Monday, September 19, 2011

August 22, 2011- Sept 8th 2011

I don't care if you are 20 years old or 70 years old. I don't care if you have gained and lost over 1,000 pounds in your lifetime, just to be back at the top end of your weight pendulum. What I DO care about is letting you know that no matter what your situation, no matter what your current weight, no matter WHAT your level of present despair, you CAN DO THIS.

Look at my before and afters. I'm not quite finished, I have 30 pounds left to go, but this is my SECOND time on Medifast. We are never a hopeless case. I have gone from a size 26 to a size 6 in 13 months.

Did it take time? Yes. But I was happy and felt AWESOME after WEEK ONE was completed. Yes, you heard me, week 1. I felt an optimism I had not felt, a certainty that this time was THE last time.

I have built around myself a support system that is multi-faceted. I reached out for help. I leaned on others when I needed to. Then I learned how to become my OWN cheerleader. Hold MYSELF accountable. Keep the commitments I made to MYSELF on a daily basis and not treat myself like a child.

I got control of my inner-saboteur. She is still there, and she rears her ugly head every once in awhile...but I have a stern talk with her every time and remind her that she can either be on board with this, or go back into the closet. Sometimes that doesn't work and we end up mud-wrestling. Occasionally she wins. Most times I win.

Anything is possible.

I believe that God is in control, but I believe that He has allowed US to be in control of our health in so much as we can be. God did not design me to be obese. I had done that to myself. Now I've stepped in to what I believe is my true calling, my true destiny, and my authentic self. I am vibrant, not hiding. I am smiling, not scowling. I smile at life when I wake up in the mornings, instead of dreading the day.

It is never too late to become the person we might have been.

Who is that person? Take some time this week and dream. Dream BIG!!! What would you do "if only" you were a normal weight? Where would you go? What would you do? Who would you be? Because I want you to catch a glimpse of your own potential. We are powerful beings, you and I. I think we are afraid of our own potential. I am here to tell you there is no need to be afraid of who you 'might have been', who you CAN BE. Just step into it.

How? Make your next meal an On Plan Medifast Meal. Drink your water. Go about your business. In time, you will become that person. Be intentional about your choices. Don't let life HAPPEN to you, don't always be REACTING to life. MAKE life. MAKE it happen. Yes, you can.

I will leave you with a quote:

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn't serve the world. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."

-Marianne Williamson

Happy Medifasting! Rinse and Repeat!
This was on her bio....I really just have no words. I had her picture (attached at bottom) as my avatar for about 1/2 an hour. I couldn't stand it anymore and changed it back to me. It really creeped me out.

"

I'm your average gal next door who just happens to have a body to match the size of her personality. I've never been completely thin, though I have been just under the chunky side. Growing up I wrote a letter to my dad; and in it I told him that my favorite subject in school was lunch. Who would have guessed? Throughout school I was always a top student. I graduated high school in the top ten percent of my class. I was about 300 pounds then. Later I also attended a couple semesters of college. From the time I was 20 to the time I was 30, I went from 300 pounds to 500 pounds. This weight wasn't intentionally gained.


Though, I noticed that I liked the way the weight felt, and the way my body was filling out. Then, one day at 30 years old I was surfing the net. I came across a dating banner for SSBBW's. I had never heard that term before. I decided to find out what it meant. That one add got the ball rolling for me. I found out about FA's and the world of larger women. I was impressed and excited. Deep down I had always known I wanted to be fat, but I thought I was alone in this feeling. I began to look into how fat other people were able to become, how they did it, side effects, and whether it could be done in a safe and healthy manner. The more I learned, the more I wanted to let go and gain weight.


So, at 500 pounds I decided I was ready. It wasn't until several pounds later that I began to feel the freedom and the absolute joy of being fat and getting fatter. The more weight I put on the better I felt, and the more confidence I seemed to gain. I began to change the way I did things according to my weight. I wasn't out running marathons by any means, but I tried to stay as active as possible. I began to eat just a bit more each day than the previous day. Before I knew it I was 700. I'm still very healthy, very mobile, and active. I'm looking forward to pushing the limits and seeing just how fat I can get. It's hard to put into words what it feels like.


