And heaven knows I don't judge. I DO listen, however. I listen with intent to try to find out what they TRULY want. Do they want me to agree with them that they can't do it? Are they looking for a solution? Do they just want me to listen?
It's hard to discern sometimes what exactly to say to someone who is giving a litany of reasons why they would prefer to remain in their current state of un-health or even chronic disease brought on by their obesity.
Do these sound familiar? Have you, when you've told someone what you are doing to get healthy, gotten some of these responses?
"I could never do that!" (OK I believe you!)
"Well, you've probably never had a weight problem in your whole life!" (Ya got a minute? Or an hour? Let me talk to you about that LOL!)
"I just love food too much!" (How is that working out for you?)
"I don't have the time do to that!" (Eat 1 meal of protein and vegetables, and then 5 times pre day rip open the wrapper of a bar and eat it?)
"I don't have time to go to the gym!" (That's GREAT! This program doesn't require you to!)
"I'll just gain it back again!" (Our program gives you the tools to choose NOT to do that, but it will depend on what instructions you send your body every day in Maintenance. Are you living the habits of health daily? Or are you eating what you ate before the program?)
"My Birthday/Anniversary/Son's Wedding/Easter/4th of July BBQ/Cruise in 4 months/Dog's Friend's Sister's Husband's Bachelor Party/Superbowl 2018 is coming up and I don't want to start anything before then!" (Um....Ok....)
"What would they say about me at work?" (Well, after 1 week on the program they would likely say that you have a certain glow, an energy, an optimism, and a joy about you that you didn't have up to a week ago. They'd say "something's different about you, and some will beg you to tell them what it is? They'd SEE that you are transforming your life. That is what they would say, and if they aren't saying it you can be sure they are thinking it).
The funny thing is that I've had a number of those "reasons" MYSELF in the past, reasons I put out there as to why I wasn't willing to take that risk, the risk that maybe I actually COULD live the healthy life I'd always dreamed of.
And I listened to MYSELF every time. Until I STOPPED giving those excuses the time of day.
What made me stop? Because I'll tell you if there was a magic fairy dust you could buy on Ebay called "excuse overcomer" EVERYONE would buy it, one would THINK. Or, would they?
Are we comfortable with our reasons for not stepping out and making the decision (followed by the effort) to make a change in our lives and health? I mean, let's face it, our reasons may be killing us over the long-run but they are EASIER in the short-term, and while we are just barely surviving through our days (as opposed to THRIVING), these reasons are comforting because they are familiar. Kind of like when a baby sits contentedly in a soiled diaper, "it's warm and it's mine, no need for a change". At least we know where we stand when we are unhealthy, because we've been that way much of our lives. Fear of change can be a paralyzing force, truly. And for some people, life may always be about what they could have, should have, but DIDN'T do.
I was done living that way. I made the decision that although I didn't know where this journey was going to take me, I was going to be an explorer, an adventurer in my own way, and FIND OUT! The road was uncertain, that mountain looked ominous, but I really wanted to know what it felt like to get to the top, to climb the mountain, to see the world from a different view. In other words, I stopped WONDERING what it would be like to be healthy someday, stopped WISHING I could do it someday, stopped PLANNING on maybe doing it someday, stopped doing lots of RESEARCH about what was the BEST way to do it...someday...and I made the decision to step forward into action.
I decided WHO it was that I wanted to be, then I began to DO the DO I needed to DO in order to BECOME that person.
"First, say what it is you would be. Then do what you have to do." - Epictetus
I don't see any excuses or procrastination in that simple quote. It is a "First Say-Then Do" scenario.
Decision followed by action.
So if you could strip off every excuse you have given yourself as to why you aren't making this a priority in your life, and just go with "Why NOT?" that would be my advice. Truly, what's the risk of taking that step towards health?
Also, if you are ON the program but are struggling with staying on plan after a week or two, or a month or two, and you ask me the question "but how can I stay on plan?" here is my response. I don't have "the answer" but YOU have your answer. YOUR answer is your WHY.
Not "Why I have to-need to-should lose weight".
Not "I'm just in so much emotional pain and conflict, and so miserable where I am now, that anything is better than this."
Not "My doctor told me I needed to lose weight (but, curiously, gave no guidance on HOW to do that).
You long-term deep down and truly unique-to-you WHY is NOT a reason attached to FEAR, FORCE or FACTS.
Now, these things may have initially gotten you ON the program in the first place, that much may be true. In fact, many people do get involved initially with a "diet mindset" which brings with it concepts of deprivation, buckling down, wondering if they'll have the willpower etc. To this I say "Hey, whatever it takes!" to BEGIN. To overcome that obstacle you've placed in your brain that has, until now, kept you in the chains of inaction, the "behavioral procrastination" you have experienced in the months or years leading up to you making the decision to change. "Whatever it takes!" to allow you the courage, or maybe even desperation, to begin seeking "a solution". Even though, at the beginning, the solution you are seeking is "to not feel miserable anymore. And hey, we for SURE have you covered in this area (as soon as ONE WEEK after starting our program you will be feeling amazing)!
You need a REASON to do something that may be outside your comfort zone. If you don't HAVE a REASON, and a compelling on that inspires you to DO something, then you'll always find your reason why NOT to. And that reason is exclusive to you. It is yours. You own it. You may have misplaced it for awhile, or left it in the back of the sock-drawer, but let's go find it again. You may also have never really allowed yourself to dream down the road of getting healthy because you feel like you've tried everything and are always left disappointed. Either way, let's get busy and find your WHY.
Our goal in the process of the program, and with the help of our educational component and healthy community component, is to help you move from a "diet mentality" to a "creating health mentality". Our goal is to help you develop and remind yourself daily of your REAL why. Your inspiring why. We want you to begin to dream of a life of health and begin to harness that deeper, inspirational, life-giving WHY, that WHY which will draw you IN to that life of health. If you do not begin to cultivate THIS kind of why, chances are as soon as you are down a few pounds you will begin to struggle.
If you've been on the program and find that you are struggling, examine your WHY. You will likely find that your "WHY" is still attached to the desire to get AWAY from the emotional conflict and pain which initially drew you to the program, and because you are feeling AMAZING even a week into our program, and your emotional pain and conflict has indeed lessened (and trust me, we WANT that! In fact, we want you to feel even MORE amazing and energized as the program continues). But if your motivation is tied to feeling awful and wanting to get AWAY from that state, and you remain in that "diet mentality" then as you start "feeling less awful" you'll find your motivation to continue the program will decrease as well. Your actions will follow, you'll be taking "BLT's" (bites, licks & tastes) of foods that are not on the program, and (oddly enough) you will find you aren't getting results anymore. This will discourage you further, and you will assume "well, the program just stopped working for me." No, you stopped working the program. The program's effectiveness did not change, but your consistently following the program did.
It has been my experience that those (including myself) who find themselves struggling with the PROCESS, the HOW of doing the do simply need to either develop initially or connect back to their WHY.
If your HOW isn't "taking care of itself," with your healthy routines you have established, then you'll want to revisit your WHY.
Rinse and Repeat!
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