by committing to myself to move FURTHER into a healthy mindset and DITCH the double-mindedness.

I know it will be a challenge.  The duplicity of my thoughts sometimes astounds even me!  And they are MY thoughts!  And I have them, and I think "woah, where did THAT come from?" and I KNOW where that came from, it came from years and years of unhealthy habits which never went AWAY, they just lay there in my brain, DORMANT, and SLEEPING, until I WAKE them up by acting upon any of those self-destructive thoughts.

You see, as I said, there is no magic wand.  What I have achieved has been achieved intentionally and with purpose, and because of the program that I utilized allowed me to gradually develop rituals, habits, that were HEALTHY instead of UNHEALTHY.  Eventually those healthy habits became simply my routine. 

Here is an example of an unhealthy habit that I ditched along the way:  Going OFF-PLAN on the weekends. 

You know how it is, Friday rolls around and we think "Man, I've been SO GOOD all week, SO structured, and hey it's the weekend and I want to be a little impulsive, a little wild, a little crazy, and let's face it I DESERVE to have a little treat here on Friday night."

And Monday morning we wake up in a carb coma.  We wonder "what the heck happened?" and we resolve to be "good" again.  So we hold it together, get back on plan, with a militant resolve.

Then Friday comes around again, and we get a little loosey-goosey with our program.

Well, that can become a HABIT. 

It isn't BAD or GOOD, because it isn't a moral decision, it simply is a habit.  So are you wondering why it is so HARD to stay on plan over the weekend?  Simple, it may be because you have made it a habit, a routine, to NOT be on plan over the weekends.  So change it!

Yes, you CAN!  How?  Well, right now, as you are reading this blog it is Saturday morning.  Even if you deviated a little last night, commit to yourself RIGHT NOW that your NEXT decision will be an ON PLAN decision.  Then repeat.  Then repeat.  See?   You'll make it through the rest of the weekend and not wake up on Monday morning with that familiar sense of guilt, failure and regret.

Then, next Friday?  COMMIT to yourself that each decision you make through the weekend will be an ON PLAN decision.  There!  You've made it through a SECOND weekend on plan.  Get a few more weekends under your belt ON PLAN and you've just created a HEALTHY habit of being ON PLAN on the weekends!  The first weekend or two may feel foreign, strange, or hard.  Wild thoughts may bombard you every few hours or even every minute, and you will need to resist acting on those thoughts of self-sabotage.  But get a few weekends done ON PLAN and then you will find that being ON PLAN is your weekend routine!  There!  You've done it!

So for me, the double-mindedness I plan to conquer this month and this year is the double-mindedness that on one hand I see myself as a fit and healthy woman, and then BOOM out of the blue a thought will bombard me that reminds me of the OLD me, the OBESE me.  I have made a commitment to myself NOT to act in a manner that is NOT in accordance with the NEW me.  It will be hard, at first.  But then as I continue to flex that muscle I will find that it is easier, and that those thoughts of self-sabotage will come less and less often because I'm not FEEDING those thoughts with ACTIONS that will ACTUALLY sabotage me and my success so far.

This is important to me.  I am doing it.  The life I have left behind was a life that I didn't want.  It was a life that caused me great emotional and physical pain and conflict.  It was flat-out unhealthy.  I didn't want to model that for my son, my family, my community, or myself.  So I made a decision to change.  And true change, real change IS possible.  I'm living proof and I simply need to remind myself of that fact anytime I have a duplicitous thought enter my brain.  I need to combat those thoughts with the truth.  The truth is that we can ALWAYS control what goes in our mouths.  We can ALWAYS control how we choose to respond to temptations.  And seemingly small improvements, practiced daily, produce stunning results over time.

So allow for the passage of time, and let's get those resolutions ON!