The way my body moves on its own, yet with me is poetry in motion. Being this size has caused me to have to take life slower, That enables me to enjoy alot of life's little things that most people are so busy they over look. There is a bit of rebellion to being my size. I mean after all aren't we taught that you aren't supposed to be fat? I love marching to my own beat and thinking outside of the box. Not that there would be a box big enough to put me in either size wise or size wise relating to my personality. :) Being this fat has given me a feeling of total freedom and not only self acceptance but confidence. I wish other women could find the freedom that unlocks that within themselves."

Attachment: Fatwoman.jpg
I had to put this shock photo up as my avatar for a day or two.

(*Edit: I changed it within 1/2 hour it creeped me out! It is attached at the bottom of this blog and my next one too.....)

This lady lives in Casa Grande and wants to...WANTS TO... is ACTIVELY WORKING TOWARDS being the fattest woman in the world. Her name is Susanne Eman and she has two teenage boys.

http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/news/3757881/Worlds-fattest-mum-Susanne-Eman-wants-to-be-heaviest-ever.html

http://susanneeman.com/

If you read about her your heart will break. And you will be mad. Mad at her, mad at what she represents, mad at what kind of mother she is being to her sons.

Just thought I'd share. No, this is not my before picture. But what it IS serving right now to me is as a reminder. A reminder of the fact that no matter how big I thought I was when I began this journey AGAIN last summer, I could always be bigger. And if I give up on me again, someday I could actually be as big as this woman. The human body is capable of storing this much fat. It doesn't happen overnight, but it CAN happen.

I will take it down in time.
Attachment: Fatwoman.jpg
It would be very easy for me to adopt the mindset that because I LOOK normal, I can therefore "eat" what others may consider "normal", ie the typical Western Diet.

Nope. I can't. I will never be able to, either. My body has many many dormant fat cells just waiting to fill up. In fact, they are emitting a hormone RIGHT NOW that is just BEGGING my system to store fatty acids back into them as fat reserves. Begging I tell you. Pleading. And any calories that I consume that are over and above my miniscule daily needs WILL be converted to fat AND stored in the blink of an eye.

So as I said, I may look normal, but I have entered into a very tricky and dangerous part of my journey. The knowledge of this, but the SEEING a "normal" body day in and day out.

So how do I combat the complacency?

1) I have printed off several copies of my "before" picture, the one of me in the pink shirt. I post one on my fridge, I post one by my side door (the one I use most). I keep one in my purse, and I keep a wallet sized one in a cute little Vera Bradley coin purse, in the picture window part of the purse so I can see it every time I search for change.

2) I keep my size 26 "Fat Pants" and my XXXL Holiday Sweater on the top shelf of my closet just in case I need a more poignant visual reminder of how much I have accomplished.

3) I read and re-read "Dr. A's Habits of Health", to truly work my way towards Optimal Health and not just some jean size accomplishment. Although I'll take that too LOL.

4) I will help as many people as I can do what I did. Paying it forward.

5) I may go have a cup of coffee once a month at an all-you-can-eat buffet and just observe with my journal in hand. And just watch.

I never want to forget. Because my body will ALWAYS want to get back there. It is what years of abuse have done to my system and my metabolism.

And one day I will LOOK like that skinny girl who can eat whatever she wants and never gain an ounce, but I will NOT BE her. Remembrance. Never go back.

My change this week into a size 6 jean has really jolted me into an acute awareness of where I have actually come from this last year. From a size 26 to a size 6. It is just incredible to me. And I love to help inspire the potential in others to do the same thing I did.

Happy Medifasting! Rinse and Repeat!
Just a quick update, I had a fantastic weekend! And even though my ticker has only moved about 5 pounds this month I have lost 3 jeans sizes in 6 weeks! From a 12 to a 6!

Warp speed! I knew when it started to FINALLY come off my bum and thighs, it would come off ONLY from there! And it pretty much has! I love this program!
Went to see a great friend today and had a very refreshing time just TALKING real life stuff. So blessed to have her in my life.

It reminded me that there is "real life in progress" for all of us. There is never a "good" or "optimal" time to get control of our own health, and NOW is ALWAYS the best plan.

She and I are getting healthy. It sure helps to have a friend doing it with and alongside you! And no matter what the future holds for all of us going on this amazing journey, I have one thing to say.

OUR BEST LIVING IS IN FRONT OF US NOT BEHIND US!

Yes. Our "Glory Days" are yet to be lived. We, all of us, have this amazing potential within us to BECOME the person we MIGHT HAVE been.

We are doing that. Chips fall where they may. Funny quick story about those chips, today my chips fell standing in line to buy a Coke Zero at the Minute Mart and realizing the jailbait teen-aged boy behind me had just been checking out my BUM!!! I think I chuckled out loud as I walked to my car thinking how far I've come in a year. And realizing once again that I am blessed to have found a plan that actually works.

And eyes to yourself, you young whipper-snapper, I am your MOMMA'S AGE! AND I'm married.

Serves me right for actually WEARING my size 6 White House/Black Market black jeans out in public. Tee Hee.

Happy Medifasting! Rinse and Repeat!
Sometimes I'm a little scared to get off this chair and off this computer and make my way to my bed, although I really REALLY need to.

Why? Because I have to walk past the kitchen. And if anyone thinks that this ole' chick doesn't get cravings, or has this whole weight thing beat and figured out and handled, well think again.

I still struggle with temptations. And I still take it a day at a time.

Sometimes it is as if my inner-saboteur delights in getting me THIS FAR in the day...just to tempt me to throw it down the drain with a slip-up.

Sometimes I feel like my inner-saboteur is not satisfied if I don't deviate from the plan. Well yes, I KNOW that is the case. So just for today (because all we can handle is one day at a time don't ya know!), JUST for today, JUST for this walk from my computer down the hall to my bed, I will say no. I will be successful. Tomorrow I will worry about tomorrow.

Time to take "the walk".......I'm confident I'll be victorious. Just writing it out has helped. =) Have a great night! Oh, and incase you didn't see my previous blog today, this little chickie is able to wear her SIZE 6 JEANS! Take THAT inner-saboteur!

And with that, I'm off to bed.

Happy Medifasting! Rinse and Repeat!
Oh yes. I bought two pairs of size 6 White House/Black Market jeans a few months ago knowing I would be in them this fall. And it's not even this fall yet. I am so excited.

I have a little muffin top but nothing that prevents me from wearing these puppies out in public with a loose T-shirt!

So I went to our local Coffee Shop today feeling all pretty in my SIZE 6 JEANS! YES, you can still feel cute and sexy at age 41! Just had to shout it out there. Far cry from size 26. Oh yes. I'm lovin' it! Just had to share.
OK here is a reality check. Labor Day, don'tcha know, is just another 24 hour day.

So wake up, have your 1st Medifast meal, drink your water, and continue through your day.

Going to a BBQ? Great! Enjoy the company. All they have is Brats and Dogs? Then eat your lean and green before you go and take a bag of BBQ Bites, and drink Diet Coke or water.

Challenge yourself to focus on the PEOPLE at the event. NOT the food. DON'T complain, don't even open your mouth at your own "deprivations", or you will talk yourself into feeling sorry for yourselves. Then you'll be a wet blanket.

Don't even mention it. If someone asks, say "I'm not really hungry" or "I ate before I came" or "My stomach is giving me trouble today".....

And let it be that. If someone else gives you a hard time, and you've already told them you weren't hungry, ask them "Why is it so important to you that I overeat today?"
"Just for today I will exercise my soul in three ways. I will do somebody a good turn, and not get found out; if anyone knows of it it will not count' I will do at least 3 things I don't want to do, just for exercise.

I will not show anyone that my feelings are hurt - they may be hurt but today I will not show it.

Just for today I will be agreeable. I will look as well as I can, dress becomingly, talk low, act courteously, criticize not one bit, not find fault with anything, and not try to improve or regulate anybody but myself."

I found this on a bookmark last week and wrote it down. It impacted me. Just for today, I will follow the precepts.

Happy Medifasting! Rinse and Repeat!
I was told this today by one of the other parents while picking up my Kindergartner at school. I love these little "pick-me-ups" that come out of the blue and are SO encouraging! Awesome NSV if I do say it myself!

That is what 1 year on Medifast will do when you start in a size 26 jeans and work your way down to an 8 I guess! So stick to it, folks! You will NOT be disappointed! And you never know who you might inspire.
Sometimes the struggle boils down to one hour, one minute at a time. It is in these moments where we meet ourselves, REALLY meet ourselves. Are we the stuff of heroes? Or will we cave at the first opportunity?

I truly have a desire in my heart to do something heroic today. So I will stay on Medifast as written in the Quick Start Guide, and I will clean my kitchen. And in my eyes and in my family's eyes I will be a hero today.

How about you?
I wanted to do a little shout out to anyone who is just starting or is thinking about starting this program, who may have a significant amount of weight to lose, and who is already discouraged or depressed at how far they have to go.

Happy doesn't wait for you to get to goal.

Happy starts the minute YOU start the program. Honest.

Ok, well there IS the first three days. There is that. I can't say that happy starts really THEN. But happy DOES start on day 4 with renewed energy, and that little something that probably feels foreign to many just starting out...HOPE.

Hope. The knowledge that this time is for real. The knowledge that the program IS simple (not easy) and understandable, and most importantly, livable.

The knowledge in reading other people's success stores, blogs, and MyPage's, that success can be yours too if you simply follow the plan.

Before you know it, your happy factor has increased and you are full blown happy a month in to your plan!

So be encouraged. Happy doesn't wait for you to get to goal.

Happy Medifasting! Rinse and Repeat!
Don't know if I mentioned this weekend that I made it to the coveted size 8 Levi's. Oh yes. I'm there. Today I was wearing my comfy size 12 cut-offs and I could pull them off without unbuttoning them. A classic sign to self that it is indeed time to retire them. So I got out my scissors and "cut off" my Gap Lowrise 10's which are now my new "comfy" pants.

But here is the awesome part. I CAN WEAR MY LEVI'S 8's!! Oh yes. I am super excited about them apples. Far cry from my (tight!) size 26's.

Survived the weekend, given a NSV today. Yip yip yahoo.

Happy Medifasting! Rinse and Repeat!
I was restless today. And snack-y. I'm not gonna lie.

I didn't indulge the snackiness, and the restlessness has NOT gone away. But I'm not going to try to appease my inner-brat by giving her what she thinks she wants because, you see, I know better.

And because I, and not she, is driving this boat, I will sit here and blog, not eat, because yes even I still struggle through weekends at times.

But I'm almost through it. And if I can give ONE person any kind of support RIGHT NOW by reading my blog, then I have succeeded.

I came from a size 26 (and probably should have been wearing size 28's....) and XXXL or XXXXL tops to size 8 jeans and S-M tops. I have every reason in the world to continue moving forward, not take a step back. So I will grin and bear it because sometimes we have to ACT like we have it together on our eating plan until our emotions catch up with us. For me, "acting" like I have it together means going through the actual motions of having it together, ie NOT eating off plan. Whether I feel like it or not. So I guess I'm acting. But I will get the desired results, and my emotions will catch up with me tomorrow and I will be thankful that I got through tonight.

So here's to faking it until I make it! When it gets late enough I'm just going to BED!!!! =)

Happy Medifasting y'all!
It's funny, I hear much about "sustainable farming" and "sustainable growth" but not much about "sustainable living". So I got to thinking about it this afternoon.

What IS sustainable living? Well, let's look at the two words separately.

sus·tain·a·ble

1.
capable of being supported or upheld, as by having its weight borne from below.
2.
pertaining to a system that maintains its own viability by using techniques that allow for continual reuse: sustainable agriculture. Aquaculture is a sustainable alternative to overfishing.
3.
able to be maintained or kept going, as an action or process: a sustainable negotiation between the two countries.
4.
able to be confirmed or upheld: a sustainable decision.
5.
able to be supported as with the basic necessities or sufficient funds: a sustainable life.

liv·ing

1.
having life; being alive; not dead: living persons.
2.
in actual existence or use; extant: living languages.
3.
active or thriving; vigorous; strong: a living faith.
4.
burning or glowing, as a coal.
5.
flowing freely, as water.

So, if I put any/all of those together I get the following: Thriving, vigorous and strong actual existence, able to be maintained or upheld as an action or process.

THAT is what I want. And I want it vibrantly. I want it abundantly.

I look back on how I was "living" when I weighed 268. Oh, to be sure, I was "alive", but I was not "living".

I was drawing breath. But my heart was dying. My soul was just about lifeless. I had been sucked dry.

I believe that God places lessons on our heart, and when our hearts break, they drop in. I learned, in a furnace, in a pressure cooker that was my life, that if I was going to really live I needed the courage to just follow the Medifast plan for ONE DAY. That is all I needed. Just one day.

So I drew every ounce of strength I had. Then I asked the Lord to back up my good decisions with His supernatural strength. And I managed to squeak out one day.

I have been waking up with that same determination every day since. It has been almost 13 months now.

There have been days my decisions were not as good as they could have been. There have been days I grit my teeth and held on by my fingernails. There have been days that I woke up in the morning, ashamed of what I had done the day/night before. But I kept going. I kept on. I was determined. And I decided that one bad decision does NOT define me. So I kept going.

I am now almost 13 months into my plan and 110 pounds down from my high of 268. And I continue. And my life has changed in so many ways I cannot even begin to catalog them for you. So I will just say I am happy. Life is great. I am living sustainably. I hope you will join me.

Who is with me?

Laugh if you must. I am laughing this morning after feeling my left hip/side abdomen area and feeling a solid mass.

I was turned slightly to the side, and I felt the other side and didn't feel it...then I straightened out and they both felt the same. Oh my goodness. I just felt a muscle.

I honestly got a little freaked out for a minute, a wave of panic overwhelmed my little brain and my first thought was "There is a LUMP in the SIDE of my ABDOMEN!!!"

Um, yes, but it has been covered up for years by so much fat it just always felt jiggly, not solid. Yes. Hello muscles.

Started at 268, down to 158. Feeling grand. From a 48 BMI to a 27 BMI. Size 26 jeans to a size 8. Oh yeah!

Happy Medifasting! Rinse and Repeat!
Oh "Normal BMI" I have you in my sights! And at my rate of loss, which averages 2 lbs/week, you will be MINE by my 42nd Birthday on October 22nd.

I look forward to spending many decades to come at a "normal" BMI. I have said "goodbye" to obesity forever.

I am so excited. =)
Unless we are on a feeding tube, we are all 100% in control of and responsible for what we put in our mouths.

The technique I have found works EVERY time it is tried to be successful when battling cravings or unexpected items in the office break room is Dr. A's "Stop...Challenge...Choose".

Stop yourself. Suspend all action while you CHALLENGE what you are about to or being tempted to do. Will carrying through with your intended action take you towards your ultimate goal of optimal health? CHOOSE what action you will take. Yes, pointing your toes towards the door and propelling yourself through it back to your desk IS an option, as much as it doesn't FEEL like an option when you are in the throes of temptation.

Stop. Challenge. Choose.

Happy Medifasting! Rinse and Repeat!
I am building around myself a micro-environment of health. I am surrounding myself with a support system of like-minded people.

And today I went to my second OA meeting. The first OA meeting I was dragged to when I was 19 years old by a well-meaning neighbor. I never went back because "Hey, I don't have that problem..."

22 years later, and about 400 pounds lost gained lost gained lost gained and lost, I have been admitting for some time now that yes, I am an over eater.

What else could explain the lose-gain-repent-repeat behavior over the past 30 years of my life?

So I went. I felt uplifted. I felt at peace. Abstinence will do that. And non-abstinence promotes anxiety, fear, and a feeling of being out of control. I choose abstinence.

When the decisions in my life come from a place of peace and serenity, things usually turn out A-OK. When I make decisions from a place of fear, that is when things are all in confusion and usually I don't make the right decision.

For awhile now I have felt at peace with my life, and at peace with my calling. It is a good place to live life from, let me tell you. I wish it for all of you. And for me it all started with abstinence.

Happy Medifasting! Rinse and Repeat!
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